In good communications you should be a good listener first and really pay attention to what someone is saying and feeling. Humans will feel respected if you listen to them and don’t rudely interrupt or cut them off. After listening carefully you can follow up with some questions to probe more deeply what the human is trying to say or convey and how they feel about the issue.  

Try to empathize with whom you are talking to. You will better understand where they are coming from and how they feel about an issue. You can then answer in a competent and hopefully concise way and maintain a flowing conversation giving emotional support if necessary or give advice which you may feel is useful.

The success of many conversations not only depends on how smart you are or your IQ but on your EQ or emotional quotient or emotional smarts. Humans generally make impulsive decisions based on their feelings about an issue and not so much the logical consequences or the facts. Understanding that emotions are frequently more important in a conversation and must be dealt with first is a fundamental fact of successful human communication, especially if you are in a leadership position and must also get emotional support for your decisions.

You should keep arguments to a minimum in a good conversation and unless your beliefs are almost identical then you should leave hot topics like politics, religion, and sports alone and discuss them rarely if at all. In any conversation you will find differing opinions and beliefs and sometimes the smartest thing to do is to accept differing opinions and beliefs and not try to change them unless they will impact you in a very bad way.

Gossiping or spreading unproven bad facts about a human is not a very good thing to do and if you find that whom you are talking to is a gossiper then you should keep at a healthy distance from them because they may spread an untrue rumor about you in the foreseeable future which may hurt your reputation.

If a conversation is becoming repetitive or boring switch topics and if that doesn’t work then cut the conversation off for another time and proceed to do something more constructive.

Conversation should not waste your time and if you find that it seems to have no useful purpose or that it is mostly about random unimportant things then don’t waste your time and cut it short.

Communication is different whether you are talking to your children, spouse, relatives, friend, boss, employee, or casual acquaintance.

With your children you are probably more of an authority figure or the boss who knows what is frequently good for them. You expect them to behave in a certain way or you take away their privileges or punish them in some way if they misbehave.

With your spouse you may be very laid back or casual and feel free discussing almost any topic which enters your head. You should have an honest, sincere, and reliable or trustworthy relationship so that you can share some secrets or personal feelings which would cause you trouble if the secrets or opinions became public knowledge.

Not only should your spouse be someone whom you trust with sensitive information but they are someone with whom you can share your innermost feelings and know that they will understand you and give you moral or emotional support if necessary. Realize that many times your female spouse may be looking mostly for emotional support or empathy and not really want advice on how to solve her problems.

Communicating with a close friend is almost like a marriage where you basically trust one another with sensitive information and you may discuss some male or female issues or topics which you may not even share that intimately with your spouse. Some close friends can even be a source of good marital advice if both of you are in generally happy marital relationships.

Business conversations or etiquette is a complex specialty but even here listening intently with empathy and answering in short and concise ways is a good general rule of thumb to follow.

On a first date you may not want to reveal a serious health problem or a dysfunctional family but if you want a serious honest, sincere, and reliable or trustworthy relationship to develop then you will eventually have to reveal your bad circumstances and it is better to do so before marriage than after it.

Social media and texting is rapidly changing how we communicate with each other and is taking much of the emotion out and permitting more exclusive brief communications. Some may feel that it is dehumanizing conversation. I feel that it is making communication more rational and concise and will benefit almost everyone in the long duration.

Finally most women like to talk more than men so if you find out that a woman is talking much more than you then don’t stress about it but accept it as a common natural cultural phenomenon.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, approximately 600 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.


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