Tag Archives: good relationships

RESURRECTION OF FAMILY LIFE!!!

In the western world healthy families are soon going to be a scarce commodity.

A radical decrease of good stable paying jobs, bad financial management or excessive credit card debt, a promiscuous society, and a lack of a secular moral code for impressionable young minds in elementary school is the reason why families are disintegrating because there is a breakdown of trust between humans and trust between the governed and the governing leadership.

Why marry in the first place since it is really a serious responsibility that fewer and fewer humans are capable of handling well in this modern society. The answer is that you should marry if you can afford it and find a good mate since it has many benefits which are not at first that obvious. If you marry the right spouse then you will have a best friend who will be loyal to you, whom you can trust even with intimate secrets, who will encourage you, care for you, be a companion if needed, will provide safe sex, will offer truthful advice when needed, will share your triumphs and failures, will not make you feel lonely, will offer the joys of raising hopefully successful offspring, and will make you feel that your life is worth living and that you have a worthwhile purpose in life besides the other goals in your life.

This book is an attempt to resurrect heterosexual family life by showing how a happy caring financially responsible married life with offspring is possible and desirable emotionally and functionally. Yes, there are many single parent families and quite a few gay families, each with their particular problems and solutions but they will not be covered in this book because their drawbacks must be addressed and I have no personal experience with or knowledge about them.

Each family is unique and most fall into broad categories based on finances, jobs of the parents, education of the parents, number of children, and number of relatives.

Financially there are poor, average, and well off families. To make a go of it the poor families must be much thriftier, the average families must avoid credit card debt, and well off families must be cautious by not lavishing too much money on their children to avoid overly dependent, lazy, irresponsible adult children.

Very many families start off with two employed parents so one of the most crucial considerations is who will take care of the very young children in their formative years. If both parents want to or have to continue to work then hiring a competent loving nanny and even a tutor for young offspring is a must and must be planned for.

Few women can take the time off work to care for young impressionable offspring since this creates great economic hardship on the husband. What may often happen is that a wife with three offspring will probably have to stay home taking care of the offspring and the husband will become the sole breadwinner. A smart move may be to set up a savings account to be used to finance a stay at home wife for the first 4 years of offspring life.

The number of offspring is a very important consideration. One offspring is easier to raise, especially if you are on a limited budget, but there is a tendency for them to grow up to be more introverted and sometimes socially shy or awkward. Having three offspring is a real challenge but if they are not too far apart age wise then the older siblings can teach and take care of the younger ones to some extent which lessens the parenting engagement. Often offspring from big families grow up to be more extroverted and tend to have more emotional intelligence which is useful in managerial roles and leadership positions.

Many participating relatives also tends to make offspring more social and they benefit from good relative role models. Of course the opposite is true if some relatives of the family are black sheep then this may have an adverse effect on the offspring. In some cases on of the biggest family problems is grandmothers or grandfathers taking one side in a marital dispute thus causing misery, arguments, and misunderstandings which can become overly burdensome to handle on a regular or ongoing basis. If relatives become an annoying problem then spend less time with them if possible since they can cause considerable marital stress.

For physical health one of the most important things is the environment in which the offspring are raised. Apartment dwellers without a nearby park are at a severe disadvantage when compared to a suburban life with ready access to bike riding and property large enough where a vegetable garden or clubhouse can be built. Trees are also an added plus if you can build a treehouse or have fruit harvested on a yearly basis.

Very many offspring can become addicted to cellphones and computer games so it is important to supervise the offspring so that they don’t become couch potatoes just staring at a screen all day long which can be very unhealthy both mentally and physically. Physical toys such as building blocks, erector sets, action figures, plastic animals and dinosaurs, toy cars, toy trains, small tricycles, bicycles, balls, tools, magic sets, hobbies such as stamp, coin, insect, leaf, flower collecting, and board games are good alternatives to mindless TV and computer games, and apps.

One great problem with passive engagement without responsibility is that offspring tend to become lazy and irresponsible. That is why it is so important to have offspring do personal hygiene and housework as soon as they are mentally and physically able to do so. With more than one offspring a chores wheel may be made so that offspring alternate on a daily basis with chores to do.

Examples are set the table, do the dishes, prepare the food or help with the food, do the laundry, clean the floors, appliances, bathtub, commode, and windows. Feed the pet, take out the garbage, clean the table and countertops, make the bed, and put away the toys. Read a book or teach them how to read and do math if they are younger offspring and supervise younger offspring if you are an older sibling. All of this will create a sense of responsibility in offspring so that they can easily transition to responsible independent adults eventually.

Most offspring learn through imitation of parents and playmates so it is very important to set a good example. When reading to very young offspring and teaching them words and math it is also important to show them that you too read books or articles. Do as I do not do as I say should be what you demonstrate to offspring.

Perhaps nothing is more important than conveying your moral or ethical principles to your offspring. There are always emergency exceptions to absolute moral or ethical rules but they should be presented in a dogmatic way to impressionable young minds. Religion used to reinforce those morals during church or synagogue speeches but today many families do not attend religious ceremonies on a regular basis. All public schools should teach a secular moral or ethical code to young impressionable minds but they don’t, so a good idea may be to post a modern secular moral code somewhere prominent in a residence. An example is- in non emergency situations- don’t destroy biodiversity, don’t lie, don’t be inefficient, don’t steal, don’t commit adultery if married, and don’t murder.

Very young offspring will sometimes lie to their siblings and sometimes parents, try to steal toys and possessions from siblings, and assault siblings with violence. It is important for parents to monitor this kind of behavior and nip it in the bud before it becomes a bad habit. Threatening with punishment in the form of time out or in the form of privilege withdrawal will often work but for very small offspring the threat of a spanking and then follow through may have to be done where lying or stealing is becoming a daily or weekly occurrence.

For offspring it is your responsibility to care for them or nurture and protect them. For very young offspring an explanation can be given followed by a loud no. Not playing with matches, not touching a hot stove, and looking both ways before crossing a road are rules designed to protect offspring from potential harm or injury.

Just as important is nurturing or encouraging offspring with praise when offspring do something very well. It can also be a very good idea to give monetary rewards for getting A’s and B’s in school as a sign that good grades will eventually result in good paying jobs. Bribing or paying money for good behavior is a bad idea as is paying money for daily chores that are done around the house. Responsible behavior is to be expected and only occasionally rewarded with praise, especially when attempting to make good behavior a good habit which then comes impulsively or naturally without much thinking.

Family activities are very important such as eating meals together, bicycle riding together, going outdoors such as a park together, going to a museum or amusement park together, going shopping together, watching a good movie together, going fishing together, playing a game together, traveling together, swimming together, etc.

One of the most important things for offspring is having caring parents, caring siblings, and caring playmates. It is the parental responsibility to demonstrate caring behavior, especially caring behavior between the spouses. Kissing, hugging, words of encouragement, minimal arguing, nice discussions, and sharing time to educate and participate in offspring events is essential for parents to demonstrate nurturing and protective behavior which is caring. It is also important for parents to guide the offspring in selecting the best caring children to associate with as playmates.

The greatest cause of divorce is not enough family income or financial mismanagement by the husband or wife or both. Setting up a family budget of all the monthly expenses is a must to avoid financial difficulties. For two working spouses separate accounts may work or joint accounts are also acceptable if one spouse has good math skills, takes charge of the finances, and the other spouse does not interfere in monthly money disbursement.

One ongoing source of arguments and dissatisfaction is a wife who spends too much money and goes into credit card debt that soon drains the income to the point where you are living paycheck to paycheck without any money saved for a rainy day. Even with a good income it is a good habit to get into if you can lead a thrifty life and spend money on things that you really need or can’t live without and spend very little on things which you want but can really do without.

Some arguments are inevitable and many complaints are that the husband is not spending enough time with the offspring and the wife shops too much. This is where compromise or a win win solution is necessary. The wife may promise to spend less money on clothes and cosmetics in exchange for the husband spending less time with buddies or watching sports and spending more time interacting with the offspring. The arguments are usually about spending too much time, energy, effort, and money on activity A and not spending enough time, energy, effort, and money on activity B. Time spent on activity A and B can be adjusted with a schedule to be followed.

No one is perfect and both spouses have some bad habits or behaviors which annoy the other spouse or is something they find hard to tolerate. If it is a handful of bad habits or behaviors then change for the better is possible with courage, determination, and motivation to change. Unfortunately many couples make the mistake of not listing all the bad habits or behaviors before marriage, marrying, and then finding out that living with the bad habits and behaviors is intolerable and not easily changeable if at all. If one spouse has a severe addiction to alcohol, drugs, or gambling then change for the better is highly improbable. The lesson is don’t marry an addict.

Life is a struggle for most and having a family seems like an overwhelming responsibility which can make the struggle even harder. Many modern humans come from families which have been dysfunctional in some way so many do not come from happy prosperous families that encourage us to have our own happy prosperous family. It is a sad fact that many modern adults don’t have the slightest idea on how to raise offspring successfully and how to happily communicate with a spouse from day to day, especially for a lifetime.

Historically male and female roles were relatively well defined where the husband was the authoritarian head of the household and the major breadwinner who ensured that discipline was maintained in the household. The wife basically took care of the offspring and the husband worked his ass off supporting the family financially. Today some of the happiest families are still those with the husband as the major breadwinner and the wife taking care of the household and offspring. This is still a worldwide standard for a prosperous happy family.

In modern times the financial need for both spouses to work and a push for an equality of the genders has resulted in role confusion and many men have been demasculated to the point where they are no longer that certain of what their role is in the family. Their dominant role in the family has been taken away and in much of family life there is now a desperate need to compromise in a very Democratic like family atmosphere. The wife often wants a career and so does the husband and offspring are largely ignored in the process. Those families which can afford a competent nanny and tutors do relatively well but where both work without competent nannies or childcare the effects on the neglected offspring can be devastating.

It is wise to prepare for marriage rather than having to deal with problems after the marriage. If you don’t know much about parenting and marriage or come from a dysfunctional family then read some good books on parenting and marriage. If you have communication problems with the opposite sex then read some good books on how to have a stimulating conversation. If you want life to be interesting then read up on things that interest you and accumulate some useful knowledge about those interests. If you have some bad habits then read about those bad habits and with courage, determination, and motivated effort try to change them for the better before you marry.

Before you marry you should also find out as much as possible about your mate. Find out what the mate’s goals are in life, how many offspring are desired, and what some of the bad habits of the mate are. If you can agree on the goals, spending habits, number of offspring, and think you can put up with the bad habits and you truly like each other then marriage is a distinct possibility.

Congratulations if you have read this far. If you still have questions about marriage and if it is something that you want then read more books or articles about  marriage and family life until you are ready to commit. Remember, don’t commit to marriage if you still think it is not something that you really want!

If you enjoyed this article and want a shortcut to reading further access my free books on Amazon entitled MODERN PARENTING, MARRIAGE, GOOD RELATIONSHIPS, GOOD MODERN BEHAVIORS, LOVEALL, SECULAR MORAL CODE HOW TO SAVE MONEY, etc.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 5100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTHUPDATED NEW QUOTES, and DON’T BE INEFFICIENT, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

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GOOD RELATIONSHIPS BOOK!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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GOOD RELATIONSHIPS!!!

Most young adults were asked what would make them happy and a popular response is to have money or be rich and famous. In a longitudinal Harvard study beginning in the 1930’s and still going on about 75 years later the conclusion seems to be that GOOD RELATIONSHIPS are the key to a happy life. We will investigate what a good relationship is and how you can optimize the chances that you will have good relationships throughout a lifetime.

There are many kinds of relationships which can even be called forms of friendships which are very close, close, casual, and rather remote or what could be called acquaintances.

There are minimal or borderline relationships where the contact between a human is minimal or even nonexistent. We are talking here about the relationships which you may have with national politicians, celebrities, writers, or hero like role models which you mostly just view, listen to, or read about but they still impact your life and choices to some extent. Most of these interactions are almost a one way street where you view, listen, or read but don’t actually have physical contact with the human beyond just voting for a politician, attending a celebrity gathering,  just viewing a video, listening to a podcast, or reading about someone in an article or book.

Our primary focus will be on adult relationships because parental relationships between parent and child have a different dynamic since most parents are in charge or are responsible for supervising their offspring or adopted children. If you want to learn more about parent child relationships then read my book MODERN PARENTING by Uldis Sprogis on Amazon.

Perhaps a good starting point to understand what a good relationship is, we should briefly cover what bad relationships are so that you can try to avoid them.

In a bad relationship the human lies much and can’t be trusted, is immoral, the human is not dependable, is incompetent, has bad addictions, or is not a good conversationalist.

In a bad marital relationship the spouse may be verbally and even physically abusive and argues most of the time about even rather trivial things. At the other extreme a spouse may be non communicative and basically ignores the partner most of the time. This too is a bad relationship.

Not so obvious is the fact that bad relationships should be terminated as soon as possible. If it is a bad spousal relationship then divorce is a very real option and if it is a bad friend then you should seriously consider ending the friendship since it will handicap you in the long duration.

Trust is the bond which keeps good relationships going and if you can’t trust someone then a good relationship is not possible. If a relationship without trust exists then it is a highly dysfunctional one with a lot of misery associated with it. Some spouses stay in a bad relationship because they believe it is best for the children or out of financial necessity but this is a fallacy because if you are in a dysfunctional spousal relationship then you are a terrible role model for the children who will grow up and also probably be dysfunctional in their marital relationship. So integrity or being honest and moral is vital to a trusting good relationship.

In a nutshell if you have integrity, are trustworthy, dependable, competent, sincere, friendly, a good conversationalist, and empathetic then you have the potential to be respected and maybe even admired by others. Yes, you can be admired for just being rich but if you don’t have the above good personality then you will not be respected by most humans.

Some humans complain that they don’t have interesting friends whom they can interact with. The truth is that if you want interesting friends then you YOURSELF must also be interesting so that you can share mutual satisfying interests. If you are looking for a friend who has a great personality, is friendly, is optimistic, and does interesting things and has the time and money to do those things then you too must have a great personality, be friendly, be optimistic, and have the time and money to pursue those interesting things.

Not commonly realized is the basic fact that the more interests which you have in common in a relationship, the chances are that you will have a better relationship since it won’t become that boring very soon. So basically if you are an interesting human with many interests then the chances of meeting someone with one or more similar interests is more probable.

Before you go out looking for good relationships make sure that you have one or more important things to offer someone. If your personality is not that great then make an effort to improve it before you try to enter relationships. Similarly, if you have almost no important interests to talk about then start finding some interests to make you more of a magnet in a relationship.

Sometimes you find out that a human is interested in something which you wish you knew more about. Take some time out to research the interest and learn the basics about it. Then get back to them and continue the conversation by showing that you did some research into the interest and have some unanswered questions. Most will appreciate that you really put in some effort trying to understand their area of interest and most will gladly share their experiences with the interest. This approach is especially valuable if you have a gut feeling that you like a human’s personality and would like to include them on your friend’s or networking list.

Ultimately you should put in much effort improving yourself first, before you start looking for someone that you may want to connect with. Become someone with an optimistic attitude and friendly personality for starters and then make yourself into an interesting human even though it probably won’t happen overnight.

To start a relationship you must interact with humans who potentially have similar interests and some of the best places to meet others is on the job, with friends of relatives, with friends of friends, at events which interest you and that you attend, at social gatherings like weddings, sporting events, religious services, community events, volunteering, political campaigns, and on the internet via social media, dating sites, and clubs or causes. Yes, you can also meet humans at bars, the coffee shop, movie theater, and in the supermarket but the chances that you will meet someone compatible are rather remote.

Knowing thyself is very important in life and if you don’t know or are unaware of your bad habits and good ones then you really will never consciously know how to improve yourself. In the book GOOD RELATIONSHIPS by Uldis Sprogis you will discover what good and bad habits are and then you can courageously proceed to decrease or totally eliminate some bad habits and replace them with more of your good habits and maybe even some good new ones.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

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12 MAJOR REASONS YOU SHOULD CONSIDER STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!

good-relationships

Your moral values are the same and you have the same basic beliefs such as a belief in smart and/or hard work and a belief that offspring rearing is a mutual responsibility

You spend more time living in the present having short and long duration goals and spend almost no time reliving past memories

The relationship brings you more happiness than pain

Both of you are making changes in the relationship and making it better

You don’t justify bad behavior but take successful actions to exclude it from the relationship

You are not abusing each other physically and/or emotionally

Old problems no longer resurface after you have mutually agreed to solutions which work

You are not ignoring the relationship and making an effort to improve it and exclude problems when they arise

You support or encourage the growth of mutual and independent goals for each other

You both take active steps trying to make the relationship better

You sense that you are being appreciated and respected and trusted

You believe you are not wasting much time in the relationship

You are aware that you deserve the relationship which you are getting and don’t desire a different one

Conclusion: The more of the major 12 reasons that exist in your relationship the more perfect it becomes and if you have all 12 then you have an excellent relationship or maybe even true love.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 2100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

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16 THINGS YOU SHOULD LEARN AS YOU GET OLDER AND WISER

wisdomsign

You now know that telling the truth or being honest, sincere, and reliable is much better than lying in relationships and being unreliable and not fulfilling many or most of your promises

You realize that no one is perfect including yourself

You know how to control your impulsive spending and live on a budget

You are happy for human successes and not jealous

You are not very impressed by or follow celebrities any more

You can handle rejection by other humans, especially dates

You don’t worry whether others will like you or your looks

You prefer smart humans over beautiful or handsome ones in real life

You associate with good humans and not bad or immoral ones which you easily avoid or drop

You get better at solving the problems which pop up in everyday life

You start setting and realizing realistic achievable goals instead of dreaming and trying to pursue unrealistic goals

You have learned that saying no a lot to others and your bad impulses is better than saying yes a lot to others and your bad impulses

You defend yourself and the humans that you love

You have healthy relationships with humans and not dysfunctional ones

You don’t waste time worrying about past mistakes and bad experiences but meet most days with an optimistic attitude

You know what you like and don’t like but are not afraid to occasionally try something new or change your mind if you realize you have been wrong in your opinion all along

CONCLUSION:

Unfortunately if you come from a dysfunctional or abusive family life you may never learn to relate in a healthy way with other humans and if you have had a never ending experience of financial failure and are very poor then you may be envious and resentful of the rich and successful to your dying day.

 If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them.

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