Tag Archives: communication

INTERNET OR TEXTING COMMUNICATIONS WITH MEN BEFORE THE FIRST DATE!!!

Before offering advice on communicating with potential dates on the internet or with texting it is important to state why so much of the communication is unsuccessful.

 

One major reason that successful communication is so difficult is that there are many males and some females who are deceptive and lie over the internet posing as someone who they really are not. They basically are afraid to reveal who they truly are because they fear that they won’t be physically attractive enough or financially well off enough. They may try to post fake pictures and claim to hold down great jobs when in reality they are average looking and unemployed or working at minimum wage. So try not to be gullible and maintain a healthy suspicion if he sounds too good to be true.

 

The second reason that successful internet communication is so difficult is that most of the males and also females are really not ready for serious dating. The primary reasons may be because of no job or poor income and any real attempts at dating usually result in very disappointing colossal failures because serious dating usually consumes much time, energy, and money.

 

Your whole purpose for texting or communicating with men should be to eventually find out if they are going to be a good marital or business partner. You may be a modern promiscuous female just having fun and falsely assuming that what all men really want is immediate sexual intimacy. You may honestly feel that sex should be given to any male that interests you greatly and you will find many playboy males who want to show you a good time but no eventual commitment.

 

Texting or meeting a new human face to face for the first time is basically the same approach. You want to quickly find out if the man is going to be a good potential friend or mate without being too flirtatious or beating around the bush. If the man is just texting or searching for naïve females to take advantage of them sexually then it is better to find out the truth as soon as possible rather than beat around the bush with vague and emotionally fulfilling communications.

 

You ideally want a male who has integrity, is trustworthy, is dependable, is competent, and a good communicator. He should be someone who is not afraid to answer tough and eventually somewhat personal questions so don’t be afraid to ask tough questions and eventually some rather personal questions. You want men with the courage to confront almost any question that you may ask. If you feel that you may have offended him with some comment then quickly apologize and move on in the relationship as long as it lasts.

 

If you are an average looking female without a college education hoping to land a successful college educated male with a good career or job then you are usually wasting your time. If you are a college educated woman with a good career or job then beware of males without adequate education who have no job or very poor ones, especially if they are very handsome. The old saying is still basically true that “birds of a feather flock together” so try to stay away from males outside your comfort and educational zone unless you are extremely attractive and sexy.

 

In effect don’t aim too high and don’t aim too low in desperate fashion because the probability of making the right long duration connection with a male is rather low or remote over the internet or in person.

 

Here are some suggested questions to ask:

 

What do you do for a living?

This question may frighten away many males who have no job or poor ones and that is precisely the reason for the question because you don’t want to waste your time and energy on a financially poor male. If the male has a good job then he will be very willing to tell you about it and maybe brag a little. Talking about his job is a good way to boost his ego with further follow up questions about the job.

Have you always done x for a living?

This is a good follow up question to the first one because you can maybe catch a male in a lie about his job or profession if his prior jobs do not fit his current job status plausibly.

Are you a local?

Long distance relationships fail quite frequently so unless you have the money to travel stay with potential local relationships and stay away from long distance ones.

Long distance relationships are like exciting honeymoons every time you briefly meet physically and are very deceptive indicators of lasting happiness. If you or the male move and live together for a year you may decide that the relationship was never meant to be a lasting one.

What do you do in your free time?

This question will reveal whether the male is just vegetating or doing some interesting things to fill his free time such as trying to improve himself or mostly spending his money on rather trivial pursuits.

Do you have any hobbies?

A good mate is one who usually has a life outside of work so hobbies are one way of determining where his interests also lie outside of work.

How long have you had that hobby?

Some men will brag and maybe deceive females into thinking that they have expensive and interesting hobbies so this is a way to find out if he is deceiving you or has had the hobby for a relatively long time.

Do you have any children?

This question and theme will eventually find out if he is recently divorced or maybe is still married.

 

After these few initial questions you can end the first or initial interaction until the next time when you can continue to probe deeper with more personal questions.

 

Do you like your job?

If he doesn’t like his job then you can ask a follow up question and ask if he is going to do anything about a lousy job. You can find out if he has bigger plans or will be stuck in a miserable job on into the near foreseeable future.

How long have you lived here?

You will find out if he is a native local or someone relocating due to job or other reasons.

Do you have many friends?

You can find out if he is somewhat of an extrovert or maybe an introvert with few friends and maybe only one close friend.

What are your future plans?

This will reveal whether the male has some ambition or has too much unrealistic ambition and is vainly hoping to become a celebrity star in some field.

What interesting places have you travelled to?

You can find out if his interests are local or international in scope. A follow up question would be -Where would you like to travel to if you had the opportunity?

What is your favorite food or drink?

Eating is a universal pleasurable pastime and you can find out whether he cooks himself, is a junk food addict, one eating much organic food, or a food gourmet going to restaurants.

Are you on Facebook or Instagram?

You can determine how deeply into social media he is with follow up questions.

After determining whether they are a potential future friend or mate ask for personal information such as an email or telephone number and use phrases such as- It was great talking to you. It would be nice if we kept in touch. What is your email or cellphone number?

Finally, before an actual first date it is important to call the man and speak to him over the phone verbally. You will usually find out pretty quickly if he is the same man on the phone as he is on the internet. Voice fluctuations and his ability to think on his feet instantaneously will become apparent with a phone call and you can often sense if the right vibes are there for actual first date attempts.

 

 

The next questions and some direct quotes with some variations are based on Matthew Hussey’s article “9 Magic Texts No Man Can Resist”. Frankly you should be suspicious of any article with the term Magic in it and celebrity Hussey is guilty of misleading a mass audience of women in this instance.

 

When he asks you what you’re up to?

 

If you are doing something interesting or have plans to do something which doesn’t sound boring then tell him honestly what you are up to. If you are up to nothing then you can say “I’m taking a shower and will head out later.” If he follows up with “where are you going to head out?” then you had better be prepared to tell him where or he will suspect that you are lying. That is why it is important to be as truthful as possible and not be lying or deceptive in your answers.

If you don’t think that you are a very interesting human doing interesting things then stay single and start on a course of self improvement before you seriously try to make internet connections with males.

 

“Just bought this. What do you think?”

 

Men are visual creatures and will respond to a picture of you which is attractive but not overly sexy. He will probably compliment you in some way and it is an opportunity to find out if it is a sincere compliment or an exaggerated and insincere one.

 

“You should be here right now.”

 

This suggests that you would want him to be where you are because seemingly something interesting or exciting is going on. Once again he could ask why? Then you will be in a bind if you are not doing anything interesting or exciting. Once again vague statements can be intriguing and good sources for follow up communication but you should be ready to explain or state WHY or you will come across as a deceptive fraud if you aren’t doing anything interesting or exciting.

 

“I just had an incredible burger! Almost sexual.”

 

Men like food so a tasty food discovery is always an exciting event. However, be careful about inserting sexual in your phrase unless you may want to get personally sexually intimate in the near future. These days women are more promiscuous than in earlier times but I would reserve sexual intimacy for men who are potentially good marriage partners and you have known them long enough to feel that they are potential good marital partners.

 

“This jacket would look attractive on you.”

 

You could use the same sentence with “look HOT on you” but that has sexual connotations and should be used only if you think he considers you more as a friend than a romantic relationship. Using the word hot can be considered sexual baiting if you don’t intend to get sexual with him any time soon.

 

“As hot as you are, I don’t move that fast.” “But I would be happy to see your handsome face if you want to take me on a date this or next week.”

“Let’s start out as friends and consider sexual intimacy when and if we become close friends.” “ But I would be happy to see your handsome face if you want to take me on a date this or next week.” (This is an honest smart response designed for a smart male.”

This is a good way to turn away a premature sexual advance yet convey your opinion that he is sexually attractive but you are not ready to get sexually intimate. Whether you believe it or not men who are interested in a future wife don’t want one that is sexually promiscuous or one who is overly free with her sexual intimacy. If you develop a reputation as a woman who sleeps around a lot then you will attract many noncommittal males.

 

“I am not sure we can be friends anymore”

 

This can either mean that you are breaking up the friendship or you want the relationship to develop past the friendship phase. You may be asked WHY so make sure that you have a truthful answer which makes sense. “I want our relationship to become more exclusive because my feelings for you are becoming rather intense.” or “I want a more exclusive relationship with you.”  or “I think I may be falling in love with you.”

Conclusion:

Being honest and expecting honesty should be the guiding principle in any male female interaction. If the male is caught in an intentional lie or is being intentionally deceptive about something important then drop him like a hot potato. Trust is the bond which makes for lasting relationships. Start lying and trust breaks down and there is no good relationship.

Make sure first that you are a woman a man needs and make sure the man is someone you need beyond just a mere sugar daddy or a man financially well off.

You want a male who appreciates you for who you are and who you are hoping to become. Stay single until you are genuinely a good catch for a male that fits your idea of a good father who will be a parent to your future offspring. Ideally he should be a motivating or encouraging, confident, interesting personality who will grow with you in a relationship and in life skills and not become a repetitive uninteresting bore stagnating in life.

STAY SINGLE until you have much more to offer in a relationship than just your vagina! If you want someone with integrity or morality and honesty, trustworthiness, dependability, competence, and with a good job then be someone with integrity, trustworthiness, dependability, competence, and a good job. Yes, many men ideally prefer beautiful, sexy, females but few can realistically afford them because they are usually high maintenance.

Promiscuity is a great enemy to lasting marital relationships. Promiscuity is a bad addictive habit. Adultery is almost inevitable in formerly promiscuous males and females. My opinions on dating may seem conservative and traditional in many ways but they are tried and true techniques which seldom fail in real life in the long duration. Give in to the promiscuity temptation and you are very likely to join the vast number of eventual failed marriages in the modern world if you get that far.

Due to economic uncertainty and a premium on technological jobs, if you are the average liberal arts major then plan for a rather poor single existence for a relatively long duration. Many are choosing to continue living with their parents if permitted after graduation and becoming financially independent and living on your own is becoming increasingly difficult.

Female biological clocks are always ticking but rushing into a marriage in desperation is often a formula for failure and much sustained misery in life.

As long as you are slowly trying to improve yourself in an enthusiastic, determined way then the odds for landing a good future male also increase. Above everything else, never stop trying to get better because a better man should eventually pop up in your life and decide to stay.

My sister in law had quite a few failed relationships in her life until she met her  husband at the age of 50. Yes, she will never have offspring of her own but she is finally married and it seems happily married for the time being. Those prior men frankly primarily used her for sex and never intended to make a long duration commitment.

Some women may feel that being used sexually is better than being ignored but that is not a recipe for long duration happiness for most females.

No one is the final authority on dating in the modern world including myself. Humans vary widely in looks, abilities, and circumstances. Use your own further research to find dating pointers from other sources which maybe fit your own view of male female relationships better. Some relationships can be quite playful with their share of bullshit so adjust your dating to some males who are a little on the risky side if you want some unpredictability and excitement in a relationship.

There is another saying that “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” It basically means that you should take calculated risks occasionally or you will not gain anything or gain useful knowledge, experience, and achievement. Take a chance and you might succeed or at least learn from the failure and get more emotional intelligence about human males and humans in general.

I offer the following link for all those who have not analyzed themselves or have not taken the time to know themselves. You will find out that it greatly helps to know yourself before you try to improve yourself which is what life should be all about if you want to be happy in the long duration.

https://uldissprogis.com/2017/12/22/analyzing-yourself-to-know-thyself/

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

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11 IMPORTANT MYTHS IN POPULAR PSYCHOLOGY!!!

One myth is that we use only about 10% of our brain. In fact almost all the brain is active all the time so we use about 100% of the brain, although certain regions of the brain are more active than others for given activities. MRI’s are one way to detect brain activity for different mental activities or different activated regions in the brain.

 

It is a myth that the left brain is more logical, analytical, intellectual, and the right brain is more intuitive, creative, and artistic. Both sides of the brain participate in analyzing, synthesizing, and intuitively being creative.

While it is true that some humans who do better in mathematics and science with much formal training, they tend to be more logical and analytical and their creativity and intuition is more firmly limited by objective rules and principles that guide their thinking. Both sides of the brain are used to function.

Artists can also analyze and synthesize what they are doing. Their subjective, impulsive creativity and often less formal training has less rigorous limitations. This results in many more mutant forms of creativity which are frankly very random in nature and often show a minimum of focused skill. You could generally say that artists are much freer or wilder in their thinking and doing than mathematicians and scientists but both sides of the brain participate.

 

It is a myth that there is ESP or extra sensory perception or psychic ability. Despite the fact that there is no scientific evidence to support psychic ability, humans love to think and believe that someone may be able to foresee the future and tell them what is in store for them.

The popularity of horoscopes is one indication of the gullibility of humans who fall for these predictive prognostications. Yes, there is coincidence that what the horoscope talks about or predicts is what generally or actually happens in your life on certain days. However, statistically horoscopes are less than 50% accurate which means that they are worse at predicting the future than a coin toss prediction.

Human hope springs eternal and one or a few lucky coincidences or events is unfortunately what keeps fortunetellers and gambling operations in business. One accurate prediction or a fake staged performance of many accurate predictions in front of a large audience can make many gullible believers in psychic ability.

 

It is a myth that subliminal messages can affect our behavior. Subliminal means something below the threshold of sensing and/or consciousness so if the message is visual and/or verbal we would not be aware of it realistically.

Yes, you could randomly flash a picture or part of a picture on the screen or flash an audio of a word and/or sound. This would register on our brain and we would be probably annoyed at the random disturbance, not be positively affected by it, and it would no longer be a subliminal message which we are not aware of.

 

It is a myth that adolescence is a time for emotional outbursts, stress, tension, rebellion, dependency conflicts, peer-group conformity, sexy dress, motorcycles, black leather jackets, and similar deviant behavior. Most adolescents from normal moral families do not have turbulent adolescences and those that do usually come from dysfunctional families.

Sure, even moral families may witness a few rebellious incidents such as clandestine cigarette, drug, or alcohol use, trying to fit in with undesirable popular peers, or inappropriate clothing and accessories. However, the vast majority do not have many such undesirable behavior problems, especially in nonwestern cultures where parenting is more formalized, better disciplined, and less permissive.

 

It is a myth that polygraphs or lie detectors and truth serums can accurately detect dishonesty or lies. Polygraphs measure parameters such as degree of sweating and heart beat but they are only about 60% accurate in detecting lies which means that about 40% get away with the lie.

Truth serum like alcohol reduces your inhibitions and you are slightly more inclined to tell the truth but the accuracy of truth serum is no better than the polygraph. The government still occasionally uses the polygraph on some of it’s high security workers but it is forbidden evidence in a court of law because it can’t prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt or close to 100% accuracy.

 

It is a myth that happiness is mostly dependent on our external circumstances. While it is true that there are certain things like possessions, great house, great job, plenty of pleasurable events, and much money which can bring great happiness in the short duration, long duration happiness is mostly dependent on inner drives, ambition, personality traits, attitudes, disposition, motivations, thoughts, and beliefs and not so much on external circumstances.

An external circumstance like divorce and death in the family can lead to some long duration unhappiness but in general we adjust to our own homeostasis or how happy we are over the long haul.

Yes, having some close and great friends are an external circumstance which has the potential to create great happiness but it is often because we ourselves have INNER integrity, are dependable, trustworthy, encouraging, and competent in our lives and attract other humans with similar characteristics.

Other humans, an external circumstance, make volunteering possible but it is ultimately the INNER satisfaction of helping others or a cause which makes the volunteer happy in the long duration.

A lonely household cat can be happy with food, water, sleep, shelter, petting, and a little exercise. Some minimally existing humans also don’t need very much to be happy if they have adequate food, water, sleep, shelter, clothes, alcohol, and occasional contact with other humans.

The truth is that both internal and external factors affect our happiness but the greatest source of long duration happiness is internal factors. Being optimistic, ambitious, driven, grateful, friendly, empathetic, courageous, confident, and being a perpetual thinker and doer trying to achieve short and long duration goals are internal factors which yield the greatest personal happiness under all external circumstances over a lifetime.

 

It is a myth that humans who are opposite in looks, personality, and beliefs are attracted to each other. It is a popular Hollywood myth which makes for interesting cinema but the reality is that similar looks, personalities, and beliefs result in more lasting relationships with spouses and friends alike. Our ideal mate or friend may be someone whom we ourselves would not attract because we ourselves are not as ideal as we think we are and simply can’t attract and land our ideal mate or friend.

Many of us like to fantasize how great it would be to marry a beautiful or handsome human with a great personality even though we are plain looking with borderline personalities. This is why opposites attract films get much support from the common filmgoer or watcher.

Yes, being too similar in looks, personality, and beliefs may lead to boredom but most humans are different enough to have slightly different likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, which makes an ongoing relationship interesting if both have an ambition to improve themselves in some way or have different goals in life as time progresses.

 

It is a myth that men and women communicate in completely different ways. Some women are more talkative than men because some are more social than men and have more friends. They also have a tendency to go into minute details about who said what to whom and what were the reactions. Men historically have been doers and not talkers on the job so traditionally women stayed at home and communicated with offspring and friends over the phone. Today both men and women work and lead similar lifestyles so the difference in talkativeness is rather minimal overall but may vary widely for individual couples.

It seems that women and men in positions of power interrupt conversations more often so it is not a characteristic of men only.

Women seem to be more perceptive of nonverbal cues than men or can detect emotional nuances better than men. This is not surprising because women have historically been trained to express their emotions rather than suppress them as is more common with men. Yes, it is acceptable if a woman cries but not a man in most cultures and this is just a reflection of cultural bias and conditioning. A man is supposed to control his emotions and a woman can be more emotional. Women in general and men with emotional intelligence can better pick up emotional cues.

Individuals differ in the degree of the quality and quantity of their personal communication but there are no glaring differences between how men or women communicate in general.

 

It is a myth that it is better to express anger than to hold it in. While some humans may initially feel better after yelling loudly, punching a bag, or destroying some property the long duration result is that it encourages or enforces future angry or aggressive episodes and prolongs the hatred of the subject or object of the anger.

Disciplining yourself to internally suppress angry feelings when they arise is the best policy. Taking concrete steps to reduce that anger such as counting to ten or delaying a problem for future resolution when the anger has subsided is the right thing to do.

 

It is a myth that low selfesteem is the major cause of psychological problems. Research has NOT shown a cause effect relationships between low selfesteem and problems such as violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders, school dropouts, teenage pregnancy, suicide, and bad academic achievement.

Accepting this myth has resulted in rewarding trophies to losers in sports and falsely telling students that they are smart, great, and wonderful for trying and failing at important tasks. Praising humans when they don’t deserve it or have not earned the praise leads to humans who are deluded into thinking that they are greater than they really are and their sense of selfworth is corrupted or is highly inaccurate.

True confindence or valid selfesteem grows out of successfully achieving more goals than failing at goal achievement. Delusional selfesteem arises when we fail much more often than succeed at doing things and still have a great deal of delusional confidence in ourselves.

The primary source for this article was 50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology by Lilienfeld, Lynn, Ruscio, and Beyerstein.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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Enjoy!!!!!!

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WHAT ARE 7 IMPORTANT KEYS TO A LASTING RELATIONSHIP?

There are very many more detailed keys to a lasting relationship than just 7.  Despite all our efforts to make a relationship work there are some crises in life which can derail what may have seemed like a lifetime relationship no matter how much we may try to avoid a termination of the relationship. These basic 7 keys will help to optimize a long duration relationship and are good starting points when further researching the details on how to make a relationship last.

A similar moral background with integrity and similar views on severe addictions,

Good communication, especially when problem solving with minimal angry confrontations,

Financial responsibility,

Sharing responsibilities in and around the house, especially for working couples

Enjoying sharing mutual experiences with family and friends,

Mutual encouragement and support to pursue mutual and individual goals,

Ongoing research into new interests which are then shared.

Almost all relationships will crash and burn if there is lying, deceitfulness, promiscuity, failure to fulfill promises, and criminal immorality. That is why it is important that both of you have similar moral viewpoints and are very honest with each other so that mutual trust and respect can flourish in the long duration. What this also implies is that you are free of traditional vices or severe addictions to alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, promiscuity, profligate spending, etc.

Failure to communicate at all or doing so very badly will terminate most relationships even if they initially seemed to be on the right track. Being a poor listener and having angry confrontations when problems have to be solved is sure to lead to a breakup sooner or later or a very miserable existence as long as this dysfunctional condition continues.

Next to infidelity, financial irresponsibility is the second greatest cause for a relationship breakup, especially in a marriage. If you are a compulsive spender or can’t control your urge to shop and buy then this will be the wrecking ball which will end a marriage. Sticking to a budget is the only possible way of salvaging a financially irresponsible relationship.

For working couples sharing in the responsibilities in and around the house and sharing offspring rearing responsibilities is important or one will feel overburdened or overwhelmed with a lopsided workload. Relatively few modern day couples can make a go of it on only one paycheck so sharing the responsibility of caring for offspring, cleaning house, doing grocery and other shopping is very important or one will be suffering from premature burnout.

Whether you are sharing enjoyable experiences with friends or family this act of sharing has a bonding effect on the participants. If you are single then bonding with friends is more important but if married your priority should be bonding with family first and then friends. Yes, some feel it is more important to bond with humans on the job than with family. This is a long duration threat to a family relationship and many regret belatedly that they didn’t spend more time with family despite a relatively successful career which may have always been priority number one.

When things are going bad for us the one thing which we all crave is empathy and encouragement from our significant other that things will eventually get better or work themselves out. Encouragement is also essential to motivate one in mutual goals and also in some personal individual goals which one may want to achieve. Let’s support each other in our mutual goals and individual interests or goals also sums up what active encouragement really means. Giving support is not only emotional but has a monetary and effort support component too.

A relationship can lead to boredom and apathy if both are pretty much doing the same thing day in and day out and both seem to be stagnating. The antidote to this undesirable circumstance is to research and develop new interests along the way so that the relationship is ever changing and growing in complexity. Some younger and many retired couples find that after the offspring are raised they really don’t have very much interesting things to do individually or mutually and some decide to part ways in search of a more exciting or interesting life.

You have to work on a lasting relationship and that means actively nurturing and trying to protect it or caring about the relationship in an ongoing way. Stop spending your time, energy, effort, and money on a relationship and it will often rapidly fade and become a thing of the past.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1131!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

https://uldissprogis.com/zlist-of-my-most-popular-blogs/

UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 766!!!

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If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3700 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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16 POTENTIAL ENEMIES OF INTIMACY OR A RELATIONSHIP!!!

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Many of the enemies of a relationship are also enemies of intimacy. Intimacy is really a closeness of two humans emotionally and physically and anything which reduces this closeness can be considered to be a disruptive influence or a potential enemy.

Much less communication,

disrespectful and critical comments,

hiding or lying about true feelings and events causes distrust,

an overly domineering attitude which minimizes sharing,

getting bored with predictable repetitive routines,

adultery,

mental and/or physical abuse,

financial overspending,

loss of a job,

over dedication to job,

sexual denial by wife,

severe addiction,

irresponsible behavior,

disagreement on how to raise offspring,

getting old, and

an increase in combative or arguing behavior are potential causes of decreasing intimacy and correspondingly threats to the relationship.

Some may argue that loss of a job, financial overspending, a severe addiction, and adultery are indirect causes of a reduction in intimacy but all of these behaviors can directly increase arguing, distrust, disrespectful and critical comments so intimacy is still affected adversely even if this happens indirectly.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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8 IMPORTANT FACTORS IN CLOSE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS!!!

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If you have integrity and are trustworthy, dependable, competent, friendly, and empathetic then your chances of forming close, good relationships is optimized. Being immoral and having many bad habits or one or more severe handicapping bad addictions will almost always ruin the possibility of close, good relationships. That being said there are 8 important factors which affect the strength of a bonding relationship:

TRUST:

Trust is the most important bonding characteristic which makes a relationship possible in the first place. Being honest, sincere, and moral or having integrity means that a relationship can potentially flourish if nurtured further.

Lie, steal, or commit adultery and trust can’t exist. Some dysfunctional relationships continue to exist without trust because of fear of abandonment or the fear of physical violence but these relationships are definitely not good or happy ones.

COMMUNICATION:

A relationship is threatened and often ruined if the communication is very bad, if there is very little of it, and definitely ruined when there is no communication at all.

Ideal communication is being a good listener, asking relevant questions, being relatively brief in responses, respecting opposing opinions or beliefs, not being verbally abusive or offensive, and interrupting or changing the subject if the conversation becomes too verbose, too trivial, too emotional, or irrelevant.

RESPECT:

If you have integrity then you will be respected but respect can also be increased with appropriate kindness, gratitude, caring, empathy, openness, listening, dependability, responsibility, competence, expertise, confidence, tolerance of opposing opinions and beliefs, and respect increases by not being verbally or physically abusive. A socially prominent respected human will often also be admired.

RESPONSIBILITY:

A responsible human accepts the consequences of his or her actions and does not try to find excuses or blame others for his or her own mistakes and failures. Moral, parental, behavioral, and financial responsibility is essential for a good relationship.

COOPERATION:

Sharing and/or compromising on parental, household, and financial responsibilities is the essence of what cooperation is. Mutually agreeing on what is to be done by who at what time is what cooperation between two or more individuals means. Whether it is between two individuals or an entire team or organization a good relationship depends on successful cooperation.

BEING GOOD ROLE MODELS:

A good relationship thrives if the participants in the relationship are good role models. This is particularly important in parenting where offspring will do what you do rather than do what you tell them to do. Words are rather weak motivators if your personal behavior and your words don’t match up. If you are a good friend then associate with humans who are also good friends or try to mostly have relationships with good role model humans.

Realistically not that many are good role models and you will also have to learn how to interact with quite a few bad role models in the course of a lifetime without becoming overly cynical, jaded, or spoiled.

INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM:

In any relationship one must respect individual interests and pursuits which make a relationship interesting and potentially more rewarding. Encouraging or motivating someone to pursue their individual interests and build upon their strengths is usually good for a relationship.

PATIENCE:

Not every problem or confrontation needs an urgent solution. Sometimes some research, further discussion, consulting with competent adults, and just letting more time to pass determines whether mutual agreement is possible or whether a live and let live attitude is preferable.

Transient angry confrontations should be minimized by patiently waiting until a given situation can be calmly discussed instead. Angry confrontations often cause insults, put downs, name calling, humiliation, and ridicule which just creates bad feelings and no resolution of the conflict.  

Important problems with potential solutions need patient waiting until enough information and resolve grows to a point where a solution is obvious and possible.

Most parental relationships have a dominant or controlling partner who makes most of the important family decisions and runs the risk of becoming too tyrannical and impulsive with her or his demands. Emotional patience is often a virtue and patiently doing something is less of a virtue especially if it takes the form of procrastination on too many things.

 

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