Tag Archives: anger

UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1731!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1488!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1487!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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ANGER: WHY, WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, HOW, HOW MUCH, HOW LONG, HOW OFTEN!!!

Why do you get angry?

Some rare individuals will get angry at almost anything. They get angry at a money gift because it was not enough money, get angry at a sunny day because it will age their skin, get angry at a job promotion which they feel they should have gotten 5 years ago, etc. Most sane individuals get angry for a reason but there are also the delusional types who get angry for imagined reasons which are just not valid and then there are the angry humans who are angry at life in general and are angry almost all the time.

Most humans get angry because they can’t reach a goal, have been victims of overt or covert aggression, have had their opinions or beliefs challenged, or have been victimized by immoral behavior. Certain bad events and bad circumstances can also cause anger. Mistakes, accidents, severe criticism, and unfulfilled promises could be considered bad events or bad circumstances.

Who causes anger?

Lifeforms and mostly humans cause anger.

Sometimes you can even be angry at yourself. You may be angry at yourself because you made a mistake, failed at a task, or did something bad or foolish.

What is anger?

Anger: n. very intensely sensing transient displeasure which is frequently a less intense form of hatred and (caused by a failure to achieve a goal(s) and/or caused by (overt and/or covert aggression)) and/or (caused by opposing (beliefs and/or opinions) and/or caused by immorality) and/or caused by (bad events and/or bad circumstances)

 

A comprehensive accurate definition should suffice to explain what anger is and you can fill in the details or real life examples in each category if you wish to get detailed knowledge about what anger is.

 

Where are you angry?

 

Since anger is primarily an emotion your brain senses anger and your brain is where you are angry. A location can also cause anger indirectly if it triggers an angry response based on prior angry experiences at that location. Although a rather rare phenomenon, a specific church may anger you because it was where your potential spouse ran out on you and didn’t go through with the wedding.

 

When do you get angry?

You can get angry almost any time of day and it largely depends on the circumstances at that moment.

How do you get angry?

How intense your anger is and how you display the behavior is a very personal phenomenon. We are not talking here about extreme anger or rage which is yelling or screaming in a very loud voice often followed by physical aggression or violence sometimes laced with verbal aggression such as profanities, insults, name calling, put downs, ridicule, and humiliation.

The anger we are mostly talking about is a loud voice with mostly verbal aggression short of physical violence. Verbal abuse not physical abuse is what we are mostly talking about.

Yes, threatening gestures bordering on physical violence may be part of your angry display such as grimacing in a threatening manner, finger pointing, fist clenching, and wildl waving of arms. Poking, slapping, punching, hitting, and kicking is beyond anger and is really physical abuse.

Don’t get angry at things you can’t change. You will not be able to change politics, religion, economics, strong beliefs, and sports. Getting angry over these topics is a complete waste of time. Arguing over taste in fashion, possessions, and food is also a waste of time and you will be very unsatisfied after you argue about them because there will be no winners.

How much anger do you display?

It would seem logical to say that your anger should reflect the importance of what you are angry about. More anger for the important things and less anger for the rather unimportant or trivial things in life.

If you catch your offspring in immoral behavior such as lying or stealing and it is not the first time and you have explained to them how immoral this is, then getting real angry at them followed by punishment such as withdrawal of privileges is the right thing to do.

If you make a casual remark or ignore the immoral behavior of your offspring then you are displaying too little anger or none at all and this is bad.

If you are getting very angry at your spouse for burning the food, wearing the wrong shoes, talking on the phone too much, or doing some other rather unimportant thing then you may have an anger problem which needs a solution.

Very valuable in life is to control your anger to such an extent that you suppress your anger and relieve the emotional tension with a discussion of the issue at hand instead. You can start of the discussion by saying that you feel angry and then give the reason for it rather than raising your voice or verbally abusing someone.

If you are anger prone or have a short fuse then try to calm down by not saying anything at all until you can communicate in a normal tone of voice.

 

How long are you angry?

If your anger lasts more than about 10 minutes and your thoughts turn to plotting revenge for an injustice done and it is your spouse then your anger lasts too long. Yes, sometimes getting angry can ruin a good mood for the day but this should be an infrequent occurrence.

In a close family relationship anger should be transient with a forgiving attitude unless you are the victim of an immorality such as adultery, lying, or stealing. Nagging sometimes is a bad substitute for anger which just prolongs a problem begging for a solution.

How often are you angry?

If you are angry every day and especially angry more than once a day then you should seriously consider anger management.

A sign of maturity is the ability to control your emotions and anger is a very important emotion that adults should be able to control. Instead of showing your anger to adults it is best to pause until your anger subsides and then get into discussion mode and seriously try to calmly resolve the problem or calmly process the incident or event which is a source of your anger. If there is no one around when you get angry then try to suppress the anger by talking yourself mentally out of an angry state. Sometimes just thinking or saying -oh shit, damn, or a profanity is enough to unload.

Smart humans can control their anger without angering others, especially in public. Many ignorant humans let it all hang out and may actually enjoy getting angry in front of humans, it doesn’t embarrass them, and they seldom if ever apologize for their angry outbursts.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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IMMORAL INEFFICIENCY AND THE 7 PERSONALITY FLAWS!!!

As part of a new modern secular moral code I claim that inefficiency is one form of immorality. So let us take a look at the 7 personality flaws and see if inefficiency is a major explanation of why they are bad for you to have.

Sloth or Laziness:

If you are overly lazy then you are being very inefficient with your time, wasting too much time, and wasting too much effort or not getting enough things done in your life and usually not in a timely way. Lazy humans also often tend to be procrastinators which means that they leave things undone until the last moment and then often fail at doing them properly or on time.

Yes, you can unjustly be accused of being lazy if you are relaxing and recharging your batteries but we are talking here about chronic laziness where you are being lazy or inefficient most of the time.

Gluttony:

Gluttony is eating too much or excessive eating which can lead to overweight in many humans and health problems later in life. Eating too much is inefficient use of food since most of the food is wasted, gets excreted, and goes into the manufacture of excess fat cells in the body. Not only are you wasting food inefficiently but you are wasting time inefficiently by taking too long to eat than is natural for your body.

Greed or Excessive Selfishness:

Excessive selfishness leads to hoarding of money and possessions, always wanting to be a winner or first and this includes trying to win every argument, wanting to be praised for everything that you do, and trying to take credit where credit is not due. You can even say that in some cases excessive selfishness leads to other forms of immorality such as lying and stealing to get to your selfish goals.

Excessive selfishness is fundamentally a very inefficient way to get what you need or want since you turn off many humans in the process. Humans just don’t like greedy individuals and you reputation will suffer. Especially in close relationships such as marriage where sharing and compromise is so important, being greedy will cause much dissatisfaction and misery in a relationship.

It is inefficient use of time and effort to try and be the boss in most social interactions where teamwork is often more important. Efficiency in relationships means discussing more and arguing less, sharing information and not hoarding it, and compromising in some situations so that there is a win win situation and no one leaves feeling that they are the loser in an interaction.

Almost any situation where you are wasting time and effort to get things done is an inefficient use of your time and effort and that is usually wrong, bad, or in this case immoral because it is not efficient use of time, effort, and even money.

 

Lust:

Lust is really excessive preoccupation with sex which can take the form of much promiscuous behavior before marriage and adultery after marriage. Your reputation and marriage often suffers if you are known as a womanizer or have a reputation as being a slut.

In the absence of a physical partner for sex some resort to excessive pornography to satiate their lustful desires. Being lustful is basically wasting too much time, energy, and money on sexual pursuits and excluding many other important pursuits in your life. So being lustful is being inefficient with your time, effort, and money. You could also say that you are being a sexual glutton.

Some may argue that being lustful is just having a bad habit and that it is just not immoral. However, having any bad habit to excess usually has some bad short and long duration consequences. Any excessive bad habit means that you have less time for self improvement, less time for healthy social interaction, less time for good habits, and that you are spending too much time, effort, and often money on the bad habit and basically wasting your life to some extent which should be considered immoral.

Wrath or Anger:

There is an old saying that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Anger is a form of verbal abuse or verbal attack which puts the victim in a defensive mode and is less likely to agree with your stated viewpoint. Discussion is often a more persuasive or efficient way of persuading someone to agree with you.

While anger with misbehaving very young offspring is sometimes a very efficient way to get them to behave in the short duration it usually is not that effective for teenagers and definitely not for grown adults in the long duration. Anger usually results in resentment, defensive outburst of anger, and is often an impediment to solving a problem which needs a solution. In conclusion, anger is not the most efficient use of time, effort, and often money to get your point across and gain consensus or agreement.

Jealousy not Envy:

Envy: v. to desire another’s (possessions and/or characteristics) and/or (luck and/or circumstances) without sensing angry resentment

Jealousy: n. envying with angry resentment

Envy is just a desire and is only bad if it motivates one to lie and steal to get what another human has. Jealousy is really the bad desire which is envying with angry resentment. A bad desire is only inefficient if obsessing with the desire leads you into inefficient or immoral behavior. Being overly jealous can lead to family strife and inappropriately bitching or expressing anger at someone’s success in life. To the extent to which jealousy leads to bad habits is the extent to which jealousy is an inefficient use of time, effort, and sometimes money.

Excessive pride:

Having justified pride in one’s accomplishments is good but if excessive pride leads to too much boasting, arrogance, rude behavior, and disrespect then it is an inefficient use of pride. Too much boasting, arrogance, rude behavior, and disrespect are bad behaviors or habits which hamper efficient social interaction and create a lot of bad feelings which seldom disappear. Your social reputation suffers, your social efficiency declines drastically, and you end up wasting much of your time, effort, and even money on being excessively prideful.

 

FURTHER COMMENTS ON INEFFICIENCY AND DEGREES OF IMMORALITY:

Nature is very efficient and abhors inefficiency and nature’s sustainability is a perfect example of the efficient interaction of biodiverse species. Nature rewards efficient predation, efficient animal group behavior, and efficient reproduction.

Yes, humans have the luxury of being the most inefficient species in the short duration but in the long duration inefficiency leads to bad health, environmental pollution, destruction of biodiversity, social moral decay, family strife, and many dysfunctional individuals.

You could argue that there are degrees of inefficiency or degrees of bad behavior and there is some truth to this. It could be argued that being intentionally rude is not as bad as insulting, putting down, name calling, ridiculing, and humiliating someone. You could perhaps argue that ridiculing someone in most cases is not as bad as name calling or severely insulting a human.

So what does this degrees of inefficiency really mean? Can you therefore have degrees of bad behavior or degrees of immorality? Yes, and not only is immorality or bad behavior a function of what behavior you are talking about but where in the world that human behavior is being practiced is also important.

Fundamentally, most bad behavior is a function of acceptable social norms so what may be considered bad behavior in one culture may be considered good behavior in another culture. In parts of West Africa, Iran, and Iraq the thumbs up sign is bad behavior or equivalent to giving someone a middle finger in the west. In some East Asian countries bowing to someone is a good sign of respect and in the west it is a bad sign of unnecessary subservience.

Yes, you can often be an efficient thief or criminal and not get caught but in non emergency situations it is immoral to lie and steal so criminal acts are not only immoral but they are also bad and to a very large degree.

Yes, you can argue that taxation is stealing or theft by the government and it is true that there are at least 5 situations in life under which stealing can be justified and taxation is one of them. Stealing Can Be Justified Under 5 Circumstances.

A much more reasonable discussion of stealing via taxation is what percentage of your income should be taxed since promoting the general welfare via a safety net, protection from internal and external criminals, minimizing pollution and destruction of the environment, especially biodiversity, and building vital infrastructure is something which government has an obligation to do.

Making a mistake is something most of us do and it is a way of learning what not to do in life so you could even argue that making mistakes has some beneficial effects. Nevertheless, most of us feel bad about making a mistake and it really is an inefficient short duration behavior which prevents us from quickly reaching a goal which we want to achieve. So yes, making mistakes is not highly immoral but only slightly so since it is a waste of time, effort, and sometimes money at trying to achieve a goal(s).

Talking seems like a benign communication or behavior which most humans don’t consider immoral by a long shot. However, we do get annoyed or bored if someone talks too much, repeats themselves too often, or talks too long when we have more important priorities in mind. Interrupting and trying to change the subject sometimes works and makes a conversation less boring or annoying but fundamentally the reason we are annoyed is that the talking too much is wasting our time, effort, and sometimes money so it is inefficient behavior.

Yes, efficient behavior is a human ideal which most of us do not achieve many times in our lives but that is no reason why we can’t think logically about it and the consequences that it has in our lives in the long duration. How efficient was I today or this week is a smart question to ask ourselves if we have a desire to improve ourselves and the circumstances in our lives.

Will an efficient human achieve a goal(s) in life more readily than an inefficient one? The answer is usually in the affirmative so being efficient or trying to be efficient is the moral thing to do. You will waste less time, effort, and even money and that is a good thing.

From another moral standpoint you could even say the if you are efficient then you will be stealing or taking away LESS of your time, effort, and money OR stealing or taking away LESS of someone else’s time, effort, and money. The net gain in time, effort, and money is your profit so to speak which you can then spend on more fruitful endeavors.

Morality or a secular moral code is really a standard of perfection which most of us fall short of in some ways but it is good to have a standard which we are trying to maintain in our lives and makes for more peaceful and beneficial interactions with our fellow humans. What is that secular moral code which should be taught to all impressionable young minds? It is-in nonemergency situations-don’t destroy biodiversity, don’t lie, don’t be inefficient, don’t steal, don’t commit adultery if married, and don’t murder.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4700 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1303!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1227!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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CRITIQUE OF AN AGGRESSION QUESTIONNAIRE!!!

Buss & Perry in 1992 published an aggression questionnaire which is extremely subjective and inaccurate when it comes to determining how aggressive you are as an individual. You are supposed to respond to the statements or questions presented with a 1 to 5 scale with each number having the following meaning-

1 = extremely uncharacteristic of me 2 = somewhat uncharacteristic of me 3 = neither uncharacteristic nor characteristic of me 4 = somewhat characteristic of me 5 = extremely characteristic of me

If I have to resort to violence to protect my rights, I will.

Logically if you assume that violence is necessary to protect your rights then of course you will. This statement in no way determines how physically violent you are as an individual and even if you answered 5 that it is extremely characteristic of me it would in no way determine the degree to which you are an aggressive personality.

I have become so mad that I have broken things.

If you become mad because you found out that your spouse cheated on you and you break the cellphone, TV, or car then this is almost justified physical aggression. If you become mad because your spouse did not come home on time and you break a glass or a plate then that is unjustified physical aggression and you may indeed have aggression problems since such little events lead to overt physical violence on an object. The things that you break and what you get mad at are very important and this statement does not differentiate between the two extremes. Also of importance is the physical violence on an object and not a human so the degree or significance of the aggression is questionable and remains unanswered. If you answered 5 that it is extremely characteristic of me then you could perhaps conclude that the human has an aggression problem. A better statement to evaluate aggressiveness would be to make the statement that- I have become so mad that I have hit my spouse. Of course most humans would be afraid to answer truthfully for fear that they would be accused of spousal abuse.

Once in a while, I can’t control my urge to strike another person.

It makes a big difference who that other person is- a cheating spouse, a child, or a total stranger. Once in a while is also misleading because does it mean an aggressive impulse for no reason at all or could it possibly be once in a while wanting to strike your misbehaving child? Sure, if your statement specified the person as a child then the parent would not answer truthfully because of the fear of being accused of child abuse. This question in no way determines the degree to which you are physically aggressive.

I have threatened people I know.

If you threaten a child with punishment if they misbehave again, a tenant with eviction for not paying the rent on time, or an employee with firing for poor performance then this is justified threatening of people you know.  If you are in a position of authority then you may threaten more than humans who are not in authoritative positions. The missing factor of importance is what you have threatened the people for. This statement is too vague to determine the degree to which you are physically aggressive.

Given enough provocation, I may hit another person.

Unless you are a strict pacifist most normal humans may hit another person if given enough provocation. Saying enough provocation implies that the person deserves to be hit especially if they hit you first multiple times and you could not escape his or her presence. A child’s first tendency after being hit is to hit back which is the biological act of selfdefense so this question in no way determines the degree to which you are physically aggressive. Becoming physically aggressive to defend yourself from violence is not a sign that you are prone to physical aggression.

If somebody hits me, I hit back.

A tall physically active male might answer 5 this is very characteristic of me but that in no way is a measure of his physical aggressiveness because this is an act of selfdefense and not overt physical aggression. Does this statement really determine to what degree you are physically aggressive in confrontational situations? No!

There are people who pushed me so far that we came to blows.

Pushed you so far mentally or physically makes a difference. If you come to blows over mental aggression then it is one serious thing but if you are pushed physically so far that you reacted defensively with blows then this is a perfectly normal reaction and not an indication of the degree to which you are physically violent. Also whether you are a female or a male would determine the way that you answered because females are generally less physically violent than males. How do you remove male female bias from this statement? It is not gender neutral or an objective statement to be answered by both sexes with equal validity.

I get into fights a little more than the average person.

Who really knows how many fights the average person gets into and are those verbal fights or physical fights since many consider severe arguments with their spouses as fights. You could also state I get into fights a little less than the average person. Both statements are too vague to determine the degree to which you are physically aggressive.

 

Now let us investigate the statements which are supposedly indicators of verbal aggression.

I tell my friends openly when I disagree with them.

Openly is often a sign of honesty when you have an opposing opinion and there is nothing wrong with stating your opinion as long as it is not in a fit of aggressive anger. This statement does not clearly state how you disagree with your friends so it is not a valid indicator of verbal aggression.

I can’t help getting into arguments when people disagree with me.

While arguments are a sign of verbal aggression there are skilled humans who discuss disagreements and back up their opinions with facts, stories, personal experiences, and the experiences of others. You could consider these humans as also being aggressive but in a socially acceptable way. You can disagree with humans with arguments or with discussion and no statement in this questionnaire makes this important distinction. Some forms of discussion can indeed be very aggressive verbally.

When people annoy me, I may tell them what I think of them.

If you merely say- you are annoying me, please stop. This is telling someone what you think of them and doing so in a non aggressive way. If you respond to an annoyance with name calling, an insult, a put down, ridicule, or try to humiliate them then this is definitely a sign of verbal aggression. Telling people what you think of them need not be aggressive in nature but merely a statement of fact appropriate to the behavioral situation. This statement is too vague to be a valid determiner of the degree of aggression of an individual.

More indicative of verbal aggression would be the following statements-

I often name call, I often insult humans, I often put humans down, I often ridicule humans, and I often humiliate humans. These statements are truer indicators of verbal aggression than the vague statements of psychologists in this pseudo test for aggression.

I often find myself disagreeing with people.

Disagreement is not always a sign of verbal aggression. You can disagree about the color of a dress, the tastiness of a food or drink, a weather forecast, and the quality of a car make. None of these disagreements and hundreds of others which I can think of are indicators of verbal aggression but are merely factual disagreements. If you have good taste in clothes, food, cars, friends, etc. then of course you will often be disagreeing with other people with common tastes and that does not necessarily make you verbally aggressive, just opinionated.

*The definitions used in this article are my own and not those of psychologists who have no accurate definitions that they use.

Hostile: adj. being against a subset(s) with some dislike and/or hatred which may result in an action(s) done to harm samer subset(s) sometimes with violence

Hostility can be a sign of aggression so let’s analyze the following statements which are supposedly signs of hostility.

When people are especially nice to me, I wonder what they want.

If you wonder what people want then you are being suspicious and not hostile and you are not trying to verbally or physically harm another human in a hostile way.

I wonder why sometimes I feel so bitter about things.

Feeling bitter is such a vague word that it can range from feeling offended by things to being vengeful about insults which you may get from other humans. Bitter can mean dissatisfied, pissed off, resentful, offended, dislike, and hateful. These feelings are certainly not an absolute sign of hostility unless you hate or dislike something with a passion. If bitter means a passionate dislike or hatred then yes it could potentially be a sign of hostility where you are tempted to do verbal or physical harm on a human.

If you sometimes feel bitter about things then those things are probably good reasons for feeling bitter such as cheating by a spouse or not being promoted in a job or not being able to afford the lifestyle of a successful human who doesn’t seem to deserve it in your personal opinion. Sometimes being bitter is a fact of life for many humans and not necessarily a sign of aggressiveness or hostility.

I am suspicious of overly friendly strangers.

Suspicion is not a sign of hostility especially if it is a reaction to a stranger whom you don’t know whether to trust or not since they haven’t earned their trust from you over an extended duration. Being suspicious is not hating or disliking the stranger which would be a sign of hostility or aggression.

I am sometimes eaten up with jealousy.

Jealousy: n. envying with angry resentment

Sometimes does not tell you how frequently you are eaten up with jealousy. Is it once a year, once a month, or once a week? Eaten up seems to imply intense jealousy so it is probably very angry resentment and envy. If you are talking about passionate dislike or hatred then it could be considered to be a sign of hostility if you verbally or physically try to hurt the human you are jealous of.

Are you jealous of a human who is threatening your marriage or are you jealous of a well off neighbor or friend? Who you are jealous of makes a difference and the degree to which you are aggressive or hostile also differs in each case. The statement is too vague to determine the degree to which you are hostile or aggressive in life in general although you may be very hostile or aggressive under certain justifiable circumstances.

At times I feel I have gotten a raw deal out of life.

Is feeling that you are leading a shitty life a sign of hostility? And if it is a sign of hostility then what is it against? Are you hostile against the whole world for your lousy status or some individuals in it whom you blame or dislike? This statement does not measure the degree of hostility that you may have and it doesn’t accurately pinpoint what or who you are hostile against.

I sometimes feel that people are laughing at me behind my back.

I sometimes laugh at people behind their back is possibly a sign of hostility towards others but the original statement is one where you are the victim of possible hostility. Is being the victim of hostility a sign of aggressiveness or hostility by you personally? No. This statement is incredibly stupid.

Other people always seem to get the breaks.

Once again this implies that you are the victim of bad luck or misfortune or the victim of hostility if you wish. This is in no way an indication of your aggressiveness or hostility towards others. This is another stupid statement.

Anger: n. very intensely sensing transient displeasure which is frequently a less intense form of hatred and (caused by a failure to achieve a goal(s) and/or caused by (overt and/or covert aggression)) and/or (caused by opposing (beliefs and/or opinions) and/or caused by immorality)

Anger can definitely be a sign of aggressiveness if it is overt. However, there are humans who get angry and don’t show it to the extent that others do and often hold the anger in or under control. Is controlled anger a sign of overt aggression? Certainly not but that does not mean that these humans are not aggressive in other ways and statements about being angry do not disclose these more subtle signs of aggression.

Some of my friends think I am a hothead.

Granted this is a sign of aggression but it doesn’t specify under what conditions you are a hothead or the frequency with which you are a hothead. Maybe being a hothead once in a while is OK and nothing to worry about if it is once or twice a month. If the frequency is once a day or once a week then maybe you have a problem which should be addressed with anger management. What things are you a hothead about? Some are justified if you become a hothead while defending your spouse or children from offensive remarks or insults.

I flare up quickly but get over it quickly.

I get emotional quickly but get over it quickly may be what the reader interprets so it may not just be a response to getting angry. A better way of making the statement would be to say- I get angry quickly but get over it quickly.

I have trouble controlling my temper.

This could be a sign of aggressiveness but it could also be a resentment for being victimized with an insult, a put down, name calling, ridicule, or humiliation. It may be a spontaneous reaction to being the victim of an aggressive action. If you can’t control your temper because you are constantly being victimized by an aggressor then it is not a sign that you are personally being verbally aggressive.

When frustrated, I let my irritation show.

When I get frustrated by people, I often get angry or When I get frustrated by things, I often get angry at people are better ways of determining the degree of aggression which you express on others.

I sometimes feel like a powder keg ready to explode.

If you sometimes feel like you are about to explode but don’t then this is not a sign of overt aggression on someone and it may indeed be wanting to explode because your job or task is not going well and you are angry at a thing and not a human. Anger about a human is aggressiveness and anger on a thing may just be a sign of frustration which may be your own fault so you are being aggressive on yourself.

Conclusion:

Verbal attempts at accurately determining the intensity, frequency, and type of aggressiveness in a human are simply not possible if you don’t define the words which you are using and beat around the bush with vague words like bitter, flare up, explode, raw deal, and blows. What almost all these statements reveal is the lack of much logical relevance to the issue of human aggression in the real world. Psychologists have subjective biases and humans responding to these statements inject their own personal biases which have little factual relationship to personal reality and are in no way true measures of their aggressiveness in life.

If you can’t accurately determine how aggressive an individual is then how can you possibly make general statements about aggression such as aggressive individuals have more or less selfesteem. Or aggressive humans are happier in life. Determining how happy a human is or how much selfesteem they have is even harder than determining how aggressive they are in real life.

No wonder psychologists come up with totally opposite conclusions. Some claim to have discovered that those with more selfesteem are more aggressive and others claim to have discovered that those with less selfesteem are more aggressive.

Psychologists don’t accurately define the words that they use and are playing around with too many variables such as differences in culture, age, gender, current and past emotional state, financial status, job or career, family, morality, health, etc. The net result is that most psychological research has no validity and is mostly subjective biased unprovable opinion and nothing more.

If you want to see the original questionnaire then use this link-

 

Click to access BussPerry_agression_questionnaire_scoring.pdf

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1099!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1057!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 976!!!

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THE TRUTH ABOUT EXASPERATE

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Exasperate: v. to sense extreme annoyance and some anger and especially where we have minimal and/or no control over the annoyance

Extreme annoyance can cause very intense anger too but most exasperations are extreme in dislike and less than extreme in anger because it is not of the raging type.

Repetitious or too lengthy tardiness, arguments, and some bad behavior in general can be very annoying especially if we personally feel relatively helpless or exasperated about doing something to correct the annoyance.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 633!!!

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IMPORTANT THINGS WHICH YOU SHOULD NOT TOLERATE IN BUSINESS OR ELSEWHERE!!!

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Dishonesty, untrustworthiness, and absence of respect are all problems arising out of an absence of integrity or the existence of immorality (lying, stealing, deception, and cheating) on the part of the leader or employee. If a human does not have integrity then you should minimize contact with them as much as possible. Trust or integrity is the bond which makes good relationships possible so if you don’t have the bond then the relationship if any will be dysfunctional.

Boredom and mediocrity often exist together and humans with either trait should be avoided as much as possible because they are stagnating and not making any progress towards selfimprovement and a better life.

Negative or pessimistic and toxic or severely flawed humans mean much trouble and they just create toxic environments to be living under so avoid them or get rid of them as much as possible.

Unhealthy food, drink, relationships, and habits should be excluded or avoided as much as possible, especially if you want improvement in yourself and others.

Undependable, incompetent, and unorganized humans should also be avoided or excluded as much as possible because they will introduce too much chaos in your life.

Angry humans and those filled with regrets should also be avoided or excluded as much as possible unless you want to live with confrontational aggressive drama humans and those who live too much in the past and don’t have useful plans for the future.

Remember that you can’t control humans who are out of control and there are many other things over which you have no control over. So learn to ignore, avoid, or exclude what you can’t control as much as possible.

Learn the basic fact that some humans and circumstances should simply not be tolerated and proceed courageously to avoid or exclude them from your business or life.

 

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 456!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 425!!!

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6 IMPORTANT SOURCES OF UNHAPPINESS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM!!!

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COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS:

Some humans compare themselves to others with more money or higher status in society and feel envious, less worthy, or frustrated by the comparison and it can be the source for some unhappiness. Compare yourself to the destitute and unemployed or the severely handicapped and you should automatically feel grateful or thankful that you are better off than them. If a comparison motivates you to work for a better job and more socially connected friends then that is a positive result but if you just wallow in frustrated envy and do nothing then the comparison will just be a source of ongoing unhappiness so stop comparing yourself.

WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE:

Some humans worry too much about what things can go wrong in the future and live with too much fear about a bad future. Taking out life insurance, health insurance, and property insurance should protect you against most disasters to some extent. Saving up about 10% of your earnings for emergencies is about all that you can do realistically to protect yourself from minor financial setbacks. Eat healthy and get plenty of exercise and sleep and you will feel as secure about your future as is realistically possible in this somewhat unpredictable world. If you can’t afford insurance then live a courageous healthy lifestyle and feel secure that government welfare will be your safety net if the shit hits the fan.

HOLDING ON TO ANGER AND RESENTMENT:

Holding on to anger and resentment for too long can also be a source for much unhappiness. Learn to forgive and forget the occasional mistakes, insults, put downs, name calling, ridicule, and bad behavior of others and conditionally forgive immoral behavior if you get a sincere promise that it will never happen again. If the source of your anger and resentment is a very bad family life and you can’t solve the problems by compromise and cooperation then you may have to consider divorce as the only possible alternative out of your dysfunctional marriage.

REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES:

Repeating the same mistakes over and over again can lead to much unhappiness. Getting involved with bad humans or friends over and over again or falling for dysfunctional potential mates over and over again or going from one shitty job to another shitty one over and over again are repeated mistakes which are definitely a source for ongoing unhappiness and stress. You may have a bad personality which attracts other bad humans so it is up to you to reform yourself by acquiring new useful knowledge and skills and then choosing better friends, better mates, and better jobs.

LIVING IN THE PAST TOO MUCH:

Living in the past can be a source for unhappiness especially for older adults. A bad past life may cause you to live regretting what you did and a good past may be the source for boring humans with repetitive stories about your great past successes and thus having few if any interested friends in old age. Learn to focus on the present and future with new hobbies or interests. Volunteer to help others in greater need or surf the internet for interesting new useful material to read about and view if you are on a tight budget. If you can’t keep physically active then at least try to stay mentally active and learn about new interesting things. Stop dreaming about the past and do something active mentally and/or physically in the real world and in the relatively few remaining years which you have left in life.

 

BEING ADDICTED TO ONE SEVERE OR TOO MANY BAD HABITS:

Being addicted to too many bad habits can also be the source for much unhappiness. Lying, TOO MUCH complaining, criticizing, bragging, jealousy, procrastination, blaming, pessimism, gossiping, arguing, gambling, drugs, alcohol, pornography, shopping, etc. are all bad habits which if done to excess can cause terrible consequences and can be the source for much unhappiness in your life. I have listed about 32 bad habits and what you can do about them in three blogs which I published and you can refer to them for further enlightenment. Remember, if you don’t know what your bad habit is then you can’t correct it. Enjoy!!!

https://uldissprogis.com/2014/12/14/10-relationship-bad-habits-with-suggestions-part-1-of-3/

https://uldissprogis.com/2014/12/15/10-relationship-bad-habits-with-suggestions-part-2-of-3/

https://uldissprogis.com/2014/12/16/12-relationship-bad-habits-with-suggestions-part-3-of-3/

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13 THINGS EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT HUMANS TRY NOT TO DO!!!

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They don’t always assume that what they think and feel is a true reflection of what is really going on in someone’s mind or the real reason behind someone’s behavior. They realize that sometimes their assumptions about others may be flawed or inaccurate and further probing or experience may be necessary to discover the truth about a human.

They don’t think external influences directly control their emotions. They understand that their emotional state is their responsibility and under their control and don’t think the responsibility for the emotional state is an external influence or its control is exerted by external influences.

They don’t think that they can control and guarantee future happiness. They understand that what they think will make them happy in the future is a projection of what has made them happy in the past. If it is some future new projection or goal to be achieved then they realize that there is no guarantee that achieving it will really make them happy and that they won’t really know how happy until it actually happens.

They don’t think that being fearful is necessarily being on the wrong path because life is sometimes risky and repeated failure or new failure is always a possibility when trying something new. They risk doing new things despite a little fear which they feel might be a good thing and something they would like and perhaps even love.

They don’t think that sustained happiness is possible. They know that a sustained state of happiness is an illusion and they are not trying to reach that impossible delusional state but live day to day and enjoy whatever happiness comes with it.

They don’t easily change their views. They recognize that others sometimes try to change their thoughts, beliefs, and opinions but even though they have an open mind they are not gullible, are introspective, and don’t automatically reject the validity of their own viewpoints.

They don’t freely express all their emotions in public. Few but not all their intense emotions are expressed in public. Any intense anger or hatred are reserved to be more honestly, freely, and intimately expressed in a circle of trustworthy family and close friends.

They don’t think that any one emotion is permanent. They understand and are aware that shitty or very bad feelings are transient and eventually subside so they develop composure, control, or stamina which prevents the intense feelings from frequently being expressed in public.

They don’t confuse bad emotions or a bad day of emotional turmoil with a bad life in general and don’t become chronic complainers if they have more than their share of bad days or bad circumstances.

They don’t express empathy and sympathy all the time. They try to express empathy or sympathy where appropriate for humans suffering from bad circumstances or emotional turmoil but realize that some humans overly complain just to get attention so an expression of empathy or sympathy is not always forthcoming if not deserved.

They don’t overwhelm humans with fake exaggerated praise and compliments but express approval with sincere honest remarks and appropriate enthusiasm.

They don’t gullibly believe charismatic con artists manipulating emotions with information, goods, and services which sound too good to be true, especially get rich schemes and miracle cures.

They don’t believe emotional intelligence is inborn but believe it is something acquired with human experience. In general they assume a more mature or older human with much human interaction has more emotional intelligence than a young inexperienced adult with little social exposure.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 390!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 386!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 367!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 364!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 363!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 313!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 250!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 201!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 200!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 184!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 149!!!

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THE TRUTH ABOUT FURY*

Fury-HD-Wallpapers9

Fury: n. being very violently angry

To differentiate fury and rage fury must always mean very violent anger.

 

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THE TRUTH ABOUT NEUTRALIZE+

How-To-Neutralize-Paint-Fumes-and-Odors-Naturally

Neutralize: v. to make a subset(s) inactive and/or harmless with (chemical and/or electromagnetic) and/or physical means

You can potentially neutralize offensive weapons with defensive countermeasures, you can neutralize an active potentially dangerous chemical with an appropriate reactive one(s), you can neutralize most radiation with a Faraday pail principle or shielding with something like lead, and finally you can neutralize physical aggression with and equal or greater counter physical force.

Neutralizing anger or hatred is not an easy task and is frequently doomed to failure immediately but with enough time anger can dissipate and hatred can be reduced in intensity with psychological rehabilitation under the right environmental circumstances or brainwashing. The anger and hatred of some humans is so intense and long lasting that it can never be neutralized until they die.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT INVECTIVE*

quote-invective-may-be-a-sharp-weapon-but-overuse-blunts-its-edge-even-when-the-denunciation-is-just-john-tyndall-367305

Invective: n. an angry verbal attack which is frequently (greatly critical and/or insulting) and/or abusive and frequently with some profanity

“I hate you, you cock sucking motherfucker!” is an extreme example of profane invective.

“I want to kill you for showing up dead drunk and high as a kite at the Jones’s wedding!” is another example of a highly critical verbal attack which may be justified but is nevertheless extreme invective.

You find your own examples of invective because these days the profane variety is running rampant among some groups of uncivilized language handicapped humans.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT PETULANCE+

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Petulance: n. showing an attitude of anger and annoyance when one doesn’t get what one wants and/or desires and is frequently considered a childish behavior

Petulant young offspring readily show their anger and annoyance when they don’t get what they want and sometimes add much moaning and groaning. Adults are more reserved and emotionally hide their anger and annoyance to some extent and aren’t as demonstrative as young offspring are. Adults are seldom described as being petulant but young offspring are.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT RAGE+

rage_broadheads_logo_white_background

Rage: n. very intense anger which frequently includes a violent behavior(s)

Someone screaming and yelling and throwing things is a common form of rage. There is also movie enacted rage where upon seeing one’s buddy killed in battle a human is so enraged that he charges into battle trying to kill as many of the enemy as possible and puts his life at great risk.

Rage is not a pretty sight and raging humans frequently hurt others and sometimes themselves too because during a raging episode there is an abundance of wild maniacal unpredictable aggressive behavior.

A raging maniac is one of the most frightening or scary things in life because it is someone totally out of emotional and physical control.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT PROVOCATION+

provocation_photo_invitational

Provocation: n. unintentionally or intentionally causing and/or motivating anger and/or aggression

 

Motivation is usually getting someone to do something good whereas provocation is motivating one towards anger, aggression, or doing something bad.

 

Ridicule, harsh criticism, put downs, name calling, and insults frequently cause or provoke anger and sometimes even physical violence. Taunting, pushing, and hitting will sometimes provoke physical aggression as well as anger.

 

Provocation is usually unintentional but there are humans who delight in provoking others intentionally, especially if they are considered enemies or humans whom we greatly dislike.

 

In childhood provocation sometimes leads to fighting because the selfpreservation urge is great and if a child feels that they are being attacked verbally or physically then they will respond in an angry sometimes violent uncivilized way.

If your provocation was unintentional then the smart thing to do is to apologize or say that you are sorry that you provoked them.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT MOLLIFICATION+

mollified_dragon_header

Mollification: n. reducing the intensity of anger and/or anxiety and/or fear with a subset(s)

Theoretically you could reduce the intensity of any emotion or feeling but mollification is limited to reducing the intensity of anger, fear, and anxiety which is frequently a low or medium intensity fear of the unknown or unpredictable.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT SCOLDING***

scolding-6

Scold: v. to communicate punishment for a bad and/or wrong behavior(s) frequently with anger and/or being judgmental and sometimes with threats of punishment

Many parents frequently scold offspring. They have made a usually impulsive judgment that the offspring have done something bad and/or wrong and express their disapproval in a rather angry punishing tone of voice.

Sometimes the scolding is accompanied with threats of punishment to create a little fear so that the behavior is not repeated again another time. For very young offspring threatened punishment may be a spanking for very serious offenses such as fighting, stealing, and lying if isolation techniques don’t work but for older ones threatening to withdraw a privilege is a perfectly acceptable threat.

Unfortunately this scolding behavior is sometimes used on adults and teenagers with undesirable consequences because many adults and teenagers don’t want to be treated like a child and criticized in an angry tone of voice which frequently leads to arguments and defensive actions for such unjust treatment.

If you are smart then you will limit your scolding to young offspring once in a while when they really deserve a punishing angry tone of voice for doing something really very bad and/or wrong.

Judgmental anger expressed verbally is not only highly aggressive bordering on violence but it is a form of punishment which adults and teenagers frequently rebel against. If you add to your anger and threaten an adult with punishment then it will only make the reaction more rebellious and angry. Don’t scold adults and teenagers but try to frequently discuss disagreements and problems without an angry tone of voice.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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8 THINGS YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM SHITTY HUMANS!!!

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It is best to try and avoid shitty humans. If you can’t avoid them then ignoring them as much as possible may be a solution but you will have to learn to defend yourself and your loved ones against them if they become an inescapable part of your life, especially if they are trying to spread lies about you or your loved ones.

You learn to develop a thicker skin or learn to handle mistreatment without becoming too upset or giving in to abuse. You maintain your composure and hold on to your integrity when crap is being thrown at you.

You learn to defend yourself and those closest to you if they come under unjustified attack or attempted abuse. You courageously defend yourself and your loved ones against lies if they are being spread.

You learn that sometimes you may be victimized by mistreatment only because you were available and the bad human was just transferring their bad experience effects or dissatisfaction on you and misdirecting their venom.

You learn that some shitty humans refuse to be helped with advice or consideration and you should not pursue your goal of helping if the human refuses it.

You learn that some shitty humans are just rude, annoying, abusive, and gossip because they enjoy being jerks so you should not become depressed if you are surrounded by more than one such personality type.

You learn that if you live with resentment, hatred, jealousy, and anger at some of the bad things which humans do to you then it will handicap you emotionally. It is best to forgive and move on if possible or to forgive and remember forever so it doesn’t affect you adversely again or so that you can take appropriate steps to avoid future hurt.

You learn that shitty humans have shitty habits and that it is almost always wasted effort trying to reform them or get them to change those shitty habits.

You learn that shitty humans are all around and with time you learn to ignore or avoid them as much as possible so that they have minimal bad impact on your life and emotional well being.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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PROLONGED WORRYING, BLAMING, AND ANGER ARE TIME WASTERS!!!

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The key to efficiently using your time is not to dwell too long on things which you can’t change in the past, present, or future. Time spent worrying, blaming, or staying angry over things you couldn’t change or won’t be able to change is a waste of time. Calmly reflecting on past mistakes and taking steps so that the mistakes won’t happen again is not time wasted because it involves changing yourself which is doable and not impossible.

Stop worrying about what others think since you can’t read minds, stop worrying about the worst that can happen which probably won’t, stop worrying about the economy which you can’t change, and stop worrying about past events which you can’t change.

Stop blaming bad luck and other humans remotely responsible for your own daily problems.

Stop staying angry and obsessing at strangers and events which you have no control over.

If you can’t change something or control it then stop wasting your time thinking about it or trying to change it or control it.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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THE TRUTH ABOUT RESENTMENT

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Resentment: n. sensing hatred and/or indignation which is the effect of a real and/or imagined wrong(s) and/or injustice(s)

We sometimes resent humans because we feel they have achieved success in an unjust way or feel that they have been promoted before us with less merit.

Some of us resent others merely because they are rich or seem to have better status than us and it stems from a general belief that life is not fair and we are not at the receiving end of good fortune.

Social inequality is a fact of life and if you are living life resenting others with much anger for their status then you will probably lead a relatively miserable and unhappy existence. You probably fail to realize that your absence of success is largely your own fault unless you were born into a dysfunctional family or are handicapped both mentally and physically.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 900 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially  COMMON SENSErays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

THE TRUTH ABOUT ENVY

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Envy: v. to desire another’s (possessions and/or characteristics) and/or (luck and/or circumstances) without sensing angry resentment

Envy is just another word for jealousy unless you take out the angry resentment which jealousy should have but envy should not.

 

You can be envious of another without feeling resentful or thinking that what another has is unfair or unjust and feeling angry about it.

 

Envy is to desire what someone else has but not feeling that what they have is unfair or unjust and that they don’t deserve what they have. Envy is jealousy without the angry resentment.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 800 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT ANGER

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We get angry when someone steals from us, when someone lies to us, when someone does not fulfill a promise, when someone deceives us, when someone unjustly criticizes us, when someone challenges our strong beliefs and/or opinions, and we get angry at ourselves when we make stupid mistakes.

 Anger is fundamentally verbal fighting between adults without much reason or logical dialogue so it should not be tolerated by civilized communicators.

When someone is immoral or steals, lies, deceives, and commits adultery we are justified in being angry but we should try to control our anger as much as possible if someone criticizes us for our behavior or challenges our strong beliefs and/or opinions.

 

Humans behave differently and have different opinions on subjects and confronting them strongly with your opinions and what you consider proper behavior will frequently result in angry conflict which should be avoided unless their opinions and behavior will greatly impact your own lifestyle.

 

Learn the art of civilized discussion as soon as possible and leave behind the world of angry confrontations which will make your life a fighting hell with very little problem solving and mutual agreement going on.

 

Do more listening than talking and ask questions to probe why a human behaved in the way that they did which angered you. They may communicate a reason to you which is valid from their point of view and you may find that your initial desire to get angry was not fully justified.

 

If you are anger prone or have a short fuse then try to calm down by not saying anything at all until you can communicate in a normal tone of voice.

If you get angry over rather trivial and unimportant things in your life then you may have to take a course in anger management but for normal humans you should reserve your angry outbursts to important priorities in your life which can be changed for the better.

 

Don’t get angry at things you can’t change. You will not be able to change politics, religion, economics, strong beliefs, and sports. Getting angry over these topics is a complete waste of time. Arguing over taste in fashion, possessions, and food is also a waste of time and you will be very unsatisfied after you argue about them because there will be no winners.

 

Before trying to change others improve yourself and start controlling your anger without an overt display of anger. In a calm and collected fashion start to constructively approach problems or things which you know that you can change in yourself and others.

 

Yes, many things in life, especially many of the behaviors of your spouse or significant other are largely unchangeable without draconian measures and when you realize what those unchangeable things are then you should stop being angry at them and adjust or adapt accordingly.

 

Reserve your angry tone of voice for your offspring when they misbehave or do something immoral or very bad but be judicious in your use of an angry dictatorial tone of voice when communicating with adults in your life. There should be no winners and losers in a conversation but mutual winners which is possible if you don’t try to verbally force yourself on others through angry confrontations.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

Enjoy!!!!!!

6 BAD BUSINESS AND RELATIONSHIP HABITS

Swimming With Alligators

ANGER, BLAME, AND ATTACK

Anger is the first impulsive response for many humans when a rule is disobeyed, when a mistake is made, when a job is not done on time, when someone opposes your opinion, or when someone behaves badly. Anger is an emotional attack on a human sometimes followed by blame for being stupid, careless, not punctual or reliable, disobedient, and shamefully guilty.

Sometimes anger expressed by a loud voice at young unreasoning offspring is a valid signal that they did something very wrong or very bad. It can be an emotional threat not to do a very bad behavior again or punishment such as privilege removal or spanking will follow.

With adults anger is frequently the wrong attitude because it puts the offenders in a defensive mood and they will get upset or angry too and frequently feel that your anger is unjustified.

An open minded approach is best where you ask a few questions first and try to get at the real reason why a rule was broken or a mistake made. Whether the violation was intentional or unintentional is important and if it was unintentional then they shouldn’t get blamed but you should both try to work out a plan of action and a promise that it will not happen again if possible.

“Do you know what to do so it (the violation) doesn’t happen again?”  This puts responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the offender and if they honestly don’t know how to avoid doing it a second time then you can calmly discuss and offer advice on how to avoid a similar failure in the future.

A disobeyed rule, mistake, or bad behavior may happen more than once and it may be your job as an authority figure to dish out appropriate punishment if it is starting to become a bad habit. Revoking privileges, threatening with firing, and actually firing an employee may have to be done if the disobedience or bad job performance becomes intolerable or unbearable or threatens the smooth operation of the business.

Very frequently we feel that our opinions are valid or true and if someone opposes them we might feel angry and want to start an argument. With adults it is best to ask why they have an opinion or belief about something which is much different than yours. You may learn that there is more than one way at looking at things, doing something, or reaching a goal.

Frequently opinions about politics, religion, and sports will be much different than yours and you should learn to live and let live without arguing since those topics will seldom affect job performance or your life in any significant way.

STUBBORNNESS, INFLEXIBILITY, AND DEFENSIVENESS

A stubborn, inflexible, and defensive authority figure is a tyrant who thinks they are always right and insists that all their demands are to be met without questioning permitted.  The typical attitude is “I have done it this way for years and we will continue to do it my way into the foreseeable future.”

As with all rules there are sometimes exceptions to them in real life. An authority figure who doesn’t understand that there are rare exceptions to rules or that there is more than one way of achieving a desired goal and that one way is more efficient than another will fail at just leadership many times to the detriment of the organization.

Not keeping open communication with employees and encouraging input in the form of new ideas or new ways of doing something better means that the business will stagnate and not be open to improvement with new technology or better operating procedures.

Tyrannical leadership occasionally works managing low level workers with unchanging defined tasks but it is a terrible failure when trying to achieve teamwork in an organization where each employee can make new vital contributions at reaching team goals. Teamwork means flexibility and open two way communication between members and leadership.

CONCLUSION:

Anger, blame, and attack whenever possible should be replaced by discussion, assigning responsibility, and giving a human a second chance at doing something right.

Stubbornness, inflexibility, and defensiveness whenever possible should be replaced by some open mindedness, some flexibility, and cooperation, especially if teamwork is involved to achieve a goal or goals.

With young unreasoning offspring anger and stubborn discipline may be necessary to stop very bad behavior before someone gets hurt but in adult good relationships anger and stubbornness will only create unnecessary  barriers to good two way communications and mutual problem solving.

If you liked this evergreen blog read more of them and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.

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BE ANGRY OR BE MENTALLY CONTROLLED AND PEACEFUL

Be-angry

You can be angry at yourself, angry at mistakes, angry at another human or humans, angry at the injustice of institutions in this world, and angry at bad events.

We get angry because someone criticizes us or blames us for something which we may or may not have done. Recognize that no one is perfect, including yourself, and that if you get criticized or blamed then you may be totally or partially responsible for the bad situation.

Accept the fact that you may have to be angry at yourself and not others for something bad happening. Our overinflated ego can easily be hurt and anger is frequently the first way that we try and deal with the hurt and frequently unsuccessfully with dead end results and much unnecessary emotional turmoil.

We also get angry if someone does not listen to us or obey us when we think it is important to do so. Our spouse and offspring will frequently not listen to us and not obey us when we make demands and it is ok to get angry at young offspring who don’t know better or can’t reason well or at all.

Trying to be a dictator or tyrant or boss all the time will not work in a family setting and you should try to learn more democratic discussion and consensus building skills to be a successful leader in the family.

We also get angry if someone disagrees with an opinion which we might have on politics, sports, economics, etc. If an opposing opinion will not significantly affect work or family life then it is frequently not worth getting angry over. Live and let live in a sea of different opinions on subjects which you have little or no power over or can’t change in any significant way.

You have little or no control over politics, religion, sports, society, and economics so don’t get into heated arguments about what is not possible for one relatively powerless person to change for the better.

We also get angry if we think the world is conspiring against us and we are being victimized by it. The world has never been fair or just and will not be fair or just into the foreseeable future so stop blaming the system and try to find ways of working around it to get to your desired goals in life.

Finally we get angry at mistakes which we make which may or may not be our fault. Almost everyone makes a thousand and one mistakes in their lives and instead of getting angry one should try to learn from the mistakes and make sure that they don’t happen again or don’t happen as frequently in the future by making necessary changes in your life or changing your approach to things.

Fundamentally we get angry because our ego has been hurt or because our attempt at reaching a goal(s) has been stopped or hindered permanently or temporarily.

Getting angry is easy but suppressing the emotion and debating or discussing the situation calmly takes skill and selfcontrol which is not easy to obtain overnight.

Accepting the fact that no one is perfect including ourselves and accepting the fact that two or more humans will frequently disagree or have different opinions on a topic is vital to keep angry emotional outbursts to a minimum.

Here are 3 ways to reduce angry reactions which should work for anyone interested in managing their tendency to respond with anger first and not last:

Take a timeout:

Count to 10 before you respond is good advice because in the heat of the moment an angry remark is something which may hurt you permanently and it is not something which you can change once you have said it. Not responding for ten seconds or longer will frequently give us time to control our angry impulses and find a better answer or solution to the problem at hand.

Express your feelings and opinions in a noncombative way:

Once you have calmed down a bit don’t be confrontational or in attack mode but try to discuss the topic which made you angry in a calm collected way. Communicate the situation which caused the anger without immediately trying to control or hurt others with nasty comments and orders. Try to mutually come to an agreement on what should be done to diffuse the highly emotional situation. Let’s try to work this out in a mutually beneficial way if possible.

Instead of  being combative and saying “You make me angry” say “I feel angry” and instead of “I disagree with your opinion” say “I think that my opinion has validity because-“

Learn new communication skills:

Most humans get angry and lose control of their emotions because they frequently feel helpless in a bad situation. “What do I do next?” is frequently a question which goes unanswered and an angry response is the fast easy wrong response.  Learning to ask the right questions and getting answers to them are the communication skills which are necessary to navigate past a dysfunctional angry response.

Ask yourself and others who, what, where, when, why, how, and how much about angry situations. You will find out in a controlled way who or what caused the anger, where, when, and why the anger started, and how the anger can be eliminated in the future.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!

10 EMOTIONAL SKILLS NEEDED TO HELP YOU BECOME A GOOD COMMUNICATOR!!!!!!

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Can you maintain a trusting bond after arguing and hurting feelings?

Call someone stupid, an ass hole, crazy, nuts, or a profanity such as motherf**ker or bitch. After such a careless outburst can you properly apologize and retain a trusting bond or do you get lasting resentment and wanting revenge for hurt feelings which weakens a trusting caring relationship.

 

Do you get violent and/or cruel during an argument and/or after it?

Abuse is frequently verbal but it can also be physical. If you plan to have offspring then it is definitely not a good idea to have a violently abusive spouse.

 

Are you emotionally addicted to impulsive irrational spending or shopping?

Getting emotionally high on impulsive spending is something you should definitely try to control or correct before making a marital commitment. Bad money management is the leading cause of divorce.

 

Do you persist beyond frustration?

There are plenty of frustrations in family life and on the job and persistence is frequently what you need to overcome the problem. Can you continue to pursue a frustrating goal despite much failure or are you one who easily gives up and accepts permanent failure rather quickly? Having no courage to overcome important frustrations is a great handicap in a relationship.

 

Are you willing to courageously discuss difficult problems or do you ignore or try to avoid them?

Difficult problems are very emotionally stressing and if you are the type who tries to always avoid or ignore them with silence then the relationship will not endure and the problems may even get worse with delay.

 

Do you have the patience to wait or delay impulsive gratification or are you one who needs to act on an impulse immediately?

Impulsively buy a cheap product now or wait until you can afford a quality product later by saving up. Impulsively eat a snack right away or wait for the main meal to eat. These are two examples which require waiting or delaying gratification which has a greater reward with patience and waiting. Excessive credit card debt is an example of not delaying gratification enough and frequently bordering on imminent bankruptcy as a bad end result.

 

Are you emotionally too defensive when confronted with a mistake?

Some emotional egos are so large that those humans will almost never admit to a mistake and even lie with implausible excuses to avoid blame. Being easily offended by blame leads to many undesirable arguments and bad feelings.

 

Can’t detect or identify low intensity emotions such as anxiety, affection, sadness, loneliness, sincerity, and liking?

Failure to note low intensity emotions means that one may fail to communicate emotional support for emotional hardship. You may not be able to verbalize empathy with minor failures or bad events which personally affect a human and need to be noticed or acknowledged frequently with emotional support. Most men are currently very bad at identifying low intensity emotions and disappoint women frequently by not picking up subtle emotional cues.

 

Do you give praise or emotional support for successes in someone’s life?

Financial support for worthwhile important goals is essential but you should should be able to also praise and give emotional support when one achieves those desirable important goals in life.

 

Do you know how to regain optimism by interacting with good friends or activities which increase your morale when needed?

Ultimately happiness is something which you are personally responsible for and if you are unhappy then you should have enough self-motivation to get yourself back into an optimistic happy mood if it has been temporarily decreased by a bad personal event or personal failure.

 

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE.

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CAN ONE LOVE AND HATE OFFSPRING AT THE SAME TIME?

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Yes. One can love and hate an offspring at the same time. You may impulsively love to hit an offspring and simultaneously hate the thought of making the offspring cry.  The emotion is ambivalent.  For example loving anger at misbehavior and sympathetic disappointment at failing school grades, or hopeful frustration at an inability to play a musical instrument or fearful pride in watching one do well at go cart racing are all possible ambivalent emotions when two emotions mix.

Not known until now is the fact that more than two emotions can exist simultaneously in a human.

Angfehal: v. to sense anger and fear and hatred and love simultaneously.

When you learn of an adulterous relationship instantly from some source and believe it you can feel angry at your spouse whom you love, you hate your spouse for being deceptive and you fear that the relationship might have to end. This is the ambivalence of 4 simultaneous emotions. Add to this jealousy and you have 5 simultaneous emotions existing mentally.

Angfehat: v. to sense anger and fear and hatred simultaneously

This combinations of three emotions happens when you find out that your offspring has been taking illegal drugs for the first time. You are angry that he or she has broken the law or your no drug rule, you hate their bad behavior, and you fear that they may have become addicted to the drug.

Will science ever pinpoint the origin of emotions in the brain or describe how the brain experiences ambivalent emotions? Never! The emotional variables in the brain are so many and so complex that a definition of an emotion is not enough to determine a one to one correspondence with the emotion and behavior in a human brain!!!!!!

Any statistical analysis of emotions with questionnaires is extremely subjectively biased chaotic data which has absolutely no relevance or correspondence to human existence and 100% of such misleading “clinical studies” should cease immediately. There is almost no statistically relevant social and political “science” data which should be gathered and analyzed about emotions because cause and effect relationship observation is not possible!!!!!!

A parent can prevent an offspring who exhibits hated behaviors from feeling that he or she is primarily an object of hatred by communicating to the offspring that he or she is still loved as a whole when an offspring does something very bad.  Parents should point out that only the bad behavior is the object of the hatred and not the offspring himself or herself:  “I hate your very bad behavior but I don’t hate you but love you!”

If you liked this evergreen blog then read more of them or read one or more of my evergreen books, especially LOVEALL.

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12 EMOTION TRUTHS ABOUT HUMAN NATURE

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You make your own happiness.

This is true most of the time because you can be relatively happy even under the seemingly worst economic, political, or social situations. You can laugh at almost anything that life throws at you and ultimately happiness is a state of mind which you should train yourself to control. Yes, some foods don’t taste good, your job may stress you out, you may be hopelessly unemployed, your relationships with people might be dismal, but you can still be happy that you are alive and there is almost always the possible optimistic hope that things can be improved.

Laughter is the best medicine.

 

An optimistic approach or a hearty laugh at unpleasant events or illness can go a long way towards wiring the brain into a healthier healing mode. This way depression or great unhappiness can sometimes be avoided. Sometimes fate is so bad that no amount of laughter will help, but that is reality.

Be careful what you find to be humorous.

 

Much humor has as its basis human weakness or imperfections that are laughed at.  You have to be careful laughing at human stupidity, lack of punctuality, addiction problems, weakness for certain foods, weight problems, lack of beauty, etc. because you can wind up offending someone who may have that human weakness or imperfection. Nobody likes it when you laugh at a personal problem or weakness that they may have.

Worrying frequently never changes anything.

 

This just states the fact that worrying about a problem will not change anything unless action is taken to try and solve the problem. Sometimes too much worrying or getting tired of worrying is the motivation that is needed to start to do something about the problem.

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can break our hearts.

 

Broken bones can heal but sometimes hurtful words such as “I hate you” and “I don’t love you” can leave lasting unhealed emotional wounds from which recovery is sometimes not possible.

Anger or hate can be a useful motivating force.

 

Any intense emotion can be a motivating force. Intense emotion is often a sign that you like something very much or that you hate something very much. If you hate something very much and are angry then you may actually decide to do something about the situation or maybe avoid future encounters with the object of the hate.

Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone.

 

Most smart humans shy away from misery and generally like to be in the company of happy people rather than miserable ones.

Calm is more conductive to creativity than is anxiety

 

This is just an acknowledgment that creativity, which depends primarily upon thinking, is hampered when emotions interfere with a necessary clear creative thinking process.

 

Categorizing fear is calming

 

If you think about, realize, and verbalize what the source of your fear is then there is a considerable calming effect because the fear does not seem so irrational and without a cause.

The best cure for a short temper is a long walk.

 

This is just one of the ways that a short temper can be overcome. Another way is to take time out for a few minutes, many minutes, or to quickly get involved in a totally different activity which will calm down the immediate anger to some extent.

Drama frequently obscures the real issues

 

Another way of saying this is that emotions can often obscure the vital facts in an issue. When emotions take over, reason often leaves through the back door.

 

Being happy is important but not always priority number one.

 

Humans who are starving will quickly challenge the dominant importance of being just happy in life which is impossible on an empty stomach. Having relatively many happy moments in your life is somewhat important but working at a difficult or boring job may be a more important temporary necessity in your life than happiness.

If you liked this evergreen blog then read more of them or read my evergreen book HUMAN NATURE.

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6 PSYCHOLOGICAL MYTHS YOU PROBABLY BELIEVE ARE TRUE

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You’ll feel better if you express your anger openly:

Beating up an inanimate object which isn’t always available or cussing much when you feel angry just reinforces a bad habit which makes you feel good and the probability that you will want to repeat the experience increases every time. Expressing anger is addictive and you don’t want to develop a reputation of exploding in inappropriate social situations. 

Counting to ten or twenty silently until anger intensity fades and then proceeding with speech or actions is a far better solution and won’t leave you with a reputation of being a raving lunatic.

 

You will succeed if you just believe in yourself:

Selfesteem has to be grounded in reality in order for it to have beneficial results or successful results. Being told that you are great without you doing anything great is a lie which reality will not reward with success. If you are socially incompetent or incompetent because of a lack of skills and unreliable also then no amount of selfesteem will make up for your inadequacies and you are doomed to fail frequently.

The real solution to success is acquiring or learning better social and knowledge skills and not pretending that you deserve respect and admiration because you think highly of yourself without the facts or actions to back this up. Learn the skills necessary for success and you will start succeeding and your true selfesteem will grow with each success.

 

Cult members are stupid gullible sheep:

The suicide cults get all the public attention and humans generalize that all cults must have stupid gullible humans. The truth is that many cults have smart humans who function normally in society and just happen to like to form groups of humans with common ideas and actions which are deviant forms of normal social behavior but the beliefs don’t make the humans dysfunctional in society at large. Biker groups with scary reputations and Scientology could be considered cults but their members interact with society and many are not stupid gullible sheep.

 

Subliminal messages can affect your behavior subconsciously:

Playing music backwards and a message flashed imperceptibly during an advertisement supposedly has the power to influence your behavior and cause you to buy a product. If this were true then political leaders would flash political messages subliminally and be able to control your political behavior and take over your mind. The fact is that none of this has scientific backing and proof and it is a big myth.

 

A lie detector test can determine if you are lying:

A polygraph determines physical responses during questioning and passing the test can give a false sense of security to the tester. Scientific tests have been made and it turns out that the test is just a little better than 50/50 or a flip of the coin and Aldrich Ames a famous Soviet spy beat the polygraph every time it was used.

 

Homophobes are secretly gay:

There is no scientific evidence for this but about half the population of males is against homosexuals so that theoretically makes half the population gay, a highly unlikely possibility.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/27/military-dog-meets-kitten_n_4004889.html

 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/27/jaguar-attacks-crocodile-caiman-video_n_4004616.html

If you liked this evergreen blog then read more of them and one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!

THE TRUTH ABOUT ANGER

SimplifyAnger

You can be angry at yourself, angry at another human or humans, angry at the injustice of institutions in this world, and angry at bad events.

We get angry because someone criticizes us or blames us for something which we may or may not have done. Recognize that no one is perfect, including yourself, and that if you get criticized or blamed then you may be totally or partially responsible for the bad situation. Accept the fact that you may have to be angry at yourself and not others for something bad happening. Our overinflated ego can easily be hurt and anger is frequently the first way that we try and deal with the hurt and frequently unsuccessfully with dead end results and much unnecessary emotional turmoil.

We also get angry if someone does not listen to us or obey us when we think it is important to do so. Our spouse and offspring will frequently not listen to us and not obey us when we make demands.  It is OK to get angry at young offspring who don’t know better or can’t reason well or at all. Trying to be a dictator or tyrant or boss all the time will not work in a family setting and you should try to learn more democratic discussion and consensus building skills to be a successful leader in the family.

We also get angry if someone disagrees with an opinion which we might have on politics, sports, economics, etc. If an opposing opinion will not significantly affect work or family life then it is frequently not worth getting angry over. Live and let live in a sea of different opinions on subjects which you have little or no power over or can’t change in any significant way. You have little or no control over politics, religion, sports, society, and economics so don’t get into heated arguments about what is not possible for one relatively powerless person to change for the better.

We also get angry if we think the world is conspiring against us and we are being victimized by it. The world has never been fair or just and will not be fair or just into the foreseeable future so stop blaming the system and try to find ways of working around it to get to your desired goals in life.

Finally we get angry at mistakes which we make which may or may not be our fault. Almost everyone makes a thousand and one mistakes in their lives and instead of getting angry one should try to learn from the mistakes and make sure that they don’t happen again or don’t happen as frequently in the future by making necessary changes in your life or changing your approach to things.

Fundamentally we get angry because our ego has been hurt or because our attempt at reaching a goal(s) has been stopped or hindered permanently or temporarily.

Getting angry is easy but suppressing the emotion and debating or discussing the situation calmly takes skill and selfcontrol which is not easy to obtain overnight.

Accepting the fact that no one is perfect including ourselves and accepting the fact that two or more humans will frequently disagree or have different opinions on a topic is vital to keep angry emotional outbursts to a minimum.

Here are 3 ways to reduce angry reactions which should work for anyone interested in managing their tendency to respond with anger first and not last:

Take a timeout:

Count to 10 before you respond is good advice because in the heat of the moment an angry remark is something which may hurt you permanently and it is not something which you can change once you have said it. Not responding for ten seconds or longer will frequently give us time to control our angry impulses and find a better answer or solution to the problem at hand.

Express your feelings and opinions in a noncombative way:

Once you have calmed down a bit don’t be confrontational or in attack mode but try to discuss the topic which made you angry in a calm collected way. Communicate the situation which caused the anger without immediately trying to control or hurt others with nasty comments and orders. Try to mutually come to an agreement on what should be done to diffuse the highly emotional situation. “Let’s try to work this out in a mutually beneficial way if possible.”

Instead of  being combative and saying “You make me angry” say “I feel angry” and instead of “I disagree with your opinion” say “I think that my opinion has validity because-“

Learn new communication skills:

Most humans get angry and lose control of their emotions because they frequently feel helpless in a bad situation. “What do I do next?” is frequently a question which goes unanswered and an angry response is the fast easy wrong response.  Learning to ask the right questions and getting answers to them are the communication skills which are necessary to navigate past a dysfunctional angry response. Ask yourself and others who, what, where, when, why, how, and how much about angry situations. You will find out in a controlled way who or what caused the anger, where, when, and why the anger started, and how the anger can be eliminated in the future.

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Enjoy!!!!!!