Tag Archives: divorce

MARRY WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD IT!!!

Historically in many cultures and currently in many parts of India, Pakistan, etc. there is something called a dowry which is some property in the form of goods, land, money, etc. which is usually given to the groom by the bride’s family upon marriage. You can argue all you want about the advantages and disadvantages of the dowry system but the fundamental fact is that marriage with offspring is an expensive proposition and the more financial resources that a couple has, the more probable it is that the family will have a secure and hopefully happy future.

Yes, a family with offspring is an expensive proposition so it is obvious why a dearth of enough money is often the leading cause of many divorces in the modern western world. In effect, a family can’t survive on love alone. All you need is love to marry is the popular dominant dangerous myth promoted in the west.

Historically in agrarian cultures where you have mostly farmers, offspring were an advantage because they could help with the farm work and make the family money and in old age families often stayed together so offspring were also old age insurance when the parents could no longer work on the farm.

Today most offspring are an incredibly large financial liability and cost an arm and a leg to educate and provide them with basic necessities. There are also many cases where upon graduation the offspring can’t find a decent paying job and wind up living with the parents for financial reasons.

So the best advice to give before marriage is make sure that you can afford it, especially if you want to have offspring. Yes, you can marry, use family planning or contraception and not have offspring until you can afford it. If you have offspring by accident and one spouse doesn’t want an abortion then a nasty divorce with unwanted legal financial responsibilities may be the result.

Now love and sex is a very powerful force of nature and it is entirely possible to run across a potential very compatible mate as young adults but neither party is making enough money or both are still educating themselves for a useful job or career. What do you do? Well you can live together or live separately being sexually faithful and use birth control and under no circumstances beget offspring. If a spouse gets pregnant then the smartest thing to do is to either get an abortion or give up the child to an adoption agency upon birth. Marriage should mean offspring and until you can afford offspring, don’t marry!

In the modern era usually both spouses are working and you may be wrongly concluding that you can afford offspring. Realistically child care, especially when they are young is a full time occupation and unless you can afford a nanny prepare for the high probability that one spouse will have to take much time off from the job to raise the young child. You will be surviving on one salary alone for a considerable period of time so make sure that you have enough money saved up or better yet wait until one spouse alone can afford to support the family with child.

If one spouse is a compulsive shopper or another accumulates large credit card debt then this is a danger sign that there is financial hardship ahead. If neither spouse is financially responsible then the relationship will probably crash and burn so avoid this circumstance as much as possible. If one spouse is financially responsible and in charge of all the money then the relationship may still be doable but not if both are financially irresponsible. If one is financially responsible and the other is not then prepare for a boatload of ongoing nasty arguments about money.

Yes, enough money and managing it wisely is very important in a marriage and if you fail on either count then most of your arguments will be about money and will almost definitely lead to eventual divorce.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4900 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1539!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4900 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 1265!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 877!!!

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If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT DIVORCE*

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Divorce: v. to legally end a marriage if the husband and/or wife desires to or legally ending marital duties for one or more wives but not 100% of the wives in a polygamous relationship and/or legally ending marital duties for the husband and all the wives if the husband desires it

This is a worldwide definition for divorce which includes polygamous marriages in Arab countries too. If a wife in a polygamous relationship wants a divorce then the husband should be rich enough or have enough money in a government escrow account to pay alimony support of the wife and offspring until the offspring reach adulthood when the alimony payments would end or be severely reduced. With this kind of a rule the divorced wives and offspring of a polygamous relationship would not become a welfare burden upon the state but a financial burden on the exhusband.

If polygamy is ever legalized in western countries then it should be strictly limited to very wealthy men who could afford alimony payments to the wives and offspring after a divorce so they don’t become a financial welfare burden upon the nation to be supported by taxpayer’s money.

If polygamy is ever legalized in the United States then there should be a government escrow account set up to take care of the expenses of a wife with offspring after divorce so taxpayers don’t have to spend their money supporting the polygamous divorced wives with offspring. That is true marital justice for the polygamous family and the nation in which they live.

Some humans argue that love is the most important thing in a marriage and others argue that money is the most important thing in a marriage. The truth is that BOTH love and money is of primary importance in a marriage and when the love ends there should be enough money left over to support the love offspring and ex wives until the offspring reach adulthood. The family unit with offspring should be a responsible independent financial unit and not an irresponsible financial unit dependent on the taxpayers for support.

Yes, there is the possibility that both husband and wife become handicapped, unemployed and destitute, dependent on government welfare for themselves and their offspring and that is an emergency situation which the government must help with financial support as a moral obligation.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 2300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT STD’S+

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STD: n. sexually transmitted disease

Promiscuity: n. a human having transient sexual relationships with many different humans

MYTH: YOU CAN HAVE SAFE SEX WITH CONDOMS.

In the United States, more people have genital herpes than all other sexually transmitted infections combined -– 50 million people in total. If there are 6 humans that you know then chances are great that one promiscuous one has herpes! There are more mind-boggling statistics but I leave you to research this further on the web.

Having many transient relationships with many different humans not only develops a bad habit but makes faithfulness with one partner much less probable in the future which frequently results in adultery and failed marriages. Add to this the inevitable danger of contracting an STD virus which can make your sex life a living annoying, painful, and even deadly process.

CONDOMS ARE NOT EFFECTIVE against herpes simplex virus and human papilloma virus. Herpes causes annoying pain and the papilloma virus can cause cancer.

Experts say being exposed to at least one STD virus is virtually inevitable. Viral STDs make up the modern “4-H club.” Herpes simplex virus (HSV), human papilloma virus (HPV), hepatitis (B and C), and HIV are the most common STDs, causing pain, cancer, liver disease and AIDS, respectively.

Here is a link to bacterial sexually transmitted diseases which you should also be aware of and oral sex can transmit them:

http://www.sexualityandu.ca/stis-stds/types-of-stis-stds/bacterial-stis-stds

Bacterial STDs like gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis, are relatively easy to cure with antibiotics if detected and treated early. Genitalherpes, genital warts, Hepatitis B and HIV are viral infections that cannot be cured, but the symptoms can be treated and managed but are a pain in the butt if you have them and you carry the stigma of being sexually diseased for the rest of your life!!!!!!

A hedonistic lifestyle has its cost in bad relationship problems, a bad reputation, and inevitable health problems. It is frankly not worth the transient pleasure which it gives and forgetting to use a condom or birth control pill can result in an unwanted pregnancy and possible abortion.

If you are smart then you will limit as much as possible sexual relationships with humans whom you consider to be very good friends and good potential mates and not have any sexual relationships with other casual acquaintances.

In this era of rampant promiscuity I personally would ask for an STD medical checkup with anyone that I decided to have sex with. That is a cold hard truth that I would live with since oral sex can transmit sexual diseases and virginity is no longer a guarantee of a disease free mate.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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AN OVERVIEW OF WHAT MARRIAGE IS AND ISN’T!!!

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Marriage should be sharing the good and the bad times but sometimes you will have to give in, sometimes you will get your way, sometimes you will have to be controlling, sometimes you will argue instead of compromise, and sometimes problems or irritations will remain unsolved for long periods of time. Being supported emotionally and financially in the good times is easy but being supported emotionally and financially in the bad times is evidence that the marriage can last.

You also have to share the workload and if one brings home most of the money then the other will have to take over most of the workload of keeping the house in order and spending more time with the offspring. Where both spouses work then housework and offspring rearing will have to be a shared responsibility. Marriage is responsible hard work and working out a just share of the responsibility will frequently determine to a large extent the success and happiness in the marriage. The extreme of I have to do everything and you do nothing is not a viable option.

Frequently one member is more domineering or is better at making decisions and solving problems than the other or you may have strengths in one area such as finance and weaknesses in another area such as offspring rearing. Letting a spouse dominate at something which they are good at should be encouraged.

Marriage is trying to balance things or coordinating effort to reach common  goals but it is also some independent behavior or pursuing your personal interests and getting support for those efforts from your spouse. Working together and sharing a business is rare and what makes interesting conversation possible is pursuing some independent goals, activities, or jobs and sharing those exploits with each other.

You are alike in many ways but also different in many ways and the dynamic interplay of these characteristics can make or break a relationship. If your communication skills are good, you are honest with each other and trust one another, and are good at sharing the load of responsibility then you will have a much more pleasant relationship than if you don’t honestly communicate and act irresponsibly.

A good marriage is a relatively safe intimate haven from a tumultuous sometimes crazy world but a stagnant marriage can also be quite boring so developing new or better interests, finding better jobs, and focusing on good long duration goals will help make the journey together more interesting and pleasantly challenging.

Bad times can really test a marriage and if you get through many of them successfully then your confidence that you will not be abandoned will be greater and you will know that you may have a lasting secure relationship and a truly best friend when times are tough.

When the offspring are leading independent lives and sex has ended then your major reasons for staying married may be challenged and unless you have maintained mutual respect and still enjoy being together and sharing your daily events with each other which have nothing to do with offspring, then a potential breakup is possible because you may find that you no longer have anything in common to enjoy.

Kindness, forgiveness, apologizing were appropriate, empathy, honesty, sincerity, dependability, competence, confidence, loyalty, optimism, caring, a common morality, mutual respect, mutual and independent goals, responsibility, good humor, and commitment are just some of the major characteristics which can make for a happy long duration marriage.

As long as you don’t lie to each other, are not adulterous, and are financially stable then you can have some personality drawbacks which won’t necessarily end a trusting relationship which is the bond which ultimately can keep you together despite your weaknesses and differences.

Few of us have loyal true friends and a spouse can be that one true loyal friend so you don’t have to live life as a loner without dependable human support or relationships. When you have something to bitch about then you will have a confidential trusting concerned listener to support you emotionally if not in other ways and you will not have to stew in your troubles alone. Confidentially confessing your troubles to someone is frequently therapeutic and lessens the misery.

Living alone with or without friends is an option which you should not feel bad about because you can spend most of your life pleasing yourself. Being married is more challenging and you can’t always please yourself but it can also be more rewarding in the long duration and your relationship skills with humans can improve if you learn from and master the marital relationship.

Many modern men are not good conversationalists, aren’t very caring, have been brainwashed with much promiscuous behavior, and have led rather irresponsible selfish indulgent lives as offspring,  and have bad jobs which don’t make them good potential husbands. If added to these basic facts a male comes from a dysfunctional family then the odds that a marriage will end in divorce are rather high and marriage should usually not be attempted.

Modern life no longer stresses important family values so your best bet is a husband who comes from a family which still values family values and a man who still gets along well with his family members. There are no guarantees in life that a good responsible childhood will mean a good responsible spouse but a messed up, carefree, or abused childhood and bad job are primary causes of messed up marriages and divorce.

Historically a husband who is a good provider, is moral, and has integrity was a great catch. Modern society’s values have changed and divorce has skyrocketed because the same basic historical values still apply to happy long duration modern marriages. Many modern women are good providers but unfortunately most men have not been taught to adjust to the new realities and few without the help of a nanny can do most of the young child rearing responsibilities well by themselves. Two working spouses with meager incomes and offspring is a recipe for disaster in the modern world.

In the modern world you can live together on meager incomes but whatever you do don’t get married, especially if that means offspring in your lives. Living together is an option while you are struggling to survive financially but once financial security is reached and you still don’t marry then that probably means that one significant other is hoping for a better partner to come along.

Marriage is a duty or responsibility to spouse and offspring and if you are not very responsible with your own life then don’t marry and ruin someone else’s life!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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13 THINGS HUMANS SHOULD STOP DOING TO EACH OTHER!!!

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Tell about the promiscuity of a male or female to family and close friends but don’t advertise it to everyone that you come into contact with. Let the promiscuous humans self-destruct socially on their own in the long duration without your help.

Try to avoid comments about human bodies as being either too fat or too skinny or even ugly which is branded on recipient human memory and hurts.

Unverified comments about weight gain or loss should be omitted unless the difference in weight is substantial and about 25 pounds or 13 kilograms. “You look like you lost some weight” will not make anyone feel better if they haven’t lost it.

Don’t go after another’s significant other unless they are a great catch and worth the decrease in your reputation. Such behavior is frequently not worth the social humiliation for being a stealer of affection.

Don’t be jealous of another human’s accomplishments but compliment or celebrate accomplishments because they probably worked hard for them.

Don’t exaggerate compliments and then offer improvements to make something better. “Your perfume or cologne smells great but I wouldn’t use so much.”

Don’t commit adultery if you are basically satisfied with the marriage or know that you can successfully improve it to your liking. Divorce with offspring involved is expensive and unless you are miserable and terribly unhappy it is not worth the expense.

Don’t spread rumors because you will hurt your own reputation if they turn out to be untrue.

Don’t avoid conversations with humans whom you have conflicts with but confront them head on like and adult. Don’t only advertise the conflict to others behind the back of the one you have conflicts with or you will be guilty of a form of backstabbing.

Don’t constantly compare yourself to someone else in body looks or possessions because you will usually be disappointed and fail in the look alike and behave alike personal contest.

Don’t pretend with other humans in their presence because you don’t want to be labeled a phony. Avoid associating with humans if you don’t like them instead of telling others how terrible they are.

Don’t resent each other’s significant other for taking time away from your friendship because the hate will decrease the bond of trust which you have.

Don’t harshly criticize another’s decisions just to feel more confident in your own.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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HOW TO FIND A “GOOD” LAWYER!!!

legal-advice

Stacy Johnson frequently has some useful articles on subjects affecting your money and this one I decided to share with you. It is entitled -How do I find a good lawyer?

http://www.moneytalksnews.com/2014/08/19/ask-stacy-how-do-i-find-a-good-lawyer/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=email-2014-08-19&utm_medium=email

A referral from an attorney you already trust and have a good relationship with is your safest bet for a local attorney. If you are starting from scratch then try to avoid popularly advertised ones who are mostly in it for your money and how much they can squeeze out of you if you have a good potential case. Really good attorneys, unless they are new and trying to build a reputation, don’t need to advertise and get plenty of business through word of mouth referrals.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1000 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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7 IMPORTANT REASONS TO MARRY

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You think that you have found someone  

who shares your moral values,

who supports your goals and activities in life, 

who has goals and activities in life which you approve of,

whom you like physically and sexually,

whom you can trust with intimate knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses.

You can afford to support a family if you decide to have one.

You want a best friend in life of the opposite sex with which you can share an honest, sincere, and reliable relationship. 

CONCLUSION:

Financial failure and adultery are the two leading causes of divorce. If you have a good paying job and are not promiscuous and ready to settle down with one partner in life then your married life has the potential to be successful. You can marry without all the 7 important reasons for marrying but your success rate will be less.

 

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12 THINGS MANY DIVORCED MEN HAVE IN COMMON

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About 70% are surprised their wives filed for divorce not thinking that threats of divorce were serious during marriage.

Many use too much technology or computers and cell phones and even at bedtime.

Many are too dedicated to job and not enough to family or spouse.

Many stopped wining and dining the spouse after marriage.

Many developed new interests which the spouse did not participate in.

Many spent much money on boy toys and may have been financially irresponsible.

Many lacked words of praise from their wives about being attractive and/or competent.

Many had difficulty communicating their emotions during marriage.

Many feel that they will never put up with sexual denial which frequently occurred when the marriage started to seriously deteriorate.

Many were adulterous and sometimes because they were promiscuous before marriage and the bad habit continued after marriage.

There wasn’t an honest, sincere, reliable or trustworthy relationship during marriage.

Many have some affectionate feelings for the ex-wife even though it was a tumultuous and unsatisfying marital relationship.

CONCLUSION:

Financial mismanagement or poor finances, adultery, and not enough interaction and communication or dysfunctional interaction and communication are the three major causes of divorce.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT ADULTERY

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In the western world with so many divorces, promiscuity, and single humans many married women and some men fear adultery or unfaithfulness and feel insecure in their relationships.

Adultery causes fear of abandonment, anger, hate, jealousy, and much unhappiness for the victim and offspring if there are any. 

In a sexually permissive society where many no longer consider adultery to be immoral you are fighting an uphill battle to find and then maintain a happy lasting marital relationship.

 

Finding that gem of a human who has a good job, has not been historically promiscuous, is not the victim of two or more divorces, and believes that marriage should be a lifelong commitment is becoming a rather scarce commodity.

 

Finding that trustworthy reliable human who keeps their promises and doesn’t lie to you is becoming a rarity and if you find such a person then go for it with all of your charms and skills, become a faithful friend, and hope for or make a marriage proposal.

 

If you are single, with a poor job, not so attractive, and with bad communication skills then maybe you should consider staying single because the chances that a marriage will last is close to zero. Poor financial management or poor income and adultery are the two leading causes of divorce.

 

Seriously assess your situation because your best course of action may be to just stay single, carefree, worry free, and not get married in the first place but live a happy single life!!!!!!

Adultery:  n. stealing marital sexual fidelity

 

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8 TRUTHS TO COUNTERACT WRONG ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT DIVORCE

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Marriage is a mutual decision but divorce may be an individual choice because of an inability to live with adultery or with irresponsible financial management.

Lasting adversarial hatred after a divorce may not always exist but in fact some are rather amicable collaborative divorces where both still assume responsibility for rearing the offspring to some extent and communications are civil.

Divorce may seem like the easy way out but it is sometimes a necessary way out of an overly aggressive or combative relationship which can seriously damage the mental wellbeing of the offspring.  No one should be expected to live harmoniously in an adulterous or untrustworthy relationship so divorce may be the necessary and not necessarily the easy way out.

Divorce need not mess up your offspring’s life if you have no severe addiction problems with alcohol or drugs and you don’t have a dysfunctional personality in your relationships with other humans.

If you are divorced it need not have been totally your fault because half of all marriages end in divorce where about a third are the husband’s fault, a third the wife’s fault, and about a third are both faults. These aren’t accurate statistics but there are definitely a significant number of women who would be able to make a marriage work with the right faithful man with a good job after a single divorce.

If you are young and divorce after a few years then you can be considered to be young and stupid and not a good candidate for another marriage. If you divorce after 10 or 15 years in a marriage then you may still be considered good marriage material but the more offspring that you have the greater a liability you become in the next marriage.

You can find love more than once in a lifetime so never give up in looking for a potential new prospect unless you feel unworthy of a marital relationship due to being much less than attractive and with a dysfunctional personality which is unable to develop trusting reliable relationships with another human. If you are not honest, sincere, and reliable then the odds of a successful marriage are stacked against you no matter who you marry next.

The three most important ingredients in a marriage are financial security, a non- promiscuous non adulterous past, and a trustworthy reliable personality. If you are a divorcee and your next marriage does not have these fundamental building blocks to a successful marriage then don’t marry again!

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WORDS WHICH WILL DAMAGE A MARITAL RELATIONSHIP!!!

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The 3 most damaging things which you can say to your spouse are:

I hate you!

I’ve never really loved you!

I wish you would die!

There are 23 more things which will hurt your spouse’s feelings much which Ben Donley mentions in his blog.

http://bendonley.com/2013/12/02/marriage-killer-1-thou-shalt-not-say-the-following-things-to-your-spouse/

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HAVE ALL 10 PREDICAMENTS AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DEFINITELY IN THE TOILET!!!!!!

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If you have most of these 10 characteristics in your relationship then it is definitely a dysfunctional one and you should consider a separation as soon as possible and no therapist will probably solve your impossible situation.

You don’t trust one another, are unreliable, and don’t fulfill any promises that you make. This situation alone is reason enough to divorce or end the relationship!!!!!!

You don’t communicate with each other anymore.

You don’t spend any time doing things together.

You argue and fight all the time.

You don’t have any sex.

You constantly have thoughts about leaving the relationship.

Neither of you is happy in the dysfunctional relationship.

You have unhappy stressed out offspring.

You are financially on the verge of bankruptcy.

Your relationship is mostly bad with little if any good.

 

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE.

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8 FINANCIAL OR MONEY QUESTIONS WHICH YOU SHOULD ASK BEFORE MARRIAGE

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Money mismanagement or not enough of it is the leading cause of divorce so you should find out before marriage how your future spouse has, will, or wants to manage money.

Your favorite store is having a blowout sale; what will you do?

You just received a large tax refund. What are you most likely to do with it?

You inherit $10,000. What is your first instinct?

Everyone pictures retirement differently. What does yours look like?

How would you like to save for retirement?

What percentage of our earnings will be saved for emergencies and/or retirement and/or education for offspring or self-improvement?

Will we have joint or separate money accounts?

Will we share budgeting responsibilities or will one be the dominant manager of the household budget?

Most of these questions are designed to find out who is the great spender in the relationship and who will have the major responsibility for running the household budget if there are not separate accounts. The most thrifty spouse who is good with numbers should play a major role in budgeting the household budget for joint accounts.

If neither one of you are good with money management, are stressed out when talking about money and sharing it, and both have jobs then maybe separate accounts are the solution to the problem so blame for overspending will show up clearly by examining the independent accounts.

To avoid having to blame one or the other for overspending a third joint account may be set up to pay for anticipated joint fixed expenses such as food, rent or mortgage payment, utility bills, offspring expenses, and household expenses. After every paycheck a just or fair amount should be contributed to the third joint account.

Most married couples never learn to BUDGET their money or are very bad at managing money which becomes a major source for arguments and hardship that frequently leads to divorce. If you find out by asking the above questions that one is an irresponsible spendthrift hooked on credit cards then don’t marry!!!!!!

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10 COMMON REASONS HUMANS IN BAD MARRIAGES DON’T DIVORCE

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The major reason humans in bad marriages don’t divorce is that their financial stability will be ruined. There are 9 more reasons.

The offspring would suffer.

I would feel guilty leaving my offspring.

I don’t want to leave my house.

I’m too old to walk away now.

I’m scared to be on my own.

I’m worried about being lonely.

I’m hoping things will improve.

If you are hoping things will improve then make it a potential future reality by taking ACTION and really trying TO DO SOMETHING NEW to improve the situation. Improve your relationship skills and job skills by using the internet to gain new useful knowledge about how to solve your family problems. My two evergreen books LOVEALL and HOW TO IMPROVE YOURSELF: HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT; HOW TO SAVE TIME AND MONEY may also help the situation and realistically improve your family life. If you are having parenting problems then you and your spouse should read my evergreen book MODERN PARENTING.

I might regret it.

I’m not sure I have the courage to divorce.

If you are constantly arguing about finances or bad spending habits, nagging, complaining, and blaming each other for family difficulties and almost hate each other then staying married for the sake of the offspring is not a good idea. An ongoing addiction to shopping, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or pornography is also a good enough reason to divorce. The offspring will have a very bad opinion of married life with such bad role models as parents and will probably grow up and have the same family or relationship problems in their marriages.

On the other hand if you are not constantly arguing and are just unhappy with poor finances, your boring sex life, or bored in the relationship but both of you love and nurture your offspring then you should stay married for the sake of the offspring because they will feel loved by both parents and an occasional intense argument is not a big enough reason for divorcing.

Here is a link to the original article in the huffingtonpost.com.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/18/divorce-study_n_3618509.html

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10 TRUTHS ABOUT BEING DIVORCED, ESPCIALLY A FEMALE DIVORCEE

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If you are divorced without offspring then you will have a much easier time getting over your ex. If you have offspring your life will be permanently affected and you will have some strong feelings about the situation.

You will care what happens to your ex and will probably mostly blame him or her for the reason the divorce happened and erroneously think that the offspring will come to a similar conclusion when they grow up.

You will probably be jealous of his girlfriend and think that he is jealous of any boyfriend which you may have which will rarely be the case.

You will frequently be selfconscious about your divorce and what other people think about it but you shouldn’t be for your personal mental health.

When you get your career, kids, hobbies, yourself, and your life straightened out then you will be ready to meet someone and make a new committed relationship.

You may be vulnerable to dysfunctional relationships so don’t make the same mistake twice or three times by speedily marrying the wrong person over again.

When the offspring are with your ex use that time wisely to do something on your own or just to relax and don’t stress about the possible bad influence that your ex is having on them or unnecessarily hate the event.

If your ex has visitation rights and uses them then be ready to deal with the situation even if you marry again and would ideally like to start life over again without any interference from your ex.

Your offspring are frequently seen as a liability or excess financial responsibility by single men who will be more reluctant to commit than perhaps men who are divorced and have had offspring of their own and will have more in common with your life experiences.

Being divorced is much more common today than historically and is symptomatic of greater economic hardship and too much advertised sexual freedom or promiscuity. If you are smart you will consider a good job or career and a desire to be faithful in marriage as necessary prerequisites to any future commitments to marriage. If you are divorced then you should also consider improving your personality flaws and standards for a mate because most divorces fail because both and not just one spouse is to blame for the failure.

 

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THE TRAGIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF THE SUCCESSFUL PROFESSIONAL FEMALE DIVORCED WIFE WITH OFFSPRING

Love War Blog Single Mom

Historically marriage was the sharing of responsibilities and using different skills for mutual benefit and the benefit of offspring. Getting married meant mutual moral and emotional and informational and monetary help and living through the good and bad times together and basically pooling resources and different abilities to live life to its fullest. There was a pride in having offspring and a good spouse which was socially recognized and rewarded with a secure sexual and social life.

Today an independent successful female making an adequate income to support offspring no longer realistically needs the financial help of a male and that means that they have less intimate and practical bonding behaviors in common and realistically don’t really need each other except perhaps for an exclusive sexual relationship.

What bonds humans together is mutual realistic needs and if each spouse can operate independently then neither really needs each other tangibly. Being financially independent means that you will have to find mutually interesting activities to participate in together and find common goals to strive for if serious bonding is to develop in the interactive relationship.

You can pretend to be a perfect spouse by showing more adoration, being more appreciative, not nagging or picking arguments, laughing at annoying habits, accepting shortcomings which don’t impact you significantly, fighting fair and fast, letting stuff go, making sex a priority no matter what, compromising more, listening more, and not dwelling on the bad things in the relationship and you will still not be forming a strong bonding relationship with your spouse which will justify the marriage and make it a success.

Being a good friendly personality does not make a long duration marriage work unless there is true mutual interdependency which means that you each have many things that the other has and you don’t.

If you are a modern divorced financially successful woman with offspring I empathize with your almost hopeless circumstance in trying to find and keep a good male spouse in a marriage for a long duration. Mentally make all the plans in your mind to change your behavior so that you theoretically will have a successful marriage which you may want to have in your mind but unless there is realistic mutual need your quest for a great second marriage will fail no matter how perfect your behavior becomes. If you find a male who wants the added responsibility of caring for offspring who are not his genetic offspring then you have truly found a one in a thousand male which you should marry as speedily as possible!!!!!!

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HOW TO END A MARRIAGE SPEEDILY INTENTIONALLY OR UNINTENTIONALLY!!!!!!

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You stop communicating or talking to your spouse completely and ignore him or her.

There is no close interaction or intimacy because there is no trust and/or sex in the marriage.

You are financially on the brink of bankruptcy from overwhelming financial debt and there is very little hope of pulling out of debt even in small increments.

You are heavily addicted to alcohol and/or drugs and/or prescription medications and you think everything is fine and doesn’t need changing.

You are spending too much time away from home and family and are too dedicated to your career and other outside interests.

You are having an intimate affair outside of marriage and it is not the first but one of many.

You are addicted to the internet with its social media and almost spend no time with family.

You are verbally and emotionally and bodily abusive with your spouse and have been for a relatively long duration

You are addicted to pornography.

You are addicted to spending too much time and money buying material possessions and hoarding them.

You no longer care for your spouse and won’t try counseling as a last resort to try and save the marriage.

You have unrealistic expectations from your spouse which are impossible to live up to or you never forgive for past mistakes and indiscretions which your spouse has made.

HOW WOMEN CAN EXCLUDE STRESS ABOUT A DIVORCE FROM THEIR LIVES

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A DIVORCE HAS NOT DESTROYED YOUR REPUTATION AS A GOOD HUMAN SO STOP FEELING GUILTY AND CONTINUE WITH YOUR LIFE.

DON’T WAIT FOR YOUR EX TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR LEAVING YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE BOTH GUILTY TO SOME DEGREE THAT THE MARRIAGE ENDED.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT A FUTURE WHICH IS UNCERTAIN AND A PAST FULL OF MISTAKES BUT LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES AND CONTINUE WITH COURAGE AND DETERMINATION TO MAKE YOUR FUTURE LIFE BETTER.

PARENTING THE OFFSPRING AFTER A DIVORCE IS MORE DIFFICULT BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BOY STARTS TO IMMITATE HIS DAD MORE THAN YOU. THE EFFECT WILL PROBABLY BE THAT YOUR SON MAY ALSO NOT SUCCEED AT LIVING IN A MARRIAGE FOR A LONG DURATION IF AND WHEN HE DECIDES TO MARRY. HE WILL PROBABLY HAVE MANY OF THE PERSONALITY PROBLEMS OF YOUR EX. TO EXCLUDE THE BAD INFLUENCE OF YOUR EX TO SOME EXTENT TRY TO FIND ROLEMODELS OF MALES WHICH ARE HAPPILY MARRIED AND COMMUNICATE TO YOUR SON ABOUT THE GOOD QUALITIES WHICH THAT MALE HAS THAT YOUR EX DOES NOT.

WITH JOINT CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN IT IS A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT TO BE JUST FRIENDLY WITH YOUR EX AND ACCEPT HIS INDEPENDENT LIFE BUT START BEHAVING LIKE A PLATONIC FRIEND TOWARDS HIM AND EVERYTHING SHOULD WORK OUT FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.

WITH A NEW GIRLFRIEND YOUR EX WILL HAVE LESS TIME WITH THE OFFSPRING BUT HE PROBABLY HAS LITTLE MORE WHICH HE CAN TEACH THEM ABOUT LIVING LIFE SO HE IS NOT AS IMPORTANT IN THEIR LIVES AND THE LESS TIME HE USES WITH HIS OFFSPRING THE BETTER.

IF THE NEW GIRLFRIEND IS MORE ATTRACTIVE DON’T FEEL THAT THAT WAS THE PRIMARY REASON THAT HE LEFT YOU BECAUSE THERE IS MORE TO A RELATIONSHIP WHICH LASTS THAN ONLY BODILY BEAUTY.

IF YOUR EX WAS AN ADULTEROR DON’T STRESS ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE WILL PROBABLY HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH HIS NEW RELATIONSHIP EVENTUALLY.  IF NOT MAYBE HE HAS FOUND BETTER SEX AND SOMEONE WHO CAN LIVE WITH HIS INCOMPLETE PERSONALITY.

IF YOU TRIED TO CONTROL YOUR EX WHILE HE WAS MARRIED YOU WILL EVEN HAVE LESS POWER TO CONTROL HIS INDEPENDENT LIFE SO STOP STRESSING ABOUT THE ABSENSE OF CONTROL THAT YOU HAVE OVER HIM.

DON’T BLAME YOURSELF OR THE OFFSPRING BEHAVIOR FOR BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EX LEAVING THE FAMILY FOR ANOTHER WOMAN.  EVEN IF YOU AND THE OFFSPRING WERE RESPONSIBLE YOU CAN’T CHANGE THAT FOR THE BETTER AFTER IT HAS BEEN DONE SO STOP STRESSING ABOUT WHAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CHANGE.

IF THIS IS YOUR SECOND OR THIRD DIVORCE MAYBE YOU ARE NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL SO DON’T STRESS ABOUT IT AND ADAPT TO A SINGLE LIFESTYLE AND STOP FEELING GUILTY THAT YOU ARE NOT MARRIED.

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POLYAMORY OR WHY OPEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE AN UNHAPPY EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER!!!!!

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OPEN MARRIAGE OR SEX WITH OTHERS OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS PLAGUED WITH TOO MANY BAD EFFECTS TO MAKE THE LIFESTYLE A GENERALLY PLEASURABLE ONE. SACRIFICING THE TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP OF A MONOGAMOUS EMOTIONALLY STABLE RELATIONSHIP FOR A FEW MINUTES OF SEX IS JUST NOT THE SMART THING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.

 

HERE IS A LIST OF ALL THE BAD EFFECTS OF OPEN MARRIAGE:

  1. THE LOGISTICS OF SHARING YOUR MARRIAGE PARTNER MEANS THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS AN UNRELIABLE COMPANION IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU MAY NEED THEM THE MOST. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE OFFSPRING IT IS HARD TO MAKE UP AN EXCUSE AND SAY TO YOUR OFFSPRING THAT DADDY OR MOMMY CAN’T TAKE YOU TO YOUR FRIENDS HOUSE BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS WITH ANOTHER SEXUAL PARTNER!!!!!
  2. SOCIAL STIGMA IS A MAJOR BAD EFFECT BECAUSE YOU WILL BE CONSTANTLY EMBARASSED BY ADULTS AND COOWORKERS AND OFFSPRING MAKING EMBARRASSING COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR DEVIANT LIFESTYLE TO YOURSELF AND OFFSPRING.
  3. YOU WILL CONSTANTLY BE EXPERIENCING MOMENTS WHERE YOU GREATLY FEAR THE LOSS OF YOUR LOVED ONE AND HAVE MANY FEARFUL ROLLER COASTER MOMENTS AS A RESULT OF JEALOUSY AND FEAR OF ABANDONMENT AND ALIENATION BROUGHT ABOUT BY AN ABSENCE OF ADEQUATE ATTENTION TO YOU AND YOUR DAILY NEEDS.
  4. YOU WILL CONSTANTLY BE BATTLING WITH EPISODES OF ANGER AND/OR FEAR AND/OR SADNESS AND/OR ENVY AND/OR INADEQUACY.
  5. CONTINUING THIS ON INTO OLD AGE IS NOT A REALISTIC HUMAN RELATIONSHIP CHOICE AND THE OPEN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS WILL END SOONER OR LATER. PERMANENT MONOGAMOUS PARTNERS WILL BE FOUND AND THIS WILL END THE UNSTABLE OPEN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP.
  6. WHO NEEDS A HUGE BAD EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER IN THEIR LIVES? IF YOU DON’T WANT CONSTANT INSECURITY IN YOUR LIFE AVOID OPEN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS AND DON’T COMMIT ADULTERY IF MARRIED!!!!!
  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O-zCiUCc3E