Tag Archives: discipline

BRIEF REVIEW OF GOOD AND BAD PUNISHMENT!!!

As parents we often are uncertain whether a punishment is working or is effective or we are uncertain whether a threat of punishment or threat of withdrawal of a privilege will work. Ways of punishing are many and you should refer to books for detailed information on the subject. I highlight general reasons why punishments can be effective and why they sometimes are not.

My young son threw a loud temper tantrum in the supermarket when the family went shopping and I immediately physically carried him out to the car and had him calm down. When he did calm down I asked him whether he was ready to go back in and behave. We went back shopping and everything was fine again.

This is just one example of immediate effective punishment for young offspring which is nonviolent and does not involve loudly shouting “no!” or “stop that!” in a public place.

 

 

PUNISHMENTS ARE MOST EFFECTIVE WHEN THEY ARE-

Appropriate and thoughtful:

Consistently enforced:

Enforced immediately following the behavior:

Helpful in teaching what to do:

Not sources of additional wanted attention:

 

Appropriate and thoughtful:

This should mean that the punishment

is adjusted to the severity of the misbehavior timewise and/or

is (emotionally impactful and/or harsh) to the right degree and/or

is a consideration of the effectiveness of previous similar incidents and/or

is the right time, place, or circumstance to be enforced

Appropriate: v. to add and/or to subtract a subset(s) necessary for a different subset(s) and being normative and acceptable for the circumstances

 

Thoughtful or Thinkad: adj. silently and mentally verbalizing and trying to make correspondences between the subsets of one’s own knowledge and/or experiences and using as much logic as possible

Harsh: adj. unpleasantly intense and/or shocking to the senses

 

Another general statement which can be made is that the punishment fits the crime and/or misbehavior.

This means that the length of time the punishment lasts can be short, medium, or long depending on the circumstances.

The emotional intensity felt by the offendor can be extreme, medium, or low intensity hatred and/or mental pain or anguish and/or unpleasantness.

You should consider whether the punishment should be changed if previous attempts a dealing with the misbehavior have not been effective and the misbehavior continues to recur.

The kind of punishment can be

forceful,

withdrawing a privilege,

demanding a repetition of corrected behavior more than once,

demanding completion of an unpleasant task,

a threat of future punishment, or

a loud threatening order to cease misbehaving.

 

Consistently enforced:

Consistently: adv. repeating at different starting points in time

 

Repeat: v. to do an event(s) more than once with or without duration(s) in between

 

If the punishment is not severe enough then we may be consistently punishing the same way but the punishment itself is ineffectual. If this is the case then the punishment must become more severe since consistency is not enough to guarantee successful obedience. More severe punishment means that it is made to last longer, is more repugnant or devastating to the offendor, and is a privilege removed which is more highly valued such as the removal of cellphone usage.

As a parent you may not be present every time the misbehavior happens so poor supervision may be the real reason why a misbehavior continues to exist because the misbehavior is done frequently when we are not looking or supervising. We may think that we are being consistent when in fact our assumed consistent punishment really seems and is ineffectual because it is really inconsistent.

 

Enforced immediately following the behavior:

Immediate punishment which can merely be a loud “no!” is desirable for very young offspring. Delayed punishment is bad for very young offspring because they are much more impulsive in their behavior and must immediately be disciplined for maximum impact or effectiveness. With older offspring some delays are inevitable because it may be the wrong time, place, or circumstance and the punishment will have to start at a later or delayed time.

 

Helpful in teaching what to do:

Teaching the right behavior by an example to be imitated is one approach to constructive punishment. Giving a reason why it is appropriate behavior beyond saying it is just the correct behavior is another approach to constructive punishment.

Reasoning, you can say that yelling or shouting is not right in this circumstance because it annoys, disturbs, or shocks other humans or it steals their right to a peaceful, calm environment without unnecessary stress. It steals their right to a secure and predictable environment free of potential danger or threats of danger since shouting sometimes causes fear reactions. It is not the right time, place, or circumstance to be loud or yelling.

 

Not sources of additional wanted attention:

Some offspring are starved for affection of some kind which is rarely given and prefer punishment to no attention at all. Others just like to be noticed or be the center of attention. For these among other reasons offspring may misbehave to attract the attention of other siblings, parents, peers, and hopefully not law enforcement officers.

Daring one to misbehave is sometimes viewed as a brave or courageous act of rebellion against behavioral norms and is valued by gangs, cults, and deviant individuals. Of course a dare can also be a means to get another human into trouble with authority figures so it can be a plan to harm or injure someone intentionally.

Dare: v. to courageously do a subset(s) without permission and/or a legal right

 

PUNISHMENT DOES NOT WORK WHEN IT IS:

Mindless or inappropriate:

Sources of anxiety, pain, rage, or fear:

Inconsistently enforced:

Delayed:

Dependent on the presence of the enforcer:

Unclear or do not teach a lesson:

Sources of additional attention:

 

Mindless or inappropriate:

This is when the punishment

is not adjusted to the severity of the misbehavior timewise and/or

is (emotionally impactful and/or harsh) to the wrong degree and/or

has no consideration of the effectiveness of previous similar incidents and/or

is the wrong time, place, or circumstance to be enforced.

 

Sources of anxiety, pain, rage, or fear:

This is highly inaccurate since a fear of punishment to some degree is necessary for a punishment to be effective especially when a threat of punishment is communicated. If there is no fear of punishment then the badness or wrongness of the misbehavior does not register mentally to the degree necessary to effectively stop future similar misbehaviors.

Physical pain is only rarely necessary to effectively stop immorality or repetitive lying or stealing in very young offspring. If the child rages or has a temper tantrum then it is a specific individual reaction to a stimulus or circumstance and rarely the fault of the parent.

Rage: n. very intense anger which frequently includes a violent behavior(s)

 

If your offspring rages every time that you punish then there is something emotionally unstable or wrong with them. If your offspring fear your punishment then you are probably using abusive punishment tactics or maybe hitting them too hard or too often.

 

Inconsistently enforced:

Inconsistency can mean not punishing a misbehavior every time it exists or not being the same punishment in degree or kind.

As a parent you may not be present every time the misbehavior happens so poor supervision may be the real reason why a misbehavior continues to exist because the misbehavior is done when we are not looking or supervising. We may think that we are being consistent when in fact our assumed consistent punishment really seems and is ineffectual because it is in reality inconsistent.

Wild swings in the severity of the punishment for a given misbehavior or an unpredictable kind of punishment each time a misbehavior exists could be considered to be inconsistent punishment and can sometimes create confusion, uncertainty, misunderstanding, or irrational fear in the offendor.

 

Delayed:

Delayed punishment is bad for very young offspring but with older offspring some delays are inevitable because it may be the wrong time, place, or circumstance and the punishment will have to start at a later or delayed time.

 

Dependent on the presence of the enforcer:

It is a sad fact of life and human nature that the temptation to misbehave increases when not in the presence of an authority figure who can enforce the rules. This is why it is so important to teach moral behavior and cultural norms to young impressionable offspring so that they learn to impulsively behave the right way when they are away from an authority figure.

Neglected, undisciplined, misbehaving offspring are increasing in numbers because of bad supervision in their early formative years by parents. Teenage neglect by working parents is added to deviant peer pressure to misbehave and both are reasons for the increasing immaturity and irresponsibility of the younger generations when they become adults.

 

Unclear or do not teach a lesson:

Don’t teach what is the right thing to do is really all that this should mean. Unfortunately most parents do not often give rational explanations for why behaving is the right thing to do and misbehaving is the wrong thing to do.

Do it because I say so or because I am the rule enforcer and must be respected is good enough reason for very young impressionable offspring but the older they get the more important it becomes to start giving them rational or reasonable answers when they ask -Why should I do it your way? or Why is something which I am doing bad?

 

Sources of additional attention:

Bad behavior does attract attention as proved by some popular celebrities. They  would rather be talked about doing something bad or deviant then not talked about at all or ignored. Neglected offspring sometimes misbehave to attract parental attention, disapproval, and punishment which is apparently better than being totally ignored or neglected.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 787!!!

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If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3700 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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Enjoy!!!!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 504!!!

FotorCreated

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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8 PRINCIPLES OF SMART PARENTING!!!

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BE GOOD ROLE MODELS AND SURROUND YOUR OFFSPRING WITH GOOD ADULT ROLE MODELS AND PROMOTE INTERACTION WITH GOOD ROLE MODEL FRIENDS:

Offspring primarily learn from what you and others do, not say, so try to surround your offspring with humans who are good and are doing good things. Try to keep the exposure to bad role models to a minimum and that includes bad role models in the media.

INTRODUCE OFFSPRING EARLY TO THE KNOWLEDGE AND TOOLS NEEDED IN SCHOOL AND THEIR ENVIRONMENT:

Schooling is of primary importance so start early teaching your preschool offspring the alphabet, words, numbers, and big pictures of wildlife or animals and plants, household objects, and vehicles.

Read them stories about real humans doing interesting things in their environment. Stories about animals and plants, vehicles, and household objects are ideal.

Provide them with crayons, paper, and coloring books followed by colored pencils and paper to do their doodles.

Keep computer interaction to a minimum until they reach school age since early on offspring should be learning about and from their physical environment rather than from a computer screen.

It is best if you can supervise or participate with your offspring doing these things together but a nanny or older offspring can also do this for you.

ENCOURAGE TACTILE INTERACTION WITH THE ENVIRONMENT:

Buy interactive toys such as dolls, animals, action figurines, cars, trucks, trains, building blocks or Legos, and balls.

Brain body coordination is very important in offspring development so expose your offspring to the environment and all the things in it as soon as possible.

SPEND SOME TIME INTERACTING WITH INDIVIDUAL OFFSPRING ALONE:

Each offspring craves individual attention and individual interaction will help you to bond and get to know your offspring’s uniqueness compared to other offspring which you may also have. Conversing with your offspring one on one will further his or her communication skills and knowledge. Ask your offspring many questions and get them into the habit of asking you questions too, especially if you feel there is not much to talk about.

ESTABLISH RULES AND SET LIMITS CREATING SELFCONTROL OVER OFFSPRING’S OWN RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR.

Teaching offspring to be selfcontrolled and responsible for their own behavior is important. Obeying rules gives them a sense of security and knowing how far they can go before a vital rule is broken.

Putting away toys before bedtime, personal hygiene, dressing oneself, putting plates and utensils in the dishwasher or sink after finishing eating, and teaching or learning to share with other offspring are vital rules on the way to more independent behavior.

Conflicts over rules can arise and you can assert your parental authority, give in if it is important to the offspring but not so much to you, compromise if both are happy with it, and problem solve where you discuss the situation and reach a consensus or a solution acceptable to both sides.

This is not common parenting procedure but if you can teach your offspring to SCHEDULE their own time by the clock each day such as time with friends, time with homework, time alone, time on the computer, learning something new time, time with a hobby, play time, etc. then they will learn to value their time in life and at work eventually and not be wasteful or inefficient with it.

MONITOR OR SUPERVISE OFFSPRING:

Make sure you know where they are, with whom they are, and what they are doing to make sure they are doing things safely and responsibly.

Promote your offspring’s responsible independence.

Don’t micromanage your offspring’s life during the school years because he or she must learn to ultimately behave independently and responsibly on their own and an overprotective attitude can harm this independence in the long duration.

DISCIPLINE:

If something is illegal, immoral, unhealthy, unsafe, offensive, too expensive, or not the right time, place, and social environment then I won’t let you do that is the right approach and you will be punished with withdrawal of a privilege temporarily and/or a severe scolding if a bad behavior is repeating too often.

Be consistent in your expectations and present a unified front as parents so that offspring do not try to play one parent against the other.

Mommy lets me do this so why don’t you? or Daddy lets me do this so why don’t you?

How to punish and the ideal way of punishing:

The quick way is to just say if you do that again then your punishment will be withdrawal of a privilege, or even a spanking for lying or stealing again for  very young offspring. Rarely a belt to the butt for a stealing teenager is necessary if taking away a cellphone or computer privileges does not work.

Ideally you identify the bad behavior, state why it is wrong, give alternative behaviors which are acceptable or may reach the same goals, a clear statement of what the punishment is going to be, and a statement of the expectation that it will not happen again. This approach is for smart educated parents.

Anger is inevitable but try to avoid insults, put downs, name calling, humiliation, and ridicule when it comes to disciplining your offspring.

Consistency in enforcing important rules is very desirable but realize that in the real world, except for immoral behavior, there are always one or two or more exceptions to your rules depending on the time, place, and social environment.

EXPLAIN YOUR RULES AND DECISIONS:

This is very hard to do because for most the reason for the rules and decisions was probably almost never explained by your parents either. So the explanation is that it is ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, UNHEALTHY,UNSAFE, OFFENSIVE, TOO EXPENSIVE, OR NOT THE RIGHT TIME, PLACE AND SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT.

Other possible explanations are that it takes too much parental time, energy, and money or that the offspring is wasting too much time, energy, and money doing something. You are living an inefficient life if you spend too much time, energy, and money on relatively unimportant things.

Another explanation may be that the family has priorities or important things to do or consider and what offspring are trying to do does not fit those important priorities and can basically be considered trivial shit.

A whole book can be written on what is offensive in public, what is offensive behavior to parents, to humans in general, and offensive to certain humans in particular. If an offspring offends either parent then it is probably bad behavior as long as the parent identifies it as being rude, unkind, cruel, mean, insulting, name calling, a put down, humiliation, ridicule, selfish or uncaring, lazy, bragging, messy, arrogant, irresponsible, disrespectful, etc.. Few parents can identify words and match them to behavior successfully so just saying it offends me or someone else should be enough of a reason in most cases when you can’t explain in detail.

One authority figure said a rule and decision must be reasonable, logical, and consistent but frankly there is no definition of reason and logical so this is just stupid intellectual advice or no advice at all.

The best advice is to try and talk about a rule or decision and get the offspring’s point of view. If it makes intuitive sense to the parent then there may be room for compromise or- rule or decision adjustment.

SUMMARY:

In the United States parenting is getting harder and not easier to do in an increasingly immoral and technologically changing society which challenges almost all the accepted rules of behavior or accepted norms, customs, and traditions of society.

Gambling, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, pornography, deception, lying and irresponsible behavior tempts offspring at every turn and threatens to turn into severe handicapping addictions. Try to isolate very young offspring from these bad influences as long as possible.

If you are a flawed human with too many bad addictions yourself then consider not having any offspring at all who will just practice those same addictions when they grow up. If you are a dysfunctional human then you will be a dysfunctional parent so unless you can get your shit together don’t even think about having offspring before you straighten yourself out first.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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10 DOMINANT CLASS RULES OR COMMANDMENTS  IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

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Here are the 10 most important rules in elementary school:

Don’t steal and/or destroy school and personal property

Don’t lie

Don’t cheat

Obey commands and directions by authority

Don’t interrupt and listen carefully to what is said

Don’t yell and disrupt teaching and/or a peaceful atmosphere

Work quietly and don’t disturb others

Don’t use hands, feet, and objects aggressively

Work and play safely

Don’t run in class or in hallways

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 900 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT DISCIPLINE

self-discipline-1

Discipline: v. to use appropriate rewards and/or punishments to get obedience to a set of rules which limit behavior and create selfcontrol to speed up achieving a new goal(s)

 

Being disciplined by others is sometimes an unpleasant experience but teaching yourself selfdiscipline and disciplining yourself on your own is even harder to do and can be very unpleasant at times. Selfdiscipline is vital to success in life and it basically means learning new knowledge and skills on your own or doing so with the investment of personal time, energy, effort, and achievement.

 

Rewarding with praise or material rewards must be done judiciously so that your rewards are appropriate to the achievement. If you constantly give great enthusiastic praise for mediocre accomplishments or give great material rewards for mediocre or even minimal accomplishments then the one whom you are disciplining will fail to tell the difference between a truly great accomplishment and a mediocre one and your verbal and physical rewards will no longer be a motivating factor. The reward should fit or correspond to the accomplishment just as the punishment should fit or correspond to the crime or bad behavior.

 

Punishment should also be in appropriate degrees so that the one being disciplined can differentiate between very bad, bad, and not so bad results. If an offspring lies or steals then the punishment should be severe with the withdrawal of a very desirable privilege or even a spanking of a very young offspring if lying or stealing is almost becoming habitual. Lying and stealing is a moral transgression and should not be tolerated in the family unit! Being grounded may not be adequate punishment these days but the withdrawal of cell phone or computer privileges may be a deterrent to future bad behavior.

 

Learning new knowledge and skills takes much selfdiscipline and you should start early teaching your offspring the joys of learning new knowledge and skills by example, motivating, and sharing in the learning experience.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, approximately 700 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT COMMANDING

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Command: v. to authoritatively demand an animal(s) to do a subset(s)

Historically commanding or bossing humans around was much more popular than today. Parents would command their offspring with strict discipline, men would frequently tell their wives what to do, rulers would command their followers and military leaders, military leaders would command their soldiers, and humans would command and discipline their pets.

Today many parents don’t strictly discipline their offspring, rulers and especially presidents have limited powers to command,  business leaders in many technological companies or creative enterprises emphasize teamwork and not autocratic rule, and spouses try to mutually cooperate in making decisions although one spouse may be more commanding than the other.

Commanding is still a vital and necessary function in western societies and is much more pronounced in other cultures today but the trend is towards much more cooperative strategies of leadership. Power is shared to some extent and all decisions are no longer strictly top down leadership but an exchange of ideas and strategies before a final decision is made.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, approximately 700 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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