There are hundreds of tips and advice on marriage but few identify the most important building blocks which create a very good foundation for a long duration marriage. The 4 most important foundations are-
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
In an increasingly relativistic world where situation ethics or loose morality is being taught by professionals and condoned by society at large, the statistics for successful marriages are depressing and getting worse. You don’t need archaic religious morality to guide you but you do need to share a strong secular morality to make a marriage work. The two most important moral principles in that secular morality are DON’T LIE and DON’T COMMIT ADULTERY IF MARRIED.
If you believe that being honest, sincere, and trying to be truthful are not important in a marriage then you will not have a trusting relationship in the marriage and without trust you will be living in constant fear, uncertainty, suspicion, stress, and turmoil. Any initial bond, which may only be primarily sexual, which helped to initially keep your relationship together will be broken and the relationship will destruct sooner if not later. If at any point in the relationship you find out that you can’t TRUST your partner, DON’T MARRY him or her.
If you find out, hopefully in time, that your potential mate has been a playboy or playgirl for 5 to 10 years then the odds are against you that you will have an adulterous free marriage and the probability that you will divorce sooner or later is very large. If your potential mate has many adulterous friends then this is also a dangerous sign that you too will probably be victimized by the same fate sooner or later. If you have lived together for about one year, are financially secure enough to support one child and can’t get a commitment to marry then end the relationship because it is a purely sexual one and your potential mate is hoping to find a better mate in the future.
If you find out that your potential spouse does not respect you and does not show an interest in and support most of the things that you like and love to do or does not care about you then consider him or her an incurable selfcentered egotist. It is a human who has not learned to care about other humans and it is unfortunately too late to teach them how to be a nurturing and protective or a caring individual.
Inadequate finances or irresponsible management of finances is the leading cause of divorce. If you are good at budgeting money and your potential spouse is not then it is possible for the responsible spouse to take over the financial management successfully if the other is seriously willing to do so. If both of you have independent jobs and accounts and both are irresponsible financially and impulsive in your spending habits then the marriage will almost never succeed.
Offspring are always an additional financial responsibility and if you haven’t enough money to support any then use birth control until you can responsibly support offspring. If you both are working then make sure that just one of you can support the family on your own for a year or more unless you both earn enough to pay for a full time nanny and can continue to work after a very short pregnancy period which will not result in losing a good paying job.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
A great disadvantage in solving family problems is frequent emotional displays, many emotional arguments, constant criticism, a general inability to discuss problems rationally, and an unwillingness or inability to give emotional support when needed in times of personal hardship and stress. Emotional eruptions shut down an ability to discuss and solve a problem and if one of you can’t control your emotions or shut down and don’t communicate at all about important topics then the marriage will fail in the long duration.
Find a human who you can trust, who demonstrates with actions and words that he cares about you, who is financially capable and responsible, and who has good communication skills and the probability is great that you will have a long duration marriage! If you can’t find the above human then get ready for much disappointment and failure in your relationship and it probably won’t last!!!!!! Of course if you fall madly in love with a human with the above characteristics and abilities and go past the infatuation stage then you will have nice memories to think about in old age if you do marry.
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