Most young adults were asked what would make them happy and a popular response is to have money or be rich and famous. In a longitudinal Harvard study beginning in the 1930’s and still going on about 75 years later the conclusion seems to be that GOOD RELATIONSHIPS are the key to a happy life. We will investigate what a good relationship is and how you can optimize the chances that you will have good relationships throughout a lifetime.
There are many kinds of relationships which can even be called forms of friendships which are very close, close, casual, and rather remote or what could be called acquaintances.
There are minimal or borderline relationships where the contact between a human is minimal or even nonexistent. We are talking here about the relationships which you may have with national politicians, celebrities, writers, or hero like role models which you mostly just view, listen to, or read about but they still impact your life and choices to some extent. Most of these interactions are almost a one way street where you view, listen, or read but don’t actually have physical contact with the human beyond just voting for a politician, attending a celebrity gathering, just viewing a video, listening to a podcast, or reading about someone in an article or book.
Our primary focus will be on adult relationships because parental relationships between parent and child have a different dynamic since most parents are in charge or are responsible for supervising their offspring or adopted children. If you want to learn more about parent child relationships then read my book MODERN PARENTING by Uldis Sprogis on Amazon.
Perhaps a good starting point to understand what a good relationship is, we should briefly cover what bad relationships are so that you can try to avoid them.
In a bad relationship the human lies much and can’t be trusted, is immoral, the human is not dependable, is incompetent, has bad addictions, or is not a good conversationalist.
In a bad marital relationship the spouse may be verbally and even physically abusive and argues most of the time about even rather trivial things. At the other extreme a spouse may be non communicative and basically ignores the partner most of the time. This too is a bad relationship.
Not so obvious is the fact that bad relationships should be terminated as soon as possible. If it is a bad spousal relationship then divorce is a very real option and if it is a bad friend then you should seriously consider ending the friendship since it will handicap you in the long duration.
Trust is the bond which keeps good relationships going and if you can’t trust someone then a good relationship is not possible. If a relationship without trust exists then it is a highly dysfunctional one with a lot of misery associated with it. Some spouses stay in a bad relationship because they believe it is best for the children or out of financial necessity but this is a fallacy because if you are in a dysfunctional spousal relationship then you are a terrible role model for the children who will grow up and also probably be dysfunctional in their marital relationship. So integrity or being honest and moral is vital to a trusting good relationship.
In a nutshell if you have integrity, are trustworthy, dependable, competent, sincere, friendly, a good conversationalist, and empathetic then you have the potential to be respected and maybe even admired by others. Yes, you can be admired for just being rich but if you don’t have the above good personality then you will not be respected by most humans.
Some humans complain that they don’t have interesting friends whom they can interact with. The truth is that if you want interesting friends then you YOURSELF must also be interesting so that you can share mutual satisfying interests. If you are looking for a friend who has a great personality, is friendly, is optimistic, and does interesting things and has the time and money to do those things then you too must have a great personality, be friendly, be optimistic, and have the time and money to pursue those interesting things.
Not commonly realized is the basic fact that the more interests which you have in common in a relationship, the chances are that you will have a better relationship since it won’t become that boring very soon. So basically if you are an interesting human with many interests then the chances of meeting someone with one or more similar interests is more probable.
Before you go out looking for good relationships make sure that you have one or more important things to offer someone. If your personality is not that great then make an effort to improve it before you try to enter relationships. Similarly, if you have almost no important interests to talk about then start finding some interests to make you more of a magnet in a relationship.
Sometimes you find out that a human is interested in something which you wish you knew more about. Take some time out to research the interest and learn the basics about it. Then get back to them and continue the conversation by showing that you did some research into the interest and have some unanswered questions. Most will appreciate that you really put in some effort trying to understand their area of interest and most will gladly share their experiences with the interest. This approach is especially valuable if you have a gut feeling that you like a human’s personality and would like to include them on your friend’s or networking list.
Ultimately you should put in much effort improving yourself first, before you start looking for someone that you may want to connect with. Become someone with an optimistic attitude and friendly personality for starters and then make yourself into an interesting human even though it probably won’t happen overnight.
To start a relationship you must interact with humans who potentially have similar interests and some of the best places to meet others is on the job, with friends of relatives, with friends of friends, at events which interest you and that you attend, at social gatherings like weddings, sporting events, religious services, community events, volunteering, political campaigns, and on the internet via social media, dating sites, and clubs or causes. Yes, you can also meet humans at bars, the coffee shop, movie theater, and in the supermarket but the chances that you will meet someone compatible are rather remote.
Knowing thyself is very important in life and if you don’t know or are unaware of your bad habits and good ones then you really will never consciously know how to improve yourself. In the book GOOD RELATIONSHIPS by Uldis Sprogis you will discover what good and bad habits are and then you can courageously proceed to decrease or totally eliminate some bad habits and replace them with more of your good habits and maybe even some good new ones.
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