Marriage should be sharing the good and the bad times but sometimes you will have to give in, sometimes you will get your way, sometimes you will have to be controlling, sometimes you will argue instead of compromise, and sometimes problems or irritations will remain unsolved for long periods of time. Being supported emotionally and financially in the good times is easy but being supported emotionally and financially in the bad times is evidence that the marriage can last.
You also have to share the workload and if one brings home most of the money then the other will have to take over most of the workload of keeping the house in order and spending more time with the offspring. Where both spouses work then housework and offspring rearing will have to be a shared responsibility. Marriage is responsible hard work and working out a just share of the responsibility will frequently determine to a large extent the success and happiness in the marriage. The extreme of I have to do everything and you do nothing is not a viable option.
Frequently one member is more domineering or is better at making decisions and solving problems than the other or you may have strengths in one area such as finance and weaknesses in another area such as offspring rearing. Letting a spouse dominate at something which they are good at should be encouraged.
Marriage is trying to balance things or coordinating effort to reach common goals but it is also some independent behavior or pursuing your personal interests and getting support for those efforts from your spouse. Working together and sharing a business is rare and what makes interesting conversation possible is pursuing some independent goals, activities, or jobs and sharing those exploits with each other.
You are alike in many ways but also different in many ways and the dynamic interplay of these characteristics can make or break a relationship. If your communication skills are good, you are honest with each other and trust one another, and are good at sharing the load of responsibility then you will have a much more pleasant relationship than if you don’t honestly communicate and act irresponsibly.
A good marriage is a relatively safe intimate haven from a tumultuous sometimes crazy world but a stagnant marriage can also be quite boring so developing new or better interests, finding better jobs, and focusing on good long duration goals will help make the journey together more interesting and pleasantly challenging.
Bad times can really test a marriage and if you get through many of them successfully then your confidence that you will not be abandoned will be greater and you will know that you may have a lasting secure relationship and a truly best friend when times are tough.
When the offspring are leading independent lives and sex has ended then your major reasons for staying married may be challenged and unless you have maintained mutual respect and still enjoy being together and sharing your daily events with each other which have nothing to do with offspring, then a potential breakup is possible because you may find that you no longer have anything in common to enjoy.
Kindness, forgiveness, apologizing were appropriate, empathy, honesty, sincerity, dependability, competence, confidence, loyalty, optimism, caring, a common morality, mutual respect, mutual and independent goals, responsibility, good humor, and commitment are just some of the major characteristics which can make for a happy long duration marriage.
As long as you don’t lie to each other, are not adulterous, and are financially stable then you can have some personality drawbacks which won’t necessarily end a trusting relationship which is the bond which ultimately can keep you together despite your weaknesses and differences.
Few of us have loyal true friends and a spouse can be that one true loyal friend so you don’t have to live life as a loner without dependable human support or relationships. When you have something to bitch about then you will have a confidential trusting concerned listener to support you emotionally if not in other ways and you will not have to stew in your troubles alone. Confidentially confessing your troubles to someone is frequently therapeutic and lessens the misery.
Living alone with or without friends is an option which you should not feel bad about because you can spend most of your life pleasing yourself. Being married is more challenging and you can’t always please yourself but it can also be more rewarding in the long duration and your relationship skills with humans can improve if you learn from and master the marital relationship.
Many modern men are not good conversationalists, aren’t very caring, have been brainwashed with much promiscuous behavior, and have led rather irresponsible selfish indulgent lives as offspring, and have bad jobs which don’t make them good potential husbands. If added to these basic facts a male comes from a dysfunctional family then the odds that a marriage will end in divorce are rather high and marriage should usually not be attempted.
Modern life no longer stresses important family values so your best bet is a husband who comes from a family which still values family values and a man who still gets along well with his family members. There are no guarantees in life that a good responsible childhood will mean a good responsible spouse but a messed up, carefree, or abused childhood and bad job are primary causes of messed up marriages and divorce.
Historically a husband who is a good provider, is moral, and has integrity was a great catch. Modern society’s values have changed and divorce has skyrocketed because the same basic historical values still apply to happy long duration modern marriages. Many modern women are good providers but unfortunately most men have not been taught to adjust to the new realities and few without the help of a nanny can do most of the young child rearing responsibilities well by themselves. Two working spouses with meager incomes and offspring is a recipe for disaster in the modern world.
In the modern world you can live together on meager incomes but whatever you do don’t get married, especially if that means offspring in your lives. Living together is an option while you are struggling to survive financially but once financial security is reached and you still don’t marry then that probably means that one significant other is hoping for a better partner to come along.
Marriage is a duty or responsibility to spouse and offspring and if you are not very responsible with your own life then don’t marry and ruin someone else’s life!
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