Don’t forget to empathize with your offspring
If an offspring expresses fear, anger, jealousy, or sadness then you should not ridicule or tease them for feeling that way. Having unfortunate emotions is not wrong and you should help them to overcome the stress with reassurance and an optimistic viewpoint with caring expressed that things will work out and that it is natural to feel fear, anger, jealousy, or sadness sometimes.
Sharing or empathizing with the important happy moments and successes in your offspring’s lives is just as important as sharing the important unhappy moments.
Don’t have inconsistent rules
Have firm rules of what is good and bad which you expect your offspring to obey which are not vague and uncertain and threaten to become a source of continuing confusion in your offspring’s life. Rudderless lives with much bad behavior and with little self-esteem may be the result of groping for a sense of what is right and wrong.
Don’t unload all your problems on your offspring
Sharing all your problems with offspring and asking them for advice on how to deal with them makes you seem defeated and helpless which will burden your offspring unnecessarily. You should almost always approach your problems with a confident outlook that you will solve them sooner or later and you should share with your offspring your successes and infrequently your failures at dealing with problems.
Don’t just convey unloving emotions about the other parent
Never showing loving and affectionate emotions towards your spouse or ex-spouse in front of offspring will deprive your offspring of knowing the kind of good emotions and interactions which are necessary for bonding trusting relationships to be maintained.
Always criticizing, rejecting, and threatening divorce will create chronic anxiety in offspring. Remaining cold, distant, bitter, angry, and critical of an ex-spouse is a subtle way of conveying the feeling that you are the preferred parent and the ex is totally to blame for the divorce.
Your unloving relationship style can handicap your offspring who will imitate your dysfunctional unloving relationship style in their own lives with other humans.
Don’t punish independence and separation
Offspring should be taught independent responsible behavior and thinking as soon as possible and not the opposite which is trying to maintain an irresponsible dependent relationship on the parents which will result in insecurity, rebellion, and irresponsible independent action eventually.
Don’t try to link your offspring behavior to how good it makes you look
Don’t try to insist that your offspring behavior should make you look good to others. Your offspring will learn to become insecure pleasers to other humans and not independent doers who are doing something to improve themselves and their own self-image.
Don’t micromanage your offspring relationships
Monitoring each step in an offspring’s relationships with friends and authority figures such as teachers and then interfering in them to make them work out will prevent your offspring from learning to navigate friendships and relationships with important humans on their own in life.
Don’t overprotect your offspring
Extending dependency for too long on you for all emotional and other problems in life will create a feeling that life is easier and more irresponsible than it is in reality. Offspring will become depressed and confused when they don’t continue to get what they think they deserve in life from other humans who will not be as giving as you are and expect more individual responsibility and independent action.
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