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23 WAYS TO BE A BETTER CONVERSATIONALIST!!!

One thing which is not always obvious or mentioned is that conversations between family members and close friends is a little different than good conversations between mere acquaintances or strangers. Taboo subjects such as politics, sex, and religion are usually off limits when talking to acquaintances or strangers but are acceptable topics to discuss with close friends or relatives. Revealing your personal weaknesses, secrets, and biases to close trusted humans is more acceptable without as much fear that this information will be used against you to damage your reputation.

That said there are 23 ways to be a better conversationalist in general:

Be a good listener since it shows an interest in what another is saying and makes another feel more important than they actually are. Some feel a good conversation should be 50/50 or that each should share about half of the conversation time but when talking to acquaintances or strangers your goal should be to learn as much about that human as possible and that means letting him or her do most of the talking. Try to show genuine interest without pretentiousness by listening and reacting accordingly or appropriately.

Don’t pontificate or dogmatically try to force your opinions and/or ideas on another. This aggressive approach will put the listener in defensive mode and cause them to try and avoid or terminate the conversation prematurely.

Use purposeful open ended questions beginning with who, what, where, when, how, and use how much to get an accurate degree of emotion, feeling, time, effort, devotion, commitment, quality, and quantity. This is better than just asking general questions about emotions and feelings or questions with only yes or no answers, both of which don’t encourage lengthier and more informative answers which is what you ideally want. Examples are- What drives you in life? What are your goals for next year? What inspired you to make the change?

If you don’t know how to answer a question or are ignorant on a topic then admit that you don’t know what to say or say that you will have to research it or think about it some more.

Be relatively brief and to the point and don’t get overly involved in giving too many or lengthy details and explanations which may be unnecessary.

Don’t assume that your experience and feelings on a topic are identical to theirs since most of us have had different experiences and feelings on varied topics. No two humans think or feel alike except perhaps for some rare couples who have been living and interacting much together for over 50 years.

Try not to repeat yourself or rephrase the same response many times or you will come across as being a little pushy and even annoying.

Try not to interrupt another while they speak unless they are excessively repeating themselves, boring, or talking too much with a lot of trivial information which is wasting your time and listening energy.

Go with the flow or don’t be too critical of another’s conversation style.

Try to choose subjects of mutual interest if possible and ask appropriate questions which will identify those subjects to further discuss.

Try to stay optimistic or positive with a minimum display of pessimism or negativism.

With strangers and acquaintances try to avoid overly emotional topics such as politics, sex, religion, relationship status, socioeconomic status, and physical appearance.

Advocate or say what you think and why followed by asking- How do you see it? to get a reaction, input, or feedback from them. Use follow up questions to get more useful information out.

Say the right thing or be honest, sincere, generally truthful, and not hurtful or say nothing at all.

Try to avoid small talk or chit chatting as much as possible and try to focus on more important or big talk topics.

Stay in conversation or discussion mode and don’t argue or debate which is a confrontational style and will put another in an angry and defensive or rejection mode.

Respect another’s privacy and try to avoid being overly critical or judgmental.

Give credit where credit is due and compliment accordingly.

Respect a person’s strongly held opinion and/or idea and both agree to disagree and continue the conversation with another topic.

Look for visual facial and body cues to assess the degree of interest in the conversation and switch to a different topic or prepare to end the conversation if you detect great disinterest.

Use examples to illustrate a point which you want to make.

Don’t brag about yourself or talk too much about your accomplishments since con artists and pretentious individuals are notorious for excessively conceited self-promotion and are no longer respected when the truth surfaces sooner or later.

Finally don’t be untruthful, pretentious, or hurtful since it will cause others to dislike you in the long duration since almost no one likes lying, deceptive, rude, and offensive humans.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 588!!!

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If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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HELPING OTHERS WILL OFTEN MAKE YOU HAPPIER!!!

 A-person-has-two-hands-One-for-helping-himself-the-other-for-helping-others

Helping others, giving to charity, or volunteering reinforce our moral values and actually chemically makes us feel better. Giving to charity is a transient good feeling but volunteering and interacting with humans and giving something of yourself usually increases your sense of selfworth and makes you feel good about the kindness which you are demonstrating. Gratitude on the part of the receiver is also appreciated and makes us feel good about an overall positive interaction.

Volunteering can not only boost your selfesteem but it can also boost your friendliness quotient and improve your bonding potential with others. Volunteering can be a rewarding experience, it can boost your mood, give you a sense of purpose, lower stress, and give you a sense of belonging to the community. Volunteering also can increase your sense of gratitude for what you have and will provide guidelines for how you can help yourself in times of need.

Most important is helping others by mentoring them to succeed in life. Whether you are mentoring offspring or an adult to follow in your footsteps and then exceed you, you are creating the leaders of tomorrow and this will give you great satisfaction latter in life. The bonding which happens during mentoring can lead to lifelong friendships which will definitely increase your happiness quotient.

Finally kindness is often contagious and often reciprocated by moral humans whom you are being kind to. Being able to help a friend in need with advice or other kinds of emotional or physical support will make you happier in many cases and your friend may reciprocate the favor at some point in the future. Even though the personal benefits of volunteering or helping acquaintances and strangers may not be as rewarding as helping a friend it can be rewarding none the less.

There are sociopaths, selfish individuals, and miserly types who help others only if they feel that they will get more back at some point in the future. Most moral individuals have been taught that helping others or being kind is a good thing and they help others because they feel it is the righteous thing to do and they feel good doing it most of the time. Interaction with moral humans is what makes happiness possible so don’t be overly disappointed or unhappy if not everyone appreciates your kind helping attitude because not everyone is moral.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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30 WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS IN YOUR LIFE!!!

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If you have a stressful job then you are limited in the ways that you can reduce the bad stress unless you find a better one.

9 WAYS TO RELIEVE STRESS ON THE JOB–

Celebrate small successes with tasty food and/or drink with a minimum of sugar.

Stop thinking about past mistakes or failures as being overly important because they will probably be unimportant a month or year from now.

Do many similar small tasks all at once.

Divide a large task into smaller steps.

Be more selective in your information intake so you don’t drown in it.

Take 5 or 10 minute breaks during work and do non work related things.

Don’t procrastinate at a task because you will be stressed when you start running out of time.

Don’t work evenings and weekends except in emergencies.

Find or selfeducate yourself for a less stressful job.

21 WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS AT HOME AND AWAY FROM WORK:

Almost everywhere else the key to reducing stress is to take time out and do things which are not that stressful or they are things which you enjoy or could enjoy doing.

Here is a relatively comprehensive list of minimally stressful activities which you can start doing to considerably reduce the overall stress in your life:

Read an informative article, newspaper, blog, or book.

Look at soothing internet pictures of inspiring wildlife, landscapes, flowers, trees, etc.

Go to a comic cartoon website like gocomics.com and look at funny or inspiring cartoons which you prefer.

Surf the internet.

Write about something which doesn’t cause anxiety such as happy moments, a topic which interests you and can be researched, or even start a personal blog devoted to stuff which you really like.

Get involved in a hobby or hobbies that interest you.

Listen to your favorite music.

Watch movies that you like.

Meditate, breathe deeply, and think about something other than work.

Exercise.

Take a walk preferably outdoors.

Take a shower or bath.

Get a massage.

Get plenty of sleep.

Eat or drink something tasty without much sugar.

Email someone.

Have sex.

Stop arguing over politics, sports, religion, or beliefs which you can’t change.

Call a friend for a chat.

Volunteer and join a club or organization if you find the time.

Spend some time chatting or doing something with your offspring if you have any.

https://uldissprogis.com/2015/03/23/many-sources-of-bad-stress-and-what-to-do-about-them/

CONCLUSION:

The key to reducing stress is really just to find humans and activities which are not too stressful or cause you too much of the wrong kind of anxiety. If you can’t find humans who don’t cause you bad anxiety then learn to reduce stress on your own by doing many pleasurable things that make you personally happy and don’t lead to financial hardship.

Good friends are nice to have but bad ones with many personal problems or severe addictions should be avoided like a contagious disease. It is better to go it alone than to get mired in stressful relationships with dysfunctional humans.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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16 POTENTIAL ENEMIES OF INTIMACY OR A RELATIONSHIP!!!

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Many of the enemies of a relationship are also enemies of intimacy. Intimacy is really a closeness of two humans emotionally and physically and anything which reduces this closeness can be considered to be a disruptive influence or a potential enemy.

Much less communication,

disrespectful and critical comments,

hiding or lying about true feelings and events causes distrust,

an overly domineering attitude which minimizes sharing,

getting bored with predictable repetitive routines,

adultery,

mental and/or physical abuse,

financial overspending,

loss of a job,

over dedication to job,

sexual denial by wife,

severe addiction,

irresponsible behavior,

disagreement on how to raise offspring,

getting old, and

an increase in combative or arguing behavior are potential causes of decreasing intimacy and correspondingly threats to the relationship.

Some may argue that loss of a job, financial overspending, a severe addiction, and adultery are indirect causes of a reduction in intimacy but all of these behaviors can directly increase arguing, distrust, disrespectful and critical comments so intimacy is still affected adversely even if this happens indirectly.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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DO YOU NEED A THERAPIST?

therapy-Flickr

There are family councilors, general councilors, psychologists, and psychiatrists all claiming to have therapist status. There are also occupational, speech, and other specialized therapists who don’t treat relationship problems.

If you have acute insomnia, have frequent wild mood swings, have suicidal thoughts, are chronically depressed, or hear voices in your head then medication and a psychiatrist may be a logical alternative.

If you are depressed, have a dysfunctional family life, have a severe addiction, are stuck in an abusive relationship, or are going through a very traumatic moment in your life then a psychologist or councilor may be your best choice if you feel that you can no longer cope with your life on your own.

Finding a competent and reputable therapist is like looking for a needle in a haystack because most psychiatrists are interested in making money and are prone to offer pill solutions to severe problems which get you addicted and medicated for life with minimum time invested and no cure with many bad side effects.

Most psychologists and councilors are well intentioned but tend to be inexperienced, are steeped in situation ethics, and are too prone to give superficial advice on how to deal with severe emotional stress. Talking seldom solves severe problems which need radical environmental change which means changing a job, getting a divorce, going to rehab, or finding moral healthy friends to replace the bad ones.

Talking alone may result in a human leaving the therapists office in a good mood. But returning to their daily environment has all the trigger mechanisms which reinforce the bad habits which they have and the one hour therapy session can’t compete with a dysfunctional environment which reinforces the bad habits which the patient is burdened with.

Relatively minor relationship problems may be solved by a therapist but severe ones are seldom solved since it requires much money and major behavioral change which few adult humans are capable of because they are financially poor and trapped in their bad habits and bad environment on into the foreseeable future.

If you have integrity, are trustworthy, dependable, competent, friendly, and empathetic then chances are that you won’t need a therapist. If you don’t have integrity, are untrustworthy, not dependable, not competent, not friendly, and are not empathetic then all the therapy in the world will not cure you or solve your relationship problems. You are a severely handicapped dysfunctional human being that talking therapy will not cure.

If you are a city dweller with severe stress and emotional problems which are out of control and no therapy works on you then consider moving to a farm or farm community and getting in touch with nature and a heavy dose of physical labor. This kind of radical behavior modification may solve most of your severe emotional problems and recondition your mind and body in a healthy way.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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MANY WAYS TO STIMULATE PERSONAL GROWTH!!!

personal-growth-22

If you are happy with what you are currently doing and your future seems bright then personal growth may not be necessary since you are already growing in the right direction. If you are somewhat discontented with your present status in life then a little personal growth may be what is needed.

To personally grow that basically means researching NEW knowledge, acquiring NEW skills, and experiencing NEW things and not doing the standard things which you like and avoiding what you dislike. To grow you need to stretch yourself beyond your present good and bad habits by doing something NEW or different.

Grow in selfawareness by not only reflecting on what you like or dislike but also by reflecting on your status or situation in the world around you. Being aware of your needs and wants and your personality weaknesses and strengths is important and you get there with much introspection and time spent alone to think. Real selfawareness means that you realistically assess what you can and can’t do now and in the future and decide what you would like to do in the future which is highly possible or probable.

Motivation to grow ultimately comes from within but external motivators such as good friends can also begin you on a path to personal growth. This is why it is important to try and associate with humans who are great or good role model humans. Just as important is to try and avoid or exclude humans from your life who are bad role models or have too many bad habits which can begin to rub off on you if you associate with them for too long.

Try to go outside your comfort zone and meet new humans which can even be friends of friends. With new friends might come new opportunities to do something different and engage in new experiences and new opinions and beliefs.

New experiences offer the opportunity to learn new things and interact with new humans who are passionate about what they are doing. A new hobby, traveling to new locations, joining a club or organization, volunteering, developing an interest in therapeutic nature on the internet and in person, and researching a new topic on the internet or reading a new book can all result in personal growth and an exposure to new opportunities and activities.

Declutter your life of many old possessions which you are not using on a regular basis and you will sense some liberation from the past. Watch much less drama TV where humans fight, argue, complain, and backstab and where we learn nothing new about the good life which we would actually want to lead.

All the above are ways to stimulate personal growth and the best time to start on that path is right now! Ultimately you are the one who has to make a conscious decision to act a little differently and grow into uncharted territory. What we are really asking of you to do is to rekindle that sense of childhood CURIOSITY about the world around you.

If you are rather old, jaded, and think that there is nothing new under the sun and that you already know everything useful then stimulating your CURIOSITY may be a lost cause and personal growth is out of the question. I personally don’t believe that an old human can’t learn something new which will benefit them in some way. New learning is definitely a way of staying mentally young and active on into old age.

The most important principle of personal growth is to BE CURIOUS and to maintain that CURIOSITY until the day that you die! Starting to ask questions about the world around you is a good way to start!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

https://uldissprogis.com/zlist-of-my-most-popular-blogs/