Tag Archives: talking

23 WAYS TO BE A BETTER CONVERSATIONALIST!!!

One thing which is not always obvious or mentioned is that conversations between family members and close friends is a little different than good conversations between mere acquaintances or strangers. Taboo subjects such as politics, sex, and religion are usually off limits when talking to acquaintances or strangers but are acceptable topics to discuss with close friends or relatives. Revealing your personal weaknesses, secrets, and biases to close trusted humans is more acceptable without as much fear that this information will be used against you to damage your reputation.

That said there are 23 ways to be a better conversationalist in general:

Be a good listener since it shows an interest in what another is saying and makes another feel more important than they actually are. Some feel a good conversation should be 50/50 or that each should share about half of the conversation time but when talking to acquaintances or strangers your goal should be to learn as much about that human as possible and that means letting him or her do most of the talking. Try to show genuine interest without pretentiousness by listening and reacting accordingly or appropriately.

Don’t pontificate or dogmatically try to force your opinions and/or ideas on another. This aggressive approach will put the listener in defensive mode and cause them to try and avoid or terminate the conversation prematurely.

Use purposeful open ended questions beginning with who, what, where, when, how, and use how much to get an accurate degree of emotion, feeling, time, effort, devotion, commitment, quality, and quantity. This is better than just asking general questions about emotions and feelings or questions with only yes or no answers, both of which don’t encourage lengthier and more informative answers which is what you ideally want. Examples are- What drives you in life? What are your goals for next year? What inspired you to make the change?

If you don’t know how to answer a question or are ignorant on a topic then admit that you don’t know what to say or say that you will have to research it or think about it some more.

Be relatively brief and to the point and don’t get overly involved in giving too many or lengthy details and explanations which may be unnecessary.

Don’t assume that your experience and feelings on a topic are identical to theirs since most of us have had different experiences and feelings on varied topics. No two humans think or feel alike except perhaps for some rare couples who have been living and interacting much together for over 50 years.

Try not to repeat yourself or rephrase the same response many times or you will come across as being a little pushy and even annoying.

Try not to interrupt another while they speak unless they are excessively repeating themselves, boring, or talking too much with a lot of trivial information which is wasting your time and listening energy.

Go with the flow or don’t be too critical of another’s conversation style.

Try to choose subjects of mutual interest if possible and ask appropriate questions which will identify those subjects to further discuss.

Try to stay optimistic or positive with a minimum display of pessimism or negativism.

With strangers and acquaintances try to avoid overly emotional topics such as politics, sex, religion, relationship status, socioeconomic status, and physical appearance.

Advocate or say what you think and why followed by asking- How do you see it? to get a reaction, input, or feedback from them. Use follow up questions to get more useful information out.

Say the right thing or be honest, sincere, generally truthful, and not hurtful or say nothing at all.

Try to avoid small talk or chit chatting as much as possible and try to focus on more important or big talk topics.

Stay in conversation or discussion mode and don’t argue or debate which is a confrontational style and will put another in an angry and defensive or rejection mode.

Respect another’s privacy and try to avoid being overly critical or judgmental.

Give credit where credit is due and compliment accordingly.

Respect a person’s strongly held opinion and/or idea and both agree to disagree and continue the conversation with another topic.

Look for visual facial and body cues to assess the degree of interest in the conversation and switch to a different topic or prepare to end the conversation if you detect great disinterest.

Use examples to illustrate a point which you want to make.

Don’t brag about yourself or talk too much about your accomplishments since con artists and pretentious individuals are notorious for excessively conceited self-promotion and are no longer respected when the truth surfaces sooner or later.

Finally don’t be untruthful, pretentious, or hurtful since it will cause others to dislike you in the long duration since almost no one likes lying, deceptive, rude, and offensive humans.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

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UPDATED NEW QUOTE BY ULDIS SPROGIS 355!!!

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If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 3200 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!

https://uldissprogis.com/zlist-of-my-most-popular-blogs/

THE TRUTH ABOUT LISTENING

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Listen: v. to try to remember and/or consider a communication and permit the communicator to end a communication subset(s) before reacting

Frequently humans don’t like to be interrupted when talking and it is considered rude but there are smart ways of interrupting or trying to change the topic if the communication doesn’t seem to have an important point or if it is getting too lengthy. You can try changing to a new topic, delay the conversation for another time, or try to summarize what has been said so far and end the conversation prematurely.

If you have the luxury of time then you can listen to everything which is being said, briefly summarize what has been said, and ask follow up questions if necessary. This way the speaker will feel that their opinions and ideas have been respected even if you give short and sweet replies and don’t motivate the speaker to speak further.

In business where time is important being a good listener rather than a good talker is more important and all you have to really give is short and sweet replies. You will be more respected and appear smarter by being brief rather than by trying to impress someone with your wealth of knowledge and speaking longer than they do.

In relationships if you do less talking and really listen then you will be better able to understand their emotional state and the points which they try to communicate to you. Your responses will be more relevant and the quality of the conversation should improve.

I may be called biased but based on personal experience I feel that most women like to talk more than men and frequently want to share their emotional social experiences in sometimes dramatic and lengthy ways. An emotional talkative woman is a fact of life which most males have to live with or adapt to.

I have learned much in life by listening and reading what others have to say and have learned to be very selective in what I read and whom I ask questions to and about what topics.  

After a lifetime of wading through much verbosity, deception, and lies a headline is all that I have to read to know if the content interests me. I only enjoy talking to professionals from whom I can extract new valuable information and insights.

My never ending quest for truth and useful knowledge goes on. Some may accuse me of verbosity or excessive talkativeness for writing about 800 blogs in a year and a half but those are the fruits of a lifetime of logically analyzing and recording important information about nature and human and social behavior.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 800 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially  COMMON SENSErays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.

Enjoy!!!!!!

THE TRUTH ABOUT COMMUNICATION

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In good communications you should be a good listener first and really pay attention to what someone is saying and feeling. Humans will feel respected if you listen to them and don’t rudely interrupt or cut them off. After listening carefully you can follow up with some questions to probe more deeply what the human is trying to say or convey and how they feel about the issue.  

Try to empathize with whom you are talking to. You will better understand where they are coming from and how they feel about an issue. You can then answer in a competent and hopefully concise way and maintain a flowing conversation giving emotional support if necessary or give advice which you may feel is useful.

The success of many conversations not only depends on how smart you are or your IQ but on your EQ or emotional quotient or emotional smarts. Humans generally make impulsive decisions based on their feelings about an issue and not so much the logical consequences or the facts. Understanding that emotions are frequently more important in a conversation and must be dealt with first is a fundamental fact of successful human communication, especially if you are in a leadership position and must also get emotional support for your decisions.

You should keep arguments to a minimum in a good conversation and unless your beliefs are almost identical then you should leave hot topics like politics, religion, and sports alone and discuss them rarely if at all. In any conversation you will find differing opinions and beliefs and sometimes the smartest thing to do is to accept differing opinions and beliefs and not try to change them unless they will impact you in a very bad way.

Gossiping or spreading unproven bad facts about a human is not a very good thing to do and if you find that whom you are talking to is a gossiper then you should keep at a healthy distance from them because they may spread an untrue rumor about you in the foreseeable future which may hurt your reputation.

If a conversation is becoming repetitive or boring switch topics and if that doesn’t work then cut the conversation off for another time and proceed to do something more constructive.

Conversation should not waste your time and if you find that it seems to have no useful purpose or that it is mostly about random unimportant things then don’t waste your time and cut it short.

Communication is different whether you are talking to your children, spouse, relatives, friend, boss, employee, or casual acquaintance.

With your children you are probably more of an authority figure or the boss who knows what is frequently good for them. You expect them to behave in a certain way or you take away their privileges or punish them in some way if they misbehave.

With your spouse you may be very laid back or casual and feel free discussing almost any topic which enters your head. You should have an honest, sincere, and reliable or trustworthy relationship so that you can share some secrets or personal feelings which would cause you trouble if the secrets or opinions became public knowledge.

Not only should your spouse be someone whom you trust with sensitive information but they are someone with whom you can share your innermost feelings and know that they will understand you and give you moral or emotional support if necessary. Realize that many times your female spouse may be looking mostly for emotional support or empathy and not really want advice on how to solve her problems.

Communicating with a close friend is almost like a marriage where you basically trust one another with sensitive information and you may discuss some male or female issues or topics which you may not even share that intimately with your spouse. Some close friends can even be a source of good marital advice if both of you are in generally happy marital relationships.

Business conversations or etiquette is a complex specialty but even here listening intently with empathy and answering in short and concise ways is a good general rule of thumb to follow.

On a first date you may not want to reveal a serious health problem or a dysfunctional family but if you want a serious honest, sincere, and reliable or trustworthy relationship to develop then you will eventually have to reveal your bad circumstances and it is better to do so before marriage than after it.

Social media and texting is rapidly changing how we communicate with each other and is taking much of the emotion out and permitting more exclusive brief communications. Some may feel that it is dehumanizing conversation. I feel that it is making communication more rational and concise and will benefit almost everyone in the long duration.

Finally most women like to talk more than men so if you find out that a woman is talking much more than you then don’t stress about it but accept it as a common natural cultural phenomenon.

If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, approximately 600 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.

Enjoy!!!!!!

6 THINGS WHICH CAN CAUSE BAD CASUAL COMMUNICATION

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Asking too many questions:

Asking too many questions during a conversation can create the feeling of an uncomfortable interrogation which feels threatening. You need to ask questions during a conversation to keep it going smoothly but too many repulses humans.

Too much and too fast conversation:

Slow down when talking or you will start including unimportant random thoughts which are not understandable and make it more difficult for humans to follow the thoughts which you are saying too fast. Don’t forget to put emotion into your important facts or opinions and pause a little after making an important point so that it attracts attention and makes humans more attentive to your talking.

Rudely interrupting a conversation:

Some humans are so anxious to get their information across that they will try to rudely inject a thought before you are finished talking. Don’t rudely interrupt unless the human is talking too much and getting off the subject. Interrupting is not rude if you are trying to get the human to return to the subject matter being originally discussed. In most cases patiently wait until the human is finished talking before you respond.

Insisting that you are always right:

Personal pride will frequently tempt you to attack or argue that your opinion is right and another human’s is wrong. Conversation should be more of a calm discussion and not constant intense disagreement. Right or wrong other humans are entitled to keep their opinions if you can’t convince them otherwise with a logical discussion. Humans are very emotionally attached to their wrong or right opinions and they will frequently fight or argue to defend them so try to be as diplomatic about it as possible and reduce emotional exchanges to a minimum. Arguing or fighting over rather trivial opinions may mean losing a friend for no good reason.

Boring and depressing humans:

If you have nothing important to do or say or just want to talk about your depressing problems then it is better to say nothing and not bore the other human and repulse them. Having a good optimistic, honest, and sincere attitude will attract good humans to you and pessimism will attract pessimistic humans who want to join you in mutual misery.

Not reciprocating good feelings and information:

If a human optimistically helps or shares important information with you then thank them or reciprocate by also giving them some important information or help optimistically. Better human bonding exists or better friendships grow when two or more humans reciprocate and share honest, sincere, and truthful good feelings and information.

 

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HOW TO AVOID CONFLICT WHEN COMMUNICATING

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Subset: n. thing

Someone’s beliefs may sound crazy to you but these people honestly believe subsets and have opinions which are completely illogical and unreasonable. It can be very difficult to listen to them coolly and maturely and respectfully. Pointing to the logical problems with their beliefs seldom helps. Understanding that another’s irrational beliefs were indoctrinated by bad historical myths and behaviors of their role models is smart. Live and let live without fighting about it is smart and silence is golden so don’t communicate about the wrong belief.

To determine whether an opinion is a strong belief or just an opinion potentially subject to change restate the opinion in your own words and ask. “Is it a strong belief or an opinion which we can discuss?” If the answer is that it is a strong belief then the probability that you will be able to change it is almost zero and there is no point in discussing it further.

An opinion is sometimes defended as strongly as a belief. If the opinion is important and about the functioning of the business then you should use as many examples as you can to show that your opinion is right for mutual benefit. If the opinion is about a topic which does not impact the business then don’t waste any time, energy, and money trying to change it. You can end a conversation about an emotionally intense but unimportant opinion by saying that we both have a right to our opinions even though we disagree.

Some communications start to break down with personal insults and name calling. If this happens to you stop the conversation or postpone it for a time when everyone has had a chance to cool down emotionally. “Sorry, I can’t continue the conversation” or “Let’s talk about this later or tomorrow” is the smart response to personal attacks.

Most people try to avoid conflict but this is not always possible. When in conflict with someone listen to them and you may find common ground. Try to make them understand your position by communicating understandably but firmly. One side may give in completely or a little or the conversation may increase emotionally but eventually there will be some conclusion even though it may only be a consensus that you each will remain with your own opinions or concepts.

Many employers are now using what can be called a verbal warning. The logic of a verbal warning is that it is an attempt to correct a problem before it becomes bad enough to make a formal action necessary. After getting a warning it is easy to become defensive and answer back with an objection but instead only listen to the bosses explanation with an open mind. Once you have heard the authoritative view on the subject and understand what led to the verbal warning then adjust your conversation and promise to correct your behavior if you now feel that it needs correcting.

You may want to complain to those with some power over you since we can’t always solve our own problems ourselves. Be careful not to bother someone with a problem they’re powerless to solve. Describe the problem thoroughly without exaggeration and try to only use the facts. Once you have told your supervisor the problem let them behave the best even though you may frequently disagree with their solution or solutions. If a better solution suddenly exists in your mind then offer it respectfully and see if your supervisor will approve or maintain the same opinion or same method to solve the problem.

All businesses have complaining customers. Listen carefully to the complaint to the very end since it will make the customer feel that they have been heard and understood. Continue with a question or two if you don’t understand the complaint right away. If you don’t have an immediate answer then consult with your coworkers who may have dealt with a similar problem. If your coworkers can’t solve the problem then take it to your supervisor.

One of life’s most flattering and stressful experiences is when someone asks you for constructive criticism. If you can help be honest and even tell the truth if it is bad news and not good news. Share your opinions and give them a chance to defend theirs. It’s even possible that you may change your mind. In the end what you can do is tell them the truth as you subjectively see it and they will either accept it or disagree even though sometimes in private.

Misunderstandings are common and you should try to easily avoid them. Don’t use random words but try to communicate as understandably and relevantly and politely as possible without emotional outbursts. Choosing the right truthful words should be enough but try to avoid using information which will make people feel intensely because they sincerely may not share your emotions or feelings on the subject.

Don’t express kindness and try to deceive people by trying to hide your personal feelings of superiority. This patronizing insults a person and tells them exactly what you really feel about them and unfortunately other people will have a tendency to react with approval to the patronizing.

Don’t talk to people when they say they are lucky or unlucky because luck should be a very small subset in your successful life and if you feel unlucky then it is usually your own fault that a subset didn’t work or perform as you wished.

When you ask what’s with a body subset such as a reddish eye or slurred speech be considerate because they are probably embarrassed before you communicate it. It may seem rude to start communicating the unpleasant fact but that is no reason why you can’t discuss it openly and honestly without implying disapproval.

Perhaps the hardest thing to master is to avoid conflict after easily saying NO or SORRY NO to a communication especially a favor. Justifying such a short answer can be very difficult. When we are asked to do a behavior which seems easy or enjoyable we frequently do it. Frequently saying yes to an asked favor can increase into unreasonable and impractical demands which sadly require you to create complete boundaries or you run the risk of becoming everybody’s servant and not getting paid for it.

Even if only your gut feeling is a NO answer without logical justification then say so because with enough time the NO will be accepted as a valid response without the need for revenge, enduring hurt feelings, and lingering disappointment. You also will be free of lingering regrets that you wrongly said Yes when the truthful answer should have been a NO.

The logical answer to every NO is that it is inefficient or a waste of your time, energy, money, or the wrong behavior which will waste someones time, energy, or money if the behavior is accepted and not changed or eliminated!!!!!!

If you liked this evergreen blog read more and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy!!!!!!

ANIMAL SOUNDS COMMUNICATE MEANINGFULLY, ESPECIALLY WITH THE SAME SPECIES!!!!!

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Animal sounds are not just noise but meaningful communications which we all intuitively know if we have sociable cats and/or dogs which seem to be communicating with us some of the time.

We can learn from animals which communicate purposefully and do not pursue trivial and random communications which can really be considered noise without valuable content.

If you want to be more efficient in your communications with humans try to be short and brief and to the point and don’t just randomly talk about what just impulsively pops into your head.

Ask whether what you are about to say will inform the other human with something which they can use in their life such as good advice backed up with personal experiences or teaching them new important facts which they can use in their lives.

Try to avoid gossip and going on and on about what existed in your life in the past and minute details about your daily life.

Don’t bore people and frighten away potential new friends by trying to hang out with them conversationally.

Above all be selective in the humans you talk to the most in a smart way and usually don’t say anything at all or cut the conversation short if what you are about to say won’t help that other person in living their daily lives.

Silence is frequently golden in the wild and you should learn to be more silent in your life.

Especially think about what you are about to say in silence for a few seconds before you actually say something which should be usually important.

If you love to talk record your conversations on a mini audio recorder and then play them back when you have some time and start analyzing the conversations by asking.

Was what I said trivial and uninformative?

If the answer is yes then don’t say the same thing in the future.

Did it help the other human in some way?

If you don’t think you helped then don’t say it in future conversations.

Could I have said what I said in fewer words and still get the message across?

Analyze and eliminate those words and phrases or topics which don’t get any valuable message across in future conversations and become a more efficient more interesting talker.

Many of us just have a bad blabbing habit which all of us should be working to decrease in our lives because it is effectively just trivial noise no one wants to hear or should hear.

THERE IS PROOF OF BANDED MONGOOSE COMMUNICATION IN A RECENT ARTICLE FROM POPSCI.COM POSTED BY REBECCA BOYLE 1/11/2013.

ENJOY!!!!!