Daily Archives: May 12, 2013

9 MISTAKES YOU MAY BE MAKING ON A FIRST DATE

first-date-tips

The most important mistake is dating when you have no job or dating someone without a job.

If one or both of you are seriously studying for a job or career then that can be an exception to the general rule.

No job frequently means no money and it will turn out to be a bad date which is basically a mooching circumstance. 

No job also frequently means someone’s life is so dysfunctional that they will just become a serious financial burden on you immediately or probably further down the line in the relationship.

If you are just looking for a good time without a potential lifetime commitment, then of course no job is not a problem if you have money to burn.

 

Most relationships and marriages end because of financial hardships so get your finances in order before you start out on new dating relationships or marriage.

You will avoid much heartache, disappointment, failure, and relationship disasters.

You can easily fall in love with a penniless, attractive, dreamer but just realize that you may have to financially support those dreams into the foreseeable future.

In ancient history marriages were based on money or wealth only and love did not play a major role.

Today it is wise to base a relationship on both money and love which optimizes the possibility of a successful enduring relationship.

 

Lying on the first date even about the seemingly unimportant things in your life like your weight or height will ruin the development of a potentially trusting relationship.

Tell the complete truth in any profile if it is an internet date introduction.

Without trust in the relationship close bonding is impossible and you will never have a happy lasting marriage if it gets that far.

You can postpone the telling of some serious flaws in your health, disastrous prior relationships, and terrible family life but be prepared to even reveal those secrets soon in the relationship.

The truth will surface sooner or later and it is best that it surface sooner so deception does not become part of the relationship and severe disappointment does not break up the relationship down the line which it inevitably will.

 

Just talking about yourself on the first date and revealing your selfish ego will cause a date to walk away and not want to date again.

Instead of talking too much about yourself and possessions try to ask more questions about your date’s family, friends, future goals, likes and dislikes, loves and hates.

Try to find some common ground to talk about and share similar beliefs and opinions.

The more you have in common the greater will be the probability that you will have a mutually satisfying relationship.

 

Being open minded about a date that has some different beliefs, opinions, and behaviors is smart because stereotyping a human based on one belief, opinion, or behavior, unless it is immoral behavior, will not give you the opportunity to learn about the entire personality in depth.

Everyone has a few or more characteristics and opinions which you may disagree with so don’t be too judgmental early on in the relationship.

You may discover many more beliefs, opinions, and behaviors which you strongly agree with and find admirable.

Don’t pretend that you are perfect and hide all your embarrassing moments and secrets.

Sharing an embarrassment such as an alcoholic or drug addicted relative and revealing that you had a bad prior relationship which you ended and moved on from is desirable because we all have embarrassing humans and events in our lives.

Being honest about your embarrassments will help your date to empathize with you and reveal to you some of his or her embarrassments also.

Sharing some embarrassing secrets will help you to bond sooner since both of you will realize that perfection is not expected for a realistic relationship.

Sharing the good times and also some of the bad times in your lives will help create an honest trusting relationship without pretension which never works in the long duration.

 

Don’t show anger about your ex or boss and make the impression that you are being victimized by people and events in your life and that none of it is your fault.

If you are angry at humans and events in life the chances are great that you will be angry many times in the relationship and try to pin the blame for bad events on someone.

Being angry at others is a big turnoff.

 

Express jealousy for how well an ex-spouse or acquaintance is doing and showing how envious you are of them is a complete turnoff to a date and just shows how immature you are in thinking that life is not being fair to you.

Other’s successes should inspire you to strive harder for your own success and not become a life filled with jealous feelings and a put down of other humans.

 

Don’t be greedy but be patient with your time or money on a first date if you are a male.

Spending quality time with your date will show that you are interested in your date and not too preoccupied with job and obligations.

Don’t be rude and text and answer emails while on a date making your date feel like she is playing second fiddle in your life and will probably never be a first priority in your life.

 

If you do not have confidence in yourself and feel that you are being victimized by circumstances beyond your control then you are not a good candidate for a date.

If you insist on dating then let your date do most of the talking and ask many questions about him or her because your lack of confidence will surface sooner or later and if it surfaces on the first date it will definitely be a turnoff and will get no sympathy or understanding.

CONCLUSION: having a job or seriously learning and studying hard, being honest, being kind and considerate, being generous and patient with your time and some money, being open minded, and being empathic will all help you to become an attractive first date.

Finally, if you do not have a job, are not studying hard for a job or career, are in therapy for depression, and have no confidence in yourself or the future then you should not be dating at all.

Start dating again when you regain confidence and create a pattern of successful goal achievement in your life.

 

If you liked this evergreen blog read more of them and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!