Daily Archives: June 1, 2019

ANGER: WHY, WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, HOW, HOW MUCH, HOW LONG, HOW OFTEN!!!

Why do you get angry?

Some rare individuals will get angry at almost anything. They get angry at a money gift because it was not enough money, get angry at a sunny day because it will age their skin, get angry at a job promotion which they feel they should have gotten 5 years ago, etc. Most sane individuals get angry for a reason but there are also the delusional types who get angry for imagined reasons which are just not valid and then there are the angry humans who are angry at life in general and are angry almost all the time.

Most humans get angry because they can’t reach a goal, have been victims of overt or covert aggression, have had their opinions or beliefs challenged, or have been victimized by immoral behavior. Certain bad events and bad circumstances can also cause anger. Mistakes, accidents, severe criticism, and unfulfilled promises could be considered bad events or bad circumstances.

Who causes anger?

Lifeforms and mostly humans cause anger.

Sometimes you can even be angry at yourself. You may be angry at yourself because you made a mistake, failed at a task, or did something bad or foolish.

What is anger?

Anger: n. very intensely sensing transient displeasure which is frequently a less intense form of hatred and (caused by a failure to achieve a goal(s) and/or caused by (overt and/or covert aggression)) and/or (caused by opposing (beliefs and/or opinions) and/or caused by immorality) and/or caused by (bad events and/or bad circumstances)

 

A comprehensive accurate definition should suffice to explain what anger is and you can fill in the details or real life examples in each category if you wish to get detailed knowledge about what anger is.

 

Where are you angry?

 

Since anger is primarily an emotion your brain senses anger and your brain is where you are angry. A location can also cause anger indirectly if it triggers an angry response based on prior angry experiences at that location. Although a rather rare phenomenon, a specific church may anger you because it was where your potential spouse ran out on you and didn’t go through with the wedding.

 

When do you get angry?

You can get angry almost any time of day and it largely depends on the circumstances at that moment.

How do you get angry?

How intense your anger is and how you display the behavior is a very personal phenomenon. We are not talking here about extreme anger or rage which is yelling or screaming in a very loud voice often followed by physical aggression or violence sometimes laced with verbal aggression such as profanities, insults, name calling, put downs, ridicule, and humiliation.

The anger we are mostly talking about is a loud voice with mostly verbal aggression short of physical violence. Verbal abuse not physical abuse is what we are mostly talking about.

Yes, threatening gestures bordering on physical violence may be part of your angry display such as grimacing in a threatening manner, finger pointing, fist clenching, and wildl waving of arms. Poking, slapping, punching, hitting, and kicking is beyond anger and is really physical abuse.

Don’t get angry at things you can’t change. You will not be able to change politics, religion, economics, strong beliefs, and sports. Getting angry over these topics is a complete waste of time. Arguing over taste in fashion, possessions, and food is also a waste of time and you will be very unsatisfied after you argue about them because there will be no winners.

How much anger do you display?

It would seem logical to say that your anger should reflect the importance of what you are angry about. More anger for the important things and less anger for the rather unimportant or trivial things in life.

If you catch your offspring in immoral behavior such as lying or stealing and it is not the first time and you have explained to them how immoral this is, then getting real angry at them followed by punishment such as withdrawal of privileges is the right thing to do.

If you make a casual remark or ignore the immoral behavior of your offspring then you are displaying too little anger or none at all and this is bad.

If you are getting very angry at your spouse for burning the food, wearing the wrong shoes, talking on the phone too much, or doing some other rather unimportant thing then you may have an anger problem which needs a solution.

Very valuable in life is to control your anger to such an extent that you suppress your anger and relieve the emotional tension with a discussion of the issue at hand instead. You can start of the discussion by saying that you feel angry and then give the reason for it rather than raising your voice or verbally abusing someone.

If you are anger prone or have a short fuse then try to calm down by not saying anything at all until you can communicate in a normal tone of voice.

 

How long are you angry?

If your anger lasts more than about 10 minutes and your thoughts turn to plotting revenge for an injustice done and it is your spouse then your anger lasts too long. Yes, sometimes getting angry can ruin a good mood for the day but this should be an infrequent occurrence.

In a close family relationship anger should be transient with a forgiving attitude unless you are the victim of an immorality such as adultery, lying, or stealing. Nagging sometimes is a bad substitute for anger which just prolongs a problem begging for a solution.

How often are you angry?

If you are angry every day and especially angry more than once a day then you should seriously consider anger management.

A sign of maturity is the ability to control your emotions and anger is a very important emotion that adults should be able to control. Instead of showing your anger to adults it is best to pause until your anger subsides and then get into discussion mode and seriously try to calmly resolve the problem or calmly process the incident or event which is a source of your anger. If there is no one around when you get angry then try to suppress the anger by talking yourself mentally out of an angry state. Sometimes just thinking or saying -oh shit, damn, or a profanity is enough to unload.

Smart humans can control their anger without angering others, especially in public. Many ignorant humans let it all hang out and may actually enjoy getting angry in front of humans, it doesn’t embarrass them, and they seldom if ever apologize for their angry outbursts.

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