Daily Archives: March 19, 2013



Nonthreatenchad: adj. not seriously threatening by not largely and intensely challenging a human’s beliefs and/or intense opinions

Maybe you are shy and a little introverted and generally feel uncomfortable in social interactions. Here are a few suggestions on how to be more confident and become better at interacting with other humans.

Walking purposefully and shaking hands with a firm grip is more important in business relationships to imply a strong and trustworthy personality but with casual acquaintances a medium strength handshake is adequate and many times you don’t need to shake hands but merely acknowledge the other person with a genuine smile that implies that you are really interested in them and happy to meet them. Move closer to them and don’t wait for them to come to you and you can add to your short greeting of only “hi” followed by a nonthreatening question with a slight nod of the head. “hi it’s a pleasure to meet you” is another personal greeting which you may use.

Physically touching another person decreases the natural barriers or space between humans and humans are comforted by minimal touching and not threatened. Passing from the back a simple gentle tap on the shoulder is a friendly gesture and touching the forearm gently with the nonshaking hand while shaking with the other helps to decrease the psychological distance which is felt at most first meetings.

In general humans who are liked let you do most of the talking by being interested in you and being polite and asking nonthreatening questions with how and why and who and sometimes what and where and when. It implies that you respect a human’s opinions and are willing to use time listening to them. The liked humans usually make relatively short communications and factual relevant ones if they do talk. The less you talk randomly and the more concisely you speak the more respected you will become. Humans like to have their opinions respected and will more probably respect you back if you show genuine interest in them.

Minimize the hard charging and goal oriented and always selfishly wanting something attitude. Try to help a person who has a question or a problem or needs a small favor and in general try to please the other person with helpful conversation and then start gradually introducing your wants or needs especially if it is not a business interaction or relationship.

Making a parting good impression is as important as the first impression. Say “it was a pleasure meeting you” or “hope to see you soon bye” or “ I liked talking with you” and add a genuine smile. “nice to see you” is archaic and sounds and is insincere.

The above suggestions sound simple enough but the shy communicator may fear to go beyond the normative standard “Hello and how are you and good to meet you and good seeing you” but it won’t make people like you unless you show some genuine interest in them. It means taking little risks and being more vulnerable and a little more genuine and a little more complimentary and more respectful and basically having the courage to investigate in an ethical manner peoples likes and perhaps some minor dislikes and their opinions on relevant topics.

I asked my wife plenty of appropriate nonthreatenchad questions which basically means that I didn’t challenge or argue with her strong beliefs and opinions before we got married and tried to show a general interest in her which she obliged me by doing most of the talking. I knew more about her life and smart educated type A controlling giving personality than she knew about mine when we got married. I may have sounded a little boring to her by not revealing too much about myself but I also did not make the mistake of talking too much and perhaps revealing too many of my faults early in the relationship. My friendly probing technique worked and we have been happily married for 22 years so far. I continue to let her do most of the talking around the house and socially and only inject an appropriate short relevant logical comment when I can add some factual or relevant information to her talking topics. I showed and continue to show a genuine interest in her and we have an honest respectful relationship which is a pleasure to be in. The bonding in cloose friendships is very similar if you want a lasting long duration relationship.