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If you have integrity and are trustworthy, dependable, competent, friendly, and empathetic then your chances of forming close, good relationships is optimized. Being immoral and having many bad habits or one or more severe handicapping bad addictions will almost always ruin the possibility of close, good relationships. That being said there are 8 important factors which affect the strength of a bonding relationship:
TRUST:
Trust is the most important bonding characteristic which makes a relationship possible in the first place. Being honest, sincere, and moral or having integrity means that a relationship can potentially flourish if nurtured further.
Lie, steal, or commit adultery and trust can’t exist. Some dysfunctional relationships continue to exist without trust because of fear of abandonment or the fear of physical violence but these relationships are definitely not good or happy ones.
COMMUNICATION:
A relationship is threatened and often ruined if the communication is very bad, if there is very little of it, and definitely ruined when there is no communication at all.
Ideal communication is being a good listener, asking relevant questions, being relatively brief in responses, respecting opposing opinions or beliefs, not being verbally abusive or offensive, and interrupting or changing the subject if the conversation becomes too verbose, too trivial, too emotional, or irrelevant.
RESPECT:
If you have integrity then you will be respected but respect can also be increased with appropriate kindness, gratitude, caring, empathy, openness, listening, dependability, responsibility, competence, expertise, confidence, tolerance of opposing opinions and beliefs, and respect increases by not being verbally or physically abusive. A socially prominent respected human will often also be admired.
RESPONSIBILITY:
A responsible human accepts the consequences of his or her actions and does not try to find excuses or blame others for his or her own mistakes and failures. Moral, parental, behavioral, and financial responsibility is essential for a good relationship.
COOPERATION:
Sharing and/or compromising on parental, household, and financial responsibilities is the essence of what cooperation is. Mutually agreeing on what is to be done by who at what time is what cooperation between two or more individuals means. Whether it is between two individuals or an entire team or organization a good relationship depends on successful cooperation.
BEING GOOD ROLE MODELS:
A good relationship thrives if the participants in the relationship are good role models. This is particularly important in parenting where offspring will do what you do rather than do what you tell them to do. Words are rather weak motivators if your personal behavior and your words don’t match up. If you are a good friend then associate with humans who are also good friends or try to mostly have relationships with good role model humans.
Realistically not that many are good role models and you will also have to learn how to interact with quite a few bad role models in the course of a lifetime without becoming overly cynical, jaded, or spoiled.
INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM:
In any relationship one must respect individual interests and pursuits which make a relationship interesting and potentially more rewarding. Encouraging or motivating someone to pursue their individual interests and build upon their strengths is usually good for a relationship.
PATIENCE:
Not every problem or confrontation needs an urgent solution. Sometimes some research, further discussion, consulting with competent adults, and just letting more time to pass determines whether mutual agreement is possible or whether a live and let live attitude is preferable.
Transient angry confrontations should be minimized by patiently waiting until a given situation can be calmly discussed instead. Angry confrontations often cause insults, put downs, name calling, humiliation, and ridicule which just creates bad feelings and no resolution of the conflict.
Important problems with potential solutions need patient waiting until enough information and resolve grows to a point where a solution is obvious and possible.
Most parental relationships have a dominant or controlling partner who makes most of the important family decisions and runs the risk of becoming too tyrannical and impulsive with her or his demands. Emotional patience is often a virtue and patiently doing something is less of a virtue especially if it takes the form of procrastination on too many things.
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Being a new manager in a job is basically starting out developing a good reputation and getting things done properly along the way. Peter Guber does an excellent job of suggesting the 7 major things which can derail or even end a successful start at managing new personnel.
Perhaps the biggest mistake which can be made is not investigating or doing enough research into the new organization and personnel before actually making important decisions about the organization and its personnel. You have to know how well the current system is operating before you can start taking steps to improve it the way that you would like to see it work.
Striving for a teamwork approach rather than tyrannical selfconfident or selfindulgent bossing is what makes for great and successful management in this day and age.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-first-90-days-beware-7-deadly-sins-starting-new-job-peter-guber
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You share your knowledge which helps them do their work and perform well. You are effectively a team player.
You listen intently to what they have to say and respond in helpful ways always considering how their feelings will be affected.
You are optimistic and enthusiastic when you interact with humans.
You give credit where credit is due, give judicious earned praise, and don’t seek to be praised for your own efforts but are rather humble in your own achievements.
You are honest, sincere, dependable, moral, competent, friendly, and trustworthy and humans respect you and you try to respect others worthy of respect.
You don’t gossip behind their backs but usually relay only good information to others.
You behave responsibly, admit your mistakes and don’t blame others, and apologize if you hurt someone’s feelings or affect their work adversely.
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The most mutually beneficial 2 negotiating styles are frequently the compromising and collaborative styles and the remaining three styles or competitive, accommodating, and avoiding styles are frequently winning or losing styles where one side frequently benefits the most by a large degree.
Compromising negotiations are situations where you frequently win some and lose some. One side gets something that they want and the other side gets something that they want but one side does not generally get all that they want without giving something up.
In compromising divorce negotiations the future ex-husband may want more visitation rights and the future ex-wife may only agree if the alimony payment is higher. The male spouse gets greater visitation rights but gives up more of his money and the wife gets more money but gets less living convenience because of having to share the offspring more.
In compromising car sales negotiations you may negotiate for a lower price with the promise that you will buy right away. The salesman may not want to reduce the price and his commission but may be willing to do so to increase his sales volume or just to make a sale which he might be rather desperate to make.
Collaborative negotiations are situations where you have mutual goals which you want to achieve and each contributes your just share to the effort. It is a win win situation.
In a collaborative family vacation negotiation neither of you may be able to afford an expensive vacation but if you both contribute money from your paychecks then it is doable.
Competitive negotiations have winners and losers which are sometimes necessary for fast results or in situations where a deadline must be met.
In a competitive job assignment one sales human may compete with another sales human from the same company for a new prized regional sales area. One will be chosen and hopefully the one deserving of the position or the one meriting it will get the job and the other loses or doesn’t get it.
In a competition for the family car to use on a date two offspring may compete for the rights and one generally wins the right to drive the car. Hopefully the one with the greatest urgency such as a first date or the most important event such as a prom will win the rights to drive the car.
Competitive negotiations sometimes hide important facts or one side tries to deceive the other so there is frequently more dishonesty in competitive negotiations. The more honest both sides are the more just will be the end result of a competitive negotiation and one side will not feel that they have been unjustly screwed in some way with untruths.
Accommodating negotiations are giving in because you feel the relationship is worth saving at the expense of losing. You start to demand punctuality from your spouse and they just refuse to be punctual and continue to make lame excuses for the tardiness. The rest of the marital relationship seems fine to you so you relent or give up and accept the tardiness as a fact of life which you will have to live with. If you are too accommodating then there will be a tendency for your spouse to take advantage of you in other important things also.
Avoiding negotiations are really not negotiations at all but frequently examples of being ignored perhaps hoping that the problem will eventually be ignored by you too. You should clearly state what is expected of the other party in the situation when something finally will be done and the matter will be properly negotiated and a satisfactory conclusion reached.
To avoid many unpleasant confrontational arguments you should learn the rules for calm discussion or understand that proper negotiation techniques are frequently the answer which actually solves problems to some extent and does not let them fester for too long with bad consequences for a relationship.
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You can solve some problems by letting others solve them, you can solve some problems with the help of others, you can solve the problem yourself, or you can ignore a problem and hope that it goes away on its own.
If you are a scientist then solving a problem may be very complex. You will have to analyze a situation, gather data by experimentation, and maybe come up with a verifiable hypothesis which explains accurately what is going on. You will effectively be using the scientific method with appropriate analyzing and synthesizing.
If you have a common problem then gathering all the information needed to solve it is important. Once you gather the information you can then use your previous knowledge or expertise to organize the information logically and solve the problem using known techniques.
Come up with more than one way of solving the problem if possible and call it plan A, B, C, etc. If one approach to solving a problem doesn’t work then you should be ready to use plan B or C to try and solve it.
Most problems have a solution and the key to solving them is prior experience with similar problems and understanding that sometimes there is frequently more than one way of finding a solution.
If you have the luxury of much time on your hand then you can keep trying to solve a problem in a casual way without much stress but unfortunately most problems need speedy solutions and you will frequently be under stressful time constraints.
Some problems are not as important as other problems and you should learn to prioritize the important problems so that you can spend more time trying to solve them. The little problems may not go away but you can frequently not solve them or ignore them and sometimes they go away on their own with changing circumstances.
Solving problems at home and not on the job require parenting skills and relationship skills which frequently get easier to solve with prior experience. Trial and error is a bad but sometimes necessary way that problems get solved at home when prior expertise or knowledge is inadequate or absent.
Sometimes solving a big problem like poor grades means solving many little problems first. It may mean getting adequate sleep, setting aside dependable time for studying, eliminating distractions during study time, motivating by promising rewards for conscientious studying, and even getting tutoring help during study periods.
Some problems like an overly emotional spouse have no solutions and you may be forced to adapt and live with the problem if divorce is not an option.
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Command: v. to authoritatively demand an animal(s) to do a subset(s)
Historically commanding or bossing humans around was much more popular than today. Parents would command their offspring with strict discipline, men would frequently tell their wives what to do, rulers would command their followers and military leaders, military leaders would command their soldiers, and humans would command and discipline their pets.
Today many parents don’t strictly discipline their offspring, rulers and especially presidents have limited powers to command, business leaders in many technological companies or creative enterprises emphasize teamwork and not autocratic rule, and spouses try to mutually cooperate in making decisions although one spouse may be more commanding than the other.
Commanding is still a vital and necessary function in western societies and is much more pronounced in other cultures today but the trend is towards much more cooperative strategies of leadership. Power is shared to some extent and all decisions are no longer strictly top down leadership but an exchange of ideas and strategies before a final decision is made.
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