Daily Archives: January 5, 2014

WHAT IS CARING?

caregiving-11

“You don’t care about me” is frequently a female complaint and men are sometimes clueless as to what caring means and frequently associate more caring with spending more money on the woman.

Caring is NURTURING and PROTECTING something that you like or love and it can be a human(s), an activity(s), and even an object(s).

Nurturing means that you encourage growth, support, help, or pay attention to what you care about.

Nurturing plant growth is easy because you make sure that the plant has enough sunshine, water, fertilizer, good soil, and climate.

With humans nurturing is more complex. You give praise and/or encouragement and/or teach a skill and/or teach or support good behavior and/or give financial help and/or spend interactive time together and/or mutually observe or participate in an activity that you care about.

Supervision, warning of danger, providing shelter or a safe car, and survival skill teaching are examples of protective behavior. Survival skill teaching can be teaching how to avoid physical injury but it can also be teaching a human not to say or do things which will ruin good relationships with humans.

Do you care for me? is asking whether you are being nurtured or protected in some way.

1.      HOW CAN PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT BE USED TO NURTURE HUMAN BEHAVIOR?

Praise is frequently given for a good performance where some skill is required such as getting a good grade or scoring in a sport.

One should avoid giving wrong praise which exists when praise is not mostly reserved only for good performances but is given for mediocre performances.  One should guard against wrong praise so there is no motivational confusion.  If praise is given for both good and bad performances then the subject will soon not discriminate between a good or a bad performance.  The result will be that praise will probably be ignored as irrelevant to the task at hand.  If praise is ignored it ceases to be nurturing behavior toward the one being nurtured and its motivational value does not exist.

True praise helps to improve people’s behavior and performance but wrong praise is not effective.  Intense honest praise given where it has been justly earned can be considered to be an act of intense caring or love.

Encouragement is also usually done to motivate a human(s) to do an activity and it can be intense also and an example of love.

Encouragement can be done physically with a kiss and/or hug and/or smile and/or a pat on the back.  Promising rewards and occasionally threatening with a punishment if the goals are not met should motivate even reluctant participants.

The rewards and punishments should be designed to fit the behavior and you should always try to fulfill the promises of a reward or punishment.  Much unfulfilled promises of a reward or punishment will cause the subject to ignore future promises and this form of encouragement will cease to be a motivational nurturing behavior.

Also understand that if the rewards are not big enough or if the threatened punishments are too small the subject will also soon ignore the promises and the promises will cease to be a nurturing behavior.

Money is a primary motivational tool for adults and there is no reason why money should not be used as a reward for getting good grades or learning very useful skills that will come in handy in adult life.  Money can even be used to reward good behavior for a short duration because humans with good social etiquette and social skills in general do better in life both financially and in relationships so there is a money correspondence to good social behavior.

Intensely giving relevant rewards and punishments can be considered to be an act of caring or an act of moral love.

1.      HOW CAN SKILL TEACHING BE USED TO NURTURE HUMAN BEHAVIOR?

Skill teaching means both vocational skills and recreational skills.  Nurturing vocational skills is more important than nurturing recreational skills but both job and play skills which improve coordination or thinking ability are important if one is to live a balanced life where work may be of prime importance but play offers needed relaxation or a change of behavior.

Morality, math, English, budgeting, technical and science skills should be the priority of the skills that are more important to teach and should be nurtured to improve humanity and the environment.

We are all quickly heading into a world where robots will become human slaves and will free us from doing low level skilled work.  This means that most citizens of the future will have to be technically knowledgeable or there will simply not be any low paying jobs left to do and most of the human population will be unemployed and destitute and on government welfare.

My book CHANGES IN WELFARE LAWS shows the changes that will have to be made if humanity is to survive under healthy conditions for both humans and wild nature.

2.      HOW IS FINANCIAL SUPPORT USED TO NURTURE HUMAN BEHAVIOR?

Financial support provides a family with basic needs such as food and shelter and clothing and education and transportation.  The money left over goes to entertainment and miscellaneous expenses.

Where you spend or invest your money is probably a good indicator of what you care most about.  How you use and invest your money is an indication of how wisely or badly you are living.

Although spending money on yourself or on your family might not be an ecstatic experience what most people would call love it is caring that is vital to social existence.  Good caring is also using your money wisely and efficiently!!!!!!

Financial support also goes to help businesses and government activities.  Laws that govern businesses, especially monopoly businesses and government activities, should be morally sound and run by morally sound people.  The people in the government and businesses should have an effective moral code which controls their personal and public behavior.

3.      HOW IS GOOD PERSONAL AND SOCIAL BEHAVIORAL TEACHING USED TO NURTURE HUMAN BEHAVIOR?

Teaching good behavior means teaching not only socially acceptable skills but also independent skills which keep a human gainfully occupied when there is little or no social interaction at all.

Complete nurturing behavior means that a human is taught how to use his or her time wisely in the absence of social interaction and it also means teaching the human how to interact successfully with a variety of other humans.  Good nurturing behavior means that the human is taught to function independently as well as dependently.

Good social manners should not only be taught at home but also in school.  I have written an evergreen book called GOOD MODERN BEHAVIORS where good social behavior is described in detail.

Enthusiastic behavioral teaching can be considered to be a caring act or an act of moral love where the behavior taught is considered good or meets social norms for the society that you are living in.  Good social behavior is relative to some extent because it can be dramatically different in one culture or another.  Good behavior in one culture may be considered bad in another.

One culture may consider burping a sign that a meal was very good but another culture may consider burping to be rude.  One culture may approve of monogamy and polygamy whereas another culture might only permit monogamy.

  1. 4.      HOW IS USING TIME TOGETHER USED TO NURTURE HUMAN BEHAVIOR?

Spending time together and interacting with offspring is a very important way of showing that you care for your offspring.  Using “quality time” with offspring is frequently used as an excuse when parents can’t or don’t want to use too much time with their offspring.

Young offspring imitate their parents and they are used as role models later in life when they have offspring of their own so it is important for parents to set as good an example as possible.

Teaching mostly with words and not using much time together will create similar behavior in the offspring when they are grown and parenting themselves.

If you have mostly verbal contact with your children my evergreen book  MODERN PARENTING will help you to communicate effectively whether or not you have much bodily contact with your offspring. Fear not because quality time is all that you need with your offspring and once the basics have been taught your offspring can function very independently of parents.

If you can’t spend enough time with your offspring find relatives and good children and adults who can be imitated by your offspring and who can spend time with your offspring instead.

Wealthy parents can hire quality babysitters and nannies to take care of their offspring but this is not always possible on limited financial budgets with which most offspring are nurtured.

Remember that if you ignore your offspring too much then they may begin to feel that you don’t really care or love them that much.  Time used with your offspring is time during which you can demonstrate your loving behaviors towards them and the important subsets in your life.

5.      WHY IS GOOD TEACHING SO VITAL A TOOL IN NURTURING HUMAN BEHAVIOR?

Knowing how to teach well with the right enthusiasm and presenting relevant information for the modern world will increase the probability that a student will remain interested in the information and will conscientiously try to learn what is presented and will probably learn the information quickly.

Many teachers don’t care much about their students nor the information which has to be learned.  Most students are bored by the liberal arts information which is frequently presented mediocrely and are bored by the absence of right enthusiasm and skill on the part of the teacher.  Student discipline problems add to a very unhealthy learning environment in most classrooms today.

It is not too late to join the internet revolution and teach most information online where the students can progress at their own rate of learning and not be slowed by learners and interruptions in the class due to a lack of control over the ones with a discipline problem.

A school system which believes in social promotion based on age not skill and merit is not a system that should be continued into the twenty first century!

Not only should robots replace the jobs that are done by over 90% of the population today but the teachers should be replaced by excellent online interactive audio visual educational software partially in and beyond the elementary school level. Only moral education has to be taught socially to elementary school students with real life examples and not verbose stories without factual content.

The new status symbol for future generations should be what achievement level are you learning at, with what grades, and not what school grade are you in?

Older offspring and the unemployed who have reached a high school level of achievement can become one on one teachers over the internet for younger students still learning at lower levels of achievement.

Excellent educational computer software will need minimally skilled teachers online since the real and very skillful teacher will be primarily a stimulating educational software program designed for optimal learning.

The best teachers in the world can be the ones helping to write the software on any topic needed.  The online software should teach at five or more paces or speeds designed for very slow or slow or average or above average and gifted students. Classroom teachers will have to retrain and teach over the internet too if they want to continue in a dying profession.

I have written a book EDUCATION REFORM which goes into the necessary changes that should be made in our educational system to make it relevant for the 21st  century.

Discipline is also an efficient way to nurture the growth of valuable work skills and social behaviors.  Knowing how to relevantly reward and punish an offspring is unfortunately a skill which is rapidly declining in a permissive society and many parents and teachers don’t like to discipline offspring because they are not very good at it.  Find a parent or teacher who is good at disciplining and you will probably also find a parent or teacher who loves to discipline when the need arises.

Discipline can also be achieved to some extent by verbal threats and condemnations of behavior which may be hated by the offspring.  It is very important to indicate to the offspring that the bad behavior or bad skill learning is what is hated but that the offspring is still loved. The offspring should be communicated the reason for the discipline because the offspring takes scolding personally and it seems that the parent or teacher actually is demonstrating hatred of the offspring.  “I hate what you did!” not “I hate you!” should be clear in the offspring’s mind.

6.      WHAT ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF PROTECTIVE BEHAVIOR?

Supervision and survival skill teaching are examples of protective behavior.

Small offspring need supervision to guarantee that they will not engage in unsafe behavior or grossly irrelevant behavior.  Making sure that small offspring will not play with matches or get into serious physical fights is an example of right parental supervision.

Watching your offspring swim and commenting if he or she does anything dangerous is an example of good supervision.  Commenting on what is and isn’t safe behavior is an example of good supervision.

Making sure that your offspring is not interacting with offspring or adults that have too many bad characteristics or behaviors is an example of right supervision.

Censoring pornographic websites and limiting inefficient time playing games and chatting over the internet is an example of good parental supervision.

When the supervision has intense moments this can be called moral love even though most supervision is performed without emotional climaxes.

Survival skills fall into two subsets which are social and bodily.

An example of survival skill teaching is to teach you offspring not to use obscenities or call people by slang or stereotypic communications.  Both are bad social skills which will cause anger and sometimes even aggressive or violent behavior from the person being offended.  Learning how to avoid making new enemies or provoking old ones is a valuable social survival skill.

Teaching offspring to sense both directions before crossing the street or to eat varied meals for good health are examples of important bodily survival skills.

Survival skill teaching is a form of love when done with great intensity but once again most of the teaching need not be intense. Increasing the intensity of your voice to stress the most important points is all that is sometimes needed to get the important message across.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially LOVEALL.

Enjoy!!!!!!

JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF FRAUD IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION DUE TO BIASED INNACURATE QUESTIONNAIRES

health-care-fraud

THE MIDAS QUESTIONNAIRE IS 5 HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE AND INACCURATE QUESTIONS SUPPOSEDLY USED TO DETERMINE MEDICAL DISABILITY.  IT IS HIGHLY SUBJECTIVE NONSENSE AND IS OPEN TO FRAUDULENT ANSWERS BY A GROSSLY IMMORAL SOCIAL SOCIETY AND MANY INDIVIDUALS WHO LIE ON AVERAGE TWICE A DAY IN MANY CASES IF NOT MORE.

Fraud is rampant in the medical profession especially when non scientific vague inaccurate questionnaires are use to determine the severity of a medical condition.

 1.     IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS I MISSED WORK 10 TIMES DUE TO HEADACHES

 

BUT WHAT I REALLY DIDN’T TELL YOU THAT I OVERSLEPT 5 OF THOSE DAYS AND DIDN’T FEEL LIKE SHOWING UP AT WORK. 1 OF THOSE DAYS I WENT SHOPPING. 1 DAY I WAS TOO TIRED FROM WORKING HARD AND DECIDED NOT TO SHOW UP FOR A NEEDED REST. 1 DAY I REPAIRED MY CAR. 1 DAY I PLAYED POKER WITH MY BUDDIES AND DECIDED NOT TO COME IN. 1 DAY I DIDN’T SHOW UP BECAUSE I JUST DIDN’T FEEL LIKE IT. THAT’S A TOTAL OF 10 DAYS THAT I COULDN’T WORK BECAUSE OF HEADACHES!!!!!

 2.     MY PRODUCTIVITY WAS REDUCED BY HALF DUE TO HEADACHES.

 

WHAT I DIDN’T TELL YOU THAT I WAS SUFFERING FROM THE SIDE EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL AND DRUGS AND THERE WERE SOME DAYS WHEN I JUST DIDN’T FEEL LIKE WORKING A FULL DAY SO I SPENT TIME GOOFING OFF AND BROWSING THE INTERNET AND JUST DAYDREAMING OF HOW SHITTY THIS JOB REALLY IS AND HOW I HATE MY BOSS AND HATE THE WORK AND CAN‘T WAIT TO PUNCH OUT THE CLOCK EVERY DAY EARLY.

 3.     IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS I DIDN’T DO ANY HOUSEWORK, NO HOME REPAIRS AND MAINTENANCE, NO SHOPPING AND CARING FOR CHILDREN OR RELATIVES BECAUSE OF MY HEADACHES. 

 

WHAT I DIDN’T TELL YOU IS THAT I HATE DOING HOUSEWORK, I CAN’T DO HOME REPAIRS AND MAINTENANCE BECAUSE I’M NOT HANDY WITH TOOLS AND COULDN’T BE BOTHERED, I DID NO SHOPPING BECAUSE I CAN’T AFFORD TO BUY ANYTHING ON MY LOUSY MINIMUM WAGE AND MY WIFE USUALLY DOES THE SHOPPING. I DIDN’T DO ANY CARING FOR MY CHILDREN OR RELATIVES BECAUSE THEY ARE SPOILED AND A PAIN IN THE NECK AND I CAN’T STAND MY RELATIVES CONSTANTLY ANNOYING ME WITH COMMENTS ABOUT HOW LOUSY A PARENT I AM.

 

4. IS AN UNCLEAR CRAPPY QUESTION WHICH EVEN I HAD DIFFICULTY FIGURING OUT.

 

 5.     IN THE LAST 3 MONTHS I MISSED FAMILY, SOCIAL, AND LEISURE ACTIVITIES FOR ALL THE THREE MONTHS BECAUSE OF LEVEL 10 HEADACHES.

 (WHAT WAS THE FREQUENCY OF MISSED DAYS IN THE 3 MONTHS? IF IT WAS ONLY ABOUT 5 TIMES THEN THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT AN INDICATION OF DISABILITY.)

WHAT I DIDN’T TELL YOU IS THAT MY ALCOHOLISM AND SEVERE DRUG ADDICTION GIVES ME HEADACHES EVERY DAY. I AM WASTED MOST OF THE TIME AND DON’T SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY, SOCIAL, OR LEISURE ACTIVITIES BECAUSE I DON’T PARTICIPATE IN MY LOUSY FAMILY, HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE AND CAN’T AFFORD LEISURE ACTIVITIES ON MY MINIMUM WAGE!!!!!

MIDAS QUESTIONNAIRE

3 months.

__________ 1. On how many days in the last 3 months did you miss work or school

because of your headaches?

__________ 2. How many days in the last 3 months was your productivity at work or

school reduced by half or more because of your headaches? (Do not

include days you counted in question 1 where you missed work or

school.)

__________ 3. On how many days in the last 3 months did you not do household work

(such as housework, home repairs and maintenance, shopping, caring

for children and relatives) because of your headaches?

__________ 4. How many days in the last 3 months was your productivity in household

work reduced by half of more because of your headaches? (Do not

include days you counted in question 3 where you did not do household

work.)

__________ 5. On how many days in the last 3 months did you miss family, social or

leisure activities because of your headaches?

__________       Total (Questions 1-5)

__________ A. On how many days in the last 3 months did you have a headache? (If a

headache lasted more than 1 day, count each day.)

__________ B. On a scale of 0 – 10, on average how painful were these headaches? 

(where 0 = no pain at all, and 10 = pain as bad as it can be.)

MIDAS

Grade

Definition

MIDAS

Score

I Little or no disability 0-5

II Mild disability 6-10

III Moderate disability 11-20

Scoring: After you have

filled out this questionnaire,

add the total number of

days from questions 1-5

(ignore A and B)

IV Severe disability 21+

Please give the completed form to your clinician.

This survey was developed by Richard B. Lipton, MD, Professor of Neurology, Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them.

Enjoy!!!!!!

6 BAD BUSINESS AND RELATIONSHIP HABITS

Swimming With Alligators

ANGER, BLAME, AND ATTACK

Anger is the first impulsive response for many humans when a rule is disobeyed, when a mistake is made, when a job is not done on time, when someone opposes your opinion, or when someone behaves badly. Anger is an emotional attack on a human sometimes followed by blame for being stupid, careless, not punctual or reliable, disobedient, and shamefully guilty.

Sometimes anger expressed by a loud voice at young unreasoning offspring is a valid signal that they did something very wrong or very bad. It can be an emotional threat not to do a very bad behavior again or punishment such as privilege removal or spanking will follow.

With adults anger is frequently the wrong attitude because it puts the offenders in a defensive mood and they will get upset or angry too and frequently feel that your anger is unjustified.

An open minded approach is best where you ask a few questions first and try to get at the real reason why a rule was broken or a mistake made. Whether the violation was intentional or unintentional is important and if it was unintentional then they shouldn’t get blamed but you should both try to work out a plan of action and a promise that it will not happen again if possible.

“Do you know what to do so it (the violation) doesn’t happen again?”  This puts responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the offender and if they honestly don’t know how to avoid doing it a second time then you can calmly discuss and offer advice on how to avoid a similar failure in the future.

A disobeyed rule, mistake, or bad behavior may happen more than once and it may be your job as an authority figure to dish out appropriate punishment if it is starting to become a bad habit. Revoking privileges, threatening with firing, and actually firing an employee may have to be done if the disobedience or bad job performance becomes intolerable or unbearable or threatens the smooth operation of the business.

Very frequently we feel that our opinions are valid or true and if someone opposes them we might feel angry and want to start an argument. With adults it is best to ask why they have an opinion or belief about something which is much different than yours. You may learn that there is more than one way at looking at things, doing something, or reaching a goal.

Frequently opinions about politics, religion, and sports will be much different than yours and you should learn to live and let live without arguing since those topics will seldom affect job performance or your life in any significant way.

STUBBORNNESS, INFLEXIBILITY, AND DEFENSIVENESS

A stubborn, inflexible, and defensive authority figure is a tyrant who thinks they are always right and insists that all their demands are to be met without questioning permitted.  The typical attitude is “I have done it this way for years and we will continue to do it my way into the foreseeable future.”

As with all rules there are sometimes exceptions to them in real life. An authority figure who doesn’t understand that there are rare exceptions to rules or that there is more than one way of achieving a desired goal and that one way is more efficient than another will fail at just leadership many times to the detriment of the organization.

Not keeping open communication with employees and encouraging input in the form of new ideas or new ways of doing something better means that the business will stagnate and not be open to improvement with new technology or better operating procedures.

Tyrannical leadership occasionally works managing low level workers with unchanging defined tasks but it is a terrible failure when trying to achieve teamwork in an organization where each employee can make new vital contributions at reaching team goals. Teamwork means flexibility and open two way communication between members and leadership.

CONCLUSION:

Anger, blame, and attack whenever possible should be replaced by discussion, assigning responsibility, and giving a human a second chance at doing something right.

Stubbornness, inflexibility, and defensiveness whenever possible should be replaced by some open mindedness, some flexibility, and cooperation, especially if teamwork is involved to achieve a goal or goals.

With young unreasoning offspring anger and stubborn discipline may be necessary to stop very bad behavior before someone gets hurt but in adult good relationships anger and stubbornness will only create unnecessary  barriers to good two way communications and mutual problem solving.

If you liked this evergreen blog read more of them and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!