Forgive: v. to not punish someone for reaching the wrong goal(s) and/or doing a bad behavior(s) and saying to the offender “I forgive you”
Unconditionally forgive an immoral or very bad human and they will continue with their immoral and very bad behavior and you will become the unhappy miserable victim over and over again.
With strangers and casual acquaintances the general principle is fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Don’t become a sucker for false promises no matter how good they may sound because if you have been fooled once the offender will want to do it again and fool you more than once for his or her benefit.
On the job, being late too frequently, lying to the boss about something very important, or stealing from the business are all good enough reasons not to forgive and fire you for your immorality. If you catch a coworker seriously lying about another worker or stealing from the business then it is your moral responsibility to tell the boss who will then take appropriate actions because developing and maintaining a trusting relationship in a business is priority number one.
Adulterous behavior without real remorse, without feeling guilty, and without sincerely promising never to do it again is also a behavior which should not be forgiven, especially if it occurs more than once. Intentional lies without remorse, feeling guilty, and promising not to do it again is also behavior which will ruin a trusting relationship sooner or later and if you are not married yet, then don’t marry a liar under any circumstances. Unfortunately adultery and lying are two immoralities under which a healthy and happy relationship is not possible and the more times that you forgive the worse the dysfunctional relationship becomes.
With offspring who are learning to behave properly you will be doing a lot of forgiving but keep in mind that important misbehaviors such as stealing, lying, and dangerous physical aggression should be quickly addressed with guaranteed punishment which is the removal of important privileges or even spanking to stop the bad behavior and not let it become a bad habit which will devastate the parent offspring relationship in the long duration. With offspring who do a moral transgression the first time there should be a strong conditional forgiveness offered. Make a sincere threat to the offspring. Do it a second time and an important privilege will be removed or I will spank you so it hurts and then follow through with the threat. If you make threatening promises and don’t follow through with the punishment then your offspring will just feel that you are an overblown windbag, will ignore you, and your role as an authority figure will disappear to no one’s benefit.
You can wallow in revenge and bitter resentment for a long time if you don’t forgive conditionally or unconditionally. If forgiveness is not working in your favor then the best policy is to break off the relationship and move on to a better one. You have the power to forgive and not forgive and if you are wallowing in revenge and resentment and it is making you terribly unhappy then it is your fault that you are not doing anything successful about it. Marriage and close friendships are hard to abandon but abandonment should be seriously considered if it is making your life and your offspring’s life miserable with too much immorality going on.
Forgiveness is not divine if it is done unconditionally for immoral behavior such as intentional lies, adultery, and stealing. As a responsible adult you should not tolerate immoral behavior in the family or with close friends. It is also your responsibility to not get involved in dysfunctional immoral relationships with other adults. If you do let immorality slide in your relationships, it will just bring you much unnecessary misery and unhappiness in your life!!!!!!
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