Tag Archives: discussion

UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1778!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1609!!!

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ANGER: WHY, WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, HOW, HOW MUCH, HOW LONG, HOW OFTEN!!!

Why do you get angry?

Some rare individuals will get angry at almost anything. They get angry at a money gift because it was not enough money, get angry at a sunny day because it will age their skin, get angry at a job promotion which they feel they should have gotten 5 years ago, etc. Most sane individuals get angry for a reason but there are also the delusional types who get angry for imagined reasons which are just not valid and then there are the angry humans who are angry at life in general and are angry almost all the time.

Most humans get angry because they can’t reach a goal, have been victims of overt or covert aggression, have had their opinions or beliefs challenged, or have been victimized by immoral behavior. Certain bad events and bad circumstances can also cause anger. Mistakes, accidents, severe criticism, and unfulfilled promises could be considered bad events or bad circumstances.

Who causes anger?

Lifeforms and mostly humans cause anger.

Sometimes you can even be angry at yourself. You may be angry at yourself because you made a mistake, failed at a task, or did something bad or foolish.

What is anger?

Anger: n. very intensely sensing transient displeasure which is frequently a less intense form of hatred and (caused by a failure to achieve a goal(s) and/or caused by (overt and/or covert aggression)) and/or (caused by opposing (beliefs and/or opinions) and/or caused by immorality) and/or caused by (bad events and/or bad circumstances)

 

A comprehensive accurate definition should suffice to explain what anger is and you can fill in the details or real life examples in each category if you wish to get detailed knowledge about what anger is.

 

Where are you angry?

 

Since anger is primarily an emotion your brain senses anger and your brain is where you are angry. A location can also cause anger indirectly if it triggers an angry response based on prior angry experiences at that location. Although a rather rare phenomenon, a specific church may anger you because it was where your potential spouse ran out on you and didn’t go through with the wedding.

 

When do you get angry?

You can get angry almost any time of day and it largely depends on the circumstances at that moment.

How do you get angry?

How intense your anger is and how you display the behavior is a very personal phenomenon. We are not talking here about extreme anger or rage which is yelling or screaming in a very loud voice often followed by physical aggression or violence sometimes laced with verbal aggression such as profanities, insults, name calling, put downs, ridicule, and humiliation.

The anger we are mostly talking about is a loud voice with mostly verbal aggression short of physical violence. Verbal abuse not physical abuse is what we are mostly talking about.

Yes, threatening gestures bordering on physical violence may be part of your angry display such as grimacing in a threatening manner, finger pointing, fist clenching, and wildl waving of arms. Poking, slapping, punching, hitting, and kicking is beyond anger and is really physical abuse.

Don’t get angry at things you can’t change. You will not be able to change politics, religion, economics, strong beliefs, and sports. Getting angry over these topics is a complete waste of time. Arguing over taste in fashion, possessions, and food is also a waste of time and you will be very unsatisfied after you argue about them because there will be no winners.

How much anger do you display?

It would seem logical to say that your anger should reflect the importance of what you are angry about. More anger for the important things and less anger for the rather unimportant or trivial things in life.

If you catch your offspring in immoral behavior such as lying or stealing and it is not the first time and you have explained to them how immoral this is, then getting real angry at them followed by punishment such as withdrawal of privileges is the right thing to do.

If you make a casual remark or ignore the immoral behavior of your offspring then you are displaying too little anger or none at all and this is bad.

If you are getting very angry at your spouse for burning the food, wearing the wrong shoes, talking on the phone too much, or doing some other rather unimportant thing then you may have an anger problem which needs a solution.

Very valuable in life is to control your anger to such an extent that you suppress your anger and relieve the emotional tension with a discussion of the issue at hand instead. You can start of the discussion by saying that you feel angry and then give the reason for it rather than raising your voice or verbally abusing someone.

If you are anger prone or have a short fuse then try to calm down by not saying anything at all until you can communicate in a normal tone of voice.

 

How long are you angry?

If your anger lasts more than about 10 minutes and your thoughts turn to plotting revenge for an injustice done and it is your spouse then your anger lasts too long. Yes, sometimes getting angry can ruin a good mood for the day but this should be an infrequent occurrence.

In a close family relationship anger should be transient with a forgiving attitude unless you are the victim of an immorality such as adultery, lying, or stealing. Nagging sometimes is a bad substitute for anger which just prolongs a problem begging for a solution.

How often are you angry?

If you are angry every day and especially angry more than once a day then you should seriously consider anger management.

A sign of maturity is the ability to control your emotions and anger is a very important emotion that adults should be able to control. Instead of showing your anger to adults it is best to pause until your anger subsides and then get into discussion mode and seriously try to calmly resolve the problem or calmly process the incident or event which is a source of your anger. If there is no one around when you get angry then try to suppress the anger by talking yourself mentally out of an angry state. Sometimes just thinking or saying -oh shit, damn, or a profanity is enough to unload.

Smart humans can control their anger without angering others, especially in public. Many ignorant humans let it all hang out and may actually enjoy getting angry in front of humans, it doesn’t embarrass them, and they seldom if ever apologize for their angry outbursts.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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HOW TO BEHAVE MORE LOGICALLY 11 WAYS!!!

Don’t attack a human’s character but focus on attacking the argument and/or opinion (ad hominem). Don’t ridicule, name call, put down, insult, and humiliate a human hoping that you can dominate the discussion or argument with this uncalled for intimidating and often rude aggression.

Don’t misrepresent and/or exaggerate a human’s argument and/or opinion to make it easier to attack (straw man).

Discuss or argue a position based on factual premises and don’t beg unfactual positions.

Avoid assuming that all preceding events are actual causes of subsequent events if there is no logical correspondence.

Sometimes admit that there can be more than one cause of an event.

Don’t assume that ignorance makes a claim true or false or a combination of both.

Don’t put the burden of proof beyond a reasonable doubt on the human that is questioning your claim.

Don’t make causal claims that one follows the other if there is no logical or historical assumed correspondence.

Don’t assume that subjective popularity of a point of view is always proof beyond a reasonable doubt that it is objectively true.

Don’t just use one example or a small number and assume that it has general applicability to many effects, causes, or situations or don’t generalize too quickly.

Ask for a definition of a word that you don’t understand the meaning of fully. If no definition is forthcoming then you can challenge the inappropriate usage of the word. Vague definitions imply uncertain validity and possible falsehood or error.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1213!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1075!!!

fotorcreated

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 976!!!

fotorcreated

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4000 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 673!!!

FotorCreated

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3600 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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8 PRINCIPLES OF NEGOTIATION OR COMPROMISE!!!

negotiation1

Some things are nonnegotiable:

First of all it is important to realize that some things are just not negotiable and if you must or want to impose your will then force or withdrawal of a privilege is the only possible solution although often a temporary one.

Try to compromise or negotiate with a terrorist or a religious fanatic who thinks your requests are those of the devil incarnate and you will fail miserably. Fanatical dogmatic beliefs are frankly nonnegotiable and you are delusional if you think that communication will lead to any changes in those beliefs unless you are in a superior military and monetary situation and can threaten or scare someone into submission with the fear of death or financial bankruptcy.

You rarely know ahead of time but sometimes there are nonnegotiable points or demands which the human will not change under any circumstances. You may prepare to give in to the nonnegotiable demand but get a concession in return or a promise to do something which you need or want and the human can provide you with. This too is a win win situation because you are still both getting something which you need or want.

I don’t intend to give pointers on international negotiations but the principles involved in individual negotiations or compromise also apply to some extent in international ones too.

Negotiations or compromises are statistical probabilities:

Another basic truth is that negotiations are a scientific statistical probability and not an absolute certainty. You can increase the probability of a successful negotiation but you can’t always guarantee it. You may use every trick, tip, or negotiation principle and still fail at reaching a compromise.

It greatly helps to have integrity, respect, and expertise:

One of the most important negotiation principles is being liked and/or respected by the humans with whom you are trying to negotiate. Military, economic, and moral strength are respected by national leaders but integrity and expertise are respected and sometimes even admired by common humans.

Integrity is something which should not be compromised and if you are asked to sacrifice your morality for some short duration goal then your reputation will be affected adversely. Lie, steal, commit adultery, or murder someone and you have lost your integrity as well as your good social reputation.

Exclude intense and not so intense emotions as much as possible:

Emotional outbursts or communicating with much emotion can doom a negotiation because any strong indication of anger or arrogance will cause impulsive defensive actions or basically saying no to everything. Stay as cool, calm, and collected as possible in total discussion mode. Also don’t come in with a strong emotional attitude of arrogance or superiority with cockiness, overconfidence, bluster, offensive personal attacks such as insults, put downs, name calling, humiliation, and ridicule. No deal will be the result.

Know your adversary as much as possible:

This means finding out all that you can about your adversary before the negotiation. What they believe, what they think, what they do and who their associates or friends are will give you an idea whether they are negotiating from weakness or from strength. If you don’t know all the vital details ahead of time then the negotiation itself is a time to ask smart questions which will reveal important beliefs, opinions, and relationships.

Use time to your advantage:

Sometimes you can yield to or refuse a demand for a day, week, month, or years after which you either agree to renegotiate or switch to getting your demand for another duration. Time has an interesting way of changing minds because sometimes during duration ongoing circumstances almost force one to compromise.

Decrease and/or increase the frequency and/or length of a behavior or activity:

Sometimes a family compromise is merely decreasing the frequency and/or length of a behavior or doing it less often and not so long. Both spouses may feel that one is spending too much time on a behavior or activity which is causing family problems or personal dissatisfaction. The compromise is to promise to exchange behavior reductions and to shop less or spend less time on sports.

Spending more time on a behavior or activity may also be a compromise. One spouse may promise to spend more time interacting with offspring and the other may promise to spend more time researching recipes for tasty new home meals.

The third form of compromise is one spouse promising to increase an activity or behavior and the other promising to decrease an activity or behavior.

Stop or promise to never do that behavior or activity again is another possibility in a compromise.

A good behavior or activity can be increased or decreased in frequency and duration during a compromise but a bad behavior or activity should only be decreased in frequency and duration in a compromise. Immoral behavior or activity should be stopped.

Using the herd instinct or desire to belong to a group:

Sometimes compromise is more successful if you can point to many humans who are doing what you need or want to be done by a human. Peer or group pressure is sometimes a disadvantage in parental negotiations but if peers or groups are doing something right or it is something that you approve of then you can try to use peer or group pressure in a negotiation.

Stay focused on your goal(s):

Some aggressive negotiators, especially high pressure saleshumans, will try to intimidate, ignore, or cleverly change the subject to get you to say yes so try not to lose your focus on the goal(s) which you actually need or want and not those which you don’t want or need.

During a negotiation I had to repeat myself four times or ask one car salesman what was my yearly interest on a car loan based on a $3000 down payment. He ignored me or changed the subject four times before he finally came up with a printout in writing.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 345!!!

FotorCreated

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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9 “LOGICAL” DISCUSSION ERRORS!!!

time for discussion

Logic: n. being skilled in accurate reasoning

 

Reason: v. to try to achieve an accurate (righta conclusion(s) and/or judgment(s)) and/ or (inference(s) from a fact(s)) and/or (hypothesis(s) and/or opinion(s)) and/or belief(s) with the use of the probabilities between cause(s) and effect(s) correspondences and/or set(s) and subset(s) correspondences

 

There should be no “logical” ARGUMENTS filled with emotional bias but they should rather be “logical” DISCUSSIONS with as little emotion as possible expressed during the exchange of propositions and conclusions or judgments. An argument or attack on someone’s opinions mimics the violence of physical conflict where any tactic is acceptable as long as you come out the winner and not loser. The winner take all and the loser is left with nothing mentality must be absent from any “logical” discussion and the end result may actually not be certainty but a probability of one or more conclusions or judgments or no conclusions or judgments at all.

The domain of logical thinking is an attempt at establishing objective cause and effect relationships which science excels in because of mathematics. Without the use of mathematics or merely using statistical probabilities, propositions and conclusions or causes and effects can’t be proved conclusively because they frequently can’t be repeated experimentally in the lab with identical results.

WHAT are we discussing logically? Is it possible to discuss everything logically or does logic have its limitations in everyday usage since so few humans think logically in the subjective emotionally biased liberal arts world which we are living in. The best logical usage is with objectivity and it is highly improbable that you will come up with an agreed upon logical conclusion or judgement discussing strongly held subjective emotionally biased opinions or beliefs.

There are errors in accurate reasoning or logic which should be avoided as much as possible. If you are arguing then making these reasoning errors will sometimes increase the probability that the argument will increase in emotional intensity and get very angry. Here is a list of 9 discussion and/or argument errors or 9 don’t dos.

Don’t attack a human’s character and only discuss a character flaw if it seems to be the primary reason for the discussion and/or problem to be solved.

Don’t misrepresent and/or exaggerate the opposing opinion hoping to make it easier to refute by intentionally and unjustly trying to make it less believable.

Don’t use subsets to represent the set.

Don’t always assume that just because something occurred before in time then it must always be the cause.

Don’t always insist that your conclusion and/or judgement is the only one possibility even though that is frequently your goal or desire.

Don’t ask the human with the opposing opinion to do your convincing responsibility for you which is erroneously called the burden of proof because you are really not proving anything but merely trying to persuade with plausible reasons and/or communications.

Don’t assume a cause and effect relationship unless there is a probable logical connection or correspondence between them based on some historical precedence or experience. New cause effect discoveries in human behavior are highly improbable.

Don’t automatically assume that the popularity of the proposition and conclusion or the opinion makes it true.

Don’t always assume that an authority figure is infallible or has or is always communicating truthful facts or opinions. If it is a respected and truthful authority figure based on prior experience most of the time then don’t question everything and every time he or she says something, especially on unimportant matters.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT ARGUING

couple-arguing

Arguing is a form of verbal fighting where each side tries to dominate, win, or force the other into submission. Arguing starts in childhood with arguments about who’s turn it is, who is stronger, who is stupid, or who has the strongest or best dad or mom.

Unfortunately these largely illogical confrontations exist on into adulthood for humans who have not learned to calmly talk out, discuss, and sometimes compromise about life’s problems, situations, and differing opinions.

Adult arguments frequently lead to name calling, bad feelings of being offended, abused, wrongly criticized, or unjustly attacked. This sometimes even causes vengeful feelings or wanting to get back at and punish the offender in some way.

Arguments are inevitable in most relationships and the important thing to keep in mind is that if you were the unjust aggressor then you should apologize and say that you are sorry. Sometimes you can try to make up for the bad confrontation in some way by doing something nice or promising that you will not argue about the same thing again.

A confrontational language with a bias for yes or no, love or hate, and right or wrong communications prevents many from stopping and LISTENING CAREFULLY to each other and asking some logical questions. By calmly discussing you may actually find out that neither of you is totally wrong or right but that each has a valid point of view and that compromise or accepting another’s point of view is sometimes a logical acceptable way out.

CONCLUSION:

Arguing is childish fighting and adults should learn to communicate with almost no fighting at all for best results and healthy relationships. Listen carefully to each point of view, calmly ask some follow up questions, and discuss the situation in an adult way. When you do argue then apologize if you are the aggressor and have hurt another’s feelings or attacked another’s beliefs or opinions unjustly.

Argument:  n. very intense sensory disagreement

 

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