Tag Archives: compromise

UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1177!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1075!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 451!!!

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8 PRINCIPLES OF NEGOTIATION OR COMPROMISE!!!

negotiation1

Some things are nonnegotiable:

First of all it is important to realize that some things are just not negotiable and if you must or want to impose your will then force or withdrawal of a privilege is the only possible solution although often a temporary one.

Try to compromise or negotiate with a terrorist or a religious fanatic who thinks your requests are those of the devil incarnate and you will fail miserably. Fanatical dogmatic beliefs are frankly nonnegotiable and you are delusional if you think that communication will lead to any changes in those beliefs unless you are in a superior military and monetary situation and can threaten or scare someone into submission with the fear of death or financial bankruptcy.

You rarely know ahead of time but sometimes there are nonnegotiable points or demands which the human will not change under any circumstances. You may prepare to give in to the nonnegotiable demand but get a concession in return or a promise to do something which you need or want and the human can provide you with. This too is a win win situation because you are still both getting something which you need or want.

I don’t intend to give pointers on international negotiations but the principles involved in individual negotiations or compromise also apply to some extent in international ones too.

Negotiations or compromises are statistical probabilities:

Another basic truth is that negotiations are a scientific statistical probability and not an absolute certainty. You can increase the probability of a successful negotiation but you can’t always guarantee it. You may use every trick, tip, or negotiation principle and still fail at reaching a compromise.

It greatly helps to have integrity, respect, and expertise:

One of the most important negotiation principles is being liked and/or respected by the humans with whom you are trying to negotiate. Military, economic, and moral strength are respected by national leaders but integrity and expertise are respected and sometimes even admired by common humans.

Integrity is something which should not be compromised and if you are asked to sacrifice your morality for some short duration goal then your reputation will be affected adversely. Lie, steal, commit adultery, or murder someone and you have lost your integrity as well as your good social reputation.

Exclude intense and not so intense emotions as much as possible:

Emotional outbursts or communicating with much emotion can doom a negotiation because any strong indication of anger or arrogance will cause impulsive defensive actions or basically saying no to everything. Stay as cool, calm, and collected as possible in total discussion mode. Also don’t come in with a strong emotional attitude of arrogance or superiority with cockiness, overconfidence, bluster, offensive personal attacks such as insults, put downs, name calling, humiliation, and ridicule. No deal will be the result.

Know your adversary as much as possible:

This means finding out all that you can about your adversary before the negotiation. What they believe, what they think, what they do and who their associates or friends are will give you an idea whether they are negotiating from weakness or from strength. If you don’t know all the vital details ahead of time then the negotiation itself is a time to ask smart questions which will reveal important beliefs, opinions, and relationships.

Use time to your advantage:

Sometimes you can yield to or refuse a demand for a day, week, month, or years after which you either agree to renegotiate or switch to getting your demand for another duration. Time has an interesting way of changing minds because sometimes during duration ongoing circumstances almost force one to compromise.

Decrease and/or increase the frequency and/or length of a behavior or activity:

Sometimes a family compromise is merely decreasing the frequency and/or length of a behavior or doing it less often and not so long. Both spouses may feel that one is spending too much time on a behavior or activity which is causing family problems or personal dissatisfaction. The compromise is to promise to exchange behavior reductions and to shop less or spend less time on sports.

Spending more time on a behavior or activity may also be a compromise. One spouse may promise to spend more time interacting with offspring and the other may promise to spend more time researching recipes for tasty new home meals.

The third form of compromise is one spouse promising to increase an activity or behavior and the other promising to decrease an activity or behavior.

Stop or promise to never do that behavior or activity again is another possibility in a compromise.

A good behavior or activity can be increased or decreased in frequency and duration during a compromise but a bad behavior or activity should only be decreased in frequency and duration in a compromise. Immoral behavior or activity should be stopped.

Using the herd instinct or desire to belong to a group:

Sometimes compromise is more successful if you can point to many humans who are doing what you need or want to be done by a human. Peer or group pressure is sometimes a disadvantage in parental negotiations but if peers or groups are doing something right or it is something that you approve of then you can try to use peer or group pressure in a negotiation.

Stay focused on your goal(s):

Some aggressive negotiators, especially high pressure saleshumans, will try to intimidate, ignore, or cleverly change the subject to get you to say yes so try not to lose your focus on the goal(s) which you actually need or want and not those which you don’t want or need.

During a negotiation I had to repeat myself four times or ask one car salesman what was my yearly interest on a car loan based on a $3000 down payment. He ignored me or changed the subject four times before he finally came up with a printout in writing.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 345!!!

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If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 200!!!

FotorCreated

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3000 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT CONFRONTATION***

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Confrontation: v. reacting to actual and/or potential (conflict and/or challenge) by demonstrating (physical force and/or argumentation ability) and/or evidence with frequently a very intense conviction(s)

The most common form of confrontation is a very intense argument where each side tries to win with their dominant belief, opinion and/or desire. Compromise is seldom considered as an option and it can even erupt into physical violence.

Bar brawls are an example of confrontational arguments leading to physical violence and some protests which start out as relatively peaceful confrontations can degenerate into violence against the police or against opposing demonstrators.

Some confrontations between hostile nations can also lead to violence and if it weren’t for mutually assured nuclear destruction, violent wars or military conflict would be more frequent than it is today.

As long as there are unyielding religious dogmas and unyielding tyrannical governments there will be arguments about ideology and political correctness. Confrontations leading to violence in some form are the inevitable result in this world on into the foreseeable future. Where compromise is impossible confrontation is inevitable.

The classic confrontation is the threat of violence if you don’t give up your wallet in a stickup.

Extortion is also a confrontation which can convince you to behave illegally or give up a possession.

Most confrontations these days are very intense emotional arguments which sometimes escalate into violent action or assault. Abused women and men are frequently examples of violent confrontations.

 

A difficult situation is one where the husband beats a financially dependent wife with offspring and she fears getting a divorce because of threats to kill her if she does. Divorcing and going on welfare with a cease and desist order is frequently the only escape when the violence becomes truly intolerable or unbearable.

 

Other severe confrontations are when there is an addict on alcohol, drugs, or gambling and they insist that they don’t have a problem but can function in this world without problems. Unless the addict loses their job, gets involved in a serious accident, or can’t pay the bills there is probably no hope of convincing them that they have a problem which needs action or a solution such as getting off the addiction.

 

Confrontations where both sides have opposing die hard opinions or beliefs are almost impossible to change and you can get therapists or friends to help you trying to convince someone that they are wrong or behaving badly. If social pressure and a logical approach doesn’t help then unfortunately you may be forced to ignore or avoid the strong opinion or belief and perhaps even avoid the human if they are not your spouse.

 

CONCLUSION:

If you sense a very intense emotional attachment to an opinion or belief then verbal confrontations are best avoided especially where the subjects may be politics, religion, or sports and they are things which you really can’t change and need not affect your personal relationships if you don’t want them to.

 

If you can’t turn a confrontation into a calm discussion then empathize with the viewpoint, say that you understand where they are coming from, and express the thought that you have a right to disagree, live and let live.

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8 THINGS WHICH SHOULD MAKE PARTNERSHIPS OR MARRIAGES WORK BETTER!!!

partnership

Relatively unimportant misunderstandings are bound to happen in partnerships and they should frequently be for a relatively short duration. Forgive and forget the transient misunderstandings and move on to more important concerns.

You should trust your partner and if you reach a point where trust is no longer possible then consider breaking off the partnership. Being honest, sincere, dependable, competent, and friendly is vital if a relationship is to last for a long duration. If lying and irresponsibility starts to interfere with the relationship then it won’t last long if not corrected in time so that trustworthiness can continue. Trust is the vital bond which ensures a lasting relationship and without it you really don’t have a good relationship.

Learn the art of compromising and not fighting for win or lose situations all the time. Learn to give a little and get a little or give much and get much of what you really want. There will also be times when you give much and get little or get much and give little all depending on the circumstances. If you give much in one circumstance and get little maybe the next time around you will be able to get much and give only a little. If you want a female spouse to work to help much with the income then give much and learn to do the dishes, prepare a meal, do the laundry, vacuum the carpet, and spend more time with offspring.

Don’t be afraid to pursue different interests in a partnership which may separate you time wise to some extent. When you reunite then you will have many more interesting things to share and talk about and the relationship will not become that boring. Support your partner in his or her interests so you can mutually benefit from the new job or new experiences.

Don’t be afraid to reveal your weaknesses to your partner because they also have some and you should get more caring support in the areas where you are not that strong if your partner is capable of expressing empathy. If your partner has a weakness then try to help or do things to lessen the impact of that weakness.

Sometimes there are problems which are unfixable or bad childhood experiences which have made your personality less than perfect. You may be stuck with your problems and the best thing to do is to just learn to live with the problems or find ways to work around them and lessen their handicapping effects. With time you can hope to improve the situation but must realize that some problems and personality traits will probably not go away permanently.

Fights or severe arguments may erupt once in a while where there is no clear winner or loser. Don’t suffer through lasting resentment but learn to quickly forgive and forget to some extent. No relationship will last if resentment lasts long and the fight is recurrently brought up in future confrontations which should be discussions and compromises instead as much as possible.

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind or always tune in to your true emotional mood. Clearly tell what you want your partner to do and tell them if you are upset about something. If you are exhausted or angry at someone and want emotional support then tell your partner that you are exhausted or angry at someone or had a terrible day. Communicate your problems and feelings in words so that your partner does not misunderstand your true state of mind. You may get more consideration and empathy by being open and up front with your emotional and physical circumstances.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT AGREEMENTS***

Labor-Agreements1

Agreement:  n. corresponding with similar opinions and/or facts frequently after discussion and adjustment of differences in fact and/or opinion and/or judgment and the results can be recorded

When you have two or more humans involved in an activity(s) agreement is frequently necessary. You frequently have to mutually decide or agree on a goal(s) and then agree on what is the best way to achieve the goal(s) and how much responsibility each participant has in the goal(s) achievement.

Sometimes opinions differ widely and agreement is not possible so the best solution is just to hold on to your own opinions if agreement is not essential. We may agree to disagree but life still goes on.

It is frequently a leader’s responsibility to choose a course of action even when agreement has not been made between all the participants or workers.

Sometimes agreement involves compromise between competing parties or each participant getting something desired out of the agreement but not everything desired. Economic and political treaties or agreements are frequently compromises where each side benefits but with some drawbacks for each side.

Sometimes there are different approaches to reaching the same goal(s) such as in raising offspring. One parent may have more of an authoritarian style of leadership and the other a more democratic or consensus style of leadership.

The truth is that for very young offspring and authoritarian style of parenting is preferable and a democratic style of leadership more appropriate in the teen years when offspring are capable of independent logical thinking too. You do it your way and I will do it my way is frequently an acceptable agreement style where more than one approach leads to the same goal(s).

In business agreement frequently leads to a formal agreement or contract.

Most household arguments are based in disagreements or differing opinions on what good and bad behavior is and what is an acceptable purchase and what isn’t. Harsh criticism or intensely blaming another as being totally responsible for a problem or mistake is frequently how household arguments start.

If a discussion does not lead to intense arguing then agreement is frequently possible but if it is confrontational or a you against me attitude then it sometimes makes agreement impossible and lingering dissatisfaction and resentment is the result.

Teamwork in a family is a very important desirable concept and in business it is increasingly modifying authoritarian styles of leadership.

 

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THE TRUTH ABOUT COMPROMISE

NoCompromise

Compromise: v. to agree to end a discussion(s) by competing humans each making a concession(s) and/or exchanging benefits with a drawback(s)

It is more difficult to compromise when arguing but by intense discussion it is possible to reach an agreement by opposing sides by each making a concession(s) or exchanging benefits while maintaining a certain drawback(s).

The art of compromise is important in good marriages and relationships.

There are also benefits to compromise in competing businesses and agreement is sometimes made on just rules to follow as good business practices among similar businesses who work together and not necessarily always as fierce opposing foes or competitors with a winner take all attitude.

Sometimes in life you can’t completely get what you want or need and have to be satisfied with a partial achievement of your goal(s) or you may have to give something to get what you want or need. This is called compromising and the same principles can be applied to family, business, and political compromises.

You may only have enough money for one car and even though you want a sports car you may have to compromise and get a sport SUV which is desirable for family transportation.

You may want your spouse to work and help with the finances but you may also have to promise to do more work around the house which you don’t enjoy to help out an overburdened spouse.

In the first case of a car you are not getting what you really want and in the second case you are getting what you want but have to give up some of your free time to do more chores around the house so there is some sacrifice or concession taking place in the compromise arrangement on your part.

Exchanging benefits may not seem like a compromise because both parties are getting what they want or need but the concession is that to achieve both goals more money will have to be spent.

The compromise may be not getting the pressure cleaner or appliance right away but waiting to save up enough money so that you can purchase both of them at the same time. Waiting for a purchase or giving up time saving for the purchase is a concession, especially if only one spouse is paying for the purchases.

Political compromises are frequently exchanging benefits for both parties and concessions frequently take the form of not getting everything but at least something which you want to pass legislation on. In general politics is making demands or suggesting legislation and making concessions by not having all the demands or suggested legislation being approved.

Compromise on tariffs between nations also involves concessions. You may help one industry by getting a tariff reduction from a nation but others may suffer if you reduce tariffs on those industries in exchange agreements. Free trade benefits and hurts the participating nations and frequently the rich ones benefit the most.

One area of life which should not be compromised is your moral principles. Making concessions to them and accepting lies, adulterous behavior, and deceptions will just make your life and relationships with humans worse off and not better in the long duration.

ve both goals more money will have to be spent.

Your spouse may want a pressure cleaner and you may want a new appliance for the kitchen.

 

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THE TRUTH ABOUT APPEASEMENT

appeasement

Appeasement: n. excluding dissatisfaction by fulfilling a demand(s) which we frequently don’t want to fulfill but reluctantly do

Cut back on your TV watching and spend more time with the offspring! This is a demand which is sometimes made by spouses and the demand is frequently appeased with less TV watching but reluctantly.

You invade the Crimea and demand that it become part of Russia. If this happens then you are appeasing the Russian tyrant and aggression if you don’t take any counter measures or enforce punishing economic penalties.

There is political appeasement, spouse appeasement, and business appeasement such as giving in to demands for wage increases by a union or individual worker. In business a demand for a wage increase is frequently appeased reluctantly by the boss or owner if it is a good necessary worker.

Demands in real life are frequent no matter what the human source and we frequently have no choice but to appease those demands to avoid future confrontations and arguments about the same subject matter. Instead of appeasement you can try to formulate a compromise which satisfies both parties.

There is nothing like success to create more demands and if you appease too much then you will have a very controlling demanding tyrannical human in your life.

 

 

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THE TRUTH ABOUT ARGUING

couple-arguing

Arguing is a form of verbal fighting where each side tries to dominate, win, or force the other into submission. Arguing starts in childhood with arguments about who’s turn it is, who is stronger, who is stupid, or who has the strongest or best dad or mom.

Unfortunately these largely illogical confrontations exist on into adulthood for humans who have not learned to calmly talk out, discuss, and sometimes compromise about life’s problems, situations, and differing opinions.

Adult arguments frequently lead to name calling, bad feelings of being offended, abused, wrongly criticized, or unjustly attacked. This sometimes even causes vengeful feelings or wanting to get back at and punish the offender in some way.

Arguments are inevitable in most relationships and the important thing to keep in mind is that if you were the unjust aggressor then you should apologize and say that you are sorry. Sometimes you can try to make up for the bad confrontation in some way by doing something nice or promising that you will not argue about the same thing again.

A confrontational language with a bias for yes or no, love or hate, and right or wrong communications prevents many from stopping and LISTENING CAREFULLY to each other and asking some logical questions. By calmly discussing you may actually find out that neither of you is totally wrong or right but that each has a valid point of view and that compromise or accepting another’s point of view is sometimes a logical acceptable way out.

CONCLUSION:

Arguing is childish fighting and adults should learn to communicate with almost no fighting at all for best results and healthy relationships. Listen carefully to each point of view, calmly ask some follow up questions, and discuss the situation in an adult way. When you do argue then apologize if you are the aggressor and have hurt another’s feelings or attacked another’s beliefs or opinions unjustly.

Argument:  n. very intense sensory disagreement

 

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