The purpose of this video is to present and try to explain a new definition for love which can be considered to be three dimensional or having 3 basic parts which exist together simultaneously or exist together all at once. The three parts exist together in any love experience or love behavior.
Briefly the three basic parts to any love experience is SENSING A VERY INTENSE PLEASURE during the experience, CARING about the experience, and DESIRING the experience. We are talking here about the LOVE experience.
Let’s first explain what we mean by “sensing a very intense pleasure”.
The full definition for pleasure is-
Pleasure: n. sensing a sensation which the brain subjectively judges to be good and is what most people desire to experience in various degrees of intensity
So we are saying that pleasure is a feeling and it is basically experiencing something which FEELS GOOD. When we say very intense pleasure then we are really saying it is something which feels VERY GOOD or EXTREMELY GOOD.
There is a danger here in using the word good because good is a value judgment and a drug high may be a very intense pleasure but it is not a very good pleasure. Drug highs can be very addictive and cause bad circumstances or situations in the long duration. A drug high is really a very bad feeling or pleasure in the long duration and many can cause severe unpleasant withdrawal symptoms such as withdrawal symptoms caused by heroin.
The full definition for intense is-
Intense: adj. impacting a unit area per unit time with a quantity of energy and/or matter
Intensity is used here to suggest the reality that intensity is similar to energy impacting or hitting the brain at a great rate thus exciting the brain. So we can in another way say that intense pleasure is excited pleasure. When we say very intense then we are really saying very excited. So very excited pleasure is very intense pleasure.
Love is a very intense feeling and a feeling by itself is much less intense. Two examples of feelings are affection for and liking something. Love is not an affection. Love is not liking. Both affection for and liking are merely feelings and not as intense as love. Many humans confuse feelings with love and make the mistake of saying that affection and liking are examples of a LITTLE love and this is just not true. That would be saying that affection and liking are examples of a little very intense pleasure. What does a little very intense pleasure really mean? It’s nonsense.
From the standpoint of feelings, when we talk about love we are not talking here about good feelings but about very good or extremely good feelings and only the extremely good feelings can be called love. Historically love has been called a strong feeling so we could inaccurately say the love is a very strong feeling. Strong is not intense. Love is really a very intense feeling or pleasure.
We are really talking here about the degree of pleasure and love is a high or large degree of pleasure. If we say very intense pleasure or extremely good pleasure or extremely good feelings then we are talking about the same thing only my definition of very intense pleasure is more accurate than just saying extremely good feelings. Good is not intense and is a value judgement.
The first part or dimension of love is the emotional part which can be described as “sensing very intense pleasure”. When you are having a very intense emotional experience for a short or sometimes even long time then you can say that you are experiencing or sensing very intense pleasure or love. A loving experience can be very short in time or it can be experienced for longer periods of time than just a few seconds or minutes. That is why it is more accurate to say sensing very intense pleasure for a short and/or long duration.
Time is a very important concept in the definition and understanding of love since no normal human is capable of experiencing very intense pleasure ALL the time unless they are mentally ill or are continuously being fed mentally stimulating drugs. Very intense normal excited experiences come and go during the day in general living.
Love has a frequency of occurrence such as none a day, once a day, three times a day, etc. You can say that I experienced no love today, I experienced love three times today, and I experienced love 23 times this month.
Wow! I look and love that new sports car, Out of sight! I love how she looks in her new outfit, or that was a fantastic touchdown. I loved it! I loved the sex and orgasm! These are all examples of relatively short intense emotional love experiences.
An intense or relatively elevated emotional feeling can sometimes last for a few weeks or even a few months such as during an infatuation with the opposite sex. I loved to talk to her, loved to think about her, loved to interact with her, loved how she looked and much of my life during the infatuation time period revolved around her exclusively. Yes, even during an infatuation time period the love is not always of great intensity because we have to take time out to sleep, work, eat, go to the bathroom, and maybe even exercise a little. So everything that you do during the infatuation time period is not intense emotional love but has periods of emotional calm also when you are NOT sensing very intense pleasure.
The love experience does not vary in degree such as a small degree of love which is really just liking. Liking is not low intensity love but just low intensity pleasure. Medium intensity pleasure which is affection is also not very intense pleasure or love.
This is why love is so confusing a concept for most humans because there is really no such thing as a little love or low intensity love. When you say that you are getting only a little love you really are saying and meaning that the frequency of the love which you are getting is low. I only get love once a month is very low frequency love which is often confused as little love.
For example- You frequently didn’t love me today compared to yesterday. We only had sex once today and yesterday it was three times. You loved me more frequently yesterday. Thus loving experiences can happen zero times a day, one to ten or more times a day and all of them are separated from each other with periods of relative calm or relaxation or low intensity pleasure and maybe some unpleasant experiences thrown inbetween the loving experiences.
When you have an orgasm, or are informed that you have landed the job of your dreams then you sense very intense pleasure for a relatively short time. You can also sense very intense pleasure saying “right on to yourself” when you hear that a human that you hated on the job just got fired. Emotionally you love the new news of that firing event.
Let’s use a concrete example to explain the next two parts of love by using sexual intercourse. Yes, some women don’t enjoy sexual intercourse for many possible reasons but males generally get very intense pleasure from the sex experience which usually results in a climax or ejaculation.
We have established the fact that sexual intercourse is very intense pleasure for males and further most males CARE about the experience or want to nurture and protect it which is what caring is all about. We nurture the loving experience by trying to make it better which means trying different sex positions other than the missionary position where the male is on top and the female is on the bottom. We may nurture sex by arousing the female with loving words and behavior which the female enjoys. There are probably many more ways sex can be nurtured to make the overall experience more pleasurable or at least relatively constant from one sexual experience to the next.
Caring also means protecting the love experience so we may choose to marry the female to get exclusive sexual rights from her and ensure that she is protected from having sexual intercourse with others. Closing the door so that others do not observe the sexual act is a way of protecting the sexual experience from interruption. We also protect or care by not being too rough during sex and injuring the female in the process.
Since caring is often thought of as a behavior and not an emotion it is often falsely separated or omitted from the definition of love. We really care while we are having sex but it is not intuitively obvious to an impartial observer who may not have analyzed what caring or the nurturing and protective behaviors are during the sexual experience.
The last part of love is a DESIRE for the love experience. We desire to possess and/or interact with and/or experience the sexual intercourse in the short and/or long duration. There is an observation by some scientists that sex is on the young adult male mind on a daily basis and this leads to addictive pornography and masturbation for some males who don’t have regular sexual partners or females. There is definitely a desire for sex in the male mind and this is one of the main reasons why so many young males have a tendency to be promiscuous since they fear the financial responsibility of marriage and offspring rearing.
When we start sexual intercourse there is a desire to want to continue it to it’s conclusion. The desire exists while we are doing the love act or experience.
We have established the fact that there is very intense pleasure, caring for, and desire in sexual intercourse for males and the three exist in the male brain simultaneously or at the same time.
So a loving moment here has three parts- the very intense pleasure part, the caring part, and the desire part all working in the brain at the same time or simultaneously and it lasts for a short and/or long duration.
It could now be asked- is an affectional display for your spouse love or an act of love? The answer is no. Affection for your spouse is not a very intense pleasure but a medium intensity pleasure so it can’t be called love or an act of love even though affection is a bonding behavior and often brings two interacting humans close or closer together, especially in a marriage.
It is a fact of life that affectionate behavior and liking behavior towards our spouse exists in a marriage loving relationship. These are not loving behaviors contrary to the old notion of love where any affectionate or liking display was considered love or loving one’s spouse. There is frankly no very intense pleasure in affectionate and liking behaviors but rather medium and low intensity pleasure.
We can thus call “being in love” or a loving relationship- loving, affection, and liking but not simultaneously or not at the same time. We sometimes love, we sometimes are affectionate, and we sometimes like what we do in an ongoing loving relationship with our spouse.
Now you can ask what happens to a loving relationship when the very intense pleasure of love begins to subside such as in old age when sex stops. The relationship can continue due to a good habit which means that there is still some affection and liking going on which continues to bond two humans together. A desire to commit to and continue the commitment in a relationship is also what keeps the marriage together and you can consider it a form of loyalty.
It seems obvious that love is possible between two humans but some don’t believe that love is possible with an object. What does- I love my sports car really mean? There is the obvious love reaction when first buying the car which is a very intense pleasure that we experience. Then there is the very intense pleasure that we get driving it such as accelerating past another car, driving fast, maybe changing lanes to pass other cars, and negotiating fast turns or sharp curves in the road.
We care for our car because we protect it by driving safely to avoid accidents and we desire to drive it to get to our destination in the fastest time possible. Males especially love their car at first, care for it by maintaining it and driving safely, and finally desire to drive it when they go somewhere. Some males also take pride in their car since they consider it a female magnet when they are single.
Many males desire to possess a car, interact with it, and experience driving it for short and/or long durations. Yes, many males don’t love driving and obeying all the traffic rules but some go to race tracks and obstacle courses where they love to drive fast and negotiate dangerous obstacles.
Not all women love shopping but the ones that do get very intense pleasure from shopping, especially when they find something beautiful or eye catching. They care for shopping by nurturing it with conversations about it with other women and by trying to get the best deal. They also desire to shop when they have enough money in the bank and some are compulsive shoppers and desire to shop even when they can’t afford it.
Very few love to drive and shop ALL the time but there are usually parts of driving and shopping which many love. Both driving and shopping are often necessities and most of us drive and shop to survive in the modern world.
Almost all of us love objects and/or subjects in our lives and we experience very intense pleasure from them for a short and/or long duration. It is a fact of life that our love for things or subsets often fades with the passage of time but most of us continue to love something at some point for duration during an entire lifespan.
Humans are very different in many ways and every individual loves different things in his or her personal way. The real key to life is learning to love the right things or learning to love the right objects and/or subjects and/or subsets which fit your abilities, personality, and mindset.
Finally the full new definition for love is-
Love: v. to sense a very intense pleasure for a subset(s) one cares about and the behaviors which exist with it and frequently desiring to (possess and/or interact with) and/or experience samer subset(s) for a short and/or long duration