Tag Archives: confrontation

THE TRUTH ABOUT CONFRONTATION***

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Confrontation: v. reacting to actual and/or potential (conflict and/or challenge) by demonstrating (physical force and/or argumentation ability) and/or evidence with frequently a very intense conviction(s)

The most common form of confrontation is a very intense argument where each side tries to win with their dominant belief, opinion and/or desire. Compromise is seldom considered as an option and it can even erupt into physical violence.

Bar brawls are an example of confrontational arguments leading to physical violence and some protests which start out as relatively peaceful confrontations can degenerate into violence against the police or against opposing demonstrators.

Some confrontations between hostile nations can also lead to violence and if it weren’t for mutually assured nuclear destruction, violent wars or military conflict would be more frequent than it is today.

As long as there are unyielding religious dogmas and unyielding tyrannical governments there will be arguments about ideology and political correctness. Confrontations leading to violence in some form are the inevitable result in this world on into the foreseeable future. Where compromise is impossible confrontation is inevitable.

The classic confrontation is the threat of violence if you don’t give up your wallet in a stickup.

Extortion is also a confrontation which can convince you to behave illegally or give up a possession.

Most confrontations these days are very intense emotional arguments which sometimes escalate into violent action or assault. Abused women and men are frequently examples of violent confrontations.

 

A difficult situation is one where the husband beats a financially dependent wife with offspring and she fears getting a divorce because of threats to kill her if she does. Divorcing and going on welfare with a cease and desist order is frequently the only escape when the violence becomes truly intolerable or unbearable.

 

Other severe confrontations are when there is an addict on alcohol, drugs, or gambling and they insist that they don’t have a problem but can function in this world without problems. Unless the addict loses their job, gets involved in a serious accident, or can’t pay the bills there is probably no hope of convincing them that they have a problem which needs action or a solution such as getting off the addiction.

 

Confrontations where both sides have opposing die hard opinions or beliefs are almost impossible to change and you can get therapists or friends to help you trying to convince someone that they are wrong or behaving badly. If social pressure and a logical approach doesn’t help then unfortunately you may be forced to ignore or avoid the strong opinion or belief and perhaps even avoid the human if they are not your spouse.

 

CONCLUSION:

If you sense a very intense emotional attachment to an opinion or belief then verbal confrontations are best avoided especially where the subjects may be politics, religion, or sports and they are things which you really can’t change and need not affect your personal relationships if you don’t want them to.

 

If you can’t turn a confrontation into a calm discussion then empathize with the viewpoint, say that you understand where they are coming from, and express the thought that you have a right to disagree, live and let live.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

THE TRUTH ABOUT EVASION***

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Evasion: n. trying to escape and/or to avoid a subset(s) such as (responsibility and/or commitment) and/or (selfrevelation and/or confrontation) by using (cleverness and/or deception) and/or (a change in behavior and/or a change in direction)

Evasive tactics are frequently used when one wants to escape or avoid confrontational or unpleasant situations. You may want to avoid responsibility, commitment, confrontation, or selfrevelation and may use excuses, change the subject, promise to answer at a later date, speak much and never get to the point, start using the cellphone, excuse yourself to leave for the restroom, or quickly leave the premises.

 

Beating around the bush is a phrase frequently used when you are killing time hoping that maybe the ongoing subject will go away or eventually be ignored.

 

In nature prey frequently zigzag and change direction trying to avoid getting caught by a predator or trying to evade it. Humans also try to evade unpleasant conversations by changing the direction of the conversation to more pleasant themes.

 

If you are honest, have nothing to hide, and have done nothing wrong which would embarrass you then you will rarely have to use evasive tactics. The most evasion that you will be doing is just trying to avoid or ignore the bad humans in your life.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1000 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

THE TRUTH ABOUT CONFLICT

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Conflict: attempting an action(s) against a lifeform(s) which may result in violence(s) but it is frequently an insoluble argument with different and frequently opposing beliefs and/or opinions

 

Fewer and fewer conflicts are violent confrontations where one party tries to gain physical dominance over another but there are many communication conflicts with opposing beliefs and/or opinions being expressed and frequently resulting in intense emotional arguments.

 

Conflicting opinions abound in life because we all have them. It is a wise human who can deal with conflict in a calm rational manner and tries to discuss rather than argue against a different opinion. With strong beliefs the best advice is frequently live and let live. You stay with your strong belief and I will stay with mine! Let’s move on to a different subject but not discuss the contentious one any more.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, approximately 700 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

Enjoy!!!!!!

THE TRUTH ABOUT CRITICISM

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Criticism: n. a communication with disapproval for too much deviation from normative standards of perfection and/or complete standards of perfection for a subset(s)

Almost all of us have been criticized for not looking good, not doing the right thing, or having an opinion or belief which is unacceptable or wrong. Our first reaction is usually very defensive and we frequently decide to defend ourselves or get very upset at the criticism.  When you criticize another human keep in mind that they may become very defensive and upset no matter how diplomatically you present that criticism.

There are certain things which you should keep in mind when offering criticism.

Don’t name call such as calling someone stupid, crazy, or incompetent for doing a stupid, crazy, or incompetent thing.

Instead ask a probing question and find out what made the human do the stupid, crazy, or incompetent thing. They may surprise you by giving a reasonable answer from their point of view and what they did may not seem so stupid, crazy, and incompetent as you initially thought. After getting a subjective personal answer you may still decide that objectively what they did was stupid, crazy, or incompetent so then offer a suggestion of what you would have done instead and find out if they agree with you.

If you are a boss then you can insist that they do what is right the next time but if it is a friend then you should accept their point of view and not try to force them to change their behavior the next time around.

If you are criticizing an opinion which is not a firmly held belief which you probably will never change then ask them to give reasons for the opinion if it is one that you disagree with.

What are the reasons why you feel that way? or What facts are you using to back up your opinion? are questions which will give you a better idea of why the opinion is being held. There may not be any facts to back up the opinion and it may simply be an impulsive feeling of being right. If this is the case then you can present facts or reasons why a differing opinion is in fact right and should be held.

There are other techniques which you can use to persuade a human that your opinion is the right one to have but you should realize that you may still fail to convince another that you are right and they are in fact wrong. If the opinion is not going to affect your life in any major way then let the opinion live and don’t try to destroy it by taking a very aggressive attitude towards it and starting unnecessary confrontations or arguments.

An attitude that I am right and you are wrong is frequently the wrong approach because as in most things in life neither you nor they are completely right or wrong but both are frequently partially right and partially wrong. There are many more shades of grey such as sometimes, frequently, and not always than just black or white, yes or no.

Criticizing looks is dangerous because no one wants you to say that outfit is ugly because they impulsively feel that you are calling them personally ugly. When criticizing give some valid factual reasons why you don’t like something first. It is not my favorite color, color combination, style, pattern, or print is much better than saying it is ugly, I hate it, it is terrible, and I can’t stand it.

If you have a reputation for being honest, sincere, dependable, and trustworthy then your critical opinion will have more impact than if you have a bad or unreliable reputation and are not trusted by another. Criticisms from someone that you like are not as offensive as criticisms from someone whom you don’t like.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, approximately 700 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

Enjoy!!!!!!

BE ANGRY OR BE MENTALLY CONTROLLED AND PEACEFUL

Be-angry

You can be angry at yourself, angry at mistakes, angry at another human or humans, angry at the injustice of institutions in this world, and angry at bad events.

We get angry because someone criticizes us or blames us for something which we may or may not have done. Recognize that no one is perfect, including yourself, and that if you get criticized or blamed then you may be totally or partially responsible for the bad situation.

Accept the fact that you may have to be angry at yourself and not others for something bad happening. Our overinflated ego can easily be hurt and anger is frequently the first way that we try and deal with the hurt and frequently unsuccessfully with dead end results and much unnecessary emotional turmoil.

We also get angry if someone does not listen to us or obey us when we think it is important to do so. Our spouse and offspring will frequently not listen to us and not obey us when we make demands and it is ok to get angry at young offspring who don’t know better or can’t reason well or at all.

Trying to be a dictator or tyrant or boss all the time will not work in a family setting and you should try to learn more democratic discussion and consensus building skills to be a successful leader in the family.

We also get angry if someone disagrees with an opinion which we might have on politics, sports, economics, etc. If an opposing opinion will not significantly affect work or family life then it is frequently not worth getting angry over. Live and let live in a sea of different opinions on subjects which you have little or no power over or can’t change in any significant way.

You have little or no control over politics, religion, sports, society, and economics so don’t get into heated arguments about what is not possible for one relatively powerless person to change for the better.

We also get angry if we think the world is conspiring against us and we are being victimized by it. The world has never been fair or just and will not be fair or just into the foreseeable future so stop blaming the system and try to find ways of working around it to get to your desired goals in life.

Finally we get angry at mistakes which we make which may or may not be our fault. Almost everyone makes a thousand and one mistakes in their lives and instead of getting angry one should try to learn from the mistakes and make sure that they don’t happen again or don’t happen as frequently in the future by making necessary changes in your life or changing your approach to things.

Fundamentally we get angry because our ego has been hurt or because our attempt at reaching a goal(s) has been stopped or hindered permanently or temporarily.

Getting angry is easy but suppressing the emotion and debating or discussing the situation calmly takes skill and selfcontrol which is not easy to obtain overnight.

Accepting the fact that no one is perfect including ourselves and accepting the fact that two or more humans will frequently disagree or have different opinions on a topic is vital to keep angry emotional outbursts to a minimum.

Here are 3 ways to reduce angry reactions which should work for anyone interested in managing their tendency to respond with anger first and not last:

Take a timeout:

Count to 10 before you respond is good advice because in the heat of the moment an angry remark is something which may hurt you permanently and it is not something which you can change once you have said it. Not responding for ten seconds or longer will frequently give us time to control our angry impulses and find a better answer or solution to the problem at hand.

Express your feelings and opinions in a noncombative way:

Once you have calmed down a bit don’t be confrontational or in attack mode but try to discuss the topic which made you angry in a calm collected way. Communicate the situation which caused the anger without immediately trying to control or hurt others with nasty comments and orders. Try to mutually come to an agreement on what should be done to diffuse the highly emotional situation. Let’s try to work this out in a mutually beneficial way if possible.

Instead of  being combative and saying “You make me angry” say “I feel angry” and instead of “I disagree with your opinion” say “I think that my opinion has validity because-“

Learn new communication skills:

Most humans get angry and lose control of their emotions because they frequently feel helpless in a bad situation. “What do I do next?” is frequently a question which goes unanswered and an angry response is the fast easy wrong response.  Learning to ask the right questions and getting answers to them are the communication skills which are necessary to navigate past a dysfunctional angry response.

Ask yourself and others who, what, where, when, why, how, and how much about angry situations. You will find out in a controlled way who or what caused the anger, where, when, and why the anger started, and how the anger can be eliminated in the future.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!