Charm: v. to arouse pleasantness and/or admiration by being visually attractive and polite and friendly and likable

If you want to be more charming, especially to the opposite sex then you have to be visually more attractive, polite, friendly, and likable.

If you are polite, friendly, and likable chances are that you will still be attractive even though you may not be handsome or beautiful and well off financially with nice clothes, car, house, and costly adult toys.

Yes, many humans marry uncharming humans who are not that friendly, not that polite, not very likable, and borderline attractive. Many eventually end up in divorce because truly charming individuals are a rarity in society and there is no proof that charming individuals have longer duration marriages, especially in overly promiscuous societies. A charming individual is really an idealized human being with an abundance of good human behaviors and unfortunately in the real world most humans fall far short of this idealized state of charm.


Politeness: n. intentional respect and consideration and using accepted social etiquette

Politeness varies to some extent from culture to culture and the etiquette has some minor and major differences. Showing respect and consideration is also slightly different from culture to culture since it is dependent on etiquette to some extent.

Likability is mostly a question of showing that you care about someone and are empathetic. Nurturing and protecting another human is what caring is all about. Being empathetic takes some emotional intelligence and it means being able to detect impulsively or by asking relevant questions how a human is feeling at the moment and often how they are feeling about a given subject of conversation.

Humans like to be respected and one way to show this is to be genuinely glad when meeting someone. Being a good listener, asking relevant sincere and open ended questions, eye contact, mimicking a smile, frown, or head nod are ways of showing that you care about another human’s conversation and that you empathize with what they are saying. Giving humans this feedback is the essence of human bonding through conversation and gesture which demonstrates an ability to get more intimate with another human. By listening more yet still smartly conversing you are making the other human feel important and respected which raises your likability factor considerably.

Likability also increases when you occasionally reveal a vulnerability or a weakness proving that you are not perfect but just another slightly flawed human who also has failed on occasion. You come across as a genuine likable human and not an overconfident, arrogant, egotistical fake perfectionist.

Another obvious vulnerability is making a mistake. Likable humans own up to mistakes, take full responsibility, sometimes promise to not make the same mistake again, and sometimes make a joke or laugh at the mistake. Often others laugh with you and not at you. They like you more because you are genuine and not perfect and other humans often empathize with you rather than mock you.

Opposing opinions can often lead to arguments and confrontations if you always look for opposing views to challenge. A likeable human embarks on trying to find places of agreement first to converse about and has a live and let live tolerant view of strongly held opinions and beliefs which are usually not subject to change.

Being friendly is far more complex. You are considered friendly if you are friendly in very similar ways no matter what the status of the human and treat them with common respectful conversation without being rude, arrogant, or offensive. Try very hard to remember names and even the names of best friends and close relatives. Friendly humans usually don’t name drop and try to brag or impress others with celebrity status connections if there are any.

Finally friendliness is a function of your good basic personality. If you have integrity and are trustworthy, dependable, competent, caring, empathetic, confident, and communicate well then many more humans will be attracted to you and you will be able to bond more closely with better friends and significant others who share most of your basic traits.

Charming an audience or charming a potential spouse has some different skill sets but the foundational behaviors of charming individuals is largely the same and only vary in degree and not substance.


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