Tag Archives: selfesteem


Aggression: n. pursuing a goal(s) forcefully and/or threateningly which may include (body contact and/or violence) and/or a ((verbal threat(s) and/or verbal attack(s)) and/or physical attack(s))

Esteem: v. to respect and admire

Selfesteem: v. to respect and admire oneself

Respect: v. to sense and frequently communicate that a human has (much value and/or moral goodness) and/or (much skill(s) in a (profession and/or activity)) and/or is experienced and has few severe personality flaws and the human is dependable

Admire: v. to sense respect and attraction and to sense a relatively large intensity pleasure because of (good and/or moral behavior) and/or professional excellence

One real example of psychologists trying to link high or low selfesteem to aggression shows how easy it is to get contradictory results. Baumeister 1999, 2000, 2002, 2007 claimed to show that high selfesteem is linked to greater aggressiveness and Donnellan 2005 and Trzesniewski 2006 claimed to show that low selfesteem is linked to greater aggressiveness.


Psychologists never accurately define what they mean by aggression and selfesteem which is what I have done and then try to set up questionnaires which supposedly measure the degree and type of aggression and selfesteem. Without an accurate definition of the words that they are using they are frankly groping in the dark. Frankly the two concepts are so complex that no validated correspondence between them is possible since there are too many interdependent variables at play.


Aggression can be physical and/or mental and this means that combinations of both approaches are possible. There is physical violence in various degrees of intensity and type, there are verbal threats in various degrees of intensity and type, there are verbal attacks in various degrees of intensity and type, and there are physical gesture threats in various degrees of intensity and type and then there are combinations of these aggressions which constitute the total possibilities of aggressive behavior. How can you possibly verbally determine the degree of aggressiveness and the type of aggressiveness that you are questioning about with any degree of accuracy? It is mission impossible.


Attempting to find some link or correspondence between selfesteem and aggression is even more problematic and impossible to do. Selfesteem is respecting and admiring yourself which means that you are personally judging your value and/or moral goodness which also means that you are judging how skilled you are in your job or profession and/or daily life. You are also making a personal assumption that you have minor personality flaws. Personality flaws theoretically should lower your selfesteem if you have many personality flaws. Of course you could be delusional and assume that you have no personality flaws so your selfesteem evaluation on a questionnaire would not be remotely connected with the reality of your life.


How intensely do you admire yourself and what things do you admire yourself for? Can you really determine how much or the intensity with which you admire yourself and for what things in life from a questionnaire?


So how many variables are at play when discussing aggression and selfesteem? An uncontrollable boatload. Further you could ask the question whether introverts or extroverts have higher selfesteem and who are more aggressive? You would probably assume that extroverts are more aggressive socially than introverts and maybe also assume that they have more selfesteem.


While sociable celebrities could be considered aggressive with high selfesteem you could also assume that introverts have higher selfesteem than your common extrovert because they frankly don’t want to put up with social drama, are more selective in their friendships, and are often very competent workers proud of their work. Unless you are talking about shy introverts who may indeed have less selfesteem than the average population I would venture to say that indeed common introverts in general may have more selfesteem than your common babbling extrovert.


In conclusion: For a given individual you can probably evaluate his or her degree of aggressiveness and selfesteem relatively accurately given enough exposure to them over a period of time. However, when you try to make correspondences between exceedingly complex psychological concepts and try to make general assumptions about them in a general population then you are doomed to fail miserably most of the time. Other psychological studies about hope, love, happiness, etc. are just as impossible to do and get verifiable results. Not only do cultural differences affect the outcome but other variables such as age, gender, current and past emotional state, financial status,  job or career, family, morality, health, etc.


There are frankly too many variables interacting when it comes to human interaction so a scientific approach is frankly not even remotely possible.

Psychologists like to sound scientific by using correlational or statistical numbers but they a not being at all being objective and their results show a very subjective bias which is just not valid worldwide for all kinds of human populations.

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One myth is that we use only about 10% of our brain. In fact almost all the brain is active all the time so we use about 100% of the brain, although certain regions of the brain are more active than others for given activities. MRI’s are one way to detect brain activity for different mental activities or different activated regions in the brain.


It is a myth that the left brain is more logical, analytical, intellectual, and the right brain is more intuitive, creative, and artistic. Both sides of the brain participate in analyzing, synthesizing, and intuitively being creative.

While it is true that some humans who do better in mathematics and science with much formal training, they tend to be more logical and analytical and their creativity and intuition is more firmly limited by objective rules and principles that guide their thinking. Both sides of the brain are used to function.

Artists can also analyze and synthesize what they are doing. Their subjective, impulsive creativity and often less formal training has less rigorous limitations. This results in many more mutant forms of creativity which are frankly very random in nature and often show a minimum of focused skill. You could generally say that artists are much freer or wilder in their thinking and doing than mathematicians and scientists but both sides of the brain participate.


It is a myth that there is ESP or extra sensory perception or psychic ability. Despite the fact that there is no scientific evidence to support psychic ability, humans love to think and believe that someone may be able to foresee the future and tell them what is in store for them.

The popularity of horoscopes is one indication of the gullibility of humans who fall for these predictive prognostications. Yes, there is coincidence that what the horoscope talks about or predicts is what generally or actually happens in your life on certain days. However, statistically horoscopes are less than 50% accurate which means that they are worse at predicting the future than a coin toss prediction.

Human hope springs eternal and one or a few lucky coincidences or events is unfortunately what keeps fortunetellers and gambling operations in business. One accurate prediction or a fake staged performance of many accurate predictions in front of a large audience can make many gullible believers in psychic ability.


It is a myth that subliminal messages can affect our behavior. Subliminal means something below the threshold of sensing and/or consciousness so if the message is visual and/or verbal we would not be aware of it realistically.

Yes, you could randomly flash a picture or part of a picture on the screen or flash an audio of a word and/or sound. This would register on our brain and we would be probably annoyed at the random disturbance, not be positively affected by it, and it would no longer be a subliminal message which we are not aware of.


It is a myth that adolescence is a time for emotional outbursts, stress, tension, rebellion, dependency conflicts, peer-group conformity, sexy dress, motorcycles, black leather jackets, and similar deviant behavior. Most adolescents from normal moral families do not have turbulent adolescences and those that do usually come from dysfunctional families.

Sure, even moral families may witness a few rebellious incidents such as clandestine cigarette, drug, or alcohol use, trying to fit in with undesirable popular peers, or inappropriate clothing and accessories. However, the vast majority do not have many such undesirable behavior problems, especially in nonwestern cultures where parenting is more formalized, better disciplined, and less permissive.


It is a myth that polygraphs or lie detectors and truth serums can accurately detect dishonesty or lies. Polygraphs measure parameters such as degree of sweating and heart beat but they are only about 60% accurate in detecting lies which means that about 40% get away with the lie.

Truth serum like alcohol reduces your inhibitions and you are slightly more inclined to tell the truth but the accuracy of truth serum is no better than the polygraph. The government still occasionally uses the polygraph on some of it’s high security workers but it is forbidden evidence in a court of law because it can’t prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt or close to 100% accuracy.


It is a myth that happiness is mostly dependent on our external circumstances. While it is true that there are certain things like possessions, great house, great job, plenty of pleasurable events, and much money which can bring great happiness in the short duration, long duration happiness is mostly dependent on inner drives, ambition, personality traits, attitudes, disposition, motivations, thoughts, and beliefs and not so much on external circumstances.

An external circumstance like divorce and death in the family can lead to some long duration unhappiness but in general we adjust to our own homeostasis or how happy we are over the long haul.

Yes, having some close and great friends are an external circumstance which has the potential to create great happiness but it is often because we ourselves have INNER integrity, are dependable, trustworthy, encouraging, and competent in our lives and attract other humans with similar characteristics.

Other humans, an external circumstance, make volunteering possible but it is ultimately the INNER satisfaction of helping others or a cause which makes the volunteer happy in the long duration.

A lonely household cat can be happy with food, water, sleep, shelter, petting, and a little exercise. Some minimally existing humans also don’t need very much to be happy if they have adequate food, water, sleep, shelter, clothes, alcohol, and occasional contact with other humans.

The truth is that both internal and external factors affect our happiness but the greatest source of long duration happiness is internal factors. Being optimistic, ambitious, driven, grateful, friendly, empathetic, courageous, confident, and being a perpetual thinker and doer trying to achieve short and long duration goals are internal factors which yield the greatest personal happiness under all external circumstances over a lifetime.


It is a myth that humans who are opposite in looks, personality, and beliefs are attracted to each other. It is a popular Hollywood myth which makes for interesting cinema but the reality is that similar looks, personalities, and beliefs result in more lasting relationships with spouses and friends alike. Our ideal mate or friend may be someone whom we ourselves would not attract because we ourselves are not as ideal as we think we are and simply can’t attract and land our ideal mate or friend.

Many of us like to fantasize how great it would be to marry a beautiful or handsome human with a great personality even though we are plain looking with borderline personalities. This is why opposites attract films get much support from the common filmgoer or watcher.

Yes, being too similar in looks, personality, and beliefs may lead to boredom but most humans are different enough to have slightly different likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, which makes an ongoing relationship interesting if both have an ambition to improve themselves in some way or have different goals in life as time progresses.


It is a myth that men and women communicate in completely different ways. Some women are more talkative than men because some are more social than men and have more friends. They also have a tendency to go into minute details about who said what to whom and what were the reactions. Men historically have been doers and not talkers on the job so traditionally women stayed at home and communicated with offspring and friends over the phone. Today both men and women work and lead similar lifestyles so the difference in talkativeness is rather minimal overall but may vary widely for individual couples.

It seems that women and men in positions of power interrupt conversations more often so it is not a characteristic of men only.

Women seem to be more perceptive of nonverbal cues than men or can detect emotional nuances better than men. This is not surprising because women have historically been trained to express their emotions rather than suppress them as is more common with men. Yes, it is acceptable if a woman cries but not a man in most cultures and this is just a reflection of cultural bias and conditioning. A man is supposed to control his emotions and a woman can be more emotional. Women in general and men with emotional intelligence can better pick up emotional cues.

Individuals differ in the degree of the quality and quantity of their personal communication but there are no glaring differences between how men or women communicate in general.


It is a myth that it is better to express anger than to hold it in. While some humans may initially feel better after yelling loudly, punching a bag, or destroying some property the long duration result is that it encourages or enforces future angry or aggressive episodes and prolongs the hatred of the subject or object of the anger.

Disciplining yourself to internally suppress angry feelings when they arise is the best policy. Taking concrete steps to reduce that anger such as counting to ten or delaying a problem for future resolution when the anger has subsided is the right thing to do.


It is a myth that low selfesteem is the major cause of psychological problems. Research has NOT shown a cause effect relationships between low selfesteem and problems such as violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders, school dropouts, teenage pregnancy, suicide, and bad academic achievement.

Accepting this myth has resulted in rewarding trophies to losers in sports and falsely telling students that they are smart, great, and wonderful for trying and failing at important tasks. Praising humans when they don’t deserve it or have not earned the praise leads to humans who are deluded into thinking that they are greater than they really are and their sense of selfworth is corrupted or is highly inaccurate.

True confindence or valid selfesteem grows out of successfully achieving more goals than failing at goal achievement. Delusional selfesteem arises when we fail much more often than succeed at doing things and still have a great deal of delusional confidence in ourselves.

The primary source for this article was 50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology by Lilienfeld, Lynn, Ruscio, and Beyerstein.

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The purpose of nature is to survive and reproduce sustainably and for humans the one extra dimension is to survive in a moral sustainable way which does not necessarily mean that reproduction is mandatory for all humans. Spirituality is highly over rated because it merely means a strong emotional commitment or devotion to a good moral sustainable existence.

Yes, your purpose in life may be to lead an immoral hedonistic lifestyle and try to get as much physical pleasure out of life as possible while it lasts but historically these life purposes have led to short lifespans with much misery, depression, and failed human relationships along the way.

Your true purpose in life should be to lead a life of integrity worthy of respect and admiration which means being honest, sincere, and moral in your human interactions and moral in your interactions with wilderness or plant and animal life.

Classical or religious morality is outdated and must be updated. In the transitional phase to a secular worldwide morality governments must provide transitional religious liberty laws which permit the peaceful coexistence of both in this world.

What is this new updated secular morality which should be taught in all secular elementary government schools to young impressionable minds so that they don’t drown in moral confusion always asking themselves is what I am doing right or wrong? Adults should mostly impulsively be able to distinguish between right and wrong once they are about 13 years of age and relativistic situation ethics is simply not the right solution to the increasing moral chaos in the western world.

The new updated secular worldwide morality should be- except in emergency situations- don’t destroy biodiversity, don’t lie, don’t be inefficient, don’t steal, don’t commit adultery if married, and don’t murder!!!!!!


We are all born different with different appearances and different ability potential based on our genetic inheritance and it is something which each individual must struggle with as they go through an educational system and interact with other human beings.

Dominant individuals exist in all societies and there are basically the leaders and the led and you may have to be satisfied in being mostly led if you are not leadership potential with emotional intelligence and a fairly good memory for names and events.

Everyone except the severely handicapped and those coming from dysfunctional families are capable of a good moral existence if they have been indoctrinated with a believable secular morality at home and in school. If you have integrity and are leading a good moral existence then you can have plenty of selfesteem even if you are unemployed and destitute on government assistance or welfare. No matter what your financial situation, if you are morally sound then you deserve to feel like a worthwhile citizen of the world and can be called a good human.


For healthy survival you need good nutrition, adequate exercise, and enough sleep to function doing anything in this world.

Eating and drinking as much sustainable organic food and drink as possible is of primary importance for long duration sustained health. If you lead an overly sedentary lifestyle then a little extra exercise is vital since you are not getting enough on the job.

Finally enough sleep is mandatory so that your body can recover from daily stresses in your life. Taking drug sleep aids leads to disastrous long duration problems with insomnia so if you are not getting enough sleep naturally then you should seriously consider changing something in your overstressed or over worked lifestyle.


Money is theoretically the same thing as energy and we all know that for humans to survive they need life giving energy to survive and do things. Stored energy or money is symbolically a savings account and energy or money in use creates the motion of humans and objects.

Nothing in life, except for the sun’s energy, is really free in the true sense of the word because even if you are doing trivial things or being nice to humans you are really using up the energy stored in your body to do body work. The source of human energy should be healthy sustainable food and we all know that food costs money unless you are eating from dumpsters and getting it theoretically for free.

The economic system with programmed inflation or a hidden tax and credit cards do not encourage historical thriftiness of saving for emergencies and spending money conservatively by sticking to a budget. One of the biggest financial mistakes is that humans live from paycheck to paycheck and never learn to budget their money wisely by saving some and spending the rest on needs rather than impulsive wants which mislead us from responsible financial behavior.

Financial success is not only a good job or investment but an ability to budget your money wisely.


Humans with good relationships have integrity, are trustworthy, dependable, competent, friendly, empathetic, and don’t have many bad habits. If you truly want to improve your relationships with other humans then learn what these words mean and improve your personality step by step until you are more moral, trustworthy, dependable, competent, friendly, empathetic, and reduce the number of your bad habits.

If you are hoping to attract the opposite sex then good looks, a good job, good communication skills, and a good personality accompanied by moral behavior will optimize your chances of finding a good mate.


Robots and computer software will eventually replace or severely reduce the amount of human labor necessary so technological skills will be in high demand for some relatively elite workers. This means that the governmental system will eventually have to provide welfare for most of the population which will either be unemployed for a lifetime or will only work at one job for a relatively short duration after which they will either have to retrain for available jobs or live on welfare for the rest of their lives.

Lifetime jobs for relatively unskilled workers will be a thing of the past and unless you put in the time and effort necessary to retrain then a lifetime of welfare dependency will be highly probable.


If future trends continue then playing or doing nonproductive work will be what preoccupies most humans for a lifetime and doing nonproductive work will not be the stress relief or entertainment in or between jobs.


Ideally we would all like to live in a healthy environment which includes being surrounded by a good human environment. Getting a good human environment is finding a good moral significant other or spouse to associate with and/or a close friend or two and some casual friendships. On the job having good moral coworkers is a preferred circumstance.

Our biggest concern should be a minimally polluted sustainable environment and global conservation of wilderness which will be the safety net for a healthy food source once technology has too radically and irresponsibly transformed domesticated food to one unfit for human consumption. An organic sustainable food supply for the world is the ultimate goal and if we fail at this then our only savior will be the wilderness safety net at some future generation.


If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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Helping others, giving to charity, or volunteering reinforce our moral values and actually chemically makes us feel better. Giving to charity is a transient good feeling but volunteering and interacting with humans and giving something of yourself usually increases your sense of selfworth and makes you feel good about the kindness which you are demonstrating. Gratitude on the part of the receiver is also appreciated and makes us feel good about an overall positive interaction.

Volunteering can not only boost your selfesteem but it can also boost your friendliness quotient and improve your bonding potential with others. Volunteering can be a rewarding experience, it can boost your mood, give you a sense of purpose, lower stress, and give you a sense of belonging to the community. Volunteering also can increase your sense of gratitude for what you have and will provide guidelines for how you can help yourself in times of need.

Most important is helping others by mentoring them to succeed in life. Whether you are mentoring offspring or an adult to follow in your footsteps and then exceed you, you are creating the leaders of tomorrow and this will give you great satisfaction latter in life. The bonding which happens during mentoring can lead to lifelong friendships which will definitely increase your happiness quotient.

Finally kindness is often contagious and often reciprocated by moral humans whom you are being kind to. Being able to help a friend in need with advice or other kinds of emotional or physical support will make you happier in many cases and your friend may reciprocate the favor at some point in the future. Even though the personal benefits of volunteering or helping acquaintances and strangers may not be as rewarding as helping a friend it can be rewarding none the less.

There are sociopaths, selfish individuals, and miserly types who help others only if they feel that they will get more back at some point in the future. Most moral individuals have been taught that helping others or being kind is a good thing and they help others because they feel it is the righteous thing to do and they feel good doing it most of the time. Interaction with moral humans is what makes happiness possible so don’t be overly disappointed or unhappy if not everyone appreciates your kind helping attitude because not everyone is moral.


If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

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If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!




Selfesteem or a sense of selfworth is really a balancing act between two extremes. At one extreme too much selfesteem can translate into a very narcissistic selfish human who ignores others too much and at the other extreme too little selfesteem can translate into a very depressed, lonely, unhappy human with a sense of great inferiority.

Society values attractive, well educated, professional, and wealthy humans with good families if they chose to have them. Society also values celebrities and if you evaluate your selfesteem based on celebrity performance then you will always feel wanting more out of your life.

If you are unattractive, badly educated, have a bad job or no job, and have a dysfunctional family life then chances are that you will not have a healthy balance of selfesteem.

Useful education or an ability to selfeducate yourself as an adult is the primary path to better selfesteem. Learning new useful knowledge and skills for a better job or better relationships is the only real way to improve yourself to the point where you begin to feel good about yourself and your life and start having justified healthy selfesteem.

If you come from a dysfunctional family then unfortunately you will have a hard time developing healthy selfesteem because chances are great that your relationships with others will also be highly dysfunctional.

How does an adult improve their personality if it has many flaws originating in a bad childhood? Some are fortunate and with dogged determination and making connections with moral healthy optimistic adults or good role models gradually work their way out of personality handicaps. Most are handicapped for life and just try to make the best of what they took from society and what they were given by the role models whom they associated with.

If you are an adult struggling with low selfesteem then you can try to do something about it by researching personality traits and pinpointing your weaknesses and strengths or bad and good habits. Then gradually work at improving your weaknesses or bad habits and get rid of your bad role model friends. Start replacing them with better role model friends once you get your own personality in better shape so you will be more readily accepted by these better role model friends.

A good life is having useful abilities and associating with good humans so start acquiring those useful abilities as soon as possible and start improving your life so your selfesteem will improve with it!!!

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3400 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.


If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!