If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 5300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, UPDATED NEW QUOTES, and DON’T BE INEFFICIENT, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 5100 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, UPDATED NEW QUOTES, and DON’T BE INEFFICIENT, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 5000 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 5000 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4700 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4600 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4500 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
For a complete readily accessible list of blogs and titles go to twitter.com/uldissprogis.
Enjoy!!!!!!
If you enjoyed this blog then here is a list of my most popular ones which you may also enjoy!!!
Opinion: n. communicating a relatively weak transient belief which is subject to change if confronted by (logical reasoning and/or experiences) and/or respected authority figures which nullify samer belief
Persuasion: n. getting agreement that a goal(s) is worth achieving
Before you try to change someone’s opinion it is best to stop and ask yourself three basic questions-
Is the human important enough in my life?
Is the opinion that I want to change going to benefit me and/or the another human in some way?
Is the opinion important enough in my life to spend my time, energy, effort, and maybe even money trying to change the opinion?
If the answer to the three questions is yes then go ahead and try to change the opinion.
If the answer is no then you are wasting your time, energy, effort, and maybe even money trying to change an opinion which should be left alone in the first place.
Persuasion is called an art because humans are different and what may persuade one human may not persuade another even if you use all the recommended persuasive tactics or tricks suggested by others.
There are general principles of persuasion which optimize the probability of success in changing another’s opinion but it is not a sure thing so my suggestions are merely ballpark approximations to what should be done to change someones’s opinion.
In general you will be more persuasive if you are
liked,
respected as an authority figure,
use factual or real examples to support your opinion, and
customize your opinions to the real life experiences and feelings of the human that you are trying to persuade.
Changing someone’s opinion is easier than changing someone’s basic beliefs but it is always easier to do if there is some personal benefit which can come from a change in opinion. If your persuasion will lead to someone saving time, energy, and money and even feeling happy about the change then it could be a worthwhile persuasion.
Try to change an opinion if you come from a position of authority or respect and are either known to have expertise on the subject or have a relatively close trusting relationship with the person whom you are trying to persuade.
Historical precedents are important because if something has worked before or is working well now then chances are frequently pretty good that it will work in the future too. Also appeal to experts or testimonials if you want to back up your persuasive powers with influential humans who have the same opinion.
Personality types will also affect your persuasive ability and it might be wise to determine whether a human is very dogmatically inclined on a subject or is malleable and open to differing views on the subject. If you feel there is a great emotional investment or emotional attachment then opposing that opinion may only lead to an argument or a strong denial.
Not so obvious is that it is very important WHOM you are trying to persuade. Is it your boss, employee, customer, friend, date, spouse, offspring, stranger, team, or audience whom you are trying to persuade?
Business persuasion is very different than trying to impress or persuade your date what a good potential mate you will be and persuading an audience has its own unique skill set. Google and find out what are the unique ways of persuading each category of humans. You will only find general principles covered in this blog.
Unless it is a close friend or spouse generally stay away from attempts to change a religious, political, or sports opinion which can quickly escalate into an undesirable argument and standoff.
WHAT you are trying to persuade a human of is also very important. There are factual persuasions and very subjective personal persuasions about politics, religion, sports odds, and aesthetics which are very frequently excursions into futility because the highly emotional beliefs or opinions are so strong and seldom subject to change or persuasion. Sometimes facts or statistics are coupled with strong emotional biases or feelings about what the facts really mean and a strictly logical approach to try and persuade may not be sufficient to reach a persuasive agreement.
If changing an opinion may result in an immediate or future pay increase then persuasion can lead to good personal benefits and should be pursued.
For an overloaded working mom it can be beneficial to try and persuade the husband to get more involved in doing household chores and share the burden or responsibility. The husband may have an opinion that cleaning the house and cooking is women’s work so she will probably have to come up with a lot of convincing examples of working couples sharing the household workload.
Janitor men clean and men chefs cook so you can argue that cleaning and cooking is not just women’s work. Yes, historically stay at home moms took care of the house and offspring but times have changed so mutual effort is now the smart thing to do.
Trying to change human opinions as a public speaker is much harder than changing a one on one opinion where you can get immediate feedback from the one that you are trying to persuade or convince. Public speaking is persuading from a distance and that requires additional skills which don’t have to be used in one on one persuading which entails a lot of questioning, feedback, and two way discussion in general.
In one on one persuasion it is very important to do most of the listening and only short and sweet head nods and brief responses showing respect for the others opinions. Using phrases such as “I know where you are coming from” and “That makes a lot of sense” shows a respect for another’s opinions.
Asking probing questions to determine all the pros and cons of the situation and probing for possible objections to your point of view are also important because they will have to be addressed and in doing so you may uncover some flaws in your point of view which will need attention or change. There is seldom a perfect opinion and yours may have some flaws too which you should admit to and hopefully correct.
Try not to be overly confident, aggressive, and don’t proselytize with a basic viewpoint that you are a know it all. This will automatically put the listener in a defensive mode with a tendency to disagree or say no to whatever you may have to say. Try to stay calmly in discussion mode and not in intense argument or debate mode.
Sometimes partial agreement is better than no agreement at all. We are really talking about the art of compromising here so there is a win win situation for both even though one or both parties don’t get everything that they wanted. Sometimes it is even smart to agree to disagree and leave the issue unresolved for the time being.
Use statistical consensus if it exists in what you are trying to persuade because many people are motivated by the herd instinct and want to frequently be in the majority with their opinions. This approach can be dangerous with teenagers since peer pressure is a statistical consensus or what the majority is doing. If the majority is using drugs of some kind then this does not mean that you should be doing it also.
Very briefly,
if someone likes you,
if you are an expert or authority figure,
if you do them a favor first,
if many have been persuaded already,
if they have made a commitment, and
if scarcity is emphasized then you are more likely to persuade successfully, especially if you are trying to persuade someone into buying something.
Before trying to persuade someone you have to assess
who you want to persuade,
about what,
how you will persuade, and
when you will attempt persuasion.
Whom do you want to persuade?
If you are in a position of authority over someone then you will have more success in persuading that person. If you are the boss with expertise then you may be very persuasive about job related issues but not necessarily in topics or opinions outside the job sphere.
If you are a parent authority figure then you will have a greater probability of persuading your offspring even though realistically you may occasionally have to use some coercion or the threat of punishment to get them to do what you want.
If you have expertise in a field or are in a position of authority then your relevant opinions will be more respected and your persuasive powers will be greater.
You will probably also be better able to persuade your spouse or close friend with whom you have an honest, sincere, and trusting relationship. Close associates who may admire and respect you will usually be more persuaded by you than if you try to persuade total strangers or casual friends.
If you use authority figure opinions or statistics which show that most humans believe or behave a certain way then you will be more persuasive because most humans generally respect authority and want to be accepted as part of the majority or don’t want to seem like loners.
What do you want to persuade about?
You must also realize that persuading one to change a strong religious, political, or sports belief or a strong opinion will be almost impossible and not worth the effort. It is much different if you are trying to persuade someone to buy information, goods, or services from you where a human may actually have a desire, need, want, or interest in what you are selling or offering.
Persuading your spouse to do something at home like taking out the garbage out on a regular basis, spending more time with offspring, or doing you a big favor is possible but you may have to do something in return to be persuasive enough.
If you are trying to persuade someone then assess whether the persuasion will lead to mutual benefit in some way. If you can demonstrate that you gain something more than just a boost to your ego and the human whom you are trying to persuade will gain something good by being persuaded then the probability of being persuasive goes up greatly.
Before you begin to persuade first ask whether there will be any benefits for one party or both if the persuasion is successful or goes through.
How will you persuade?
If you compliment or boost someone’s ego and make them emotionally feel good first then you will often have more success with your persuasive attempts.
If you first probe the possible responses or opinions of the one whom you are trying to persuade and listen carefully to what they have to say, then you may put yourself in a better strategic position and be able to fine tune your persuasive attempts to the needs, desires, and wants of the human. After listening carefully to the initial responses or opinions you may decide that persuasion may be a waste of time.
If you are confident, enthusiastic, and communicate clearly and understandably then you will be more persuasive.
If you use real life examples in the human’s life or your own to try and prove your point then you will be more successful in persuading. If you can relay an interesting story which backs up your point of view then you will be more convincing in your persuasive attempts.
If you have documented facts then you will sometimes be more persuasive.
If you have thoroughly analyzed a problem or problems with the pros and cons and have plausible solutions to them backed up by facts then you should be more persuasive.
If you can demonstrate or show that something bad or terrible will happen if the human is not persuaded then you may be a more successful persuader.
Remember that threatening someone into doing something rather than persuading them will get results if you are in a position of authority but the human adult whom you are threatening into doing something may not be persuaded that it was the right thing to do and may resent your coercive action and their respect for you may decrease.
When should you persuade?
It should be obvious that if you are trying to persuade a human and they are too tired or too busy then you will have to pick another time to try and persuade. Also persuasion sometimes requires persistence and you may have to frequently try to persuade sometimes using a slightly different approach each time and the time that it may take before being successful may be a week, month, or even a year.
If there is a sense of urgency created in the one that you are trying to persuade then they are more likely to respond more quickly and affirmatively and this applies more to selling something to someone.
Here is an attempt at changing your teenager’s opinion that marijuana usage is not a big thing since so many humans are into it and has become legal in Colorado.
Ask some probing questions first.
Do you think a person has the right to do with his body whatever he or she wishes including drugs?
Do you think marijuana is habit forming for some?
Do you think regular marijuana usage does not affect job performance or thinking? (back this up with factual research)
Do you think that marijuana usage and excessive alcohol usage simultaneously will cause greater driving impairment?
Do you think minors should be able to use marijuana?
Do you think parents who use marijuana a lot will be bad role models for their offspring?
Do you know that excessive marijuana usage by minors results in psychological problems and bad performance in school? (back this up with factual research)
Would you let your 4 year old smoke marijuana? Why not?
Is marijuana a gateway to more addictive drugs? (not an established fact but a more probable yes)
Sometimes black market marijuana is laced with shitty chemicals to get you coming back for more or you can’t trust the quality of it and are sometimes playing Russian roulette with your brain.
Do you know that about 10 percent of the Dutch marijuana users are severely addicted to the marijuana habit? (back this up with factual statistics from reputable research)
In 2015 about 30% of Americans have had an alcohol use disorder and one in 7 or more than 10% are chronic users on a yearly basis and the problem is getting worse. Add chronic alcohol use to habitual chronic marijuana use if legalized nationally and you have over 20% of the population fucked up on two drugs and there are plenty more legal and illegal mind altering drugs to choose from.
Does marijuana unnaturally increase your appetite?
Is pot smoking just as harmful as cigarette smoke in the long duration?
Conclusion:
Occasional marijuana usage can tragically lead to excessive usage which can impair job performance, thinking ability, and become a bad role model for personal offspring who will have greater psychological and academic problems in school with heavy usage.
About 10% of pot smokers will become an addicted or habitual burden upon society just as excessive alcohol usage is a great cost to society. There is also the greater probability that marijuana usage will lead to other forms of more addictive drug use in a permissive society causing more social havoc and misery in society.
Drugs of any kind such as opiods, cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, etc. artificially alter the mind’s chemistry and long duration usage is usually detrimental to good brain health or functioning. If you want to lead a productive life and be a success then drug usage will only handicap your ability to achieve wanted goals in life.
Escape from reality with marijuana and alcohol or cocaine usage and reality may come crashing down on you with a failed marriage, failed relationships, and maybe even job failure. There is no proof that average marijuana usage will ruin your life. It just makes the probability that you will have detrimental bad side effects in your life more likely, especially if you become a chronic user.
You should fear rampant personal and social use of marijuana and similar drugs in society because future generations and you personally and your family will probably be adversely affected in the long duration.
Finally, I don’t get high on marijuana and get drunk to feel good or reduce stress. Why should you? I don’t need artificial highs but prefer natural highs to feel good such as exercise and drug free social interaction. Our home is a drug free zone with punishment if caught and you will have to wait till your 18 and you live by yourself to use it freely if you choose to do so.
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 4300 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially EVERGREEN TRUTH, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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Depict: v. to show a subset(s) in an exaggerated and/or altered form to emphasize an opinion and/or characteristic(s) about samer subset(s)
The depiction of the president with a king’s crown on his head is an altered picture to emphasize the tyrannical nature of some of his executive actions. Depicting bankers as greedy money grubbing humans stealing from the poor in cartoons is an example of exaggerated representation of all bankers.
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 2700 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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Objective: adj. reasoning unchanged by emotion and/or personal opinion and based primarily on viewed facts and/or on the use of the scientific method
Objectivity in human interactions is the ideal but the reality is that subjective judgements are rampant in a liberal arts society which tries to impose social norms on humans which are seldom based on reasoned logical assessments about reality.
Social and political correctness dominates society and if you logically disagree then you are frequently confronted with ridicule, put downs, insults, name calling, and harsh criticism to get you to conform to the powerful subjective status quo social and political norms.
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1900 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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Override: v. to use authority to (replace and/or reject) and/or stop a subset(s) suchas a decision(s) and/or a belief(s)
If an authority figure is in a position to replace, reject, or stop what you want done then they have the power to override your decision, belief, opinion, etc.
Manual overrides permit humans to take over control over an automated system.
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1900 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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Proposition: n. communicating a judgement and/or opinion and seeking approval for what is usually a (rule(s) and/or concept(s)) and/or (law(s) and/or plan(s))
Changes in local and state laws sometimes go through a proposition procedure where humans are asked to vote for or against a proposition designed to become a law.
In the business world propositions are made to change rules, adopt new business plans, and innovate business procedures.
In everyday life you can consider a suggestion to be an unofficial proposition. A proposition is usually much more formal than a suggestion.
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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Regard: v. to sense and think about something with the intent of forming an opinion and/or judgment
We highly regard some humans which basically means that we have formed a very good opinion of them and frequently feel they deserve our respect.
When we regard something then we are evaluating or making a judgment as to how good or appropriate or bad something is based on our personal appraisal or valuation of it.
We regard humans and make relatively snap judgments or stereotype them rather quickly and have rather instantaneous opinions of them based on looks and initial behavior.
First impressions are sometimes wrong and our initial regard for them may change with time as they reveal more and more of their true personality.
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 1800 so far, or read one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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Indecision: n. not being able to make an opinion and/or judgment after some thought and/or inquiry
Many of us have thought and researched a problem and still feel indecisive because we either don’t know what to do or have so many options that we have trouble choosing what should be the right one first.
We consult other humans with similar situations in life and sometimes find their decisive solutions to be acceptable in our situation also.
When in doubt or faced with indecision then try to find someone who has been through the same problem and has successfully resolved it. It can be your spouse, a close personal friend, or a licensed professional. Further research on the internet from humans who have had your problem and found solutions to it are also an excellent source to end your indecisiveness.
Finally, if you are faced with indecision it is just a question of more time needed to research a solution to your indecision and you may even conclude that the best decision is to make no decision at all!!!!!!
If you liked this evergreen truth blog then read more of them, about 800 so far, and one or more of my evergreen truth books, especially COMMON SENSE, rays of truth in a human world filled with myths and deceptions.
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There wasn’t enough chemistry or animal magnetism:
The most frequent reason a male does not call you back is because there wasn’t enough chemistry or animal magnetism that he felt for you. If on the other hand neither he nor you has been dating much then you may both be rusty on presenting your best somewhat flirtatious personality and the first date is more like a friendly get together and not a mating dance or ritual.
If you definitely find out that he hasn’t been dating much but you still find him attractive enough to want a second or third date then remember the old adage “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. Call him a few days later and thank him for a pleasant date and give him a little feedback about what you found interesting about him to boost his possible insecure ego a bit as a desirable male. If he just answers thank you and doesn’t ask you about a follow up date then don’t push any further because it is obvious that he does not have the same feelings or interest in you as you do for him.
You were a shy or talkative bore and didn’t touch on the things that you have in common:
If you are very shy on the first date and don’t ask questions about his favorite family members, best friends, best and worst experiences in his life, and favorite pastimes then the conversation will have been very boring and you both will not have the optimistic experience of sharing great moments in life and pinpointing common interests, likes, and loves.
Risking being a little nosey is far better than badly communicating and being an uninteresting bore. You may also find out things about him which will cause you to avoid a second date with him sooner rather than later in the relationship.
Talking too much about yourself non stop is also a way of boring someone, especially if what you talk about is not very interesting. Two way conversations are definitely preferable.
He is just too busy with an important job or personal priorities:
If he has a very responsible high paying job the reason he doesn’t call is that he may truly be busy with more important priorities in his life at that moment. If he does call at a later date then try to be understanding unless all his future dates also follow the same pattern. Then you may realistically begin to feel that you will be playing second fiddle to his job or friends.
Although a death or chronic illness in the family or some other equally bad news may be the reason that he doesn’t call it is not a very probable occurrence but you should be understanding if a bereavement or lingering chronic illness of a family member is presented to you as an excuse for not calling sooner.
He has an overinflated ego:
He thinks he is an irresistible handsome hunk and wants you to call him because he has very many other women to choose from and you are not priority number one. If you think that may be the case then move on with your life and other males.
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You don’t have a steady good paying job or career.
Nothing is more terrifying than the prospect of starting a family with offspring on a shoe string budget. Historically society valued a female with a dowry (money) and a male with a good paying job or land to farm. Enough money is not only a security blanket but it also makes you a more interesting human who can do interesting things in life almost all of which require money to do those interesting things.
You look like a slob or bum.
Your initial appearance is what counts the most and if you are badly dressed, badly groomed, or even smell you will not create a good first impression and will be avoided speedily.
You have very few optimistic things in common with your dates.
You don’t like the same family members, offspring, close friends, politicians, good conversations, topics, music, movies, sports, food, cars, houses, hobbies, and activities. Only good free sex seems to be keeping the dysfunctional relationship alive.
You have a pessimistic personality and don’t have a clue how to get rid of it.
You are depressed by past family and personal failures and failures with the opposite sex and don’t know how to escape your past misfortune. You are not taking any realistic optimistic steps to avoid similar disappointments in the future.
You are devoting too much of your time to job or career and can’t schedule enough time for your relationship.
Nothing will end a relationship faster than feeling that you are playing second fiddle to a job or career and not getting enough earned attention. Being able to schedule important time for both job and relationship is the key to a harmonious happy lifestyle for both parties.
If you liked this evergreen blog read more of them.
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Subset: n. a thing
Someone’s beliefs may sound crazy to you but these people honestly believe subsets which are completely illogical and unreasonable. It can be very difficult to listen to them coolly and maturely and respectfully. Pointing to the logical problems with their beliefs seldom helps. Understanding that another’s irrational beliefs were indoctrinated by bad historical myths and behaviors of their role models is smart. Live and let live without fighting about it is smart and silence is golden so don’t communicate about the wrong belief.
Most people try to avoid conflict but this is not always possible. When in conflict with someone listen to them and you may find common ground. Try to make them understand your position by communicating understandably but firmly. One side may give in completely or a little or the communication may increase emotionally but eventually there will be some conclusion even though it may only be a consensus that you each will remain with your own opinions or concepts.
Many employers are now using what can be called a verbal warning. The logic of a verbal warning is that it is an attempt to correct a problem before it becomes bad enough to make a formal action necessary. At that moment it is easy to become defensive and answer back with an objection but instead only listen to their topic with an open mind. Once you have heard the topic and understand what led to the verbal warning then adjust your circumstance and correct your behavior.
You may want to complain to those with some power over you since we can’t always solve our own problems ourselves. Be careful not to bother someone with a problem they’re powerless to solve. Describe the problem thoroughly without exaggeration and try to only use the facts. Once you have told your supervisor the problem let them behave the best even though you may frequently disagree with their solution or solutions. If a better solution suddenly exists in your mind then offer it respectfully and see if your supervisor will approve or maintain the same opinion.
All businesses have complaining customers. Listen carefully to the complaint to the very end since it will make the customer feel that they have been heard and understood. Continue with a question or two if you don’t understand the complaint right away. If you don’t have an immediate answer then consult with your coworkers who may have dealt with a similar problem. If your coworkers can’t solve the problem then take it to your supervisor.
One of life’s most flattering and stressful experiences is when someone asks you for constructive criticism. If you can help be honest and even tell the truth if it is bad news and not good news. Share your opinions and give them a chance to defend theirs. It’s even possible that you may change your mind. In the end what you can do is tell them the truth as you subjectively see it and they will either accept it or disagree in private.
Misunderstandings are common and you should try to easily avoid them. Don’t use random words but try to communicate as understandably and relevantly and politely as possible without emotional outbursts. Choosing the right truthful words should be enough but try to avoid using information which will make people feel intensely because they sincerely may not share your emotions or feelings on the subject.
Don’t express kindness and try to deceive people by trying to hide your personal feelings of superiority. This patronizing insults a person and tells them exactly what you really feel about them and unfortunately other people will have a tendency to react with approval to the patronizing.
Don’t talk to people when they say they are lucky or unlucky because luck should be a very small subset in your successful life and if you feel unlucky then it is usually your own fault that a subset didn’t work or perform as you wished.
When you ask what’s with a body subset such as a reddish eye or slurred speech be considerate because they are probably embarrassed before you communicate it. It may seem rude to start communicating the unpleasant fact but that is no reason why you can’t discuss it openly and honestly without implying disapproval.
Perhaps the hardest thing to master is to avoid conflict after easily saying NO or SORRY NO to a communication especially a favor. Justifying such a short answer can be very difficult. When we are asked to do a behavior which seems easy or enjoyable we frequently do it. Frequently saying yes to an asked favor can increase into unreasonable and impractical demands which sadly require you to create complete boundaries or you run the risk of becoming everybody’s servant and not getting paid for it.
Sometimes someone comes to you with a problem when they really only want emotional support to continue on and solve the problem mostly on their own. Learn to recognize a plea for emotional support and nothing more because even in close relationships at home and with friends sometimes just reassurance and empathetic expression is all that is requested when a bad situation arises and it is all that is needed in the circumstance. Probing too much at such a time may just create conflict and defensiveness which would not have arisen otherwise.
If you liked this evergreen blog read more of them and read one or more of my evergreen books, especially COMMON SENSE.
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Nonthreatenchad: adj. not seriously threatening by not largely and intensely challenging a human’s beliefs and/or intense opinions
Maybe you are shy and a little introverted and generally feel uncomfortable in social interactions. Here are a few suggestions on how to be more confident and become better at interacting with other humans.
Walking purposefully and shaking hands with a firm grip is more important in business relationships to imply a strong and trustworthy personality but with casual acquaintances a medium strength handshake is adequate and many times you don’t need to shake hands but merely acknowledge the other person with a genuine smile that implies that you are really interested in them and happy to meet them. Move closer to them and don’t wait for them to come to you and you can add to your short greeting of only “hi” followed by a nonthreatening question with a slight nod of the head. “hi it’s a pleasure to meet you” is another personal greeting which you may use.
Physically touching another person decreases the natural barriers or space between humans and humans are comforted by minimal touching and not threatened. Passing from the back a simple gentle tap on the shoulder is a friendly gesture and touching the forearm gently with the nonshaking hand while shaking with the other helps to decrease the psychological distance which is felt at most first meetings.
In general humans who are liked let you do most of the talking by being interested in you and being polite and asking nonthreatening questions with how and why and who and sometimes what and where and when. It implies that you respect a human’s opinions and are willing to use time listening to them. The liked humans usually make relatively short communications and factual relevant ones if they do talk. The less you talk randomly and the more concisely you speak the more respected you will become. Humans like to have their opinions respected and will more probably respect you back if you show genuine interest in them.
Minimize the hard charging and goal oriented and always selfishly wanting something attitude. Try to help a person who has a question or a problem or needs a small favor and in general try to please the other person with helpful conversation and then start gradually introducing your wants or needs especially if it is not a business interaction or relationship.
Making a parting good impression is as important as the first impression. Say “it was a pleasure meeting you” or “hope to see you soon bye” or “ I liked talking with you” and add a genuine smile. “nice to see you” is archaic and sounds and is insincere.
The above suggestions sound simple enough but the shy communicator may fear to go beyond the normative standard “Hello and how are you and good to meet you and good seeing you” but it won’t make people like you unless you show some genuine interest in them. It means taking little risks and being more vulnerable and a little more genuine and a little more complimentary and more respectful and basically having the courage to investigate in an ethical manner peoples likes and perhaps some minor dislikes and their opinions on relevant topics.
I asked my wife plenty of appropriate nonthreatenchad questions which basically means that I didn’t challenge or argue with her strong beliefs and opinions before we got married and tried to show a general interest in her which she obliged me by doing most of the talking. I knew more about her life and smart educated type A controlling giving personality than she knew about mine when we got married. I may have sounded a little boring to her by not revealing too much about myself but I also did not make the mistake of talking too much and perhaps revealing too many of my faults early in the relationship. My friendly probing technique worked and we have been happily married for 22 years so far. I continue to let her do most of the talking around the house and socially and only inject an appropriate short relevant logical comment when I can add some factual or relevant information to her talking topics. I showed and continue to show a genuine interest in her and we have an honest respectful relationship which is a pleasure to be in. The bonding in cloose friendships is very similar if you want a lasting long duration relationship.
OPEN MARRIAGE OR SEX WITH OTHERS OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS PLAGUED WITH TOO MANY BAD EFFECTS TO MAKE THE LIFESTYLE A GENERALLY PLEASURABLE ONE. SACRIFICING THE TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP OF A MONOGAMOUS EMOTIONALLY STABLE RELATIONSHIP FOR A FEW MINUTES OF SEX IS JUST NOT THE SMART THING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.
HERE IS A LIST OF ALL THE BAD EFFECTS OF OPEN MARRIAGE:
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