The two most important priorities in marriage are finances and offspring. It is very smart to make sure that you are on the same page on these two topics and have similar views on spending money or perhaps even saving some. Six questions you should ask are-
How much money should we both be making before having children?
Will we have enough money saved to take care of childcare when we have a newborn or will just one of us be working for a while?
About how many offspring would you like to raise or support?
If we won $10,000 how would you spend it?
How long do you think you will be working at your current job before you either get promoted or move on to a better job elsewhere?
What kind of work do you think you will be doing ten years from now?
4 important questions to ask relate to fidelity and promiscuity which is a very important subject to discuss because next to finances adultery is the second major cause for divorce in what is turning out to be a relatively hedonous western society with an overemphasis on sex and the pursuit of pleasure.
Beware, because old bad habits are hard to break or eliminate and if your future spouse has a history of great promiscuity then the chances are great that promiscuity will continue in the future too after marriage. Another important area to probe is a possible addiction to pornography and possible kinky sexual turn-ons which should be discussed prior to marriage to see whether they may handicap a consensual sexual relationship.
Are you monogamous?
What do you consider cheating in marriage?
About how many women or men have you slept with before you met me?
What turns you on sexually?
Housework can be a source for many arguments and you should determine whose responsibility it will be beforehand or whether you will be sharing the load and be assigned tasks to do such as cleaning, doing laundry, meal preparation, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, yardwork, gardening, etc. Hopefully you won’t get into an argument about this is women’s work or this is man’s work because routine work is work no matter who does it.
Who will be responsible for the housework or will we be sharing it and how?
In-laws can be a major source for marital disagreement especially if some of them want to get involved in your marriage. Even worse is if they decide that they want to run it for you and are always critical of one spouse and take sides in marital disagreements. It is important to get a ball park idea on how important parents and in-laws will be in a marriage, especially if they are overly critical, combative, and don’t get along well with either spouse.
How involved will we get in supporting your parents in retirement years?
What role will your family play in our marriage?
What will you do if I get into a fight with your family?
What is also important is finding out how much of an introvert or extrovert your potential spouse is. You may find a very reclusive spouse unsettling and may start complaining about being ignored. On the other hand an extreme extrovert may spend too much time with other humans and once again you may begin to feel ignored. In either case, try to find out if you are going to have to deal with an extreme introvert or an extreme extrovert which may be disruptive to marital life.
How much space or time for yourself do you need?
What things do you enjoy doing by yourself?
Many of us just live from day to day without consciously planning or thinking about the future in any significant way. Some of us do have long duration goals so it is important to know how marriage will affect those goals.
What is your goal or purpose in life and how do you envision a partner fitting into it?
Finally, compatibility is often a function of similar likes and loves so it is important to find out in some detail what your potential spouse loves, hates, likes, and dislikes. If you find out that your morality is different or that you have radically different views on raising offspring then this can become a major source of arguments, disagreements, and unnecessary turmoil.
What do you love and hate the most and what do you like and dislike?
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!