Before offering advice on communicating with potential dates on the internet or with texting it is important to state why so much of the communication is unsuccessful.
One major reason that successful communication is so difficult is that there are many males and some females who are deceptive and lie over the internet posing as someone who they really are not. They basically are afraid to reveal who they truly are because they fear that they won’t be physically attractive enough or financially well off enough. They may try to post fake pictures and claim to hold down great jobs when in reality they are average looking and unemployed or working at minimum wage. So try not to be gullible and maintain a healthy suspicion if he sounds too good to be true.
The second reason that successful internet communication is so difficult is that most of the males and also females are really not ready for serious dating. The primary reasons may be because of no job or poor income and any real attempts at dating usually result in very disappointing colossal failures because serious dating usually consumes much time, energy, and money.
Your whole purpose for texting or communicating with men should be to eventually find out if they are going to be a good marital or business partner. You may be a modern promiscuous female just having fun and falsely assuming that what all men really want is immediate sexual intimacy. You may honestly feel that sex should be given to any male that interests you greatly and you will find many playboy males who want to show you a good time but no eventual commitment.
Texting or meeting a new human face to face for the first time is basically the same approach. You want to quickly find out if the man is going to be a good potential friend or mate without being too flirtatious or beating around the bush. If the man is just texting or searching for naïve females to take advantage of them sexually then it is better to find out the truth as soon as possible rather than beat around the bush with vague and emotionally fulfilling communications.
You ideally want a male who has integrity, is trustworthy, is dependable, is competent, and a good communicator. He should be someone who is not afraid to answer tough and eventually somewhat personal questions so don’t be afraid to ask tough questions and eventually some rather personal questions. You want men with the courage to confront almost any question that you may ask. If you feel that you may have offended him with some comment then quickly apologize and move on in the relationship as long as it lasts.
If you are an average looking female without a college education hoping to land a successful college educated male with a good career or job then you are usually wasting your time. If you are a college educated woman with a good career or job then beware of males without adequate education who have no job or very poor ones, especially if they are very handsome. The old saying is still basically true that “birds of a feather flock together” so try to stay away from males outside your comfort and educational zone unless you are extremely attractive and sexy.
In effect don’t aim too high and don’t aim too low in desperate fashion because the probability of making the right long duration connection with a male is rather low or remote over the internet or in person.
Here are some suggested questions to ask:
What do you do for a living?
This question may frighten away many males who have no job or poor ones and that is precisely the reason for the question because you don’t want to waste your time and energy on a financially poor male. If the male has a good job then he will be very willing to tell you about it and maybe brag a little. Talking about his job is a good way to boost his ego with further follow up questions about the job.
Have you always done x for a living?
This is a good follow up question to the first one because you can maybe catch a male in a lie about his job or profession if his prior jobs do not fit his current job status plausibly.
Are you a local?
Long distance relationships fail quite frequently so unless you have the money to travel stay with potential local relationships and stay away from long distance ones.
Long distance relationships are like exciting honeymoons every time you briefly meet physically and are very deceptive indicators of lasting happiness. If you or the male move and live together for a year you may decide that the relationship was never meant to be a lasting one.
What do you do in your free time?
This question will reveal whether the male is just vegetating or doing some interesting things to fill his free time such as trying to improve himself or mostly spending his money on rather trivial pursuits.
Do you have any hobbies?
A good mate is one who usually has a life outside of work so hobbies are one way of determining where his interests also lie outside of work.
How long have you had that hobby?
Some men will brag and maybe deceive females into thinking that they have expensive and interesting hobbies so this is a way to find out if he is deceiving you or has had the hobby for a relatively long time.
Do you have any children?
This question and theme will eventually find out if he is recently divorced or maybe is still married.
After these few initial questions you can end the first or initial interaction until the next time when you can continue to probe deeper with more personal questions.
Do you like your job?
If he doesn’t like his job then you can ask a follow up question and ask if he is going to do anything about a lousy job. You can find out if he has bigger plans or will be stuck in a miserable job on into the near foreseeable future.
How long have you lived here?
You will find out if he is a native local or someone relocating due to job or other reasons.
Do you have many friends?
You can find out if he is somewhat of an extrovert or maybe an introvert with few friends and maybe only one close friend.
What are your future plans?
This will reveal whether the male has some ambition or has too much unrealistic ambition and is vainly hoping to become a celebrity star in some field.
What interesting places have you travelled to?
You can find out if his interests are local or international in scope. A follow up question would be -Where would you like to travel to if you had the opportunity?
What is your favorite food or drink?
Eating is a universal pleasurable pastime and you can find out whether he cooks himself, is a junk food addict, one eating much organic food, or a food gourmet going to restaurants.
Are you on Facebook or Instagram?
You can determine how deeply into social media he is with follow up questions.
After determining whether they are a potential future friend or mate ask for personal information such as an email or telephone number and use phrases such as- It was great talking to you. It would be nice if we kept in touch. What is your email or cellphone number?
Finally, before an actual first date it is important to call the man and speak to him over the phone verbally. You will usually find out pretty quickly if he is the same man on the phone as he is on the internet. Voice fluctuations and his ability to think on his feet instantaneously will become apparent with a phone call and you can often sense if the right vibes are there for actual first date attempts.
The next questions and some direct quotes with some variations are based on Matthew Hussey’s article “9 Magic Texts No Man Can Resist”. Frankly you should be suspicious of any article with the term Magic in it and celebrity Hussey is guilty of misleading a mass audience of women in this instance.
When he asks you what you’re up to?
If you are doing something interesting or have plans to do something which doesn’t sound boring then tell him honestly what you are up to. If you are up to nothing then you can say “I’m taking a shower and will head out later.” If he follows up with “where are you going to head out?” then you had better be prepared to tell him where or he will suspect that you are lying. That is why it is important to be as truthful as possible and not be lying or deceptive in your answers.
If you don’t think that you are a very interesting human doing interesting things then stay single and start on a course of self improvement before you seriously try to make internet connections with males.
“Just bought this. What do you think?”
Men are visual creatures and will respond to a picture of you which is attractive but not overly sexy. He will probably compliment you in some way and it is an opportunity to find out if it is a sincere compliment or an exaggerated and insincere one.
“You should be here right now.”
This suggests that you would want him to be where you are because seemingly something interesting or exciting is going on. Once again he could ask why? Then you will be in a bind if you are not doing anything interesting or exciting. Once again vague statements can be intriguing and good sources for follow up communication but you should be ready to explain or state WHY or you will come across as a deceptive fraud if you aren’t doing anything interesting or exciting.
“I just had an incredible burger! Almost sexual.”
Men like food so a tasty food discovery is always an exciting event. However, be careful about inserting sexual in your phrase unless you may want to get personally sexually intimate in the near future. These days women are more promiscuous than in earlier times but I would reserve sexual intimacy for men who are potentially good marriage partners and you have known them long enough to feel that they are potential good marital partners.
“This jacket would look attractive on you.”
You could use the same sentence with “look HOT on you” but that has sexual connotations and should be used only if you think he considers you more as a friend than a romantic relationship. Using the word hot can be considered sexual baiting if you don’t intend to get sexual with him any time soon.
“As hot as you are, I don’t move that fast.” “But I would be happy to see your handsome face if you want to take me on a date this or next week.”
“Let’s start out as friends and consider sexual intimacy when and if we become close friends.” “ But I would be happy to see your handsome face if you want to take me on a date this or next week.” (This is an honest smart response designed for a smart male.”
This is a good way to turn away a premature sexual advance yet convey your opinion that he is sexually attractive but you are not ready to get sexually intimate. Whether you believe it or not men who are interested in a future wife don’t want one that is sexually promiscuous or one who is overly free with her sexual intimacy. If you develop a reputation as a woman who sleeps around a lot then you will attract many noncommittal males.
“I am not sure we can be friends anymore”
This can either mean that you are breaking up the friendship or you want the relationship to develop past the friendship phase. You may be asked WHY so make sure that you have a truthful answer which makes sense. “I want our relationship to become more exclusive because my feelings for you are becoming rather intense.” or “I want a more exclusive relationship with you.” or “I think I may be falling in love with you.”
Being honest and expecting honesty should be the guiding principle in any male female interaction. If the male is caught in an intentional lie or is being intentionally deceptive about something important then drop him like a hot potato. Trust is the bond which makes for lasting relationships. Start lying and trust breaks down and there is no good relationship.
Make sure first that you are a woman a man needs and make sure the man is someone you need beyond just a mere sugar daddy or a man financially well off.
You want a male who appreciates you for who you are and who you are hoping to become. Stay single until you are genuinely a good catch for a male that fits your idea of a good father who will be a parent to your future offspring. Ideally he should be a motivating or encouraging, confident, interesting personality who will grow with you in a relationship and in life skills and not become a repetitive uninteresting bore stagnating in life.
STAY SINGLE until you have much more to offer in a relationship than just your vagina! If you want someone with integrity or morality and honesty, trustworthiness, dependability, competence, and with a good job then be someone with integrity, trustworthiness, dependability, competence, and a good job. Yes, many men ideally prefer beautiful, sexy, females but few can realistically afford them because they are usually high maintenance.
Promiscuity is a great enemy to lasting marital relationships. Promiscuity is a bad addictive habit. Adultery is almost inevitable in formerly promiscuous males and females. My opinions on dating may seem conservative and traditional in many ways but they are tried and true techniques which seldom fail in real life in the long duration. Give in to the promiscuity temptation and you are very likely to join the vast number of eventual failed marriages in the modern world if you get that far.
Due to economic uncertainty and a premium on technological jobs, if you are the average liberal arts major then plan for a rather poor single existence for a relatively long duration. Many are choosing to continue living with their parents if permitted after graduation and becoming financially independent and living on your own is becoming increasingly difficult.
Female biological clocks are always ticking but rushing into a marriage in desperation is often a formula for failure and much sustained misery in life.
As long as you are slowly trying to improve yourself in an enthusiastic, determined way then the odds for landing a good future male also increase. Above everything else, never stop trying to get better because a better man should eventually pop up in your life and decide to stay.
My sister in law had quite a few failed relationships in her life until she met her husband at the age of 50. Yes, she will never have offspring of her own but she is finally married and it seems happily married for the time being. Those prior men frankly primarily used her for sex and never intended to make a long duration commitment.
Some women may feel that being used sexually is better than being ignored but that is not a recipe for long duration happiness for most females.
No one is the final authority on dating in the modern world including myself. Humans vary widely in looks, abilities, and circumstances. Use your own further research to find dating pointers from other sources which maybe fit your own view of male female relationships better. Some relationships can be quite playful with their share of bullshit so adjust your dating to some males who are a little on the risky side if you want some unpredictability and excitement in a relationship.
There is another saying that “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” It basically means that you should take calculated risks occasionally or you will not gain anything or gain useful knowledge, experience, and achievement. Take a chance and you might succeed or at least learn from the failure and get more emotional intelligence about human males and humans in general.
I offer the following link for all those who have not analyzed themselves or have not taken the time to know themselves. You will find out that it greatly helps to know yourself before you try to improve yourself which is what life should be all about if you want to be happy in the long duration.
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