BRIEF REVIEW OF GOOD AND BAD PUNISHMENT!!!

As parents we often are uncertain whether a punishment is working or is effective or we are uncertain whether a threat of punishment or threat of withdrawal of a privilege will work. Ways of punishing are many and you should refer to books for detailed information on the subject. I highlight general reasons why punishments can be effective and why they sometimes are not.

My young son threw a loud temper tantrum in the supermarket when the family went shopping and I immediately physically carried him out to the car and had him calm down. When he did calm down I asked him whether he was ready to go back in and behave. We went back shopping and everything was fine again.

This is just one example of immediate effective punishment for young offspring which is nonviolent and does not involve loudly shouting “no!” or “stop that!” in a public place.

 

 

PUNISHMENTS ARE MOST EFFECTIVE WHEN THEY ARE-

Appropriate and thoughtful:

Consistently enforced:

Enforced immediately following the behavior:

Helpful in teaching what to do:

Not sources of additional wanted attention:

 

Appropriate and thoughtful:

This should mean that the punishment

is adjusted to the severity of the misbehavior timewise and/or

is (emotionally impactful and/or harsh) to the right degree and/or

is a consideration of the effectiveness of previous similar incidents and/or

is the right time, place, or circumstance to be enforced

Appropriate: v. to add and/or to subtract a subset(s) necessary for a different subset(s) and being normative and acceptable for the circumstances

 

Thoughtful or Thinkad: adj. silently and mentally verbalizing and trying to make correspondences between the subsets of one’s own knowledge and/or experiences and using as much logic as possible

Harsh: adj. unpleasantly intense and/or shocking to the senses

 

Another general statement which can be made is that the punishment fits the crime and/or misbehavior.

This means that the length of time the punishment lasts can be short, medium, or long depending on the circumstances.

The emotional intensity felt by the offendor can be extreme, medium, or low intensity hatred and/or mental pain or anguish and/or unpleasantness.

You should consider whether the punishment should be changed if previous attempts a dealing with the misbehavior have not been effective and the misbehavior continues to recur.

The kind of punishment can be

forceful,

withdrawing a privilege,

demanding a repetition of corrected behavior more than once,

demanding completion of an unpleasant task,

a threat of future punishment, or

a loud threatening order to cease misbehaving.

 

Consistently enforced:

Consistently: adv. repeating at different starting points in time

 

Repeat: v. to do an event(s) more than once with or without duration(s) in between

 

If the punishment is not severe enough then we may be consistently punishing the same way but the punishment itself is ineffectual. If this is the case then the punishment must become more severe since consistency is not enough to guarantee successful obedience. More severe punishment means that it is made to last longer, is more repugnant or devastating to the offendor, and is a privilege removed which is more highly valued such as the removal of cellphone usage.

As a parent you may not be present every time the misbehavior happens so poor supervision may be the real reason why a misbehavior continues to exist because the misbehavior is done frequently when we are not looking or supervising. We may think that we are being consistent when in fact our assumed consistent punishment really seems and is ineffectual because it is really inconsistent.

 

Enforced immediately following the behavior:

Immediate punishment which can merely be a loud “no!” is desirable for very young offspring. Delayed punishment is bad for very young offspring because they are much more impulsive in their behavior and must immediately be disciplined for maximum impact or effectiveness. With older offspring some delays are inevitable because it may be the wrong time, place, or circumstance and the punishment will have to start at a later or delayed time.

 

Helpful in teaching what to do:

Teaching the right behavior by an example to be imitated is one approach to constructive punishment. Giving a reason why it is appropriate behavior beyond saying it is just the correct behavior is another approach to constructive punishment.

Reasoning, you can say that yelling or shouting is not right in this circumstance because it annoys, disturbs, or shocks other humans or it steals their right to a peaceful, calm environment without unnecessary stress. It steals their right to a secure and predictable environment free of potential danger or threats of danger since shouting sometimes causes fear reactions. It is not the right time, place, or circumstance to be loud or yelling.

 

Not sources of additional wanted attention:

Some offspring are starved for affection of some kind which is rarely given and prefer punishment to no attention at all. Others just like to be noticed or be the center of attention. For these among other reasons offspring may misbehave to attract the attention of other siblings, parents, peers, and hopefully not law enforcement officers.

Daring one to misbehave is sometimes viewed as a brave or courageous act of rebellion against behavioral norms and is valued by gangs, cults, and deviant individuals. Of course a dare can also be a means to get another human into trouble with authority figures so it can be a plan to harm or injure someone intentionally.

Dare: v. to courageously do a subset(s) without permission and/or a legal right

 

PUNISHMENT DOES NOT WORK WHEN IT IS:

Mindless or inappropriate:

Sources of anxiety, pain, rage, or fear:

Inconsistently enforced:

Delayed:

Dependent on the presence of the enforcer:

Unclear or do not teach a lesson:

Sources of additional attention:

 

Mindless or inappropriate:

This is when the punishment

is not adjusted to the severity of the misbehavior timewise and/or

is (emotionally impactful and/or harsh) to the wrong degree and/or

has no consideration of the effectiveness of previous similar incidents and/or

is the wrong time, place, or circumstance to be enforced.

 

Sources of anxiety, pain, rage, or fear:

This is highly inaccurate since a fear of punishment to some degree is necessary for a punishment to be effective especially when a threat of punishment is communicated. If there is no fear of punishment then the badness or wrongness of the misbehavior does not register mentally to the degree necessary to effectively stop future similar misbehaviors.

Physical pain is only rarely necessary to effectively stop immorality or repetitive lying or stealing in very young offspring. If the child rages or has a temper tantrum then it is a specific individual reaction to a stimulus or circumstance and rarely the fault of the parent.

Rage: n. very intense anger which frequently includes a violent behavior(s)

 

If your offspring rages every time that you punish then there is something emotionally unstable or wrong with them. If your offspring fear your punishment then you are probably using abusive punishment tactics or maybe hitting them too hard or too often.

 

Inconsistently enforced:

Inconsistency can mean not punishing a misbehavior every time it exists or not being the same punishment in degree or kind.

As a parent you may not be present every time the misbehavior happens so poor supervision may be the real reason why a misbehavior continues to exist because the misbehavior is done when we are not looking or supervising. We may think that we are being consistent when in fact our assumed consistent punishment really seems and is ineffectual because it is in reality inconsistent.

Wild swings in the severity of the punishment for a given misbehavior or an unpredictable kind of punishment each time a misbehavior exists could be considered to be inconsistent punishment and can sometimes create confusion, uncertainty, misunderstanding, or irrational fear in the offendor.

 

Delayed:

Delayed punishment is bad for very young offspring but with older offspring some delays are inevitable because it may be the wrong time, place, or circumstance and the punishment will have to start at a later or delayed time.

 

Dependent on the presence of the enforcer:

It is a sad fact of life and human nature that the temptation to misbehave increases when not in the presence of an authority figure who can enforce the rules. This is why it is so important to teach moral behavior and cultural norms to young impressionable offspring so that they learn to impulsively behave the right way when they are away from an authority figure.

Neglected, undisciplined, misbehaving offspring are increasing in numbers because of bad supervision in their early formative years by parents. Teenage neglect by working parents is added to deviant peer pressure to misbehave and both are reasons for the increasing immaturity and irresponsibility of the younger generations when they become adults.

 

Unclear or do not teach a lesson:

Don’t teach what is the right thing to do is really all that this should mean. Unfortunately most parents do not often give rational explanations for why behaving is the right thing to do and misbehaving is the wrong thing to do.

Do it because I say so or because I am the rule enforcer and must be respected is good enough reason for very young impressionable offspring but the older they get the more important it becomes to start giving them rational or reasonable answers when they ask -Why should I do it your way? or Why is something which I am doing bad?

 

Sources of additional attention:

Bad behavior does attract attention as proved by some popular celebrities. They  would rather be talked about doing something bad or deviant then not talked about at all or ignored. Neglected offspring sometimes misbehave to attract parental attention, disapproval, and punishment which is apparently better than being totally ignored or neglected.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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15 QUESTIONS TO ASK A POTENTIAL FRIEND OR NETWORKING ACQUAINTANCE!!!

When asking an almost total stranger questions it is best to start off with rather general open ended questions and then to graduate to more personal or private questions if he or she is a possible future friend that interests you.

Also try not to ask questions like a machine gun one after the other but ask follow up questions and offer your own personal information relevant to the question. After a question is answered you can interject words such as interesting, I like that, how nice, etc. to show that you appreciate the response. Discuss relevant things along the way and don’t just act like your only interrogating that potential friend.

Sometimes you can start off with Hi, my name is x. What’s yours? Then start questioning.

Remember, you don’t have to ask all these questions at the first meeting or introduction to a new human because you will scare him or her away by acting like an aggressive interrogator.

What do you do for a living?

Have you always done x for a living?

Are you a local?

What do you do in your free time?

Do you have any hobbies?

How long have you had that hobby?

What does your spouse do?

Do you have any children?

After these few initial questions you can probe deeper with more personal questions.

Do you like your job?

How long have you lived here?

Do you have many friends?

What are your future plans?

What interesting places have you travelled to?

What is your favorite food or drink?

Are you on Facebook or Instagram?

After determining whether they are a potential future friend ask for personal information such as an email or telephone number and use phrases such as- It was great talking to you. It would be nice if we kept in touch. What is your email or cellphone number?

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

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19 IMPORTANT TIPS AND GOOD HABITS FOR A BETTER LIFE!!!

Image of a glossy highway sign on blue sky

Eat healthy organic food and drink whenever possible, exercise a little if you have a sedentary job, and get adequate sleep. Do all three to stay healthy in the long duration.

Analyze yourself and find out if you are more of an extrovert or introvert or a combination of both which is what many humans are. If you have a good memory for names and enjoy interacting with humans then you may have the potential to be a leader and can work on perfecting your emotional intelligence skills. If you can’t remember names very well, don’t enjoy human drama, and prefer to work alone at something then you probably are an introvert and you should work at becoming an expert in your field of expertise. For the average human being competent or skillful at a job and having good social skills will lead to a balanced normal life which most are suited for and with which most will be happy with.

Maintain your integrity because honesty and morality, dependability, and competence creates trust and a good reputation with time. This enduring approach will be admired and respected by most humans.

Learn to budget your money and time and try to focus on what you truly NEED and not on what you WANT, to reduce your dependence on possessions. Everything that you do requires some time, energy, effort, and sometimes much money so learn to wisely budget not only your money but wisely budget your time, energy, and effort too.

Choose your friends wisely by preferring dependable, competent, trustworthy ones with integrity or those honest and moral ones. It also greatly helps if your closest friends motivate you to do better and are themselves humans with ambition and with a drive to be better.

Spend your time wisely and be selective in your friendships classifying them as potential close friends, interesting friends as a source for useful knowledge or shared interests, and possible future useful networking acquaintances. Spend more time with your priority friendships, less time with interesting friends, and minimal time with casual acquaintances.

Be kind to humans if they deserve it and try to help humans who ask for help, even if it is only some sound advice which you think you have and give.

Develop and maintain a curiosity in new useful knowledge, skills, and experiences. Ask many smart questions and get answers from those who might know. Failing at getting a satisfactory answer or acceptable opinions from other humans, you can resort to research or selfeducation to get expert answers.

One of the greatest aids in making change for the better easier is to keep a written journal of useful knowledge and useful new experiences which you have had every week if not every day. When you write things down your conscious and subconscious brain remembers better and when you start thinking you will be doing more than just impulsively rethinking old ideas and reliving old experiences. The real key to constructive personal change is to research and read selectively, write down what you think is important, think about what you have written, and do what inspires you to action.

Be selective in the useful knowledge which you acquire by reading useful books and articles on the internet, especially in your field of expertise or something which interests you much. Verbosity abounds in literary works and historical writings so preferably either read summaries of those works or learn to speed read.

Make short and long duration goals and try to achieve them with courageous determined action. Your confidence will increase as you achieve more and more small and some big goals. Greater confidence will make you feel that you are more in control of your life rather than at the mercy of other humans and bad circumstances.

Get really good at something which can be your work or some hobby that you enjoy much. Expertise is valued in this society and there is sometimes the potential of a monetary payoff or advancement in status. Try not to be a jack of all trades and a master of none. It may be a more interesting life but it usually doesn’t pay as well.

Learn to relax for a few minutes during a stressful work schedule but especially do something less stressful after a hard day’s work. Avoid premature burnout on the job with adequate relaxation periods during and after work.

Learn to laugh somewhat at your mistakes and failures to reduce stress but try to learn something from the experiences and change your behavior so that you don’t make the same mistake or fail the same way a second time.

Go for walks and expose yourself to nature even if it is largely with picture and video experiences. Natural beauty is inspiring and will teach you to appreciate the natural world around you, especially the majestic mountains, waterfalls, and wilderness plants and animals. Exposure to nature is often the best therapy, especially when you feel slightly down or depressed.

Don’t hold grudges or hold in resentment for too long because it will adversely affect relationships. We all get our share of insults, name calling, put downs, ridicule, and humiliation. If this verbal abuse comes from respected trustworthy individuals with integrity then they may have a very good reason to act that way. You should determine what set them off and try to correct or change your behavior the next time. If the abuse comes from a boss then you will either have to put up with it or change jobs.

Stay under emotional control and learn to overcome angry outbursts. Try to discuss topics and problems and not argue about them. If you are momentarily in no mood to discuss a problem then let some time pass first, or delay the discussion for another future time and place when you hopefully will be more in control of your emotions.

Use the internet more as a source for useful information mining and not primarily as a source for pure and often trivial entertainment which doesn’t teach you much worthwhile information. Beware of an addiction to social media because it can become a horrendous toxic time waster.

Finally we are all creatures of good and bad habits. Analyze yourself by researching good and bad habits and make two lists which apply to you. The next logical step would be to reduce or eliminate your bad habits and increase or add on good habits to replace the bad. Easier said than done because it will take much courage, determination, and action to bring about improved results. I have done some research myself so you can search my encyclopedic blog with relevant keywords. Best wishes.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

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12 STARTER TIPS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOURSELF!!!

The general key to self improvement is analyzing yourself and your circumstances by writing it all down first, doing some research and writing it all down, and finally making a decision on what you would like to change and what you would like to stay the same and writing it all down.

If you don’t like writing things down then you will need an excellent memory to bypass this critical writing task. Writing it down will help you to THINK which is what most humans no longer do much of.

If you have nothing new to think about then you will just be impulsively rethinking what you already know and won’t be making any serious useful changes in your life.

Research: v. to investigate systematically

Make a list of healthy foods to eat. Research good or healthy foods if you don’t know where to start or what they are.

Make a list of your good and bad habits. Research good and bad habits if you don’t know where to start or what they are.

List your personality traits. Research personality traits or characteristics if you don’t know where to start or what they are.

Keep a diary of things that you do every day and about how much time you spend doing those things. After a month review your entries and find out what your priorities in life are by noting what you spend the most time at doing.

Write down important goals to do in a week, month, year, and five years from now. Research important goals if you don’t know where to start or what they are.

Google something which interests you or research interesting things to do, read, view, etc.

Learn to budget your money and time.

Take a free online course in your field.

Learn to do something new and useful with YouTube tutorials.

Write an e-book and self publish it if you enjoy writing and have a specialty.

The basic key to self improvement is – Find out detailed information about yourself or who you are and what you do. Then decide what you would like to be like, and what you would like to do that you are not doing already.

Finally have the courage, determination, and selfmotivation to make the changes in your life for hopefully the better. Courageously make those new goals and take action to make them a reality or achieve them.

Improve: v. to change a subset(s) so that it is more in (value and/or (goodness and or rightness)) and/or (quality and/or usefulness) and/or (desirability and/or health).

The change may be done by adding what is absent and/or needed and/or desired and/or by subtracting what is nonessential or undesirable

 *Search my encyclopedic blog since I have researched most of those many topics to some extent for you. eg. bad habits, good habits, characteristics, goals, healthy foods, etc.

Happy reading, writing, thinking, and doing!!!

SECULAR MORAL CODE

Whatever the moral or ethical theory, it is always found lacking in total coherency and has many exceptions from real life in emergency situations of life and death and from questions of relative bad and good behaviors. No historical or current theory successfully addresses all the valid unanswered questions which pop up during any smart modern discussion of the topic.

This book cuts through the overly verbose historical theorizing and gives a comprehensive explanation of a necessary universal secular moral code which should be taught to all impressionable young minds in elementary school on the road to impulsive adult moral behavior, anywhere in the world.

The beauty of this code is that it is simple, time tested, and is subject to detailed expansion by future writers who may wish to add depth to my exposition.

As a bonus about 54 core ethical values are also covered with unique logical definitions which help and don’t obscure our understanding of the values.

Click on picture to review or buy the book. Thanks.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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Enjoy!!!!!!

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COMPLICATED LOUSY ADVICE FOR A SMALL INTERNET BUSINESS!!!

I came across this on Pinterest entitled “50 Marketing Habits Every Business Should Have” and was shocked by the make work advice which would take so much time, effort, and money that it poses an insurmountable obstacle for any small business or human desiring to have a successful internet presence. Gone are the relatively simple days of have a great product or service, advertise, and make some money.

Here are the recommendations and the reality-

Write a blog and share helpful info weekly.

Write a guest blog.

The major reason blogs no longer work is that in writing on a weekly basis the average human runs out of helpful things to say and the blog stagnates or gets totally ignored.

Advertise on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and Pinterest:

This in reality would cost a boatload of money since big money international and national companies and establishment media get priority placement on all four major social media websites and realistically small money operators are pushed down to a very low priority, effectively don’t exist, and is wasted advertising dollars.

Big business is already bombarding social media with almost daily e-mails and ads which are frankly annoying and a big pain in the butt. Do you want your small business to be as annoying as the big businesses who supposedly know what they are doing?

Use your social media to engage fans:

Send an e-mail newsletter:

Collect e-mail addresses:

Offer a discount or special offer:

Host a giveaway:

Ask customers for referrals:

Ask friends and family for referrals:

Ask customers for testimonials:

Offer a freebie to fans:

Thank your customers:

Ask customers for feedback:

Use videos to market your business:

Send personal cards to customers:

All of the above are huge time consumers unless you have a sophisticated software program which automatically performs these functions and such a program if it exists probably costs an arm and a leg. You can engage “fans” if you have a boatload of products and services to offer but if you are pushing a handful of items or deals then your customer base will get bored and annoyed at your constant emails and offers for the same stuff over and over again.

Create a referral network with other professionals.

Sponsor a cause or local event.

Get interviewed on a blog, magazine, or podcast.

Use SEO to drive traffic.

Network with other business owners.

Use Google adwords.

Network in Linkedin groups.

Host an online workshop, webinar, or training.

Submit articles to a large website.

Write a press release.

Network in Facebook groups.

Create your own Facebook group.

Create a Google + page.

Join Google+ communities to network.

Create an Instagram profile.

Offer an affiliate program.

Ask another business to promote your business.

Most importantly, every day: provide value.

The last hint basically says it all. Every day: provide value. Not only is this an impossible objective to meet but you will be howling in the internet wilderness with few customers paying attention to your inefficient attempts at communicating on a daily basis. If you do keep in touch with your customers on a daily basis then you will probably be more annoying than helpful with a boring repetitive mantra.

Not widely recognized is the problem that there are many fly by night businesses which open up on the internet and try to scam humans in some way. This is why established internet businesses, websites, and search engines are reluctant to promote you for fear that their customer base will complain. Search engine algorithms with a reputation to maintain will put you at a very low priority level unless you have been around for many years and have a wide internet presence.

The almost impossible task of developing a good reputation on the internet overnight is what will keep your startup business small and unknown for many years if not indefinitely. There is also the great probability that if your business idea, product, or service is very useful it will probably be stolen or copied and promoted by other websites, only better.

Conclusion:

Big money and sophisticated software algorithms with big data access and further refinements have an incredible advantage over a new money poor business startup and even big businesses don’t realize how offensive their deluge of emails and ads really are and make humans angry at their blatant aggressiveness.

Realistically can you really tell by the above advice how much time, effort, and money you will have to shell out to get each additional customer?  What is the cost in time and money for getting one customer who may not even be a repeat customer? The answer is no one knows or can tell you with any degree of accuracy, especially for a new startup internet business.

In the traditional brick and mortar small business world it often takes a minimum of 5 years working at no profit at all for a business to survive in the long duration.

What are the financial specs on the internet? I don’t think anyone really knows and can give you any real dollar and time amounts. I Googled the question and no one has done any research to date which has been authoritatively published.

So you are out there on the internet all by yourself doing tens of things all in the hope of making a buck and not knowing how effective your efforts really are in the real internet world. It is a real crap shoot and the odds are overwhelmingly against you.

Is there such a thing as good and bad marketing habits on the internet? I doubt that anyone really knows for sure. If big business knows then I am sure that they are keeping it a big secret.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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THE 4 STAGES OF MORAL DEVELOPMENT BY ULDIS SPROGIS!!!

The first stage is the premoral stage or the stage that young offspring are at where they view every behavior in terms of reward or punishment. Since their inborn human nature is very selfish with a desire to take for personal benefit and to dominate or control others including siblings and parents, the premoral stage is where the wild human animal is being conditioned to behave according to acceptable social norms and the norms of the family.

The second stage which really exists throughout adult life also is the stage where you realize that there are exceptions to behavioral rules. For example, you may have to say please, thank you, and hold the door open for strangers in public but in the privacy of your home you can forgo these public behavioral norms and even curse once in a while. You come across different behavior rules in school, on the job, in a profession, and speaking in public so you realize that there are rules to fit the occasion or the circumstance.

As an adult you learn that stealing can be justified in emergency situations if you are starving with skin and bones and on the verge of dying in a big city, unless of course you have accessible garbage dumpsters.

Lying can be justified in emergency situations if a criminal with a visible gun asks if your offspring are at home.

If someone at the point of a gun orders you to commit adultery then you may have to obey him or her as long as you are in their presence and in imminent danger of death which is another emergency situation.

The third stage of moral development is an adult obeying the law as a duty to society at large and to personally avoid a penalty fee or possible prison.

The fourth stage of moral development is the constitutional stage where you consider questions of individual and minority versus majority rights. Here we have the concept of human welfare and how far society should go or pay to protect the rights of the individual or minority.

The reverse is also a consideration and the moral question is what percentage of individual income should go towards the general welfare or general good to avoid enslavement of the individual or a minority. Concepts such as gender equality, gay rights, religious rights, free or moral speech, and quality and/or quantity of human life are also constitutional moral and legal questions.

 

Conclusion:

There is the first premoral stage of development when you are learning the basic rules and morality as offspring with rewards and punishments,

the second stage at which you learn that there are not only exceptions to behavioral norms but emergency exceptions to basic moral norms too,

the third adult stage where you try to obey the law for personal and societal benefit,

and the fourth constitutional stage where you debate the concepts of individual and minority rights versus majority rights and try to strike an acceptable realistic balance between the three rights. The moral questions of just taxation, just government budgeting, minimizing environmental damage, and tolerance of minority values is of importance and appropriate changes in the constitution are made if necessary.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

https://uldissprogis.com/zlist-of-my-most-popular-blogs/