Daily Archives: May 8, 2013



Subset: n. thing

Someone’s beliefs may sound crazy to you but these people honestly believe subsets and have opinions which are completely illogical and unreasonable. It can be very difficult to listen to them coolly and maturely and respectfully. Pointing to the logical problems with their beliefs seldom helps. Understanding that another’s irrational beliefs were indoctrinated by bad historical myths and behaviors of their role models is smart. Live and let live without fighting about it is smart and silence is golden so don’t communicate about the wrong belief.

To determine whether an opinion is a strong belief or just an opinion potentially subject to change restate the opinion in your own words and ask. “Is it a strong belief or an opinion which we can discuss?” If the answer is that it is a strong belief then the probability that you will be able to change it is almost zero and there is no point in discussing it further.

An opinion is sometimes defended as strongly as a belief. If the opinion is important and about the functioning of the business then you should use as many examples as you can to show that your opinion is right for mutual benefit. If the opinion is about a topic which does not impact the business then don’t waste any time, energy, and money trying to change it. You can end a conversation about an emotionally intense but unimportant opinion by saying that we both have a right to our opinions even though we disagree.

Some communications start to break down with personal insults and name calling. If this happens to you stop the conversation or postpone it for a time when everyone has had a chance to cool down emotionally. “Sorry, I can’t continue the conversation” or “Let’s talk about this later or tomorrow” is the smart response to personal attacks.

Most people try to avoid conflict but this is not always possible. When in conflict with someone listen to them and you may find common ground. Try to make them understand your position by communicating understandably but firmly. One side may give in completely or a little or the conversation may increase emotionally but eventually there will be some conclusion even though it may only be a consensus that you each will remain with your own opinions or concepts.

Many employers are now using what can be called a verbal warning. The logic of a verbal warning is that it is an attempt to correct a problem before it becomes bad enough to make a formal action necessary. After getting a warning it is easy to become defensive and answer back with an objection but instead only listen to the bosses explanation with an open mind. Once you have heard the authoritative view on the subject and understand what led to the verbal warning then adjust your conversation and promise to correct your behavior if you now feel that it needs correcting.

You may want to complain to those with some power over you since we can’t always solve our own problems ourselves. Be careful not to bother someone with a problem they’re powerless to solve. Describe the problem thoroughly without exaggeration and try to only use the facts. Once you have told your supervisor the problem let them behave the best even though you may frequently disagree with their solution or solutions. If a better solution suddenly exists in your mind then offer it respectfully and see if your supervisor will approve or maintain the same opinion or same method to solve the problem.

All businesses have complaining customers. Listen carefully to the complaint to the very end since it will make the customer feel that they have been heard and understood. Continue with a question or two if you don’t understand the complaint right away. If you don’t have an immediate answer then consult with your coworkers who may have dealt with a similar problem. If your coworkers can’t solve the problem then take it to your supervisor.

One of life’s most flattering and stressful experiences is when someone asks you for constructive criticism. If you can help be honest and even tell the truth if it is bad news and not good news. Share your opinions and give them a chance to defend theirs. It’s even possible that you may change your mind. In the end what you can do is tell them the truth as you subjectively see it and they will either accept it or disagree even though sometimes in private.

Misunderstandings are common and you should try to easily avoid them. Don’t use random words but try to communicate as understandably and relevantly and politely as possible without emotional outbursts. Choosing the right truthful words should be enough but try to avoid using information which will make people feel intensely because they sincerely may not share your emotions or feelings on the subject.

Don’t express kindness and try to deceive people by trying to hide your personal feelings of superiority. This patronizing insults a person and tells them exactly what you really feel about them and unfortunately other people will have a tendency to react with approval to the patronizing.

Don’t talk to people when they say they are lucky or unlucky because luck should be a very small subset in your successful life and if you feel unlucky then it is usually your own fault that a subset didn’t work or perform as you wished.

When you ask what’s with a body subset such as a reddish eye or slurred speech be considerate because they are probably embarrassed before you communicate it. It may seem rude to start communicating the unpleasant fact but that is no reason why you can’t discuss it openly and honestly without implying disapproval.

Perhaps the hardest thing to master is to avoid conflict after easily saying NO or SORRY NO to a communication especially a favor. Justifying such a short answer can be very difficult. When we are asked to do a behavior which seems easy or enjoyable we frequently do it. Frequently saying yes to an asked favor can increase into unreasonable and impractical demands which sadly require you to create complete boundaries or you run the risk of becoming everybody’s servant and not getting paid for it.

Even if only your gut feeling is a NO answer without logical justification then say so because with enough time the NO will be accepted as a valid response without the need for revenge, enduring hurt feelings, and lingering disappointment. You also will be free of lingering regrets that you wrongly said Yes when the truthful answer should have been a NO.

The logical answer to every NO is that it is inefficient or a waste of your time, energy, money, or the wrong behavior which will waste someones time, energy, or money if the behavior is accepted and not changed or eliminated!!!!!!

If you liked this evergreen blog read more and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.