Daily Archives: April 22, 2013

WHEN TO FORGIVE CONDITIONALLY OR UNCONDITIONALLY

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In real life humans behave immorally and badly and wrongly and we are tempted to react and do react to most of these human flaws.

Some recent studies have found and claim that the average American almost lies about something every day. If this is really true then the immorality of lying should be taught in secular elementary school and it is a primary reason for the instability in relationships in society. Unintentionally lie and you can be forgiven but if it is an intentional lie it should not be permitted to continue, especially if it is your own offspring.

Honesty or telling the truth is the human bond which keeps relationships strong and enduring and frequently not telling the truth will cause distrust in a relationship and doom it in the long duration. If you can no longer believe your offspring because they have become habitual liars your control over their behavior will be minimal and your life with them will be constantly one of anger and frustration and fear and helplessness and shame which will inevitably lead to separation and living independent lives from your offspring when they reach adulthood.

In early childhood you can remove privileges for lying and even use the threat of physical spanking for telling a future lie. Follow through with the threat if another intentional lie is discovered in an offspring. Stop the immorality in early childhood and you will be rewarded with largely probable good relationships with your offspring for a lifetime. Fail to stop the immorality in young offspring and your life with them will become an uncontrollable nightmare.

If the behavior is bad enough and has not become habitual yet, you can forgive your offspring with the condition that they don’t do the behavior again. You can follow this up with a serious threat of punishment or the revocation of privileges if the behavior continues. “I will forgive you if it doesn’t exist again” is a conditional forgiveness for a very bad and unacceptable behavior.

At home your offspring will make many mistakes learning new knowledge and skills and behaviors and you will frequently have to forgive unconditionally for the mistake or minimally bad behavior.

When married your spouse will also make many behavioral mistakes and mistakes in communicating facts and opinions and will be guilty of excessive emotional displays and you will have to forgive unconditionally because trying to remember all the bad incidents, especially personal criticisms, will not give you peace of mind and you will wallow in misery sensing anger, resentment, and revenge which have little place in a harmonious marriage.

In business if you find that one of your workers is lying about other workers or lying about his or her work or lying about his past and present then you should fire them as soon as possible and not forgive them if they are in a position of authority. A few lies about unimportant themes may not be enough reason to fire a low ranking human and the immoral flaw can be ignored to some extent but if you find a habitual tendency to lie about anything the probability is that he or she will eventually start to lie about important things in life or business too. There is even a large probability that they will steal from you in the future.

We all make mistakes unintentionally at work and interacting with humans. Some humans make more mistakes than others and you can only go so far in tolerating the behavior. On the job hiring someone who makes fewer mistakes may be more costly and you may out of necessity choose to stay with your mistake prone worker. For important costly mistakes the absence of present forgiveness is acceptable and you have every right to fire them. If the mistake is tolerable but still great enough to need immediate attention, getting a promise that it will not happen again is required. This is conditional forgiveness and a threat of firing can at that point be justifiably made so it doesn’t happen again.

In determining whether to forgive conditionally or unconditionally it is a skill which many humans don’t have. It all depends on the type of behavior and its severity and frequency but it also depends on who has to be forgiven, especially at what age and whether they are a close human or a stranger. You frequently have no control over a stranger and forgiveness or an absence of it will not affect him or her in any way. You have the option of saying nothing at all or saying that what the bad behaving stranger did was not very nice or unacceptable.

If it is an immoral behavior like stealing or public lying or adultery society frequently punishes this with fines and/or imprisonment and/or ostracism and frequently does not forgive immorality.

Commit adultery and you will be frequently punished with divorce and a loss of personal wealth and many in society will sense that you are less reputable or worthy as a human. Future women aware of your adultery will frequently try to avoid relationships with you because they intuitively feel that if you cheated once you will probably do it again at some point in the future.

Steal and you will be imprisoned and/or asked to compensate the victim(s) for the crime and your reputation will suffer. You may eventually be forgiven by some humans but your criminal record will follow you for a lifetime and reduce your ability to get a responsible good paying job.

Publicly lie and you can be sued for libel and be forced to pay a fine. Your personal life may not suffer but publicaly your bad reputation will follow you as long as people remember your immoral flaw. You will have a hard time getting or remaining in public office if you are a politician and hope to get future votes from the opposition party. Privately you can be forgiven by your friends but publicaly it will frequently take a very long time to get your good public reputation back. Many people are forgiven for lying in private but rarely in public if not followed up speedily with a sincere public apology

If you like this evergreen blog read more of them and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!