Adultery happens in marriage and a divorce is sometimes a potential way of getting compensated somewhat for the failed commitment. There are women who live together with a man without marriage for over a year and are still not married because he does not want to commit. If that is the case and both of you are financially capable of supporting a family life with offspring then he probably has the intention of leaving you for a better woman at a later date and is just using you for sex. If he has not cheated on you yet then he probably will in the future and you can’t claim adultery and he gets his freedom back with no legal consequences.
If you are living together for more than a year and have not bonded enough to commit to one another then ending the relationship is the best thing to do. If you are living together and financially not able to support any children and you are both working hard at improving yourselves for better paying future jobs then you can delay getting married until finances are large enough for security in a marriage. If he lands a good paying job and still does not want to commit to marriage then he is playing you for a fool and will cheat on you eventually.
Not having enough money to support a family is an excellent reason for not committing to marriage. You can continue living together but once he has enough to support at least one offspring and you independently on his own then marital commitment is essential and any further delay in the process is a behavior which means that he will probably leave you at some point in the future for another woman. Not enough money and financial mismanagement is the number one leading cause of divorce so if you are not financially secure and can’t control your bad spending habits then don’t marry or try to force a marriage because there is a high probability that it will fail sooner or later.
For married couples or those living together here are 7 behavior changes which may mean adulterous or unfaithful sexual behavior:
Sudden excess attentiveness and phone calls at unusual times:
Buying you gifts which he would not ordinarily buy and phone calls at unusual times during the day or night may imply that he is seeing another woman. Ask him what the unusual call was and if he seems secretive about it or gives you a suspicious answer then record the time and date of the call until you have about 5 of them written down. Next ask him for the phone and check out the calls that were made. If all five of them are to the same number then call that number and find out who it is. If the number has been erased from the list of calls in each of the five cases then he is probably hiding something. If he doesn’t give you the phone and says, don’t you trust me, then answer by asking why don’t you want to share it with me or communicate that you are doing it for your peace of mind or if you can get temporary possession of the phone secretly while he is asleep then check out the calls without him knowing about it. Whatever the situation, don’t accuse him of lying or hiding something until you have all the evidence with which you can confront him if necessary.
A changed man:
Sudden behavioral changes such as listening to new music, changing to a different scent, trying to be very sociable if he has been mostly introverted, wanting a new car when one is not needed, and a new way of dressing could be a symptom of Mid-life crisis but it may also mean that he is interested in another woman. It could be an effort to please another woman and not you.
His phone is suddenly turned off or he doesn’t give you access to it when requested:
Humans with nothing to hide don’t get upset or anxious when asked to share something like a phone with a wife. It could be a call from a bookie if he is gambling and in great debt or a call from the credit card company if he is not paying great debt on his personal account but another possibility is that there is another woman that he is communicating with.
Suddenly having more frequent and aggressive arguments:
It may be because he is suddenly dissatisfied with the relationship if you have broken one or more mutual agreements or promises but it could also be because he has found another woman that has an interest in him and seems like a better spouse for him.
A sudden great decrease in a normal sex frequency:
It is almost guaranteed that he is getting his sex elsewhere.
Obsession with a new female:
He may not always use her name but if his conversation implies that he is talking about her very frequently then there may be more than just a casual relationship with her.
Beware of intuitive sensing:
You may not have obvious evidence of a major change in behavior such as those communicated above but just intuitively feel that he is seeing another woman. If you are starting to get paranoid about it may be slightly justified and due to some of your woman friends having adulterous husbands or your husband having adulterous male friends. Similar personalities frequently have similar problems in relationships so if your women friends are suffering from adultery you may have the same personality characteristics which cause a male to want to become adulterous. Similarly identical adulterous behavior can be potentially suspected from your husband if he has close friends who are adulterous males.
Start personally gathering any real evidence by trying to trace his movements or monitoring all his calls or hire a private detective to do it for you, especially if your husband is one who has an irregular schedule of being home at varied unpredictable times.
If you have caught your husband’s adultery once or he has confessed to it voluntarily once then you have evidence that he has done it once and the next time your intuition may be a reliable source based on past experience. Without past experience or evidence of adultery you must gather real evidence first for your intuitive suspicions and fear of insecurity before confronting him with any accusations of adultery which may actually be wrong and he may intensely disapprove of your mistrust and be very angry.
Another way of reassuring yourself that he is not being adulterous is to start calling him when you suspect that he may be away from job or home and with another woman and sense if he answers without showing anxiety or great dissatisfaction in his voice.
If your husband has an excellent record of not lying to you about other things in the relationship then chances are he won’t lie to you about his location during the day or night if asked and will not be angry at your questioning. If your relationship is good and is based on trust with no lies about anything to you then trust him. If he announces one day that he wants a divorce then that is the time that you can ask questions about the other woman which he has been seeing with extreme stealth.
If you have married a human who habitually lies to you or makes many promises and doesn’t fulfill them and you forgive him unconditionally then unfortunately you are the one responsible for your doubt and misery and fear.
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