Daily Archives: August 11, 2018


What you are going to read about is a revolutionary way of explaining love which will result in a logical definition of love and a claim that love is 3 dimensional. 3 dimensional in the sense that you have to consider that three things are going on in every loving experience. My claim is that to experience love it must be a very intense pleasure that you are experiencing, that you care about the experience, and that you will probably have a desire to repeat the experience at some point in the future, possibly many times. This being said, let’s start out by trying to answer WHY we experience love?


We use our senses of sight, hearing, taste, touch, etc. to sense our environment around us and also sense sometimes the way that our body and mind reacts at a given point in time. You can say I love what I am seeing, I love what I am hearing, I love what I am tasting, I love the touch, I love what I am feeling, etc.


If you are in a coma then you probably don’t consciously sense anything but for most of us we can get very intense pleasure by looking at something very beautiful which may be a human(s), lifeform(s), or an object(s) such as a very attractive woman or man, a spectacular flower, an aerodynamic sports car, detailed colorful artwork, or a spectacular sunset. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not everyone agrees that something is very beautiful but each individual experience understands what they mean when they say- I love it!! or I love that!!


A sniper soldier may say I love killing the enemy and a pacifist may say I love saving starving children but both are getting intense pleasure out of some parts of the experience. So yes, love is not a moral value which is usually good and seldom bad but it is really amoral or an emotion and behavior which can be good or bad depending on what you are loving and under what circumstances.


You can also ask WHY do we love to do certain things which we didn’t love at first? Well, we generally love to do things which we become very good at or very skilled at and can feel a sense of pride in. At first you may just LIKE to play an instrument, sing songs, write, do science experiments, build something using tools, or have an interest in medicine. Over time, the better that you get at doing something or the more masterful that you get at doing something you may learn to love playing an instrument, love singing songs, love writing articles or books, love working at scientific research, love working in construction, or love being a world renowned doctor.


Yes, it helps to have a human audience which appreciates your work and tells you how great you are at your job, hobby, or pastime but ultimately there are relatively few who have an ongoing or frequently passionate attitude, very intense pleasure, or love for something which they excel at.


Note: it is common practice to say I love my job, hobby, or pastime but the reality is that there can’t be very intense pleasure all the time. Honestly when you say you love something then you really mean that you FREQUENTLY experience very intense pleasure but definitely not all the time. Love like any intense emotion is not sustainable for very long because there must also be moments of rest or supportive activity to recuperate from the high emotional intensity.


WHY do you start out loving something and after a while no longer love that thing? Initially we may love the sight of a stunning dress, a new car, or a new sexy date but after a while we get used to the dress or new car and it becomes deja vue or something rather old and perhaps even boring. Our new date may turn out to have a very flawed personality which we don’t like or even hate and that makes him or her much less appealing although we may still love having sex with the date if the opportunity arises.


Initially we get very intense pleasure out of sex in a marriage but with time the experience may give us less pleasure, especially if one becomes rather unattractive or old and very obese. Yes, long married couples having very little sex or none at all may have rather infrequent very intense pleasure episodes but a relatively happy marital interaction with caring and affection. The relationship becomes a pleasant familiar habit which is the reason marriage still continues despite very few very intensely pleasurable or loving moments. It would be more accurate to say that a happy old married couple is not in love any more but are really existing or living in caring, affection, liking, and fondness mode.


From a biological point of view you can ask WHY do we love? Yes, you can rationalize everything and say that it is chemistry in the brain that makes us love something. Realistically WHY we love something is because often it is something which helps us to survive well and helps us to reproduce or pass on our genes to the next generation.


It is important to point out that some humans love to do legal and illegal drugs, drink alcohol, view pornography, shop, gamble, steal, and have sex. They love or get very intense pleasure from a drug high, intoxication, copulation, winning or hoping for a win while gambling, buying something they impulsively like, or stealing and getting something for free with little effort, etc. When done to excess these things become addictive habits and are hard to cure or get rid of even when they start to endanger a secure lifestyle or good relationships with others.


Yes, some things done to excess are illegal or legal but can become dangerous so beware of things which can harm you in the long duration and avoid them as much as possible. WHAT you learn to love is just as important as the loving experience itself. Love the wrong things and you can turn your life into a miserable mess or even wind up killing yourself.



WHAT do we love? It can be literally anything and everything for some humans. Yes, there are even philosophers who claim to love everything including moral and immoral behavior because they feel that each has a role to play in the never ending struggle for survival and reproduction on the face of this planet. They like to speak about it as a balance of nature or the balance between good and bad things such as good and bad behaviors or good and bad events which impact humans, lifeforms, and the environment.


Loving anything can be loving death, cults, torture, hate, rocks, poisonous snakes, ugly dogs, ugly humans, etc. Yes, getting very intense pleasure from these things can be called obsessions rather than love but the intense emotional experience exists for some humans and it really is love also.


Contrary to popular mythology or linguistic inaccuracy love is not the opposite or antonym of hate. Some humans simply love to hate some individuals, groups, nations, lifeforms, behaviors, and objects. Some humans love to hate certain politicians, ethnic minorities, nations, ideologies, poisonous plants, rude behavior, and guns.


Talk to these humans and you will eventually find out how much pleasure they get out of insulting, putting down, name calling, ridiculing, humiliating, or showing great repulsion or hatred towards these things. What you hate you generally would like to destroy or make it go away. I love to destroy what I hate or it would give me very intense pleasure to destroy what I hate or I love to think about destroying what I hate. I love to hate exists in many humans because many of us hate one or more things in life.


WHERE do we love? Anywhere where you experience very intense pleasure you are experiencing love. It can be in the wilderness viewing a wild animal or a majestic waterfall and it can be in a small apartment viewing a picture of your significant other or listening to your favorite song on a cellphone.


WHEN do you experience love? Just thinking about something that you love can result in very intense pleasure but more frequently it is when you are in close proximity to something that you love or when you are interacting with something that you love. When you are close to something that you love or are interacting with something that you love then the chances that you will experience very intense pleasure or love increase.  Of course a cellphone or computer screen can bring an awesome view or a video of your significant other within close proximity so you don’t have to be physically close to what you love to experience love.



HOW do we love? This question implies that there is something that one must do to the object or subject of our love. When you love something then you generally care for that something and that means usually trying to nurture and protect the object and/or subject of your love. Caring is the second dimension of love.


Nurturing and protecting or caring for an object that you love is rather simple though sometimes expensive. If you have an awesome sports car then you will probably maintain it in good working condition and keep it clean and put on a protective finish. You may also try to protect it from dings from other cars by parking it away from other vehicles in the parking lot. You may try to improve your sports car by adding accessories to customize it and make the driving experience even better. Trying to improve your sports car can be considered nurturing and mechanical maintenance and shielding from vandalism can be considered to be protective behavior.


Nurturing and protecting or caring for a spouse and offspring is very complicated and not that many succeed in doing so remarkably well. The important thing to note is that caring for a spouse and offspring that you love is not always a pleasant experience and there may even be many times when you hate the behavior of your spouse and offspring and may be frustrated by the fact that the bad behavior is not so easy to treat, cure, or deal with. That is why it is important to appreciate the loving experiences with your spouse and offspring when they happen because you will also have many bad experiences to deal with and handle.


With offspring you must nurture and protect them by educating and disciplining them and motivating them to be the best that they can become so that they become contributing members of society when they grow up. With a spouse you nurture and protect by being affectionate and also motivating him or her to improve and complimenting when they do something well, worthwhile, or commendable. Trying to do well at your job and bringing home more money and saving some is also helpful in protecting the family from crisis situations.


For those interested in more details on parenting and love I recommend my books MODERN PARENTING and LOVEALL.


HOW MUCH love is too much love or too little love? An answer really depends on what you are getting your very intense pleasure from. If you get most of your very intense pleasure from family, friends, and job then you usually have very little to worry about. However, if you are getting most of your loving experiences from drugs, alcohol, gambling, promiscuity, shopping, and pornography then you run the danger of becoming addicted which will almost guarantee that your relationships will crash and burn, that you will become financially impoverished, and that you will live with much misery and unhappiness in your life.


What is not so obvious but is true is the fact that of loving experience creates a subconscious and conscious desire to experience the very intense pleasure again or a desire to interact with the love subject and/or object in the short and/or long duration. This desire is very much a part of the loving experience and can be considered to be the third dimension of love. Bringing all three dimensions of love together we now can come up with a definition for love.


Love: v. to sense a very intense pleasure for a subset(s) one cares about and the behaviors which exist with it and frequently desiring to (possess and/or interact with) and/or experience samer subset(s) for a short and/or long duration

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