Most bad habits deal with bad emotional control, lying, trying to change the hard or impossible to change, and letting external humans or events adversely affect the relationship.
TRYING TO IMPROVE YOUR SPOUSE’S PERSONALITY WITH NAGGING:
If your spouse does not take out the garbage, doesn’t like to cook, will not vacuum, and do household chores in general then it may be possible to gradually change this in the relationship eventually.
If your spouse is shy or not sociable, is a poor communicator, is not funny or humorous, is unreliable and doesn’t keep promises, is overly selfish, or is not interested in disciplining offspring then it will be almost impossible to change these basic personality types. If you do try to change your spouse’s personality then you will probably meet with failure and have to go through much nagging or complaining and fruitless arguments.
GETTING IN-LAWS INVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIP ISSUES:
Nothing is worse than engaging in-laws who take sides in a marriage and almost always find fault in one spouse and not the other. Ganging up on a spouse with in-law backup will only heighten the anger over an issue and not resolve any problem. Borrowing money from in-laws and not being able to pay it back later is also a major source of added problems in a relationship. Let the in-laws give affection and gifts to offspring but don’t get them involved in relationship problems.
FIGHTING AND EXTREME AFFECTION IN PUBLIC:
Nothing is more embarrassing than demonstrating bad communication in public by openly arguing or fighting in public. Extreme displays of affection in public are also embarrassing where modest affection is more acceptable.
TOO MUCH ARGUING AND FIGHTING AND TOO LITTLE DISCUSSION:
When there is a clash of opinions it is very easy to get emotionally angry and get into an adversarial mode instead of a calm discussion which may lead to compromise or one side deciding to not push an opinion on the other any further. A calm discussion may bring out the reason for the underlying angry emotions and reveal the important details in a problem which is begging for a solution.
Too much angry and hateful exchanges reduces the feeling that you still love one another despite your disagreements on many minor relatively unimportant issues. If the arguing is over important issues then the probability of them being resolved in anger is minimal and you should seriously work on asking questions and finding answers in a calm and controlled manner which will increase the probability that you will solve the problem or problems.
TIMING DISCUSSIONS BADLY:
Trying to calmly discuss important issues, especially financial matters, when feeling tired, stressed, or after an argument is not the right time to do so. Set aside a time, such as an hour before bedtime or a few hours after work, when you can discuss important issues in a calm and collected way without much external tension interfering with the communication.
ALLOWING JEALOUSY TO DOMINATE A RELATIONSHIP:
If your partner was promiscuous before marriage and lied to you and was not dependable then it is your own fault for marrying him or her and feeling jealous. If on the other hand you have married a reliable, honest spouse and have developed a trustworthy relationship for over a year then there is no reason why you should be consumed with jealousy.
If you have a predictable relationship and suddenly he hangs up on a call and doesn’t answer, does not answer promptly who called, suddenly there is a drop in how frequently he wants sex, or you have an impulsive feeling that he or she has changed in some unusual way then spying may be a solution to your impulsive doubts. If you have developed a mutual trusting relationship in your marriage and everything is going along smoothly then spying should not be necessary and it will only increase your doubts and keep you in a state of terminal jealousy.
LYING TO YOUR SPOUSE OR LYING TO YOURSELF:
Nothing destroys a marriage speedier than lying because it destroys a trusting relationship which is necessary for a strong bond in the marriage. Lying to yourself that honesty is not important will not make things better.
Little white lies like lying about liking a homemade meal or a dress which you don’t like may encourage you to lie about bigger things too. You may become unreliable in the promises which you make and start making stupid excuses instead. Anger, suspicion, jealousy, unsatisfaction, disappointment, and unnecessary stress all grow and can explode in an untrustworthy relationship and even end it.
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